by Senna Fisher
Nana looked tired now.
“But Nana, there is no such creature with me. I know this. Surely I would have seen it or felt it?”
“Rebecca, you must let me finish. The creature, known as The Darkness, is not seen by all. It creates a shadow and glares with its yellow eyes over your shoulder at a man who cares about you. It will frighten him and make him believe that you are frightening. It has always been this way. My mother, frustrated and tired, found a white witch to try and break the spell. She could not break it, but she found a way to deal with it. It seems that the spell was based on lust and sex, not love. It works on a man’s fear. If he really loved a woman he could match the force of The Darkness with love. The only men who have seen the creature are the men who can protect you from it. Each of us has a Protector. He is the only one who holds the key to its weakness. Rebecca, until you meet your Protector, your relationships will be short and painful. You must learn to accept this. Many men will desire you, but few will ever enjoy the pleasures of your flesh. That was the basis of the curse, that all of us would be untouchable, though desired. Do you understand, my baby?”
Rebecca was stunned into silence. She could not believe what her grandmother was telling her. She thought of her parents and realized that they had always seemed to have a special bond beyond the normal love for each other. It was also true that her father was his mother’s protector. He was fiercely protective over her and she often teased him about it. Nana explained that each woman in the family had a protective symbol, which did not destroy The Darkness, but limited its power. Without the symbol, the Protector could be killed or destroyed. She explained why her mother never took off the large amethyst ring she wore and why she had a red dragon’s eye tattooed on her left shoulder. She told Rebecca that The Darkness grew stronger with each generation and it seemed to affect the women at a younger age. She had only experienced its power at the age of twenty-five, but Rowena had felt it at eighteen. Now, she was feeling its effects at fourteen. Nana was worried about this. What does it mean? She told Rebecca that they would know that the curse was over when the woman bore a son. No woman had born a son in her family in many generations.
“I will meditate tonight for you. Give me your watch. And I will discover the symbol of your protection. We must get to work right now, before someone is harmed. The Darkness is getting too strong.”
Nana watched as Rebecca left and the sadness of the girl’s future brought tears to her eyes. What will happen to the poor child?
Rebecca went home filled with fear and understanding. She told her parents what Nana had told her and her mother wept.
“Oh Rebecca, you always ask why we never had any other children. That is the reason. We were too afraid and we could not even imagine putting anyone else through the trauma. My baby, we had decided we would not have children, but by some miracle, you were conceived. We never understood it and worried so much about you. What did it mean that you were conceived? The doctors told us that my contraception had failed, but we knew better. We had tried to cheat the curse and could not. Once you were born, we were so grateful for the gift of you that we had denied the trauma that was inevitable in your life. We lied to ourselves that this time could be different. Your father and I just deluded ourselves with false hope and fantasy. Oh, my dear Rebecca, we are so sorry.”
She held her daughter and continued to weep, tears of frustration, fear and helplessness. Rebecca was still bewildered by these revelations and asked.
“Mum, what was it like, the years before you met Dad?”
“Oh baby, it is so horrible. You have to be strong, all the time. You need so much patience and it is painful.”
Her father, who had been silent, said softy.
“Sweetpea, at least you will be truly loved. The good thing that comes out of this is that one man will love you so much he will be prepared to die for you. The Curse was not based on love and they never thought about love. Sweetpea, you will know true love one day. Your mother has given me that. A chance to truly love a woman. Your Protector will be privileged to be the one. You must talk to us about it, anytime. Do not be afraid, because you have the power of love.”
“But, Dad, what if I don’t ever meet this Protector? What happens to me?”
Her father was appalled by this question. It had never occurred to him that the Protector might fail. What would happen to my daughter? Would she just die slowly, the way Portia had done, tortured by her desires and not being able to fulfill them? Both Felicia and Portia had died within a few years of the casting of the curse. Felicia from the sheer hatred or guilt and Portia from longing. They had destroyed each other in their bid to win. What would happen? Would my daughter die from longing? He shuddered at the thought and knew he would never tell his daughter these fears.
“Darling, Sweetpea, there has never been a time when the Protector did not come. I spent many years searching for something, not knowing what it was. He will not be able to resist his calling to you. He will find you. That is how the Universe works. It is about balance. Just as The Darkness is born, so too is a Protector. You must believe this, for it will give you hope and strength to endure the injustice you will feel over the years. In any case, you might be lucky and he might find you sooner, rather than later.”
He said these words with such conviction that he was starting to believe them himself. But the dark nagging thought loomed at the back of his mind. Nothing had been constant. She might meet him when she is eighty years old or twenty years old. There is no way of telling.
The next morning, Nana spoke long and hard to her parents over the phone. They spoke in hushed tones and as much as she tried, she could not to hear the conversation. Her parents took her to Nana that evening, warning her that her symbol would be revealed. When they arrived, there was an old woman, with long white hair sitting on the couch. She had sharp brown eyes and she stared openly at Rebecca.
“Yes, she must keep the symbol on her tail. That is where she will receive the greatest protection.”
Rebecca clung to her mother, suddenly afraid. While she had grown up in a family filled with magic, potions and talking to dead ancestors, she had never heard anyone talk about a tail before. Was she now an animal? Had her family gone mad?
“Theresa, please, you are frightening the child. What do you mean by her tail?”
“Your daughter resembles the green dragon and her tail, at her root chakra, is where her power to fight is strongest. She must also learn to use breath. Yes, she must use words, like chants and affirmations to conquer her enemies. Yes, she looks like a green dragon. See how her eyes sparkle with emotion.”
The old woman chatted and said many other things to her parents, but she was still reeling from the description of her as a dragon. These words did not comfort Rebecca. She was more horrified at being called a green dragon that anything else.
“The symbol for the girl is a butterfly. It is known for its power as a messenger to the soul and the blessing of happiness and pleasure. She needs a butterfly which will complement the Protector. I see blue and white around him and much pain and passion. The butterfly shall be blue.”
Rebecca’s fourteen-year-old brain could not absorb it all. She ran out of the house and into the garden. She sat on the swing in the corner of the garden, surrounded by yellow daisies and red carnations. Her grandmother was an aggressive gardener, where all her plants and herbs were arranged in the order of balance and harmony with the Universe. I want to go home. I don’t want to hear about dragons and Protectors and tails. I want to go home. I just want to be like all the other girls at school, worrying about growing breasts and boys. Why can’t I be like all the other girls at school? She started to cry and saw her father approaching her.
“Dad. Leave me alone. I don’t want to hear about dragons and things. I am just a kid. I want to be like the other kids. Why can’t I just go to the Mall and shop and talk about boys? Why am I talking about a tail? Dad, please, take me home. I want to go to my room.”
He went to her and held his daughter. Tears rolled down his face for his Sweetpea. She has done nothing to deserve this. He listened to her angry, frightened tears and could not disagree with her. Why such a burden for my precious daughter? Why, oh why? They cried together on the swing and were comforted by their tears.
“Oh my baby, I would die to have it different for you. I would do anything to save you from this pain. I know this is frightening for you. It is so for me too. You are my baby, my precious miracle baby. I would do anything to save you from this curse.”
He wiped his eyes.
“Oh Sweetpea, you must do whatever is necessary to protect yourself from The Darkness. It is vicious and can kill you slowly. We must try to weaken its power. Please, baby, you must be strong for you and me and your mother. We need your strength now, okay?”
His urgent tone soothed her frightened nerves and soon they were talking generally about life and magic and dragons. She asked many questions about them and he told her all he knew. He tried to make her realize the importance of their symbolism as the guardian and protector of the precious, but she, so young, had vivid images of spitting fire and red eyes.
Theresa the crone, as Rebecca called her, was waiting patiently inside the house. She seemed completely unaware of the fear and trauma of the girl, or the intimacy she had shared with her father.
“Rebecca, I have discussed with your mother and Nana what we shall do. We think it best that your butterfly remains part of you, as flesh and blood, so it cannot be taken from you. We will arrange for you to have a tattoo on your tai.. ur, sorry, back. This way you will not lose it. I know someone who will do it just right for you. There is very little pain my dear and your Nana will be there. Is that alright with you?”
Rebecca simply nodded. There was no point in arguing about it. The crone had spoken, so it would be.
Despite her fears about it, the tattoo-making process was not too frightening. She had been initially shocked by the shearing pain when she felt her skin was being carefully stripped off her. But her body succumbed to the pain and she was cleverly distracted. The crone’s granddaughter, a young woman with many rings on her face, was pleasant and funny. She treated the tattoo like it was a work of art and Rebecca as her most precious canvass. She played heavy metal music as she worked and it distracted Rebecca from the tingling pain of the needles of the machine. They chatted about many silly things and it took almost three hours on that morning before the young woman announced that her art was done. Rebecca was surprisingly excited. She rushed home and looked at it in the mirror and did so for many days to come. She felt the pain occasionally when she was in bed, but she loved the idea that she was the only one in her school who had a tattoo. The butterfly had calmed her fear and it made her feel special and beautiful. She had a beautiful secret on her back and she loved it.
Her parents were relieved with her response, because they had feared the permanent presence of the butterfly on her body would remind the girl every day of the burden of the curse. They talked about her obsession with butterflies when she was five years old, how she spent hours trying to catch them so that she could whisper to them. Nana had told her that if you whisper your wish to a butterfly, it would come true. The girl spent a great deal of time trying to talk to the butterflies. Her parents, experienced in these matters, should have seen the connection between the girl and butterflies and the comfort and joy they brought her. However, when she was five, they had convinced themselves that their daughter had escaped the curse. It had been a selfish and ridiculous fantasy, they agreed.
And so it began the war of love and hate, their daughter armed with her new-found power and protection, her war against The Darkness. No amount of rationalizing and magic could allay their fears, that perhaps, this time, love would not be the victor.
*****
Chapter 16
Clayton did not look surprised, shocked or even horrified. He sat in the same spot as she paced and spoke.
“The butterfly was my protection. It was made for me Clayton. That is why I was upset when you asked me about it. Clayton, how did you know about my butterfly?”
And he told her, about his wife and what had happened.
“So, it is also your butterfly, it protected you too?”
“Yes, I think so. I understand what you are saying, about the curse. But last night, you kept calling me a white tiger. Jono said I was a lion. Tell me what that means.”
“I asked Nana who was my protector. I was starting to feel that there was no such a thing. In my dreams, she showed me a white tiger, pacing around me, in a large building. She said his power was in his hands. I never understood it. I never understood why she spoke about a tiger, but now I see. Clayton your eyes, that was the thing about you that was so weird. I should have known. Okay, if we are being honest, I think I knew that first time we met. I just couldn’t bear this moment, when I would have to tell you. I couldn’t bear the thought of you being involved, of having to deal with all this. I wanted things with you to be pure, you know? I think I knew the first time, but I desperately needed to deny it. I wanted to believe that you would want me, not the job of protecting me, does this make sense?”
“No, it was not your choice to make. You did not decide who I would be and neither did I. Why did you think you could control me or the events?”
“I just wanted the time to.... for you to be with me, Clayton, plain, simple. I wanted this weekend to be that time, two people, having fun together, do you understand?”
“You were going to deceive me? Pretend nothing else mattered?”
“Yes, and I was going to deceive me, so I could have the sheer pleasure of knowing what it was like to be loved by a man, not a tiger, or anything. I was doing a good job of it, too. I wanted to know what it is to be loved, like any other girl.”
Tears were starting in her eyes.
“Was that so wrong, Clayton, to want to be loved, without Protectors, Darkness, or anything else?”
“Oh Rebecca, you are a terrible liar. You thought you could keep it from me and hopefully, it would go away. You would never have told me. You never trusted me, you never felt protected by me. Come here, let me hold you. Don’t cry and don’t lie to yourself or to me. It will not help. It will just piss me off and that will be no help at all.”
“I am sorry, okay? Half the time I don’t know what to think. I mean, why do you shock me when you touch me sometimes? What does it mean? When did you know that you were the Protector?”
“Okay, I knew the day I met your father. I saw it in his eyes and he tried to tell me in various ways. I also saw the link between them and us. In fact, it was Jono who figured it out.”
“Jono?”
“Yes, he made me realize a lot of things I would not have seen. What we could not figure out is what you needed protection from. You were certainly not telling me. We thought of asking your father, but I needed to hear it from you. But the first time we met, when I touched your hand, I thought you needed to be protected, after I decided that I wanted to sleep with you.”
“Why do you shock me?”
“Now that, I could not figure out. I hoped you would know.”
“Clayton, will you answer this question honestly? I need you to be honest, okay? Do you still want to make love to me?”
“What? Rebecca are you crazy? Of course. Gosh, woman. Do you know how difficult all this has been? Do you know I have never seen a woman twice without having sex with her? Do you know that you are staring at me, your black eyes flashing, and I want to take you to that bed? Do you know?”
“No, I don’t know. I don’t know anything. But I certainly know that I don’t want you to tell me about other women. Let me go, now.”
“Nooo.... Princess. You asked me to be honest. I will always be honest with you. Stop flashing your eyes at me.”
She lifted her head to him and he kissed her. They felt the difference, in their love and passion for each other. The fear was moving away, slowly.
They made love and it was magical. Clayton got his ultimate fantasy, because the electric shocks vibrated through their bodies at least four times as they hungrily searched each other’s bodies. They forgot about The Darkness, the questions, or the reason for the shocks. They needed to be with each other and they consumed each other. It was two in the afternoon before they came back to reality. Jonathan was banging on the door, worried that they had managed to do something stupid, like invoke lions, talking butterflies or the like.
“Are you two alright?”
“Yes, Jono, go away. We are fine, please, we will see you later, I promise.”
Clayton shouted through the door, but he knew Jonathan would not go away until he had seen him. He had been so worried lately, he was taking no chances.
“Okay, I’m coming. One minute.”
He went through the inter-leading door and opened his cottage for Jonathan. Rebecca was fast asleep and naked in her cottage.
“Jono, how are you? Sorry, things got a little crazy. We lost track of time.”
“Yes, that is what I was afraid of, things going crazy. Are you alright?”
“Yes, of course, but we are going to need your help later. Where is Jackie?”
“Playing tennis with her friends. What has happened?”
“It is long story, but I think we are alright. She is so beautiful, Jono. She is everything I ever wanted in a woman, even in bed.” He was whispering.
“Come let me make you some coffee. I am going to need your help and understanding once more. But this time, Rebecca and I will talk to you. We have had a long chat. If you thought talking butterflies was bad, wait until you see the creature that came over last night. Jono it is hectic.”
“Creature, what creature? Clayton, don’t tease me. You would not look so calm if some creature was here. Clayton, you bastard, you are teasing me.”
“No, he is not. Jono, good morning. Stop whispering, because I can hear everything. And you Clayton, stop telling your friend about our sex lives okay? I’m going back to bed.”