by Kristi Rose
“I knew you were into the Civil War but not to this extent. You dress up and geek out to musket balls and old movies about the Civil War, don’t you? Read Whitman and Beecher Stowe over and over?” Her lips teased at a smile.
He held the platter of treats over the trashcan. “Are you making fun of me?”
“Oh, of course not.” She pointed to the platter. “Don’t be wasteful. Think of all those hungry soldiers who would have killed for something to eat. Anything.”
Hesitating, wondering if he could call her bluff, he couldn’t stop the smile from taking over his face. This was the Evie he’d spent one of the best summers of his life with. Her lips twitched but she retained her serious look.
“Lorelei would never forgive you,” she added.
“How would she know?”
Evie shrugged and picked up another book. “She’s crazy like that. Psychic almost. Oh, North and South. I love this book.”
“You loved the movie,” he guessed.
“Yeah, Patrick Swayze as Orry Maine. Duh. But I actually did read the books.”
He moved the pastry platter away from trashcan. “Let’s take this outside. Any more time looking at my stuff and you’ll be running of here.”
Her smile was slight. “You’re ok. I’m a bit of a book nut.”
“You were more than a book nut in high school. I would have called you a—”
“Book connoisseur?”
“Yes, connoisseur. That’s the word.”
He stepped aside so she could precede him. Once outside, he held up the jug and offered her tea. “I’m glad you came over.”
Nodding, she took the glass he poured for her. “It’s not like I could really avoid you if I didn’t.”
“True. Make yourself comfortable.” He indicated the patio set he’d purchased earlier today.
“That’s unlikely,” she mumbled.
The moment to clear the air had come. “Listen. At risk of ending this night sooner than I’d like, there’s something I have to say. I’m sorry I was a douche and ended things the way I did back then.”
ONCE AGAIN
CHAPTER FOUR
After everything between them had gone sideways, Evie had spent endless amounts of time wondering why and how they could make things right, if they wanted to. But life had given her other things to focus on. Her sister had started rebelling long before the accident and she could see the erosion of her family was gaining momentum. Thoughts of her time with Grady had been pushed back and filed under fond memories as her energy was spent elsewhere.
An apology was a good start. It didn’t fill in the blanks but it felt right and the simplicity of the act left her speechless. Though she’d believed she’d long since moved on, the truth was she wanted more. She needed an explanation.
“You don’t like me much, do you? Not that I blame you. But you don’t like being around me,” he said, his hands tucked in his pockets, his shoulders drawn in.
Evie put her glass on the table and reached for her braid only to remember she’d cut it off. Instead, she clasped her hands before her and with the long intake of air, gathered her courage, the truth on her tongue.
“It’s more that I don’t like who I am when I’m with you,” she said.
He looked surprised. “I’m not sure I understand.”
She looked away, using the moment to organize her thoughts, and decided to go for broke. “That summer we spent together, I’m not sure if you remember it—”
“Evie, I could never forget that summer.”
She smiled. “Anyway, that summer I...became someone I always wanted to be or maybe thought I always wanted to be.” Memories of their time together filled her mind’s eye. “We had a good time. At least I had a good time.”
“I did too. The best.” His thumb stroked the edge of the glass.
She forced herself to look away, recalling how he’d stroked her arm in the same fashion. “When I was with you, I felt like anything was possible. That the future was bright and mine, the options were unlimited. Something about being with you made me feel reckless and carefree and it was beautiful.”
“Until I ruined it,” he said matter of fact.
She gave a sad laugh. “Yeah. You certainly burst the bubble.”
“And yet you still don’t want to be around me.”
Because she had nothing to lose and because it had been sixteen years, these things were surely in the past. “It’s not only you, it’s more the heady feeling that comes when I’m around you. It’s the crazy notion that I can do whatever and it doesn’t matter. Thankfully, we’re old enough to know that’s not true at all and having feelings like this are useless.”
“You used present tense.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“Present tense. You said, ‘when I’m around you’ like you still get that same feeling now.”
She coughed on her panic, breath stuck somewhere between going in and coming out. The last thing she wanted was for him to know she still felt like a sixteen-year-old girl when he was around. “What? No, I guess I was just...you know...remembering how it felt then, now.”
“It was pretty good, between us,” he said.
Evie laughed. “And yet.”
It was his turn to struggle for words, his mouth opening with false starts only to snap shut again. She watched the filmstrip of emotions cross his face.
“You know I wanted to see the world,” he said.
“Yeah, I did know that. I get it now, Grady. I didn’t then. I wish you had simply come to me to say that we weren’t going to hang out together anymore.” Her fingers traced the bumpy surface of the treated wicker outdoor table.
He shot a glance at her but quickly looked away, toward the grill. If he’d been a guy who’d spent his days indoors and his skin hadn’t been tinted by the sun, she would have sworn he blushed. She stared at him, waiting. The moment was suspended between them. Whether they would continue forward as neighbors with a history or strangers with an embarrassing past was up to him.
“I was a dumb, selfish kid.”
She searched his face, pleased that he met her gaze.
“Can you accept my apology?” he asked.
She nodded. “I think I can manage that.”
His smile was so wide and bright she couldn’t help but return a matching one of her own.
He took a step closer.
“I’ve thought about you for years and that night we spent on the bank of Lake Gibson. Sometimes when I close my eyes I can hear the sounds of the waves lapping against the shore and I feel you under my hand.”
Evie’s heart stuttered. She was lost in the flinty pools of his eyes as their gaze held. But she had so many more questions that needed answers.
“Why did you end it that way? Why did you tell everyone at Shawn Field’s party that you couldn’t bear to touch me?”
“I said I couldn’t do it. When I drew your name for seven minutes in heaven, I knew I couldn’t go in that closet and not touch you. But, I had no right. Not after what I’d done.” He took a second step toward her. “I didn’t know what to say or how to react. I hadn’t expected you to be at the party. I don’t even know why I went. Jeez, I was an asshole. But when I saw your name on the paper all I could think about was kissing you again. I already hated myself for what happened at the lake. Adding to that would have done me in.” He pulled his hands from his pockets, ran the heels of his palms down his face, and then palms up and arms extended said, “Again, I’m sorry.”
It wasn’t a play, a move, or pretense to put her at ease. The sincerity of his words was reflected in the broken gruffness of his voice and sadness she found in his eyes.
“Grady,” she whispered.
“I really want to kiss you right now, Evie. But I need to know if that’s ok with you.”
She wanted to be kissed by him. She wanted to know if it was as good as she remembered or if she had built it up in her head. I
f it sucked then maybe all the window stalking and headiness she felt around him would go away. What harm could come from one kiss? She was older and wiser and had no expectations. What were the odds that he was still the player from high school?
“Maybe just one,” she whispered, holding up her index finger. “A little one.” Anticipation buzzed around her, making her lightheaded and short of breath. Being near Grady brought an excitement she’d forgotten existed.
He grinned and closed the distance. When she stood before him, a wisp of space between them, he cupped her face in his hands and brushed his lips against hers in a gentle rediscovery.
“One,” he whispered before exploring her lips again.
Evie entwined her arms around his neck and met his gaze. “You call that a kiss?”
He chuckled, slid one arm around her waist, and the other arm behind her, his hand splayed against her back. Slowly, he pulled her toward him, closing the tiny space and fitting her perfectly against his frame. She fit against him as well as she had all those years back and became just as scattered as soon as his lips touched hers.
Evie’d had her fair share of relationships, yet none seemed to reach the bar Grady had inadvertently set. It was hard to find the right combination of headiness, butterflies, and companionship that left a lingering satisfaction coupled with a subtle craving. Something was always missing and yet Evie harbored no illusions that just because Grady’s lips were on hers and every nerve ending in her body was buzzing and vibrating through her, things between them would be any different or better.
Certainly not. They were different people, after all. One thing hadn’t changed however and that was Evie’s craving for him.
He backed her up, pushing her against the wall of his house, and she pressed against him. She wondered if there was a word of the day for time travel because it was as if she straddled the line between the girl she’d been that summer and the woman she’d become and both were at the mercy of Grady.
“I’m sorry for ending things the way I did,” he said in her ear right before he blazed a trail of kisses down her neck.
Was it possible that after all this time she actually missed his touch? That all these years she’d been longing for him? Or was she perhaps an addict like her father except Grady was her vice? Either way she’d need to tread lightly here. There was no room in her life for the havoc hooking up with Grady, the player, might bring. She’d have to watch him closely and use all her self-discipline to not get lost in him again.
“Let it be in the past.” She slid her hands down, caressing the peaks and valleys of his toned chest, an urge she’d had from the moment he dropped out of the attic. “Saying no to you is incredibly difficult.” She rested her hand on his waist, his lips hovering above hers.
“You’re telling me. Even back then I had to sabotage us in order to get you to stay away. Stopping cannot be left to me and me alone.” He bent to kiss the hollow space between the curve of her neck and her collarbone.
“What?” She pushed him back slightly.
“What?”
“What do you mean you sabotaged us?” It was one thing to think Grady had been off playing fast and loose with her feelings and something completely different to know that he’d orchestrated her seeing him with Melinda.
With a small shrug, he said. “After our night together I wanted you again. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. It scared me. I had plans and I knew the more we were together, the deeper we got involved, those plans would change. So I did the unforgivable and got with Melinda. I figured word getting to you wouldn’t be enough, that you’d have to see for yourself.” He went in for another kiss but she blocked him with her hand.
“Wait, you planned it all? You planned to use Melinda?” she asked.
“I wouldn’t say I planned it. I mean I was out at the old pasture partying with everyone and Melinda came on to me. That’s when I got the idea. Until then I didn’t have a clue as to how I was going to handle things. It was an asshole move. I was a coward.”
“Yes, that was a coward’s move. What if Melinda really—”
“Please don’t think about Melinda,” he said, resting his forehead against hers.
“But what if she really liked you and she felt used and—”
“We kissed a couple of times, that’s it.”
“I saw your hand up her shirt.” When Evie stepped away, a cold breeze washed over her.
Grady pushed off from the wall. “I doubt Melinda had any great expectations.”
Unlike me. I had romantic dreams and an innocent notion that I might be enough.
“I’d like to try this again,” he said.
“Try what, exactly?”
“This.” He gestured to the space between them. “There’s something here and I’d like see where it takes us.”
“I don’t know. What was between us back then was overwhelming—”
“We’re different people now,” he said.
“Who don’t know each other at all.”
“Maybe we don’t know the everyday things about each other but those little nuances that make us who we are at our core, we know that.”
“Sweet Jesus,” she said and stepped forward to caress his cheek. “I think you could talk me into just about anything. But I owe it to myself to not get carried away here. I’m not the same girl. I’m more complicated. My life is complicated more so than before. My mom is ill, my sister is distant, and my job is wearing on me. I need more than this to trust you, much as I want this.” Briefly, she pressed her lips to his, almost got pulled under again by her desire for him, and stepped out from his arms.
“I can give you—”
“Woohoo. Grady? Are you back there? I’ve been ringing your bell.”
Evie looked over her shoulder and watched in shock as Melinda Bane came through the open gate of the fence, a covered dish in her hand. She swung her gaze back to Grady’s.
“Melinda?” he said and stepped beside Evie.
“You said you were grilling out tonight so I thought I’d bring over some of my dad’s famous wings. I tried texting you.” She handed him the plate.
Evie looked between them both and digested the information.
“Evie? How are ya? How’s your momma? You hear much from your sister?” Melinda asked as she plopped into a chair.
Melinda Bane was a beauty queen. Tall, blonde, perky in all aspects, and, if rumors were true, a man-eater. She went through men like she had a subscription service to them. As if they were on a rotation, lent out to her based on her preferences and moods.
“Um, fine. Everyone is fine. How’s your family?” Evie didn’t harbor any ill will toward Melinda. She’d been played, too, after all.
“Oh, you know. The same. Busy with the diner. I know you enjoy Lorelei and Andee’s establishment but you should pop over to ours sometime. We serve breakfast, too.”
Melinda and her father owned a cafe a few miles down the road called Bert’s. Where Lorelei and Andee had specialized in more eclectic fair and creative merging of flavors, Bert’s was a straight-up greasy spoon.
“I might just do that,” Evie said and turned to Grady. “I’ve got to get going.” She needed space to sort through all her thoughts. To deal with the fear that she’d nearly been done in by Grady again. To try and find the reason for why she cared so much that Melinda had shown up.
“Evie.” Every time he said her name, her knees went weak. He looked so freaking vulnerable yet strong as he tucked one hand in his pocket and reached for her with the other. “Don’t go.”
“Am I interrupting something?” Melinda asked.
“No. No, I just need to get home. It’s an early day for me tomorrow. You all have a nice night.” She waved away Melinda’s concern.
He took a step toward her and she turned on her heel and fled.
“I’ll see you later. Sorry about dinner,” she called over her shoulder, not daring to look back.
&nb
sp; “It looks like it’s just you and me, Dr. Duke. Oh, I like the way that sounds.” she heard Melinda say, ending on a giggle.
Evie knew she was doing the right thing. Without a doubt, she was scared. Terrified by how she felt when she was with Grady and that she had to draw on every ounce of self-discipline to not be ruled by impulses and desire and want. For her, the risks were too great. No matter how amazing the time with him might be, she needed a whole lot more to open herself up to him again.
ONCE AGAIN
CHAPTER FIVE
Grady knew the only way he’d be able to catch up with Evie and finish what they’d started, the discussion first and foremost, was to run into her at Two Chicks and Bacon.
She’d spent yesterday avoiding him and he had been forced to spy on her from the window in his upstairs loft. Only the opportunity to talk to her never came as she stuck to her backyard. But he’d enjoyed watching her. She’d come outside to water her plants, so cute with her blue watering can and bouncy ponytail. Her cut-off shorts showed her long, lean legs and he was reminded of when they’d gone swimming in the lake and he’d watched her rub lotion on her fair skin, laughing. The moments where she forgot all about what waited for her at home.
He pulled into the parking lot of the diner right behind her on Friday and she gave him a look, hesitating in her car before getting out.
“What are you doing here?”
“Eating. You?” He held the restaurant door open for her.
“The same. Is this going to be your thing? Eating here?” She automatically went to her seat at the counter and he took the one next to her.
“If it means I’ll get to talk with you, then yes.”
“You live next door.”
“And yet I never see you.”
“It’s been one day.”
“Hey y’all. You come together?” Andee asked as she poured their coffee.
“Nope,” said Evie and folded her hands in her lap.
“What? You don’t want to look at the menu?” asked Andee.
“I’ll just go with the usual,” she said.