Handfuls of Shattered Pieces

by Kerry Taylor

  “It’s ok sweetheart. They’ve shut up now. I told you they were trouble.” Xander said softly. I opened my eyes and turned my head, surprised when I found him on his knees, in the space where his chair was before, looking over me. I hadn’t even felt him move.

  “I….I’m sorry.” I whispered, embarrassed.

  “Not your fault. Come on now.” He took my hand and eased me up, then placed my hand back on his shirt, where I had been gripping it before. I grabbed a handful and held on as I got settled back in the seat. I was shocked when I looked up and two sets of eyes studied me from beside where Keira sat, looking at me with regret, and maybe a little guilt?

  “I’m really sorry if we scared you. We didn’t mean to.” The bigger of the two said. He was tall, taller than Xander, maybe close to six and a half feet and he was really really big and strong looking. He was dressed in khaki cargo pants and a form fitting black Henley, through which it was very obvious he was ripped with muscles on every inch of him. He smiled a little, trying to reassure me I thought, since I was probably staring like a rabbit in headlights. He was handsome, there was no denying that, with strikingly dark eyes, The colour so dark grey it was almost black. He had a very angular face, but it was softened by those beautiful eyes. When I just continued to stare he started to fidget, running a hand through his messily styled chestnut brown hair. It was shaved short on the sides, but was longer and kinda messy on top, and it stuck up wildly as he ran his hand through it nervously.

  “Olivia, these are my idiot brothers, Cole and Matteo.” Xander said to break the silence and snapping me from my staring enough to blink. Cole. That was a good name for someone with eyes so dark, I thought to myself.

  “Just call me Matt, Everyone does,” The other one said and I turned my attention to him. He was a few inches shorter than Cole and not quite as built, but still huge. He wore dark jeans with a baby blue button down, the sleeves neatly rolled up to his elbows. It was clear from his shape and the veins in his arms, he was muscled too, but not as dramatically as Cole. He was slimmer, and more compact. His skin was darker, and I guessed he was maybe mixed heritage, maybe part hispanic from his name? His hair was dark brown, almost black and swept backwards giving him a kind of messy style. His eyes were a deep chocolate brown and when they looked at me, I felt as though they saw right through me, like he could dig right into me and pull out handfuls of all of my shattered pieces.

  “Hi.” I whispered, not knowing what else to say.

  “Sit boys and get something to eat. Where is your father?” Keira said, breaking up the awkwardness of the last few minutes.

  The two guys took the seats they stood behind, beside their Mom and opposite me.

  “He’s coming. He got snatched by Evie as we walked in. She wanted to show him a new show she’s watching.” I realised Evie must be the little girl I had seen in the lounge, the biological child Grant and Keira had five years ago. She had looked about the right age.

  A moment later Jenny walked in, her heels clicking on the tile floor. She placed her case on the counter in the kitchen and took a seat at the table, at the other side of Xander, as if she lived there too.

  “Hey Jenny. How are you?” Keira asked casually as she sipped from a glass of ice water.

  “I’ll be a lot better when I head off to Hawaii for two weeks next month.” Jenny laughed as she pulled a mug toward her and poured some coffee.

  “Oh don’t Jenny! I’m so jealous. Grant’s been promising me a trip to Hawaii for twenty years,” Keira laughed and I realised, they were clearly good friends. There was just this comfortable ease between them as they laughed and chatted. They continued to chatter, but all of the talking and laughing was exhausting to keep up with and giving me a headache. Instead I attempted to tune them out as background noise and stared down at the glass of juice in front of me. Cole, Matt and Xander were all watching me, I could feel their eyes on me, but I didn’t want to return their looks and incite any questions, so my focus remained on the glass.

  I was still trembling badly and feeling wound up like a coil, ready to burst open at any moment. I still held Xander’s shirt in my right hand, needing the comfort of constantly knowing he was near.

  “Jees, that child never stops asking questions.” A deep voice rumbled as footsteps stalked in behind me. I turned quickly, needing to see who it was, and found a man who looked to be in his mid to late thirties, but was likely older. He had sandy blonde hair that was neatly gelled to one side and his face was soft, his jaw covered with a smattering of stubble. He looked across to the table with a wide smile, his perfect Hollywood teeth shining. He was a good looking man, that was for sure. I had a vague thought there must be something in the water in this home, and then hoped like hell it would work it’s magic on me. I had spent eight years in the dark, being starved, beaten and worse. I was pretty sure I did not look like the pretty little girl my Mom constantly told me I was, before I was kidnapped. I felt like I was very ugly after everything I had been through, scarred and maimed. I hadn’t dared a look in the mirror at the hospital, too scared to see who looked back.

  “That’s your fault Mr Attorney. She gets that inquisitiveness from you.” Keira replied and I looked between them as they shared a moment, their eyes lovingly locked together as they both smiled. It was beautiful and a strange reminder to me of all of the happiness that there could be in life if you weren’t locked away with a depraved monster.

  “Yes, because psychologists never ask questions.” Grant retorted with a roll of his eyes. He was big, as tall as Cole, if not even taller and he was heavily muscled too, his biceps bulging from the sleeves of the expensive looking green Polo he wore. If it weren’t for the softness of his smile, or the love I had seen in his eyes when he looked at his wife, he would have been terrifying, his size unable to be anything other than intimidating, but for some reason I wasn’t scared. Wary, yes, but not scared. I looked between Grant, Cole, Xander and Matt again and had to fight a small smile. They were all huge, like action heroes. Grant’s sons, at least the ones I had met, obviously picked up his workout habits.

  “Come over here and meet Olivia now.” Keira ordered, and Grant nodded and did as he was told, stalking over to the table. I was glad when he took a wide berth from me and walked around to the other side of the table, where most everyone else had sat.

  “Hi Olivia.” He greeted once he was in my eye line. His smile was fixed in place and I felt oddly comforted by how very similar he was to my Dad. Bigger, much, much bigger, but the blonde hair and kind smile so reminded me of my Dad. Maybe that was why I hadn’t been scared by him, “I’m Grant, in case you didn’t know. I’m really happy to have you here with us.” He sat beside Cole and placed his folded arms on the table in front of him as he spoke, seemingly giving me his full attention.

  “Hi.” I whispered again. I really needed to think of something else to say!

  “Grant’s right Honey. We’re all happy to have you here with us. We want you to make this your home and we really hope you can come to be happy here. I have a room all set up for you upstairs. You have your own bathroom so you won’t have to share with any of the boys and I’ve got you a few essentials to get you started, a few clothes and such. Anything else you need we will get as soon as you feel up to it, but in the meantime, if there is anything you need, or anything we can do to make you feel more settled, you just let one of us know. Our other two sons, Kyle and Kade live here too, but they work a lot, so we may not see them as often. They’re all good boys though. And then there’s Evie. She likes to talk a mile a minute and asks a lot of questions, but who wasn’t like that at five years old?” Keira laughed light heartedly and Jenny agreed.

  “If she drives you crazy, just put on cartoons and she’ll stop. It’s a trick we’ve all learnt recently.” Cole mock whispered to me over the table, and I looked up to him with a smile and a nod, though the smile felt weird and fake. It had just been so long since I felt a smile on my face.

  “How are you
doing?” Xander asked quietly as he leant in close.

  “Ok.” I whispered.

  “Try to eat something for me, huh? It will stop some of that trembling.” He coaxed, and I saw from the corner of my eye, the other guys listening in as the adults chatted away over us. I looked at the food and my stomach turned.

  I’d spent hour after hour in The Darkness, starving and desperate for food and water, just fantasizing about greasy burgers and pizza and sodas and candy. I had longed to one day taste real food again, instead of the disgusting, unidentifiable slop I was too rarely given by The Shadow.

  But now I was free and Xander had offered me anything I wanted to eat over the last couple of days. He had brought me all manner of things and what I found was, I couldn’t stomach any of it any more. The thought made my stomach turn and if I actually ate any of it, I instantly felt nauseous.

  “I can’t.” I whispered defeatedly to Xander and I saw the disappointment and worry on his face. “I’m sorry.” I added, hating to let him down after all he had done for me.

  “You’ve barely eaten in days Livy. You need to have something, please?” Xander pushed. Tears pooled in my eyes and I looked down to my glass again, angry with myself for how pathetic and useless I was being.

  “Xander, cool it man.” Cole said before I could say anything. A chair scraping caught my attention and I looked up just as Matt left the table and stormed into the kitchen. Had I made him mad?

  I looked to Xander questioningly, but he just smiled reassuringly, offering me no answers.

  “Xander, is Simon coming for dinner tonight?” Grant asked, thankfully giving me a moment without Xander’s watchful gaze as he turned to his father.

  They all started talking then. Apparently a family dinner was planned for that night, so everyone could get together to meet me, and me them. Simon was coming, along with Xander’s other brothers Kyle and Kade. The thought of that huge table, with yet more people around it terrified me and I longed to just find a dark hole somewhere and hide away.

  “Here.” A deep voice came from behind me as a steaming bowl was placed down before me. I knew before I turned it was Matt, by the slight accent in his voice. He was right beside me when I looked up, but I didn’t jump. I strained to look up at his face and saw he was watching me with those all knowing eyes once again. “Try this. It’s not so rich. It won’t make you nauseous.” He explained and I wondered for a moment if I had spoken aloud earlier, but I knew I hadn’t.

  “How?” I asked, needing to know how he understood the way I felt.

  “Experience Carina, experience.” He simply replied, then he returned to his seat opposite and carried on eating with his head down.

  I just sat frozen for a moment, staring at the top of his head. Experience? Did that mean he had been through something similar to what I had? It had to, right? That would explain the way he seemed to see right into me every time his eyes met mine.

  Not wanting him to look up and see me staring, I instead moved my gaze to the bowl and found a thin broth. I had to admit, it smelled good, the best thing I had smelled in a very long time.

  I moved to pick up the spoon and didn’t miss the way everyone worked hard not to let me see they were all anxiously watching.

  It made me nervous, especially when I wasn’t sure I would actually be able to eat what Matt had brought me, but I had to try when he had gone to the trouble. Finally Keira started a conversation about football, which Cole seemed to play, and everyone was joining in, allowing me a reprieve to actually try eating without scrutiny.

  The first spoonful was a taste explosion in my mouth. It was definitely some kind of chicken broth and instantly took me back to the chicken soup my mom would make for me as a kid, whenever I was sick. It never failed to make me feel better back then and much like that soup, this broth began to go down without turning my stomach or landing heavy like a rock.

  I ate about half before I was full and I didn’t miss the relieved look on Xander’s face out of the corner of my eye. I placed the spoon down gently in the bowl and dared my first look to Matt since he sat. He was looking across at me, his watchful eyes always taking in every detail.

  “Thankyou.” I whispered. “It was good.”

  “Matt’s a great cook. He always has soups or casseroles on the stove and goodies on the counter cooling. Wait until you try his empanadas! They’re the fucking bomb!” Cole enthused.

  “Language!” Keira instantly scolded. I don’t know how she heard, since she was mid conversation with Jenny, and Cole was talking pretty quietly, but she did.

  “Sorry.” Cole smiled at me cheekily with his apology and I saw that trouble Xander had told me about peeking out.

  “Xander, why don’t you take Olivia up to her room? Let her get settled?” Keira suggested and I was grateful for the reprieve. I felt exhausted and the stress of the situation was not helping.

  “Good idea. I think a rest would be wise, It’s been a long morning.” Xander agreed.

  “I just need a quick word alone before I go Olivia, if I can?” Jenny asked as she stood with Xander and I. She walked over to the back corner of the kitchen and motioned a hand for me to follow her. I looked to Xander for reassurance, and permission, and he nodded once. I don’t know why, but I had an urge to turn to the guys and get their approval too. It was like I couldn’t stop myself from turning to them, and when I did, there was no surprise or humour on their faces. Cole just smiled, while Matt nodded just as Xander had. The three of them were telling me they were there, they had my back. I was safe. I heard all of their silent words in those looks between us and it comforted me in a way I would never have thought possible. What was that?

  CHAPTER 4

  “I just have to check that you feel comfortable with the family and are happy to give this a go before I leave?” Jenny asked once we were alone in the back of the shiny kitchen. I stood, not daring to touch a thing, fidgeting nervously as I fought to keep a clear gap between Jenny and I.

  I glanced behind me to the table. Keira and Grant were chatting away together happily, their hands entwined on top of the table. The guys were clearing plates, cups and glasses, but I knew they were all watching me. I saw the glances my way and the constant eye Matt kept on me from where he stood directly opposite.

  This family was not mine. They were not my parents and I would never have the life I had before I had been taken, but I was pretty sure they were all good people and they seemed loving and kind. I could make a home there, somewhere to nurse my shattered pieces until I learnt how they would all come back together. It was absolutely the best option I could have and I knew I had to be grateful for it. I couldn;t deny the strong feeling of safety I had with Matt and Cole. It was the same feeling I got with Xander when I met him, but even stronger. I had no idea what the feeling was, but I definitely knew it was there. More than anything, after getting away from The Shadow, safety was what I wanted, so there was no way I could walk away from the three men who seemed to give it to me.

  “Y-yes.” I replied with a firm nod.

  “That’s good, sweetie. I’m really happy for you. You really are very lucky to get a home here. Keira and Grant are good people.” Jenny beamed, then moved to put a hand on my shoulder, likely to pat me in reassurance, but there was no way I wanted to be touched. I leapt back out of her reach with a squeak, hitting the counter with my butt hard and instantly gaining the attention of everyone in the room.

  “Sorry.” I said hurriedly, then I turned to the room to say it again, but froze when I found Cole and Matt right beside me, looking me over with concern. They must have run to me to get there so fast, and oddly I didn’t find their close proximity intimidating. Instead it gave me a sense of security.

  “Sorry.” I said to them too, knowing I had acted erratically.

  “No Olivia. That was my fault. I’m sorry.” Jenny offered.

  “Come on sweetheart. Let’s get you upstairs to rest for a while.” Xander said as he rounded his wall of brothers and
wrapped his arm around my shoulders. He ushered me toward the door, but I stopped and turned back to Keira and Grant, needing to say something. They had already done so much for me.

  “Thank you…..for h-having me here.” I said as loud as I could push out.

  “It’s our pleasure Honey.” Keira’s words felt genuine, just like everything else she had said to me that morning. There didn’t seem to be a false or malicious part of her.

  “Welcome home Olivia.” Grant added kindly. I nodded, not sure it would ever really be home, but hoping maybe one day, it could be.

  ***

  The bedroom I had been given really was beautiful, painted in greys and pale yellows, with huge floral canvases on the walls. There was a large king bed, nightstands, a dresser and a desk that all matched, some kind of heavy wood painted white. I had a bathroom off to the right, with both a large tub, and a double shower, and to the left there was a huge walk-in closet, already filled with far more clothes than I would ever need.

  A TV hung on the wall opposite the bed and on the nightstand was a brand new Kindle, still in the box, and another box containing an Iphone. I had no idea how to use either, but Xander assured me one of the guys would show me sometime, if I asked.

  Xander had shown me around and assured me about ten times that everything in there was for me and I was to use whatever I wanted, then he had left me to take a shower and get some rest. He told me he would be close by so all I had to do was call and he’d be there, but I felt nervous the second he closed the bedroom door behind him. It was the most alone I had been since those cops found me and the silence instantly tried to pull me back to The Darkness.

  I shook away the images before they overcame me, and charged into the closet. I knew we were having dinner that night, but I was exhausted and I definitely intended to try and sleep once I felt clean, so I grabbed a brand new pair of beautiful, bright pink cotton PJ pants and an oversized white t-shirt, then went to the bathroom, closing the door behind me. It was dark inside, the only light a small one over the mirror above the vanity and I found it a comfort. It was familiar to me. I knew it was weird. I should want nothing from The Darkness. I should want to forget everything about it, and I did, mainly, but the darkness -that had become my normal in the last eight years and I had missed it since I found myself running through the woods. Everything just seemed too bright. I needed a break from it all.