by Marni Mann
I LEFT SOMETHING FOR YOU ON THE COUNTER DOWNSTAIRS. TEXT ME AFTER YOU SEE IT.
YOU’RE SO GORGEOUS WHEN YOU SLEEP.
—TRAPPER
I climbed out of bed and quickly dressed in a pair of jeans and a sweater. I threw some water over my face and brushed my teeth, making sure I had washed off yesterday’s makeup. While I hurried down the stairs, I twisted my hair into a messy knot and stopped in front of the counter. Sitting in the middle was a key. No label and no second note from Trapper. Just a key.
I pulled out my phone and typed him a text.
Me: A key?
Trapper: It’s to my place.
Me: You want me to come over?
Trapper: I want you to keep it and use it whenever you want. It’s yours.
Now, I could go to his place after I left Frankie’s late at night and not have to ring his doorbell and wake him. I could go out and grab us breakfast in the morning without having to search for his keys. I could surprise him during the day when I was in the area for a showing. This was a huge step…and I was ready for it.
But as I held the key in my hand, there was something tugging at me. It was a memory. A memory of when Cody had given me a key to his place. And the more I thought about it, the more it pulled. I needed something from Cody that I just couldn’t get in my townhouse or in any of my memories or in the box of his things that I kept upstairs in my office.
I rushed over to the closet and put on my boots. Then I grabbed a jacket, and at the end of the block, I climbed into the backseat of a taxi. After I gave the driver the address, I realized I hadn’t replied to Trapper’s text.
Me: Thank you. I love it.
I would have loved any gift he’d given me, but because this one was so personal, I loved it even more.
Trapper: I’m about to leave Aced. Want me to come over?
I looked out the window, seeing the hills of snow-covered grass start to come into view and all the stones that stood from the ground. Trapper had agreed to come here with me in a few weeks. It would be the first time he’d be meeting my parents, and then we’d all go out to dinner and to a Celtics game. Whatever was pulling me there was telling me that Trapper needed to come, too.
Me: How’d things go with everyone?
Trapper: They’re better.
Me: Good. I want to hear all about it, but I’m not home. 500 Canterbury Street. See you there soon.
Just as I put my phone back in my pocket, the driver slowed and parked outside the entrance. I handed him enough cash and started walking up the narrow path.
During the first year, I had gone there so often. Days in a row, I’d sit on the grass, listen to the sounds of the cars pass by, and let the hurt and darkness swallow me. But as the pain started to lighten, I spent less time there and kept Cody active in my mind through the memories I had of him.
It had been months since I’d been there, and only two things had changed. Snow now rested on top of his gravestone, and as I stared at his name, I felt completely different than any of the times I had been there before. It was the distance between us that felt so foreign. I didn’t mean for it to happen. I certainly hadn’t planned for it. But I was sure Trapper was the cause of it.
There was pain in my chest as I continued to stare. There would always be pain. But it felt nothing like the last time I saw Cody alive…
For all the danger and crime and torture he saw on the streets every night, he looked so calm and peaceful when he slept. He didn’t snore or stir. He just clung to the pillow that he held against his chest and breathed in a slow, steady rhythm. I watched him from the doorway of the bathroom while I brushed my teeth. When I was finished, I moved over to the side of the bed and leaned down to kiss his cheek. It was only slightly prickly, as he’d shaved just before he’d gone to work. He smelled like city nights and sleep.
“Mmm,” he groaned, grabbing my hand as I started to move away. “You’re leaving so soon?”
“It’s seven, Cody. I have to go to work.”
He squinted, the sun bothering his sensitive morning eyes. “You look beautiful.”
“Thank you. Will I see you for lunch today?”
When he was working on a case, lunch was the only time we could really spend together. I cherished it.
“I can’t today. Something came up. But tomorrow…I promise.”
He released my hand, and I moved to the bedroom door.
Just before I walked through it, I stopped…
The something that had come up was Trapper. Cody was going to Trapper’s place around lunchtime, but he never made it. No matter how much I blinked or how hard I stared at his gravestone, the memory was still in my head. I wondered, if I went back into it and I turned around and looked at Cody, could I just…
I stood at the bedroom door; it was closed. Instead of reaching my hand out to twist the knob, I looked over my shoulder. Cody was there, fast asleep.
I turned around and walked back over to the bed. “Hey,” I said.
He opened his eyes again. I couldn’t help but grin. It felt like I hadn’t seen that face in so long. Those light gray eyes. The kindness in his smile. His warmth.
“Hey back.”
I couldn’t believe he had responded. I’d never talked to him in a memory before. I knew he wasn’t really there. I knew this was only happening in my head. I knew his voice was just a combination of what I remembered it to be. But there was a knot forming in the back of my throat, and all of this felt so real…
“I hope you know how amazing you were. You were a real hero, Cody.”
“You really think so?”
“Yes,” I said. “It’s how I feel now. It’s how I felt when we were together. I just didn’t express it. I hated that I had to share you with your job, but I know now that you were making a difference on the streets, and you saved those kids’ lives. I shouldn’t have been so selfish. I loved you more than anything, Cody. In fact, you taught me how to love. I’ll never forget that, no matter what happens.”
He smiled. “It’s time for you to move on. You should love someone again. It’s what I want for you.”
I was having a hard time figuring out what to believe. The Cody in my memory was telling me to move on, to love someone again. Was this real? Or was this imagined?
“Trapper is an incredible man, Cody. I wish you could have met him, and I wish he had been a part of your life.”
His eyes gleamed with so much emotion. “I wish that, too. If only I hadn’t gotten out of my car, right?”
He laughed, and a chill ran through me. It was so wonderful to hear that sound again yet so painful at the same time.
“He makes me really happy.” I took a breath. “He makes me feel as safe as you did. He’s a hero, too.”
His smile fell a bit. “If he couldn’t be in my life, I’d want him to be in yours at least.”
“Brea?” I heard someone say.
I looked up from the gravestone and met a different pair of eyes. These were stormy gray.
“Trapper…”
Trapper
Brea stared at the headstone while I stood several feet away, watching her. Her arms were wrapped around her waist, her chest rising and falling so damn fast. She didn’t move; she didn’t blink. Her face kept changing expressions, like her head was filled with so much emotion and she wasn’t sure how to process it all.
I was surprised the address she’d texted me had led me there—to a cemetery. Although I couldn’t see the stone she was gazing at, I knew whose it was. In some strange way, I could feel him.
Cody.
My brother was buried under her feet. The brother I should have known. The brother she loved. I could see how much she loved him, how difficult it was for her to let him go. And as fucked up as this all was, I was happy I saw it. He deserved to be loved by someone as amazing as Brea.
I said her name a few times before she looked up. Once I had her attention, I slowly walked over to her and stood behind her, circling my arms around her waist. She leaned her he
ad into my chest, and I breathed her in. The cold air made her hair smell different.
“Are you okay?”
Now, I could see his stone, and I read the words that had been engraved—the dates I already knew, the name I said so often in my head, the description that should have included the word brother.
She nodded. “I’m just saying good-bye.”
I turned her around, keeping her close, and I wiped the tears that had fallen. “I don’t want you to cry.”
She kissed my thumb, rubbing her cheek against my palm. “They’re happy tears. I promise.”
I searched her eyes. “I see sadness in there, too. And that’s okay.”
She smiled and stood on her tiptoes. “Just kiss me.”
I rubbed my lips softly over hers. Not hard enough for a kiss, but enough that she could feel me. “I love you, Brea.”
Her eyes popped open, and they showed the strongest emotion I’d ever seen from her. “Oh God. I love you, too.”
Cody’s stone stared at me from the side of Brea’s face. I knew he couldn’t hear me. I knew the feeling I had was only because I was standing above his body and this was the first time I’d been there…but I felt something.
I’ll take good care of her, brother.
I didn’t know where the hell it came from, but I swore, I heard a reply.
“I know you will.”
Trapper
The motherfucker sitting across from me had pocket aces. I could tell by the way he was looking at his cards. He stared at them a little too long and had that stupid cocky grin on his face. I bet he was thinking he was one lucky bastard and he’d hit the goddamn jackpot with that monster hand.
But he wasn’t winning any jackpots. Luck didn’t win tournaments, and it sure as hell wouldn’t win this one.
He was playing sloppy, too confident, not calculating the weight of the monster I held in my hands.
Pocket jacks. One spade, one heart. But it didn’t matter because I wasn’t after the flush draw. I had something better than that.
The dealer looked at me. “Check or bet?”
I pushed a small stack toward the middle of the table. I wanted him to think I was scared, that I was trying to buy the pot. But what I was really doing was goading him.
The dealer counted it. “One hundred large,” he said. Then he looked at my opponent. “It’s on you.”
“All in.”
Shit, I loved those words.
I glanced behind me in the stands and caught Brea’s eye. She gave me the same look she had that morning when she’d gazed down between her legs, watching me, as I stared back, swiping my tongue over that tasty perfect clit.
Love…that was how I felt about her.
I pushed all my chips to the center of the table. “I call.”
“Flip ’em over, boys.”
I tossed my cards into the center of the felt. I didn’t wait for the dealer to announce the winner before I walked over to the stands and lifted Brea over the rope and straight into my arms.
“Four of a kind against two pairs!” the dealer shouted from behind me. “Trapper Montgomery is the winner.”
She kissed me, her lips warm and enticing. “You made that look so sexy.”
“Not nearly as sexy as you looked in those stands, baby.” I tasted her mouth again. “I’ll be right back. Don’t move.”
I walked over to my opponent and shook his hand, congratulating him on his second-place win. Then I shook hands with the dealer and the announcers. Jameson and Garin were standing by the final table as I made my way back. We slapped shoulders as we leaned in for hugs.
“You and Brea up for some dinner tonight?” Jameson asked.
“Yeah, we don’t fly back until tomorrow.”
“Dinner is the best thing you’ve got planned?” Garin asked Jameson. “You all are in Vegas without your kids for the night. Let’s do it up right.”
“I’m down,” Jameson said. “How about you, Trapper?”
I glanced over at Brea. She was looking at her phone, but when she felt my eyes on her, she smiled.
“Yeah, we’re in.”
“Head on up to my office, so you can sign all the paperwork, and we can schedule the wire transfer for your winnings. I’ll have my assistant start working on some plans for tonight.”
I patted his shoulder. “I’ll see you guys in a minute.”
When I reached Brea, I pulled her into my arms, kissing the top of her head.
“What was that all about?” she asked.
“The guys want us to go out tonight.”
“Thank God. I could really use a drink.”
I laughed. My baby was always down for whatever I threw at her.
“I knew you’d say that, little mama.” I reached into her back pocket, squeezing her ass before I pulled out her cell. “Get her on the phone. I need to see her.”
She grinned as she tapped her finger over the numbers. The screen showed a live feed of Brea until Vera answered. Then it split, showing feeds of both of them.
“Did he win?” Vera asked.
“Come on, Nana,” I said, “you know better than to ask if I won or not.”
Brea tilted the screen, so it showed my face, too.
“Every time you call me that, Trapper, I feel a little bit older.”
“But it’s okay for Mae to call you that?” I asked.
“Mae can call me anything she wants. That child owns me.”
Brea kissed my cheek, and I squeezed her against me even tighter.
“Is she asleep?” I asked.
“She just went down about a half hour ago.”
“Wake her for me.”
Vera smiled, and I could see her walking into the guest bedroom that she’d had decorated just for Mae. It was all done in flowers and pink, and it smelled like cupcakes even though Vera didn’t bake. It only took a grandchild to get her to move into a new place. I bet she was really appreciating her washer and dryer now that Mae was getting potty-trained.
“Da,” Mae said, rubbing her eyes with those chubby little fingers. “Where’s Ma?”
Brea turned the camera, so her full face was on the screen. “I’m right here, baby girl.”
“You come home soon?” She had the biggest brown eyes and dark curly hair that shot out in every direction.
She looked nothing like her gorgeous mother and nothing like me. One day, we’d tell her everything and explain where she came from and how her mama and Auntie Adrianna had saved her life. But we wouldn’t tell her until she could handle it, and by that time, she’d have at least another sibling who she could lean on. If I had it my way, Brea would be pregnant before we left Vegas.
“Yes, baby,” I said. “Mama and I are coming home soon.”
“Night, Da.”
“Good night,” we both said.
Vera came back on the screen, walking out of my princess’s room.
“Is she being good?” I asked.
“She’s been perfect. We went to the park today, and Grandpa Roman cooked us all dinner. Then we read her stories and gave her a bath.”
“I let Vera do the lotion part!” Roman yelled from the background.
It hadn’t been easy, accepting the truth about Roman—what he’d kept from me, what he’d let me go through as a kid, knowing that his son was out there, suffering. But, eventually, Vera was able to talk me away from my anger. Even though he did a fucked-up job of it, Roman had tried to make sure I was taken care of. And in his own fucked-up way, he loved me. Took a while, but I forgave him.
“Don’t pay any attention to him,” Vera said. “Tomorrow, she’s having a playdate with Caiden.”
“I thought Frankie and Derek were going to Portsmouth?” Brea said.
“They were, but it snowed today, so they canceled their trip. She called just a little while ago. From the sound of her voice, pregnancy number two is really kicking her ass.”
Brea laughed. “They were supposed to come to Vegas with us, so, yes, I think you’re
right about that. Are my parents going to pick Mae up from Frankie’s?”
“That’s the plan. Then I’ll pick her up the following morning, so they can go into work.”
“We’ll be back from Vegas by then, so I can—”
“No, honey, we’ve all decided you and Trapper will be staying in Vegas for two more nights. You guys have been working too hard, and you need some time to yourselves.”
“Trapper needs to knock her up,” Roman said from the background.
“For Christ’s sake, will you keep quiet?” Vera said. “Anyway, being the winner and all, I’m sure you can get a few more nights at the hotel. Adrianna spoke to the pilot, and he’s scheduled to pick you up on Tuesday.”
I fucking loved Vera’s idea. I really needed some alone time with my wife. I’d had to share her with everyone lately—her parents and Frankie, Vera and Roman and Adrianna, and our baby. Two more nights would be perfect.
“But that means we won’t get home until the night before Cody’s fourth anniversary and—”
“We’ve already been in touch with Cody’s parents, and together, we have it all taken care of,” Vera said. “You just worry about having lots of fun—”
“And getting knocked up!” Roman yelled.
Vera smiled. “And let us handle Cody’s anniversary. See you two when you get back.”
The screen went blank, and Brea slid the phone into her pocket. “God, I feel like I’m not even needed anymore. Everyone’s doing everything without me.”
“Baby…” I said, cupping her cheeks, leaning into her ear so that I could press my lips against the small patch of skin behind it.
There was a black Q tattooed there with a small heart underneath it. She was my queen, and I had the king, but it was inked above my heart.
“Yes,” she groaned so softly.
I pressed my dick against her. It was so goddamn hard in my jeans. “You’re definitely fucking needed.”
“Trapper! Good God…that cock.”
M and J, I don’t know where to begin with all the thanks I owe you. I’m so grateful to have you in my life, to call you my friends, for everything we’ve gone through together, and for continuing to be my everything.