by Senna Fisher
“You both look a bit strained, so I wondered if there was something else.”
“No, I guess we were stressed about you and then we spent the next week feeling guilty, worried and relieved that things turned out all right. We spent one whole week talking about nothing else, wanting to phone you every day. We wanted to be sure it was gone. We phoned one night and Clayton said you had gone to bed. He told us that you were tired a lot and needed to sleep. Are you alright now?”
“Yes, Dad, for about six or seven days, my body simply couldn’t stay awake for long. Clayton was wonderful. He cooked for me and has basically been spoiling me. He was also tired and while I slept, he stayed awake, because he couldn’t really sleep on his back. But, we are fine now.”
“Dad, after you did it, how did you feel, about Mum?”
He was silent for a while.
“At first I was so relieved she was alive, I didn’t really think about it. Then, I started to realize how lucky we were to have each other. I know we fight a lot, but Sweetpea, every day I wake up and think how lucky I was to have met her that day. I loved her then and always will. Why do you ask?”
“Did you ever feel, well, obligated or burdened by having to be her Protector?”
“Never, Sweetpea. I felt quite privileged to be the one who was so special to her. I guess, a man likes to know he can take care of business, no matter how liberated he is. I liked the fact that she needed me, you know?”
“Even when you were in pain?”
“Especially when I was in all that pain. I felt I had done something wonderful for that beautiful elusive woman, who kept so much of herself away from me. Rebecca, Clayton will not feel obligated or burdened. You see, if he did not love you, or need to protect you, one or both of you would have been dead now. Sweetpea, he needs to protect you. Okay?”
“Okay, but it just seems so unfair Dad. You know, he takes his role very seriously. He does not even realize he is doing it. If we walk in the street and somebody is about to bump into me, he gets me out of the way. When we are with other people, he talks to them, but still keeps an eye on me. I don’t know. It seems like a burden.”
“But how do you feel about it?”
“I like knowing that he is around. I sleep better at night and I have finally been convinced that it has gone. Yes, I like it, but sometimes he is a bit possessive and we fight, but I like it, overall.”
“So why are you bothered about it?”
“It just seems he did not have a choice in the matter.”
“Did you, Sweetpea?”
“Okay, I get your point.”
“Rebecca, why haven’t you discussed this with him?”
“Because he gets angry when I say these things. He thinks it is because I don’t trust him. So, we go round in circles about it.”
“With time, Rebecca, you will accept things as they are. You want your fantasy of a normal relationship, like everybody else. But you should know that everybody else has their own problems and doubts. These are not different, you know. You do have a normal relationship.”
“You sound just like Clayton. He says that all the time. But you are right. I don’t know what I am talking about.”
“Rebecca, Clayton is a good boy. But I must tell you, being a Protector is not something objective, out there that he does as a job. It is a way of life where he shows you he loves you. You must not forget that, Sweetpea. You seem to think he is working for you. Well, he is not. He is simply showing you how much he loves you and you must show the same love. Otherwise, he will feel rejected and hurt. Remember that he has needs too.”
She hugged her father.
“Thank you, Dad, I needed to hear that. You are right. Okay, let us go join those whispering two there.”
“Okay, you two, what is all this whispering about?”
“No, Princess, nothing. Come join us.”
Rowena had a sparkle in her eye.
“George, are you ready to apologize to me?”
“Yes, my love, but certainly not in front of the children.”
“Oh Dad!”
“We’ll see you children in the morning. Rebecca, thank you so much for coming and for bringing your charming young man. Goodnight.”
Rowena breezed out of the room.
“Well, kids, that’s my cue. Sleep tight.”
Clayton was laughing, because Rebecca was so embarrassed.
“I don’t think they are embarrassed about these things Rebecca. You need to realize that you are not their five-year old daughter anymore.”
“What were you two whispering so deliciously about?”
“Oh nothing, this and that.” He smiled knowingly.
“Oh, you are so impossible sometimes. Shall we go to bed?”
“Okay, but we are not going to bed, are we? You are sleeping away from me.”
He sounded really upset.
“Clayton, stop it. It is just for two days.”
“Two whole nights. That’s too painful to think about. Distract me, please Princess.”
“Okay, once upon a time, there were three bears...”
He tickled her.
Rebecca woke to the sound of Clayton coming into her room. It seemed ridiculously early.
“Good morning, Clayton, is that coffee I smell?”
“Yes, but I want my reward before you get the coffee, deal?”
“Deal, come here.”
She kissed him on his cheek and laughed.
“Very brave, aren’t you?”
“Yes, my parents are downstairs, remember?” she said smugly.
Clayton sat next to her on the bed.
“Now, I am giving you one last chance .Give me a proper reward, or you will pay double.”
“Okay”, and pecked him on the cheek again.
He turned his face to her and kissed her. Gently and then suddenly, he was kissing her, demanding all of her. He was taking control, very quickly. He pushed her back onto the pillows and caressed her breast.
“Clayton, behave, okay? My parents are......”
“Not, here, my dear. They left a few minutes ago.”
“Oops, I walked into that one, didn’t I?”
“Hmm, shhh. I want my full, double reward now. Shhh.”
He lifted the t-shirt she was wearing and gently stroked her body.
“Oh Clayton.....”
“Hmmm, give me some of that life force, that balance you always talk about...”
“Okay, but Clayton?”
“Hmm?”
“You know, it is far more auspicious if the dragon is above the tiger. Did you know?”
He laughed at her.
“Okay, dragon, have you way with me,” as he rolled onto his back.
Much later, he thought, yes that was highly auspicious.
*****
Chapter 24
Clayton spent a pleasant afternoon at the Hilton Hotel pub with George. They spoke like old friends and Clayton felt comfortable to tell him all his thoughts and his concerns about Rebecca. He did not hesitate and George enjoyed the boy’s openness with him.
“What really frustrates me is that she worries about some things and won’t talk to me about it. I wish she could trust me enough.”
“It is not you she does not trust. It is herself. Rebecca has spent her whole life being rejected without good reason. She does not know how to be accepted. You need to teach her that, show her that. The secret is not to get angry with her. I told you, charm her and she will respond quickly. Clayton, you must understand that since she was fourteen years old, she was fighting to survive, fighting for ways to deal with rejection. She has no idea how to love. You must teach her how to love you.”
“How? Sometimes I can see what she is thinking, but she shuts me out. I wish she could see what I’m thinking.”
“She does not know what you are thinking?”
“No.”
“Clayton, did she tell you that she can’t do it?”
“No, we never really discus
sed it. She simply tells me to get out of her mind. She never said anything, so I assume she..... . Oh, I see what you mean. Yes, she definitely knows what I am thinking. I was just presumptuous to assume that she didn’t.”
“Yes, that is exactly what her mother did to me. She made me believe she could not do it, and wham, when I was really angry one day, she said ‘don’t you dare even think about that. You will never get into my bed tonight.’”
Clayton was laughing.
“You see, sometimes when we fight, it makes me, well, want her more, and it drives her insane. After that, I tortured her for days with calculated, deliberate thoughts about what I wanted to do to her. She was completely horrified and she finally confessed. They know from the day you bring the light. That is one of the consequences, if you can call it that. Because you are together, as one in that time, you have opened up the ‘lines of communication’. She has not told you, Clayton, because they think they can control us that way.”
“That wench. Now I see how, when we are arguing, she has managed to second-guess me. That wench. Oh, I am definitely going to make her pay for that. What do you think I should do?”
They were laughing about this when Clayton suddenly said, “excuse me a second.”
He phoned her on her cell phone.
“Princess, what’s wrong?”
“Clayton, nothing. Why?”
“Your heart is beating fast. You got a fright, what, Princess?”
“Oh Clayton, relax. I am with my mother, whose is a very competent witch. I just saw a snake in the garden and got a fright. One of my mother’s new friends was here. I don’t like them, so I got a fright. She has sent if off. Are you okay? Having fun?”
“Yes, very much so. Okay, see you later.”
“What do you want for dinner?”
He was quiet for a while.
“No, Clayton, I mean to eat, that will be cooked. Honestly!”
He laughed, “anything will be fine.”
“Mother says ask the old man what he wants to eat for dinner, cooked, okay?”
“Okay. He says tell that old crone that he wants red meat.”
“Okay, see you later.”
“Yes, she definitely knows. I just tried it. Oh, she is in such trouble.”
“She is very much like her mother, even though she looks like me. They keep everything to themselves, until you beg or fight to get it out of them. They are exactly the same that way. I know. I lived with both of them. I would come home from work and they would be silent. Of course, something is wrong, but will anyone say anything? No, they would just look out the window, eat quietly and hide behind a book or the television. It would drive me nuts. Once, Rebecca’s cat died and it took me three hours to hear this. Three hours! They conspire in their silence. All Rowena had to say was, ‘the cat died, Rebecca is upset’. No, that was too easy. They had to torture me with their silence first. It drives me mad just thinking about it.”
“I know I get that treatment all the time. Rebecca has a patient she was worried about. Suddenly, the family disappears and she does not know what to do. She gave me the silent treatment. I was so annoyed with her. By the time she told me this I was so angry with her, I was unsympathetic. Now, when she even starts that look, I say ‘we are not going to do anything before you tell me what is wrong’. She fights and calls me difficult, arrogant and pushy, but it saves me a night of trying to guess the possibilities. That is the thing we most fight about, her silence.”
George laughed. “Yes, that is a good plan. Talking about plans, Clayton, have you thought about the future?”
“Yes, I guess, I don’t know. I suppose I am hoping things will stay the same. Why?”
“She might just fall pregnant. How do you feel about that?”
“I don’t know. I suppose we have accepted that we can’t have children. We don’t want our child to go through all this.”
“But it might happen anyway?”
“Yes, I guess. I suppose we haven’t really talked about it. Rebecca will not have a child, I can tell you that. I look at her, with her patients, and think what a wonderful mother she would be, but it also makes me sad.”
“Yes, we need to find a way to break the spell, so you can choose whether you want children.”
“Rebecca does not want to do anything right now. She is worried something might go wrong, and she desperately wants to be a ‘normal’ couple. Even if I mention it, she shuts off. She thinks it makes her a freak. She is not ready to do anything right now.”
“What else happened that night, Clayton?”
“What do you mean?”
“Rebecca is not telling us everything. We know there was more. She needed too much sleep. What was she recovering from?”
Clayton was quiet for a long time. Should he tell her father? Rebecca would be furious, but, on the other hand, they might be able to help her.
“George, she died, just for a few seconds.”
The old man was so shocked, he said nothing.
“Oh George, it was too awful. I saw her, leaving, then suddenly she was back. I don’t think I am ready to risk that again. That is why we have been so... well, non-committal about it.”
“Oh my! She died, my baby died. She did not even tell us.”
“Well, that is one of the things she is being silent about. She brushes it off, denying it. She has never admitted it to me, but I was there, begging her to come back. She won’t talk about it, at all. When she came round, she had tears in her eyes. George, whatever happened, it caused her a lot of pain and she is frightened right now. I was hoping she would talk to you about it. She certainly does not want to tell me. She feels as if I am carrying some burden and does not want to make it worse.”
“Oh my Sweetpea. That explains why she asked me all those questions yesterday. Questions about how you must feel, whether I ever felt burdened. We talked about that last night. I don’t know. I must talk to her about it. Clayton, Rebecca does not know how to love us. We must all teach her that part of love is worrying about her. She thinks she must go it alone. Tonight, we will openly discuss the matter.”
~ ~ ~ ~
Rebecca was smiling at her mother.
“I love it when he does that, phones me and asks me what’s wrong.”
“Yes, it makes you feel special, doesn’t it? It is a great reward for all that trouble we have to go through before we find them. It really is worth it, don’t you think?”
“I don’t know, Mum, I would have preferred a normal relationship with a normal boy. No tigers, no butterflies, no nothing. Just good, old-fashioned stuff.”
“I know Rebecca, you always thought like that. But imagine, my dear, how boring it would be. The great sex.”
“Mother!”
“Oh Rebecca, don’t be such a baby. Admit it, the sex is wonderful. He gets into your heart, mind and soul. It is glorious stuff.”
“Okay, it is pretty amazing and he can’t seem to get enough of it. I tell you, he thinks about it all the time.”
“Yes, I think it comes from all the Protector stuff. It makes them feel like they are in control and they love it. Whenever George protects me from something, he goes mad for it. Don’t be silly, Rebecca. We are your parents, but we are also people. You are an adult now. We can talk about this, surely.”
“I know Mum. Clayton says I want to believe I am still five. He says I am too silly about these things with you.”
“And he is right. We are special, Rebecca, the four of us, and we should talk about these things. It is so nice to talk to someone who actually understands what happens to you. Otherwise, it sounds so far-fetched.”
“Yes, okay, I will try to relax. Sorry for being such a baby.”
“Does Clayton try to do it in your mind, when you are in public?”
“Yes, all the time. I just shut him off.”
“Why, darling? It is truly amazing. At some dull dinner party, try it. Seduce his mind and see how he will enjoy that. He will spend weeks doing what
ever you say. They feel like they got something no other man can do, which is true, of course. It makes them the winner in the male competition for sex. Do it, Rebecca, you will enjoy it so much. Plus, you can do anything to him and no sore muscles the next day.”
“Oh Mum, that is the craziest thing I have ever heard. With my mind? Hmm, I think I will save it for one of those days when we are fighting. Anyway, he does not know that I get in there.”
“What? My dear, he will soon find out. Best you tell him otherwise he will torture you for weeks with bad thoughts, until you confess. Your father did that to me. Beat Clayton to it. Confess, sweetly, before he catches you out.”
“Okay, I think I am getting careless already. I will confess, sweetly.”
“Rebecca, we need to talk about the unbinding spell. You seemed unhappy about it. Tell me.”
“Okay, firstly, I found it all so hard Mum and felt lost and confused. I had all the painful memories coming back to me and I am trying to work through them. I need to do that first. Secondly, I am not sure that it will help. Clayton does not want to have children, so it does not matter. The risk is high, when we won’t have children anyway.”
“Rebecca, have you gone mad? Do you think your father and I chose to bring you into this world, knowing what you would go through?”
“I know, Mum, but I am hoping that it won’t happen twice....”
“Rebecca, listen to me. It is not your choice. As long as the spell is there, you will have a child. At least, if we remove it, you and Clayton can choose whether or not to have a child. That is the only choice you have. Do you understand?”
“I know, Mum, but I can’t seem to talk to Clayton about it. I don’t know what to say...”
“Tell him everything we discussed now. It must be worrying him too. If he does not want children, then he is in for a rude shock when he suddenly finds himself with a child, cursed by The Darkness.”
Those words branded themselves in Rebecca’s mind the whole afternoon. How could she tell them what had happened? What would she say? What if happened again? She tried to calm her nerves and phoned Jackie.
“How are you, J?”