by Mary Wood
Fear wrapped around Edith’s heart at the sight of her daughter, and yet there hadn’t been anything physically wrong with her, except for an injury to her arm, which was bandaged. A burn, Elka had said. ‘I fell and landed too near a fire.’ But instinct had told Edith this hadn’t been the truth.
The door opened. Of all the inopportune visitors at this very moment, Brendan popped his head round the door. ‘May I come in? Oh, hello, Ginny. I haven’t seen you for a while – how are you?’
Ginny burst into tears and ran from the room.
‘What the . . . ?’
‘No, don’t go after her. Sit down, Brendan. That is, if you are not the bearer of bad news, for I couldn’t bear any more at the moment.’
‘Well, not bad news, but no news. At least not of the kind you are hoping for, and I know that is just as demoralizing. I have come to see Leah. Look, I need to tell you something. I know you won’t approve, but I can’t stop thinking about her. I think I am in love with Leah. There! I’ve said it.’
‘Oh, is that all? Well, we guessed that a long time ago.’
‘Really? And I’ve been agonizing about how you would take it – and how to handle someone so fragile – when all this time I could have spoken to you about it.’
‘I’m glad you didn’t, as there is another worry, where your affections are concerned. Lady Eloise and I think Ginny has feelings for you that she is finding difficult to cope with. Her reason for being in the office just now was to tell me that she is leaving to work on a hospital ship.’
‘No! Oh, Aunt Edith, no – that is the last thing I wanted to happen. I did suspect her feelings, but we are related and I thought she was mixing up her feelings for me with how one would naturally feel for an uncle, or even a half-uncle, as I am to her. But our relationship is a lot more complicated, as we are cousins too; and then her grandfather is my father! God knows what that makes us. But I don’t want Ginny hurt. What do you think I should do?’
‘Nothing. And certainly don’t broach the subject. Carry on acting as you are – ignoring the subject, and allowing Ginny the dignity of taking herself away from you, without the embarrassment of her thinking that you suspect.’
‘But it’s such a drastic action. She’ll be in danger. I’ll feel terrible if anything happens to her. I’m already weighed down with guilt over . . . Oh, damn it all!’
It seemed to Edith there was more on Brendan’s mind than just Ginny going away, or his involvement in placing Elka and Jhona in a vulnerable position. ‘Is there news, Brendan? I know you’ve said not, but I feel something isn’t right.’
Brendan hung his head.
As she looked at him, Edith’s emotions swung as if on a pendulum, as they had done ever since he had first recruited Elka and Jhona. Part of her was very angry with him, but she fought this and allowed her love for Brendan to forgive him and recognize the difficult position he was in.
On her second huge sigh, she changed the subject. She knew her gut feeling was right and that there was something she wasn’t being told, but she didn’t want to pursue it. ‘About Leah – will you wait until Ginny has gone before you speak to her about how you feel? I think it would be the kindest thing to do.’
Brendan looked relieved, confirming that she had steered him away from whatever it was he and Elka were not telling her. She’d had this same uncomfortable feeling with her daughter.
‘Yes, of course, but . . . there is something else. We need someone who can speak French and knows France.’
‘You cannot mean you want to recruit Leah? No! Brendan, please don’t even consider it. She’s not strong enough. What do you need her for?’
‘I can’t tell you much, but Churchill has set up a new initiative. It is vital work. Specialist agents will be recruited to help Resistance movements and communicate intelligence back to us.’
‘And very dangerous, no doubt. If you love Leah, you can’t possibly consider her.’
Once again Brendan hung his head. When he looked up his expression was unreadable. ‘We’ve found her brother.’
‘What! How? I mean, were you looking for him?’
‘No. Someone working for our department in France came across him. His name is Alfreed, and he is working with a Resistance group that has been set up under the direction of General de Gaulle. It appears that he was rescued from the water by a French trawler and taken back to France. He lost his memory. By the time he recovered and his amnesia had lifted, France was occupied.’
‘That’s wonderful. I mean, not that France is occupied of course, but to find Leah’s brother and hear that he is alive! I know Leah has referred to him as Alfreed. How on earth did you make the connection to her?’
‘Alfreed made it himself. He asked our man if he’d heard of a boating accident off the coast of England, and if he knew what might have happened to his family. He believed they were all dead. Our man had heard of the accident, because of course it was reported, and told him that he thought his sister had survived, but not his parents. Alfreed then asked if our agent would try and find out something definite for him, when he made contact with England. When the message came through, we made the connection. You see, besides me knowing Leah, all foreign nationals are coming under our radar, and Leah is no exception to that. She was registered by the police; they did so when they were investigating the gang who had held her. They did the same with all of the girls they found in that brothel who didn’t want to go home. The German girls are now living in a camp. They didn’t have the choice to go home and, as you would expect, they have little freedom, but they are well looked after.’
‘Well, I’m astonished. It never ceases to amaze me what goes on. But as regards Leah and her brother, I’m so happy. Shall I get Leah to come to the office so that we can tell her?’
‘That’s the rub. I can’t tell Leah. I have to take her to HQ. They want to tell her themselves, and use the information to get her on board Churchill’s new initiative. Look, I shouldn’t be telling you this, but they have a particular interest in her. They think she will want to go to her brother and, if she does, they would like to talk to her about working for us. They need a messenger. A French girl would be ideal, because in the main the French can travel around their country without suspicion.’
‘But you can’t ask that of her, please, Brendan. It’s so dangerous. Oh, this bloody war!’
‘It isn’t my decision. But before I take her to the War Office – and that is an order I can’t refuse to carry out – I want to tell Leah that I love her. I want to offer her marriage. This wouldn’t be as a way out, for she will still be asked to go to France and the decision will be entirely hers. But now that I am faced with the prospect of losing her, I want – more than anything in the world – to let her know how I feel and offer her another choice. I wouldn’t be able to bear her going.’
The irony of this didn’t escape Edith. An inner voice said, Then you will know how I feel. Feeling ashamed, she quietened it, and concentrated her thoughts on Leah. Leah pined for her brother. Not knowing what had happened to him had fuelled her hope that he was still alive. Of course she would want to go to him; but hopefully the possibility of being with Brendan would be a bigger pull on her emotions.
Brendan stood up. ‘Look, I will have to take Leah back with me, but I can tell her how I feel at a later date. I do value – no, need – your advice, Aunt Edith.’
The way he said this tugged on Edith’s heartstrings.
Despite everything, he was still her Brendan, the little lad who had come into her life because of her friendship with his Aunt Ada. She must never forget that. Oh, Ada, I do miss you. And I promise that, no matter how angry I am at Brendan, I love him and will take care of him. The balance of her feelings swung towards her love for Brendan. Her anger was quelled. ‘How about you come to dinner tonight, darling? We can talk everything through with Laurent. He has a clear, wise head about such things.’
‘Thank you. I would love that.’ He crossed the room towards
her and hugged her. His body shook. ‘I’m sorry, Aunt Edith, truly sorry for everything.’
Once more the feeling overcame her that there was something – something – that she still didn’t know. She hugged him back, unable to face whatever it was. ‘Don’t be. None of this is your fault. As we were in our war, you are just a pawn. You happened to be where you are when it all broke out, just as I happened to be a doctor and needed at the front. We all have our part to play. None of it is easy. But you make me proud. Though your role is one of the most difficult, you have risen to it.’
‘Thank you, Aunt Edith.’ He stood away from her and looked down into her eyes. ‘Always remember: the decisions I take are not because I want to, but because I have to.’ He held her once more and in an anguished voice said, ‘I know that what I ask of people is dangerous and could cost them their lives, but although that is difficult, I have to do it. And so do they.’
She felt guilty all of a sudden. She was sure Brendan knew about the pocket of anger that she held inside her, but she said nothing. As he released her, his voice and manner changed. ‘Now, I think I should seek out Ginny. Don’t worry, I’ll handle her with kid gloves, but I can’t just leave her like that.’
Ginny heard the door open behind her. She’d taken herself off to the laundry room and was busying herself with sorting the linen.
‘What’s this I hear about you travelling far away from me?’
His tone was too jovial, as if he was talking to a child. He obviously knew of her feelings. A blush spread over her cheeks, but she kept her voice steady as she answered him. ‘Aye, I’m going. I need to feel that I’m doing sommat. Me skills can be put to better use than they are here.’
‘But your work here is important. Can’t you change your mind?’
‘Naw, I’ll not be doing that.’ A glimmer of hope entered her.
‘I’ll miss you, and worry about you, but I have to say that I’m one proud uncle.’
That hope sank. He rarely referred to their relationship. Had he done so now deliberately?
‘Eeh, you’re too busy to think of the likes of me. Go away with you!’ Turning the conversation into banter helped to put her emotions on a different level. She would cope – she had to.
‘I’m never too busy to think of you, Ginny. You’re very special to me. You’re the only true relative I have, as I am yours. That makes for a bond that can’t be broken. Thinking of you in danger will tear my heart out every day. Come here.’
Going into his arms was torture. Why couldn’t she be normal and feel as he did – as a niece and uncle, or cousins or whatever, should feel for each other?
‘Hey, you’re squeezing the breath out of me. Ha, but it’s nice to have this moment together. I’ll think about it every day. You will write, won’t you? And watch those soldiers: the married ones will be the worst. It will be hard for them to contain themselves around such a beautiful girl.’
Latching onto his joking manner, she came out of his arms and pretended to slap him. ‘Eeh, give over. Anyone would think as you were jealous!’
The moment she’d said the words she regretted them. Brendan’s reaction told her he’d taken them in a different way from the way she’d meant them. He looked into her eyes. ‘Not jealous, but concerned. I meant it when I said you’re special to me. You’re my kin. You’re a big part of Aunt Ada that remains with me. I don’t want anything to happen to you. It would break my heart.’
Feeling hurt, but resigned, she managed a smile. ‘And you’re the world to me, Brendan. The bestest uncle a girl could wish for.’ Tears stung her eyes as he held her to him once more. If only, if only . . .
‘Well, I have to be going. When are you due to leave?’
‘Next week, Wednesday. I’m to report to the naval base in Plymouth. I was told that as I’m fully qualified, I’d probably be deployed almost immediately. They gave me a rail pass to get there. I just need to look up the times of trains.’
‘I’ll try to get a day off and drive you there.’
‘Naw. I – I mean, ta, but naw. I want to go under me own steam. I’d rather say goodbye here than down there.’
‘Right. If you’re sure?’
She didn’t know how to break the awkwardness of the moment. Her heart was cross with her head; she should have said yes, then her time with Brendan would have been longer and she would have had him all to herself on the journey. But that was dangerous ground. She needed to distance herself from him, and to do so now.
‘Look, I’ll speak to Aunt Edith, see if she can arrange an evening before then and—’
‘Don’t do that. I don’t want a fuss. It would be too much for me. Say goodbye now. I’ll write, I promise, though I don’t know what we’ll be allowed to put in our letters. And I’ll look for your letters to me. Let me know as everyone is alreet – that’s important to me.’
Brendan looked as if he was going to say something, but changed his mind.
Ginny was so tuned into him that she detected something was terribly wrong. ‘What is it, Brendan?’
‘I – I cannot tell you. Orders. But when you do find out, please forgive me. Please know that withholding what I know from you all was not my choice.’
‘Brendan?’
‘I have to go. Take care of yourself, you’re very precious to me.’
The door closed behind him.
Ginny stared at it as her mind worked along fearful paths. Was it Jhona? Or one of the twins? Oh, please God, don’t let it be any of them.
Edith scurried away just as the door began to open. She’d decided to see that everything was all right and had heard them talking. Brendan’s voice had carried to her. Her fears were confirmed. Taking a deep breath, she decided not to mention what she’d heard or question Brendan when he came to dinner. She would keep her own counsel, despite suffering all the uncertainty. If Brendan couldn’t tell her, then she mustn’t make him do so or put any more guilt on his shoulders.
Back in her office, she tried to stem the trembling that had seized her limbs and made them like jelly. Going to the window, she looked down on the courtyard. Brendan and Leah were walking across towards the huge tree. If only this could be a lover’s tryst in normal circumstances. If only Brendan wasn’t so burdened, and didn’t have such a difficult job to do. But he was, and the fact that it involved her family and loved ones had put a chasm between them that neither could acknowledge.
‘Don’t run away again, Leah. Please.’ Catching hold of her thin arms, Brendan held her gently in front of him. ‘Just listen to me.’
Her eyes were watery. As she blinked, tears plopped down her cheeks. They were silent tears, the worst kind. They told of far more pain than if she had sobbed her distress aloud.
‘I’m not worthy.’
‘You are. Oh, my darling, you are.’ Brendan pulled her to him, cradling her, and in doing so felt all the splintered parts of him come together. Over Leah’s shoulder he saw a shadow at Aunt Edith’s window. What would she think? She’d cautioned him against taking this action, and he’d promised her he wouldn’t speak to Leah of his feelings until a later date. Releasing Leah, he looked into her eyes once more. He spoke in French, so that she would understand everything he said, telling her of his love for her, and how her past didn’t matter to him. ‘None of it was your doing – you were forced. But, Leah, some good always comes from evil. Little Felicia was a beautiful happening, and she will always be in your heart. And don’t forget it was the evil that brought you here, to find the love of Dr Edith, Lady Eloise and Ginny. But, most of all, you have my love. I love you, Leah.’
‘You can’t, though. What about Ginny?’
‘That is a love that cannot be. Ginny knows that. It’s why she’s going away. Ginny will be okay.’
She shook her head. More tears spilled over. Feeling helpless, Brendan let her go and turned his back to her.
‘Let me talk to Ginny. I cannot hurt her. Please, don’t be angry.’
Hope rose within him. Turning
, he nodded. After a moment’s hesitation he said, ‘Forgive me. I should have waited. I shouldn’t have put pressure on you, by declaring my love. My reason for coming here was a very different one. I have to take you to the War Office with me, Leah. I don’t want you to be afraid – it’s good news, but it has to be told to you by them, and they need to speak to you.’
She stared at him in shock. ‘What is this? Why didn’t you say? Am I in trouble? What good news?’
‘I’m sorry – I’ve acted stupidly. Let’s go to Dr Edith’s office. She will reassure you. Leah, I meant what I said: I am in love with you.’
His Aunt Edith didn’t conceal her anger at him, and her look told of her feelings. Shame washed over Brendan. He’d acted selfishly. What if Ginny had seen them? It would have been a cruel blow to her.
Once Leah had been reassured, and had left to get her cardigan, Aunt Edith spoke her mind. ‘I saw what happened out there, and I’m more than disappointed in you, Brendan. However, I know what it is to be in love. Rash decisions are taken on the strength of it.’
‘I know. And I think I should tell Ginny. It’s the only way – she will have to know sometime. Better that time be now, instead of deceiving her and telling her about my feelings for Leah later, in a letter.’
To his surprise, Aunt Edith nodded. ‘I’ll be here to pick up the pieces.’ Her tone was curt, but then she softened. ‘Oh dear, what is happening to us all? I’m happy for you, my dear, really I am. Everyone deserves to love and be loved, and I would say that Leah returns your feelings. It is sad that Ginny will be hurt, but that isn’t your fault. Break it to her gently.’
Ginny was sitting in the kitchen, blowing steam from a mug of tea and staring into space.
‘Ginny?’
‘Eeh, you made me jump. I thought you’d gone. We said our goodbyes.’