by Heidi Rice
Reassured that the paramedics were on their way, he put the phone down. Ali was clutching the covers, her face set in grim lines of agony as she panted off another contraction. He gathered her into his arms and let her cling onto him. The helpless cries of pain she made until it subsided tore at his heart.
He eased back, looked into her face. ‘How are you doing?’
She shook her head, tears trembling on her eyelids. ‘I’m so scared. I’ve never done this before without pain relief. It hurts so much.’
He took her face gently in his hands. ‘Ali, you’re doing great. The medical crew will be here any minute, I promise. Just hold onto me and yell all you want. Okay?’
She nodded. He could see the pain swirl into her eyes again as her fingers dug into his arms. ‘Here’s another one,’ she groaned.
She cried out in pain. Monroe heard a loud crash as the door slammed downstairs.
Monroe figured Linc must have flown up the stairs, because he burst through the door less than three seconds later.
‘Ali, Ali, are you all right, honey?’ Linc dashed across the room, his face whiter than the bed sheets. Ali shook her head, still panting, crying and holding onto Monroe.
As Jessie ran into the bedroom behind Linc she saw her sister cocooned in Monroe’s arms. He held her gently as Ali’s fingers fisted on his upper arms in a viselike grip and she screamed. At last, the cry of pain and anguish dimmed and Ali collapsed against him. He stroked her back, speaking softly into her ear. ‘Linc’s here, now, Ali. He’s going to take over.’
She nodded weakly as Monroe pulled back carefully and stood up. He continued to hold Ali until Linc had taken his place on the bed.
‘The paramedics arrived just after us,’ Linc said softly to his wife as she huddled in his arms, exhausted. ‘They’re coming right up.’
Jessie blinked away the tears of emotion gathering in her eyes as Monroe walked across the shadowed room towards her.
He looked shattered, she thought. His eyes were swirling with an emotion so intense, so naked, it stunned her. She could see the vicious bruises already forming on the tanned skin of his arms where Ali’s fingers had gripped.
‘Where’s Emmy?’ he asked softly.
‘We left her at Jill’s house over the road, she’s keeping her for the night.’
He nodded as he leaned past her to open the door.
She could hear the heavy tread of the paramedics coming up the stairs with their equipment.
‘I’ll see you later.’ He glanced back briefly at Ali on the bed. ‘You look after her,’ he said.
He slipped out of the door, held it open as the medical team rushed into the room. And then he was gone.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
HUGGING her newborn nephew in her arms, Jessie stared out the windows of Ali’s bedroom at the garage apartment across the lawn.
Something was wrong with Monroe. But she had no idea what and no idea how to fix it.
It was almost three weeks since little Ethan Monroe Latimer’s tumultuous birth, and Jessie felt as if she had been in the middle of an emotional hurricane. Being flung in hundreds of different confusing and conflicting directions. The wonder of her nephew’s birth had been tempered by the fear that Monroe was drawing away from her and the rest of his family and she didn’t know why.
The house had been a hive of activity since Ethan was born, but Jessie had welcomed the chaos. By concentrating on everything that had to be done, she’d managed to keep her worries about Monroe at the back of her mind. But she couldn’t do that any longer. She had to face it. Something was very wrong.
‘Is he asleep yet?’
Jessie turned at the sound of Ali’s sleepy voice from the bed. She pulled the tiny bundle back from her shoulder and looked at his scrunched-up little face. ‘Yes, he’s out like a light.’
‘You can put him in the Moses basket. He should sleep now for a good few hours.’ Giving a huge yawn, Ali stretched and sat up.
Jessie kissed the soft fuzz on her nephew’s head. She inhaled the sweet scent of baby before tucking him into the basket by the window. ‘He’s so gorgeous. I don’t know how you can stop yourself from cuddling him constantly.’
As she said it Jessie caught sight of the garage apartment again through the window. The heavy feeling that had settled on her in the past few weeks came back full force. Monroe was never far from her mind.
‘How are things going with Monroe?’ Ali said softly.
Jessie looked at her sister. It seemed she hadn’t lost her ability to read minds.
‘We’ve hardly seen him since the birth, Jess,’ Ali continued. ‘Is something the matter?’
Jessie nodded slowly. Maybe talking about it would help. ‘I think there may be.’
‘Did you guys have a row?’
Jessie sighed. ‘No, but in a way that’s the problem. Something’s wrong, but he won’t talk about it.’ She sat down on Ali’s bed. ‘It’s really weird. But I think it has something to do with the baby?’ And me, she thought, silently.
‘How do you mean?’
Jessie frowned. ‘I really don’t know. But ever since the birth, Monroe’s been—’ She paused, trying to describe it. ‘He’s been sad, somehow, and withdrawn. And he’s made all sorts of stupid excuses not to come over here. Not to see the baby.’
‘I know. Linc’s noticed it, too. He’s pretty hurt about it, actually.’ Ali shifted on the bed, the dismay plain on her face. ‘Linc felt they were really starting to get somewhere as brothers. But now he says Monroe’s shutting him out. And he’s doing it with Emmy, too. She was crying yesterday because she said Monroe wouldn’t let her help with the cars.’
Jessie bit her lip, feeling her throat close at Ali’s words. ‘I think he’s going to leave, Al. It’s like he’s just waiting.’ There, she’d finally said it. Her deepest fear. The thing she hadn’t even been able to admit to herself. The dread flooded through her. She felt the first tear slide down her cheek.
‘Oh, Jessie.’ Ali reached over and wrapped her arms around her.
Snuffling loudly, Jessie pulled back, wiped the tears away impatiently. ‘We still make love, every night. He’s so tender, so careful with me, Al. But…’ Jessie raised watery eyes to her sister ‘…I’ve told him I love him now, I don’t know how many times. But he’s never said it back, Ali. Not once. And every time I say it, I feel him pull away that little bit more.’ She sniffed again, determined not to let any more tears fall. ‘But I can’t seem to stop myself.’
‘It’s nothing you’ve done.’ Ali’s voice was heavy. ‘You’ve been honest with him. You’ve told him how you feel.’
‘I think he needs me but he doesn’t want to.’
Ali stroked her sister’s hair. ‘I doubt it’s as simple as that, Jessie.’
‘Maybe it’s not, but, whatever the problem is, he refuses to talk about it.’
‘Shall I tell you what I told Linc?’
Jessie straightened, nodded.
‘I told him to give Monroe space.’
Jessie’s brow creased. ‘How do you mean?’
‘Well, for starters, you should stop going over there every night.’
Jessie felt her heart sink. ‘I’ve been an idiot, haven’t I? He doesn’t need me at all. It’s just the sex.’
‘No, that’s not what I meant.’ Ali grabbed Jessie’s hand, holding her down when she tried to rise. ‘I don’t think that, Jess. He does need you. I think he needs you much more than he knows. But he has to admit it to himself, before he’ll ever admit it to you. As long as you keep doing everything his way, he’s not having to confront his own feelings.’
Jessie got up slowly, walked over to the bedroom window. She studied the garage apartment. He was in there now, she thought, painting. Waiting for her to come over tonight.
How hard would it be not to go to him, to deny herself what little joy they might have left? But what if Ali was right? What if, by not going, she could make him see what he was really pushing away?
/> She looked back at her sister. ‘You’re right. I know you are. But, Ali…’ Jessie could feel the heat in her cheeks but forced herself to say it ‘…the sex is so wonderful. I never knew it could be like that before Monroe. I’m really going to miss it.’
‘If he’s anything like his brother, I know just what you mean.’ Ali’s eyes took on a wicked gleam. ‘Linc and I haven’t been able to do it for over a month. I’m ready to tear his clothes off now every time I see him.’
‘Just listen to us.’ Jessie smiled for what felt like the first time in weeks. ‘We sound like a couple of nymphomaniacs.’
‘Good sex happens to be essential to a happy life. Don’t knock it.’ Ali sobered, her voice going soft. ‘But it sounds like you and Monroe already have that bit sorted. It’s all the complicated stuff that needs figuring out now.’
‘I still don’t understand why you can’t come over tonight.’ Monroe struggled to keep the desperation out of his voice.
‘I told you. I promised Linc and Ali I’d babysit so they can have a bit of privacy tonight. It’s been weeks now since Ethan was born and they’re…’ Jessie paused ‘…they’re ready to have a bit of alone time.’
Monroe’s temper spiked. ‘I get it. So because my brother wants to have his way with his wife, we have to do without.’ He threw the paintbrush down that had been clenched in his fist.
‘I’m sure we’ll survive for one night.’ Jessie didn’t sound exactly devastated at the prospect, which bothered Monroe a lot more than he wanted to admit.
She turned to leave.
‘Hold up.’ He snagged her wrist, pulled her round. ‘Where are you going now?’
‘Out.’ She hesitated. ‘Just out.’ He watched her teeth tug on her bottom lip. ‘With Emmy. I’m taking Emmy down to the beach.’
He drew his hands up her arms. Stroked his thumbs across the sensitive skin inside her elbows. ‘You sure you’ve got to go right away?’
‘Yes. Yes, I have.’
He let his thumbs drift across her breasts, lightly circled the nipples. He felt her shivered response, saw her eyes flare with desire. He grinned. That was more like it. ‘Can’t you stay a little while?’
He reached up to caress her shoulders. Then slipped his fingers beneath the thin cotton straps holding up the vest-top she was wearing over a denim skirt. ‘We could maybe, make up for tonight, before you go.’
He bent to nibble her neck. He knew she loved to be kissed there. Her head fell back, giving him better access. She gave a breathy moan and he hardened in his jeans. She smelt gorgeous, the light flowery scent she used making his nostrils flare as he reached down. He pulled up her skirt, slipped his hands under the lacy panties she wore. He massaged the soft skin of her butt with his fingers. He wanted her, now.
‘Stop it.’ Suddenly, she was pushing him away.
He watched astonished as she pulled her panties frantically back into place, smoothed her skirt down.
‘I said, I’ve got to go.’
‘What the hell’s going on here?’ He tried to snag her arm again but she raised her hand.
‘Don’t touch me, Monroe. We’re not having a quick shag just because you’re feeling hard done by.’
He scowled, the heat rising in his cheeks. ‘What’s this really about?’
She blinked at the shouted words. But then she skewered him with a look he could only describe as dangerous. ‘You tell me. Monroe, what is this all about?’
He cocked an eyebrow, feeling angry and humiliated and more than a little desperate. Something had changed. Something important. He knew she’d wanted to make love as much as he had a moment ago. He knew her responses now almost as well as he knew his own. He knew how to make her want him, how to make her beg. It was the one thing he could give her. It had made her fall in love with him. But he’d persuaded himself over the last few weeks that, at least, he could give her something back. He could show her how he felt with his body even if he could never say it to her in words.
Why didn’t she want it any more?
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about,’ he choked out. It was a feeble response, but it was all he had.
‘You know what I think, Monroe?’ She put her hands on her hips, her back ramrod straight and her eyes blazing. ‘I think you’re using sex as a substitute for communication.’
‘What?’
‘You heard me. Until you’re willing to talk to me properly, I’m going to be too busy to have sex with you.’
She walked out of the bedroom. He caught up with her as she flung open the door to the apartment. Grabbing her arm, he hauled her round to face him.
‘What is this—some kind of game?’
‘No.’ She yanked her arm free. ‘It’s not a game.’
‘You want me as much as I want you, Red.’ The bitterness, the desperation in his voice surprised him, but not as much as the anguish that flashed into her eyes.
‘Yes, I want you.’ Her voice broke on the words. ‘You’re absolutely right about that. But what I want a lot more is to know what the hell’s going on in your head. And until you’re willing to talk about it, the sex isn’t enough. No matter how great it is.’
He stood there in shock. Horrified and dumbfounded as she turned and walked out of the apartment. She slammed the door behind her and he could hear her feet rattling down the stairs outside. But all he could do was stare at the polished oak of the door.
He wanted to stop her. To tell her he was falling in love, too, and it scared him to death. Because he could never give her what she dreamed of. He could never give her a happy family, stability, all the things that Linc and Ali had.
He walked slowly across the apartment. Standing at the window that looked out over the lawn, he watched her slender figure cross the grass. She was running, her shoes held in her hands, her hair fluttering in the light breeze. She was running away from him and he couldn’t stop her. She wanted things, needed things he couldn’t possibly give her. He closed the curtains, throwing the apartment into gloom as he shut out the light.
She’d been right; he’d been trying to hold her with sex.
He’d been devastated after the baby’s birth. Had wanted to howl with frustration and anguish when Linc had told him that they were naming the child Ethan Monroe Latimer, after him. Because he couldn’t have a relationship with this baby, any more than he could have a relationship with Emmy, or his brother, or Ali, or even Jessie. Not really. And the birth had finally made him realise it.
What if he gave up the rootless existence that had sustained him? The lifetime of roaming that now seemed so shallow and pointless? What if he stayed in touch with them all, became part of their family? He knew the answer only too well. He’d end up some bitter, lonely old man, watching their family from the outside, knowing he could never have what they had. Eventually the love he felt for them would be swallowed up by the envy.
So how had he consoled himself? By keeping Jessie close to him, by binding her to him every night, driving them both into sexual oblivion and hoping that it would halt her questions.
He’d started creating the distance he needed to create with Linc and little Emmy and Ali, but it had been too painful to do that and lose Jessie, too. So he’d used her again. Like some consolation prize.
He sat down heavily on the couch, stroked his hand slowly across the cushions where they first made love. So this was it, then. Either he had to tell her the truth or let her go.
He didn’t have a choice. Not really. Not if he was going to survive with even a small piece of his pride—and his heart—intact.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
THE next week was torture for Jessie. Every night she had to steel herself not to creep out of bed and go to Monroe. He was like a drug and she a drug addict going through the worst kind of withdrawal symptoms.
Every night without fail the dreams would come. Powerfully erotic, devastatingly arousing. She would wake up covered in sweat, her nipples painfully erect, the throbbing in her sex so
intense she could feel the heat flooding between her thighs. She’d actually taken to having cold showers in the middle of the night. Which made her feel ridiculous. And the lack of sleep had made her tired and irritable, added to which, for some odd reason, her breasts had become unbearably tender.
But worse than the exhaustion—and the knife-edge of unfulfilled passion—was the loneliness. She missed him, his teasing, his companionship, and his friendship.
She hadn’t been back to the garage apartment since she’d issued her ultimatum and he hadn’t come up to the house.
Each day Jessie became more convinced that Monroe would soon be gone. She checked the driveway each morning to see if the Harley was still there. Scared that he might leave during the night without a word to any of them. But, really, how much worse could it be? She felt as if she’d lost him already and it was almost more than she could bear.
A week after the whole nightmare had started, she was sitting by the pool with Ali. The baby was sleeping in the Moses basket in the shade beside their sun loungers. Linc had taken Emmy to the beach.
‘Jess, you’ve been looking miserable all week. I take it Monroe’s still being a complete baboon with you, too,’ Ali said, leaning over the basket to check on the baby.
Jess shook her head, not sure she could talk about what was happening and not burst into tears. ‘I haven’t spoken to him since last Sunday.’
Ali looked up, shocked. ‘But that’s a week ago.’
‘I know. Has he said anything to Linc—about his plans, I mean?’
‘No. They’re barely speaking to each other.’ Ali sat back on her lounger. ‘He was out yesterday morning pruning the privet hedge. I went over there to give him a piece of my mind about the whole situation. Linc’s upset, Emmy’s being completely horrible, as you know. Which is partly because of the new baby, I’m sure, but the situation with Monroe hasn’t helped. I was pretty mad with him. I mean, he still hasn’t come over to see Ethan yet. I was going to give him some serious grief about his behaviour towards the whole family.’