by Kristi Rose
“Cole? Cole Williams? Is that you? Lord, I sure can’t tell. Turn around.” She waved her hand in a circle to emphasize her desire for him to turn, which he did, slowly, with a puzzled look on his face.
“Ah, there you are! I recognize you now,” Lorelei said to the back of his head.
He turned back to her with a frown.
“I mean, that is the last thing we saw when you left for college. Did you even look over your shoulder or did you drive away as fast as that old pickup truck could take you?” She wanted to punch him in the solar plexus or kick him in the shin. She wanted to run away as fast as she could. She needed air, fresh air, far away from the air that Cole was breathing.
“Excuse me, gentlemen. Good morning, Mrs. Williams.” She waved to Cole’s momma as she stepped from between the two men and quickly made her way back to the kitchen.
Lorelei spent the remainder of the morning behind the scenes and away from the mob that had taken over their small diner. Though Andee accused her of hiding out in the kitchen, Lorelei certainly had enough cooking to justify her absence and the distraction of filling the orders kept her from spying on him. But it wasn’t the overflow of customers flocking to see Cole that had her twisted in knots, it was knowing what waited for her when she got home. After all, if Cole Williams was in town, eating at her diner at the ungodly hour of nine o’clock in the morning then it was likely he was staying in town. At his momma’s house. Right next door to her own.
SECOND CHANCES
CHAPTER TWO
Cole stood at the large picture window that overlooked Lake Gibson. Coming home, to Lakeland, had been something he’d put off for a long time. A very long time. And seeing Lorelei again, well hell, he knew the length of his absence had only made the already strained relationship even more so and the likelihood of a happy reunion impossible. He wondered if he’d ever be able to garner her forgiveness.
He caught site of her weaving down from her parent’s deck and leaned toward the glass in surprise.
“Mom,” he called over his shoulder, “does Lorelei live with her parents?” That was something he’d never imagined. He knew everything about her, at least everything his momma knew. Including details about every guy she'd dated and the many theories the townspeople had on why she wasn't married with children. But last he heard she was living in the central part of town not next door.
“No, honey. The Parkers moved to North Carolina. Let’s see, it was right after you took that job in Texas—”
“Eight years ago,” he mumbled. He hadn’t stepped foot in his hometown in over eight years, preferring to invite his mother and friends out to visit him. At first, while in college, he'd come home every chance he got which was pretty limited with football training, practice, games, and attending classes. He tried repeatedly to reconnect with Lorelei but her father was a mighty foe and once she left for college those opportunities ceased to exist. It was near impossible for him to get from the northern part of the state where he went to school to the southern part where she was. It's not like she'd ever responded to any of the letters he sent either, and, like with all things time became the great divider. Once he graduated it was easy to find a million reasons why he could never make it home.
“Was it eight years? Well, if you say so. You remember me telling you that they lived in Maggie Valley part time, so her dad could teach at the seminary. Recently, they decided to stay for good. Lorelei bought their house a few months ago. They plan to continue to come down in the winter and stay with her. In fact, you just missed them. They left a couple weeks ago.”
He watched Lorelei amble toward the dock, a basket swinging from her hand. She looked just like she had in high school, only prettier. Same long blonde hair that reminded him of the fresh honey his momma always set out with the breakfast biscuits. Same large greenish brown eyes that reminded him of campfires and pine trees. Only this time those eyes no longer looked at him with mirth and mischief but a coldness born from her anger.
She nestled into a chaise lounge on the dock and settled back with a book, taking from the basket a small yellow carton and a wine glass.
Funny, how she still preferred her wine from a box instead of a bottle. Likely acquired the taste after all those times of swiping wine from her parents believing they couldn't tell it was missing because it was from a box.
“I’m gonna step outside for a bit, Mom,” he called, already unlocking the sliders and pushing one open. He didn’t wait for her reply but stepped out onto the deck and quietly slid the door closed. Tucking his hands into his front pockets, he crossed over his folks’ lawn onto hers and wove his way down to her dock.
“How are you Lorelei?” he said when he reached the first plank and stepped onto the creaking wood.
Without looking over her shoulder, she replied, “Do you really care?”
"Listen, I'm sorry about coming to the diner today. I know you don't want me in your space—”
"Like you are right now."
Cole stifled an audible sigh. The last thing he needed was her misinterpreting it for impatience. He knew coming home would be difficult; that he would have to face his past. It was long overdue and the obstacles that needed to be overcome looked insurmountable.
"I'm gonna be staying with my mom for a few weeks while I get settled and look for a place. I don't want that to be a problem for you. I know you don't want to see me. I'll try and be mindful of that but—“
"But I've never had my wishes granted before so I guess I shouldn't expect anything now."
“Why are you busting my balls, Lorelei?” He knew why and maybe now was as good a time as any to clear the air.
“Why are you and your balls standing on my dock asking to be busted?” she asked, this time looking at him over her shoulder. “Go away, Cole.”
“Do you really hate me that much?” His voice was soft, nearly lost in the breeze.
She dropped her head briefly before placing her book on the table and turning to him. “I used to be so very angry with you, so yes, I probably did hate you ‘that much’ for a while. But that was years ago. Now, I just can’t be bothered.”
He pulled his hand from his pocket and swiped it down his face, sighing heavily before shoving it back into the pocket. “I never meant to hurt you, Lore.”
She gave a bitter laugh and sat straight up. “Oh really? Because where I was standing it sure looked like you didn’t give a shit about me and that hurt an awful lot.”
“I was scared.” He took another step forward.
She jumped up from the chaise and came toward him, her finger pointed at his face, her hand quivering.
“You were scared? You? Imagine how I felt. While you were at football practice at your big university and hanging out with all the lovely co-eds, I was telling my parents—alone I might add—that their only child who was just a week away from starting her junior year in high school was pregnant. You can imagine how that went over, considering my dad’s a preacher and all. So forgive me if I don’t feel all that sorry for you.” She stood in front of him, poking her finger into his chest.
"I asked you to give me a few days to wrap my mind around it. To figure things out. You could have waited."
"I was throwing up all the time. My mom was bound to figure it out sooner than later. I didn't have the luxury of giving you time to figure things out."
"I'd have come, you know that." He caught her eye and held it, pressing his point.
"And when I lost the baby, why didn't you come then?" She moved her hands to her hips and stared up at him, eyes fuming, shaking her head.
"I told you I was sorry a hundred times in the letters.”
“Because that’s the same thing. I mean, you could have tried saying it to my face.” Her voice was heavy with anger and hurt.
"You told me in an email that you lost the baby. How is one better than the other?" His voice quivered.
"At that point I thought you didn't care anymore and
I was just telling you out of obligation."
“I did try to see you. Several times.” It took everything he had not to shout.
“Oh, sure you did.” She crossed her arms and pressed her lips together.
“I came here, skipped classes and everything, and tried to catch you right after school. Your dad was home and he told me that the best I could do for you was to never come back and leave you alone.”
Lorelei eased her shoulders back slightly and stared at his face.
“I tried again that night, but your dad, he must have slept on your porch or something. He caught me trying to sneak up to your window. So I went back to Gainesville and came back a few weeks later and tried to get to you at school.”
“I never saw you at school.”
“No, that’s because the principal came out and said your dad had been called and was on his way. I tried, Lore, I really did.”
“So you wrote a letter.”
“I tried email but you never answered those. Your mom gave me the idea about the letters. She saw me outside, staring at your house and told me one thing she liked about her day was checking the mail and seeing if anything good was waiting.” Cole laughed. “It took me a few hours to figure out what she was telling me.”
He searched her face. For years, he’d been looking at her in old pictures, the only current one he had was the newspaper article about her and Andee opening the diner. Seeing her now made him itch to know her again. To know how she’d spent the last fourteen years.
“Would you even have accepted an apology from me? Face to face?” He took a step closer.
Cole wanted to pull her into a tight embrace and never let her go. Force her to forgive him through a bear hug like he used to do when they were kids. He’d royally screwed up the one good relationship he’d ever had. The one person he wanted to share everything with could barely stand to look at him. To say he was sorry now felt more like another tear in their relationship, rather than the first stitch in mending their bond.
Lorelei shrugged. “It might have been nice to have one. But you’re right. It’s too late for apologies.” She turned back to the chaise and her book.
“You know, Cole. I wasn’t the only one affected by your actions. I swore my parent’s to secrecy and it was really hard on my mom trying to maintain her friendship with your mom knowing what she knew.” Lorelei plopped back down on the chaise and stared up at him.
Several times Cole had listened to his mother questioning what had gone wrong between her and Mrs. Parker, blaming it primarily on jealously because of Cole’s success. Knowing that Lorelei had never told anyone made him ask, “Why didn’t you tell my mom?”
He tried to picture how his mother would have reacted. It would’ve devastated her. Since his father’s unexpected death the year before he graduated high school, Cole’s momma had put everything she had in making sure that her son was successful. To insure that he would have a different life than the one his father led.
He looked at Lorelei stretched out on the chaise and thought of all the times they’d tossed a football around in his front yard. Football had been his lifeline, his way out from under his father’s thumb, and his path to a different life. If anyone wanted to be close to him, they had to do it through football and Lorelei had. He’d taught her how to throw a spiral and to catch a long pass. She’d taught him how to laugh at himself and about patience, showing him that good things came to those who knew how to pace themselves. A practice that had paid off for him and in fact landed him the coach-in-waiting job.
“I’ve always wondered why you didn’t just tell anyone who’d listen.” Cole stepped forward and came to stand at the foot of the lounger.
“I wanted you to do the right thing because of who you were, not because your mom made you. Plus, I figured if you made it to the NFL, I could file a paternity suit and take all your income.”
Cole laughed and sat on the edge of the lounger. “I knew you had to be beyond mad at me. I know I let you down, Lorelei. I think about it every day and for what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I wasn’t the man you needed me to be, or the friend you thought I was. I’m sorry.” He looked at her, their eyes holding and though it was ever so slightly, hers soften and he wasn’t about to let the opportunity go.
“When you called to tell me you were pregnant, all I could think about was how would I ever be able to support you and a baby? I could hear my father ranting about how much he hated his job and how terrible it was to be stuck in a job you hated. And with you still in high school, I didn’t see how I could make it work. I couldn’t picture myself working for Publix, stuck in a grocery store. I’d be like my dad and probably have a heart attack on the warehouse floor just like he did—”
“Lots of people work for Publix and are really happy. It’s too bad that your dad didn’t have the courage to change his situation either.”
“I know that now. I know my dad’s unhappiness came from his poor decisions, but all I could think about was how we’d end up hating each other sooner or later. I didn’t want to work for a grocery store, even if I could work my way up to management, and the alternative was... What? A high school coach? I wanted more than that for me, for you. Especially in this town.”
“What exactly does that mean?”
“You know how people talk here. Once you’re out of earshot, people would’ve been lamenting, ‘Look at Lorelei Parker, got herself pregnant in high school. She had so much potential.’ Or ‘poor ol’ Cole Williams, he had a shot at the big leagues until he knocked up Lorelei Parker’. I didn’t want that for either of us. I didn’t want to resent you and Lord knows I didn’t want you to hate me any more than you already did. At least you still had control of your life.”
Lorelei’s smile was wistful. “Well, it’s irrelevant anyway. I had a miscarriage and no one is the wiser. You got everything you wanted and your momma... well, you’re all she talks about.” She drained the remains from her wine glass and tucked it, along with her book, back into her basket.
“Have you gotten everything you ever wanted, Lore?” he asked, curious as to why this enchanting woman was not attached to someone. Why any dumb ass, other than him, would be stupid enough to let her go.
She moved off the lounger, careful not to touch him, and picked up her basket before she answered, “I can’t complain. I’m doing what I want with my life. Congrats on the new job, Cole. Good luck.”
With a swing of her basket, she walked back toward her house, never looking back. For Cole, it was a start. One he'd readily take.
SECOND CHANCES
CHAPTER THREE
Sleep was fitful at best and elusive at worst. Lorelei continued to replay the conversation with Cole and thought about the box of letters buried deep within her closet. The letters her mom had left waiting for her on the desk in her bedroom instead of on the kitchen counter. She thought about how she’d deleted his emails without a second thought, so angry that he hadn’t even bothered trying to face her. She didn’t need to call her daddy to confirm Cole’s story. It made sense and explained why her dad would unexpectedly show up at school.
Seeing Cole brought up so much emotion and confusion and as she watched her clock click down the minutes until her alarm would go off, Lorelei stared at her closet doors and wondered what would have become of them had she not had a miscarriage. Would they have found their way back together, she more open to forgiveness for the sake of their child? Or would she be lying in bed, like she was now, pining away for a love she’d never got over. But, for all the happiness walking up to Cole and telling him how she felt might bring her; what was love without trust? Lorelei certainly didn’t trust Cole. Not anymore at least.
At a time when she’d needed him the most, when her life had changed forever, the only thing she had from him were letters. What could he say that would make it better? Nothing could give them back the innocence of their hope before she found out she was pregnant. She knew one of his gre
atest fears was to become a slave to job he hated like his father had been. He feared becoming his father, of not seeing his lifelong dream of playing football come to fruition, of being stuck forever in their small town. Apparently more than he feared losing her. Certainly, it had been sage advice from her mother to do nothing until she passed the twelve-week mark and when she’d miscarried at ten weeks, all of Cole’s problems had been resolved.
And the best he could do was to write a letter.
Lorelei turned off the clock, beating the alarm by twelve minutes, and shuffled to the shower.
Did she really hate him that much, he had asked. No, she hated herself more for still loving the boy, now man, who out of fear made a decision that was less than she expected. Forgiveness was a concept harder to practice than one could ever have imagined.
At the diner, Lorelei went through her make and bake checklist and began the process of getting the diner ready for the day.
She’d finished the crumpet dough and set it to rise, diced all the vegetables, and began setting out pie plates for her quiches when Andee walked in toting her crate.
“Morning, sunshine. Whoa, you look like crud.” She kicked the door closed.
“Gee, thanks.”
“Are you getting sick?”
“I didn’t sleep very well.”
Andee’s eyes widened. “No kidding.”
“It’s not that bad.” Lorelei walked over to the mirror by the back door and gasped at her reflection. Her eyes were bloodshot, not terrible by themselves, but the pallor of her complexion made the red of her eyes stand out. Dark circles rested heavily under her eyes.
“You want to talk about it?” Andee asked before handing her a large coffee cup that she’d just topped off.
“Not really,” Lorelei said, returning to her quiches.
Andee poured herself a cup and quietly went about emptying the crate.
“Remember how people used to call me a goody-goody just because Daddy was a preacher?” Lorelei asked.