“Let’s clean this up and go shower so I can please you until you fall sleep.” I know I’m going to be sore in the morning.
I wake up so sore from everything last night. Tony gave me his wild side and his loving, caring side. I love how he can give me both. I lie in bed and remember the first time I had sex with Tony…
I just wanted him to let me go out and drink with my friends, but he wouldn’t let me. I went into his room and gave him my sad eyes and told him how I wanted him to fuck me. He told me to get out because he needed to do his school work. He was in college; I, of course, skipped the academic life. I walked over to the computer to turn it off and started taking my clothes off.
He groaned in frustration, “Really, Gracie, why would you do that? I need to finish researching for my paper.” I knew he took school seriously, but he took my phone and I needed it back.
“Well, if you’ll give me my phone, I’ll leave you alone.”
He crossed his arms and said sternly, “No, I’m not giving you your phone. You should stay home and watch movies tonight. You don’t need to be out partying and putting yourself into bad situations.” Of course he’d say that. I laid on his bed naked and started rubbing on my nipples as I thought about Scott. Even though I knew he was gone, I had no doubt that he’d find me. Tony came and started kissing my neck.
“What do you want from me, Gracie? You’re so beautiful when you’re sober. Hell, even when you’re a drunken mess, you’re still the most gorgeous girl in the world to me.”
I laughed and told him what I wanted, “Fuck me like you fuck Allison. But better.” He looked at me with a confused look, but he did what I demanded. That was the first, and best, fuck of my life. He was biting and pulling my hair; I didn’t think sex could be that exciting! I was amazed by what I had been missing out on! I was sleepy afterward, so I cuddled with Tony a little until he passed out. When I heard him snoring, I looked for my phone. Bingo! It was in the drawer under some socks - a typical, dependable Tony move. I smiled to myself.
I crept out of his room, showered, and called my friends who, of course, were up and waiting for me to come out and party. The whole time I was out partying, though, I couldn’t stop thinking about Tony. Why did I have to use sex on him? Ugh! He was going to be stuck in my head all night! I started drinking more and more until I was so drunk I couldn’t even stand up on my own. My friends took me back home in the morning and left me passed out at the front door. My great friends didn’t even help me make it inside. I woke up screaming when Tony opened the front door, and my head hit the floor. I didn’t notice him at first, but he lifted me up and laid me in my bed. He didn’t say a word, just kissed me on my forehead like parents would do to a child then walked out of the room. I cried myself to sleep in my drunken haze. I guessed nobody would ever love me. Hell, Scott was my first love, and he didn’t care about me either.
I hear my phone ringing in the distance, and I jump up to reach for it. “Good afternoon, Grace! Are we going to meet at our spot or do you know a place we can go eat at?” It takes me a moment to remember where I am since my daydream felt so real.
“Yeah,” I pause to clear my throat before continuing, “we can meet at The Sunnyside Diner. Do you know where that is?”
“I can put it in my GPS, so no worries. I can’t wait to see you.”
I can’t wait to see him either. Wait! Did he say afternoon? Scottie! I shoot out of bed then notice a note on my dresser.
Baby – I wanted to let you sleep. After last night, you deserve it! I took Scottie to school before I left for the conference. Don’t worry, I fed him breakfast and made his lunch. I think his clothes match today. I love you with all my heart. I miss you already. Call you later…
I sigh. I truly have an incredible man who loves me and loves to take care of me! I begin to feel like I’m a terrible person to be seeing Scott behind Tony’s back. I’m sure Tony would understand if I could just tell him who Scott is. Tony never says no to me and loves me no matter what. Yes, I rationalize to myself, Tony would encourage me to meet up with Scott. I shower and get dressed to meet Scott. Thank God Tony took Scottie to school!
I walk into the diner wearing my best fitted jeans that accentuate my curves and a low-cut, tight shirt. I left my hair down in case Scott wanted to run his fingers through it. I know how that sounds, but I don’t give a shit. I look around, and I see him looking over the menu with his head low. I slide into the booth across from him.
“Nice to see you again, Scott.” He looks up and his hazel eyes look at me with the same look he gave me when he wanted to run away together. I laugh and he gives me a confused look.
“What’s so funny, love?”
“I’m just remembering when we planned to run away with each other. What if we had run away together? Would we still be together?”
He looks down and sips his water before responding, “Yeah, I believe we’d still be together and have a lot of kids.”
I close my eyes for a brief moment as I picture that life with him. It was what I always wanted. It was what kept me from ever giving up on him all those years after he left me. When I open my eyes, the waitress is there staring at Scott as he’s telling her his order. I order bacon and eggs with hash. I love my breakfast at all times of the day.
“I see you’re still eating breakfast at random times of the day. I’m glad some things haven’t changed.” I can’t believe he remembers that about me!
“Of course. I didn’t want anything else when I was at Ms. Allen’s, so I’d fill up at breakfast time.” Ms. Allen wasn’t a very good cook, but for some reason, I loved her eggs. I never told her that, of course, but Scott knew. My phone chimes with a text from Tony checking in on me. I text him letting him know I’m out to lunch with Kimberly. He replies back for me to enjoy my breakfast. I laugh, and Scott looks at me, wondering about my response.
“Oh, that was Tony checking on me.” Scott nods his head and looks out the window. I notice the deep funk he seems to be in. I wonder what’s on his mind, but before I can ask him, our food comes.
“Let me know if you need anything. Enjoy,” the waitress says a little too cheerfully, obviously trying to impress Scott. Thankfully, he doesn’t notice since he only has eyes for me.
“Scott, what were you just thinking about?”
He cuts his steak and pauses like he’s struggling to find the right words. “I see that you’re happy with Tony. I’m happy that you’re happy. Really, I am. But, what if I said I wanted one night with you to show you how much I truly miss you and care about you?”
I’m so taken by surprise that I start choking on my water. I excuse myself and practically run to the bathroom so I don’t cause a scene while I get myself under control. I lock the door before I look at myself in the mirror and splash cold water on my face. My coughing stops, yet I continue staring at myself as if my reflection holds all the answers. Can I give myself to someone else? Scott isn’t just “anyone” - he was the love of my life before Tony. Who am I kidding? Scott is still the love of my life. But, I made promises to Tony; I’m committed to him and our life together. I have no reason to betray him. No reason other than I want Scott. I fix myself and head back out to my seat.
“Sorry about that. I thought you were with that Rivers girl?” Now it’s his turn to laugh.
“No. She’s just a very good friend, I promise. She knows all about you and how I feel about you.”
“All about me? What is there to tell?”
“There’s so much to tell. You’re my first and only love. Every girl I’ve been with has looked a little like you, but none of them could compare to you. Not even close because nobody else has your innocence that I love the most.” I feel my heart skip a beat. He pretty much did what I did to survive without him. I just happened to wind up being with the wrong crowd and destroying myself, and he ended up with fancy one night stands.
“Who was the girl you were yelling at when I called?”
He rubs his temples as if
he’s nervous about telling me what he was up to. “She was just some girl I was sleeping with. I’m not with anyone, Grace.” I sigh with relief. Even though I’m married, I can see myself with him. This is bad in so many ways, but it’s the truth.
“Scott, when you left me, I tried to commit suicide twice and I starved myself,” I blurt out, unexpectedly changing the subject. Scott’s eyes open wide. He gets up and slides in next to me.
“Grace, why would you do that? Not for me Grace, no.” He shakes his head, and I can see the tears in his eyes. The waitress interrupts our special moment when she brings the check and takes our plates away. Scott pays for the bill and pulls me by the hand out of the booth and to his Range Rover.
“Get in, Grace.” I check my phone and am happy to realize I still have an hour and a half before I have to get Scottie from karate. I’m suddenly grateful that Scottie’s school offers karate as an after school program so I have more time to spend with Scott. I’m not ready to leave him yet.
We drive until we arrive at a park where we can sit in the car and talk privately. Scott turns and looks at me. “Grace, why would you try and kill yourself? How long ago was this?” I turn to look out the window because I don’t need him looking at me with that sad look.
“The first time was about five years ago. Tony found me on the ledge of a bridge, ready to jump off. The second time was a few years ago when I took too many sleeping pills. Once again, Tony found me and saved me.” I want to cry because Tony’s my protector, yet I’m in this car with Scott who’s the cause of my heartache. My life is one big, ironic puzzle, and I wonder if I’ll ever find all the pieces to put myself together.
“Grace…” I hear his voice crack when he says my name. I turn and look at him with the tears coming down his beautiful face. I wipe the tears from his cheeks.
“You don’t have to cry, Scott. I’m fine. Hell, I’m even better now that you’re here with me.”
“No, Grace, you’re not fine. You tried to kill yourself because of me. I’m the cause of your darkness, your heartache; I’m the pain in here…” He points at my heart. I pull him close to me and run my fingers through his hair as I let a few tears roll down my cheek. I’ll never tell him that he’s right - he is the cause of the turmoil that nearly ended my life because that truth will just hurt him too much. Despite everything he has put me through, I never want to see him suffer. I need to lighten up the mood before we’re both slobbering messes.
“Cheer up, Scott. You have me now. Maybe we can do this again tomorrow but with no crying.” He wipes his face, looks at me, and tries his best to smile.
“Yeah, sure. Let’s get you back to your car.” We drive silently back to the diner where my car is, and I give him a kiss before letting him know I’ll text or call him later.
I get to Scottie’s karate class in time watch the end of his practice. All I can think about, though, is Scott crying. He was really crying for hurting me. I smile a little because, in a way, I believe he needs to hurt the way I’ve been hurting all these years. He needs to feel remorseful and realize the consequences his actions had on my life. When practice is over, I take Scottie out to eat and for ice cream. I tell him it’s a mini celebration for doing such a good job in school and karate, but in reality, I haven’t been grocery shopping in a while because I’ve been too preoccupied with Scott.
When we get home, I start the tub for Scottie right after he finishes his homework. I plan on tonight being an early bed time for my son! I have plans with my phone. As I’m washing Scottie’s hair, Tony calls.
“Hey, baby, how are you doing?” Tony sounds so cheerful as he greets me.
“I’m doing good, honey. I’m helping Scottie with his bath.”
“I’m calling to check up on my favorite wife and kid. I miss you both and can’t wait to see you again.”
“We’re your favorite, huh?” I giggle at his silliness.
“Well, yeah… No one else can do what you do with your sweet…”
“Tony! You’re on speaker!” I interrupt him quickly.
“Oh. He he. Hey, buddy, Mommy is super sweet, isn’t she?”
“Yes! She’s the coolest! She took me to a restaurant and to get ice cream because I’m such a good boy! I miss you, Daddy!” The love Scottie has for his dad is evident as he looks longingly at the phone.
I smile as I say, “You have two people to hurry back home to.” I don’t really want Tony to hurry home, but I do get lonely at night. I hate sleeping without my safety net.
“I’m the luckiest man on earth! I’ll be home soon. I love you both very much. Good night.”
“Good night!” Scottie and I yell into the phone. I end the call with my soapy hands and finish with Scottie. After I tuck him into bed, I head downstairs to drink a glass of wine. While I’m pouring the drink, there’s a knock on the door.
“Open up, Grace.” Oh Lord - Kimberly.
I go to the door and let her in.
“Hey, Kimberly! It’s late, but come on in.” She pushes right past me with a magazine in her hand.
“Oh, I’m coming in regardless, Grace, and I want a glass of wine.” I give Kim a side-eye look. She’s wearing her work-out clothes, and her long brunette hair is pulled up in a ponytail. She’s pouring a full glass of wine, so whatever she has to say must be good…
“Okay, Kim… What’s going on?” She stares right at me.
“Umm…You need to tell me what’s going on with you and Scott Peters.” I choke on the wine I had just sipped.
“What in the hell are you talking about?” I finally manage to cough out. I walk around the counter so I can sit down, hoping she doesn’t notice how badly I’m starting to shake. How could anyone know that Scott’s here or about the two of us? I’m trying really hard to keep my panic from showing.
“You and Scott were at a diner eating. How do you know Scott, and why were you two out on a date?” How do I answer this? Oh. My. God. What if Tony knows all about it? He’ll be pissed. Okay, relax, Grace, it’s no big deal. He’s just a friend. Right, he’s just an old friend.
“Scott’s just an old friend; I really don’t even know him that well.” Kimberly laughs at my attempt to hide the truth.
“Yeah, sure. Listen to this: ‘Scott Peters and mystery woman at a diner in a small town upstate New York.’” I grab the magazine from her and flip to see if there’s a picture of me. Phew! Thankfully there isn’t - there’s just my description. I let out a big sigh of relief. That waitress must’ve recognized him and contacted the tabloid. She’d been staring at Scott a lot. Hell, pretty much the whole time.
“So? There isn’t a picture. What makes you think it’s me?” I sit back smugly and relax on the bar stool and drink some more wine.
“First off, you gave yourself away a minute ago and second, I know you. I saw you staring at Scott on the TV when we were at the bar. I noticed how your body tensed and the look on your face was like you’d seen a ghost. You were concentrating so intently on that news story that you didn’t notice anything, or anyone, around you.”
“Do you think Tony noticed?” Panic begins to course through my veins.
“I think Tony noticed something was different about you, but I don’t think he put two and two together. Luckily, men aren’t as observant as women are. But, Grace, now you really have me wondering… What is going on between you and Scott Peters?” Damn it. Why did I have to pay attention to the television that night? My face flushes as I try to think of what to say. Kimberly isn’t going to let me off the hook easily; there’s too much at stake now.
“What do you want me to say, Kim?” I ask, my shoulders slumping. I can’t keep denying the truth to Kimberly. She knows me too well and obviously knows too much already.
“Hell, I don’t know, Grace. I’m worried about you, and I know you’re keeping whatever is going on to yourself. I want you to know that I’m here for you if you need me.” Oh boy, this will be quite a test of our friendship!
“Listen, you can’t say
anything to anybody, okay?” I demand.
“Girl, don’t worry! We all have our secrets, but I don’t see how you can be cheating on Tony. That man kisses the ground you walk on and lives just to make you happy. Do you have any idea how jealous most women are of you?” Oh Lord, she thinks I’m cheating on Tony.
“No. Listen, Kim, I’m not cheating on Tony. I would never betray him like that,” I claim as strongly as I can muster, hoping she believes me. “I just hung out with Scott the one time. He really is just an old acquaintance,” I lie. She finishes her wine and pours some more as she gives me a look like she doesn’t quite believe what I’m saying.
“Ok. Whatever you say. I just want you to be careful – no matter what’s really going on. There are some things we just have to deal with on our own, but I want you to know that you’re not alone. I’ll always be here for you.” I’m so relieved that she isn’t pushing me for details!
“Kim, I really appreciate you being here for me. I’m married to Tony, and I love him. Scott’s just a guy from my past who I needed to reconnect with because we had some unfinished business to discuss and take care of. I won’t mess up this life I have built with my husband and son. Please don’t say anything to anyone and create problems that don’t need to exist.” Am I good or what? I’m even starting to believe myself!
“My lips are sealed, girl. You know I’m not the type to cause or spread drama. Your business is your business.”
“Thank you, Kim, for being my friend. I’m sorry you had to come over here so late and question me, but it makes me feel good to know you’re watching out for me.”
“Aww… You know I love you, girl!” Kimberly gets up to come give me a huge hug. I surprisingly find myself hugging her back; I’m usually not a touchy-feely person. We talk about some celebrity gossip while we finish our wine. I’m trying to get her to leave quickly, but I don’t want to be obvious. I need to contact Scott as soon as possible! I walk Kimberly to the door before I run upstairs and message Scott:
Runaway Love Page 5