by Kerry Taylor
I undressed quickly and pulled the bandages from my feet. They were still a mess, but bearable. I stepped into the shower. I had to press every button until finally the water came pouring out at force. It was cold at first, but I quickly worked out how to adjust it and finally got it flowing all hot and steamy.
For a long time I just stood under it, the water blasting down over my lowered head and cascading down my body. It felt so good. It was the first shower I had taken since I was nine years old and I had dreamt of it so many times.
The Shadow would very occasionally bring me water to wash, but like the drinking water, it was never clean. I guessed he got it from a stream or a well, definitely not a faucet. It would be freezing cold and there was really little I could do with it to fight the grime and blood I was usually an inch thick with.
I could feel that filth all over me as I stood under that shower, the perfectly clear water hitting me and coming away stained brown as it ran off again. I could feel the blood dried deep into every crevice, the filth that would never leave me completely.
I ran my hands down my sides, running over hundreds of puckered scars and angry red marks from the last few attacks. I saw the heavy bruising on my left side and once again tried hard to remember how it had gotten there. I needed to remember what happened. The Police wouldn’t hold off for long. I had been covered with blood when I was found and likely not just my own. Had I done it? Killed him? I had imagined it so many times, in so many different ways, but I never thought I would stand a chance, or actually be capable of doing it. The Shadow was a monster of a man, tall and very heavy set. He tossed me around like a rag doll on a regular basis and no matter what struggle I put up, I always lost. I was small, really small. Time in the dark with little food or water was not what a girl needed to thrive and so I didn’t think I had really grown much since I was taken. I was quite a bit smaller than my mom was, and she had only been five feet two. I was so thin too, all of my bones poked through my paper thin skin. There was no way I could have killed him, but if I hadn’t, then did that mean he would come for me again? Or would he take some other poor innocent child?
Tears escaped at that terrifying thought and for once I didn’t stop them. I was alone, no one could see me. Why couldn’t I just have five minutes to fall apart? I damn well earnt it!
Tears turned into huge, heaving sobs and eventually, exhausted from the exertion, my legs gave out beneath me. I curled into my comfort position, foetal, and just cried like I had needed to since I was a nine year old little girl, as the shower rained down over me.
I cried for that kid I used to be, and for the broken woman that remained of her. I cried for my Mom and Dad who had died still searching for me, when I had given up on them. I cried until I was literally too exhausted to do it anymore.
My throat raw, and my eyes stinging, I took a deep breath and forced myself to stand. I’d had my five minutes. I’d fallen apart. I needed to get it together again. Needing to focus my frayed mind, I grabbed some floral shampoo from the shelf and rinsed my wild, tangled hair through twice. When I was sure I was clean I turned off the water and stepped out into the heavily steamed bathroom. I couldn’t see a foot in front of me through the fog and it was a relief, because I hadn’t looked in a mirror yet and I wasn’t ready if I was honest. The last time I saw my face, I was nine. It was going to be a big shock when I finally got up the courage to look.
“Livy. are you alright in there?” Xander called through the door and I knew I had been too long.
“Yes.” I replied, hoping he heard me.
“Matt sent you some herbal tea. He said it will help you sleep. I left it on the nightstand for you.”
“Thank you.”
I listened to Xander leave the room then took a deep breath. They were all just too kind. I didn’t know what I would ever do to thank them all and make it up to them. I literally had nothing to offer in return.
Sighing, I quickly dried off, then pulled on the PJs I had brought in. I towel dried my hair and cringed when I saw the masses of wild tangles hanging down over my shoulders. I took a brush from the vanity drawer and set to work trying to calm the wild mess, but a few minutes in I knew it was pointless. It had been too long since a brush or shampoo had touched those overgrown ends. Dropping the brush on the counter, I rifled through the drawer filled with every beauty product you could think of, until I found a small pair of scissors. They were far from ideal. But I just needed the mess gone. I needed to try and feel human again.
I gathered my hair in two bunches on my shoulders and just started hacking right below the top of my shoulder. It took me a while since my hair was thick and the scissors were tiny, but eventually I hacked it all off and tossed the masses of tangled dark brown locks into the trash. I brushed through what remained, getting out all of the remaining tangles, then tied it up on top of my head in a knot. It felt so good to have it off of my neck and shoulders, so freeing.
By the time I settled under the heavenly soft yellow comforter, with Matt’s tea in hand, I felt almost human again. My skin was clean and for the first time I could remember, I wasn’t repulsed by my own odour. I smelt good, floral. My hands were clean, my arms free of dried blood streaks.
I sat in the bed, sipping the tea. It was good, kind of minty and lemony at the same time and I loved the warm feeling as it went down. I needed to get up the courage to ask Matt what it was, so I could have more.
By the time I finished the cup, it was working it’s magic, or I was just that exhausted, but either way I drifted into a deep sleep which I desperately needed, feeling as comfortable as I ever remembered being in that huge luxurious bed.
CHAPTER 5
XANDER
I quietly opened the door to Olivia’s room and peeked in. She had been in the shower for over an hour and I had heard her sobbing, but left her to it, knowing she needed to let some of her pain out. She was being so strong, holding it all in. It needed to come out sometime.
Now she lay in bed, taking up not even one quarter of the space with her tiny frame, fast asleep and snoring very quietly. I was relieved to see her resting. She was pretty weak, malnourished, and lacking any real muscle in her body. It would take time for her to build up to days without naps.
She had done well that morning. I knew she was terrified, clinging to me as though I may disappear at any second, but she had remained strong and pretty calm and even forced herself to speak a little. I had been proud of her and even more hopeful that she could find a happy home here with my adopted family, just as I had.
“How is she?” I turned and found my Mom behind me in the hall. I pulled Olivia’s door closed quietly, and ushered my Mom further away so we wouldn’t wake her.
“Better. She took a long shower and now she’s sleeping.”
“That’s good. She looked exhausted.”
“She’s been kept in confined quarters. Her body lacks muscle and she’s severely underweight. It all makes her pretty weak and fragile right now. It’s going to take time to build her up.” I explained.
“However long, whatever it takes, we’ll get her there son. You did the right thing bringing her to us. We’ll all be here for her now.”
“I know Mom. Thank you.” And I did know, because I had watched my family help so very many kids from all different backgrounds. No matter who they were or where they were from, however bad the situation they came from, my parents had cared for and loved them from the minute they entered that home and for long after they left. My brothers, particularly Kade and Matt, came from situations similar to some of what Olivia had been through. They had been broken and scared when they arrived, but with time and love they had found a home here and my parents had made sure they kept that home forever. They were good people and I knew, along with my brothers, they could find ways to ease the hurt and fear I saw in Olivia too.
“Go downstairs and see your brothers. They’re all here now, and Simon just text to say he’s on his way. I’ll stay close in case she needs an
ything.” Mom said with a pat on my shoulder.
“I said I would stay with her.” I protested, but Mom just smiled.
“Xander, you don’t live here anymore. You have a fiance and a life of your own. You need to step back a little, and let Olivia get comfortable with all of us, because you can’t always be at her side. She will be fine if you go downstairs.” My Mom wisely said and I knew she was right. Olivia had attached to me because I had been the first safe person she met and had gotten to know, but I needed to give her enough space to get closer to the others. I would still be there for her, as I promised, but to move forward, she needed me to step back a little.
“You’re right, but just stay close. She suffers with really bad anxiety. You need to call me if she gets short of breath.”
“I know. I will. It’s ok Honey. I’ve got this.” She assured me and I knew she did. It was just so hard to step back though when I knew the badly scared girl in the next room had asked me to be close. I hated to leave her, but I would be close. For Olivia I would always be there. The last few days had bonded us in a friendship that would never fade.
***
My brothers were all sat together, quietly talking in the lounge when I walked in. It was unusual for the five of us to actually be all in the same place anymore. I worked crazy hours in the hospital, and Kade was just as bad in his job. He was a detective in the ‘Serious Crimes’ division of the CPD and he had worked his ass off to get there. He was young to have made detective at just twenty four years old and we were all really damned proud of him for doing it.
Kyle had been in the military until twelve months ago, and we had barely seen him at all during the four years he served. After he had been injured in an explosion and watched many of his team die, he had decided to get out, I knew it had fucked him up. He was no longer the light hearted joker he had been growing up, but he was trying to deal with it and we were all giving him the space he needed to do so. That was the reason it had been almost a month since I last saw him though, and I was relieved to see him there and looking much healthier than the last time I saw him. He had some colour in his face and had gained some weight, mostly muscle of course.
There wasn’t one of us who didn’t work our asses off in the gym on a daily basis. It was the way Grant had taught us all to channel our issues and it had really stuck, with every one of us.
“Xander, how is she?” Cole asked the second he saw me approaching.
“Sleeping.” I replied. “She was exhausted. She’s going to tire easily like that until she gets stronger.” I walked over to Kyle and he stood to hug me. It had been too long since we saw each other. We shared a back slapping hug and I was relieved to feel he was much more solid in my arms. Just a month ago he had been way too thin.
“You look good, man.” I told him as I stepped back.
“I’m doing better.” He agreed.
“Glad to hear it.” We both took a seat on the sectional and I waited for the questions I knew were coming.
“Xander, can you tell us what happened to her? Mom said she had been kidnapped and she would be jumpy, but she was terrified of everything?” Matt asked and I saw the worry in his eyes. He had come from a horrendous home, to us. It was why he had understood what Livy needed so easily earlier.
“I don’t know very much. She has barely spoken, even to me. The cops tried to question her, but she just froze in terror the second they walked in. I threw them out and told them she wouldn’t be speaking to anyone for a while.” I explained and Kade nodded, likely having been dealing with the case already in some way. “She was taken eight years ago, disappeared on her way to school when she was nine years old. Two cops found her on the interstate, out near Shawnee, covered in blood and dressed in only a man’s t-shirt. She was brought in and I treated her, then I was the first person to speak to her after she woke. She, kind of, attached to me, then we found out her parents had died while she was gone, so I called mom.”
“Eight years?” Matt whispered as he lowered his head into his hands.
“Do you know what happened? Why he took her?” Cole asked.
“No, but I can tell you she has been through hell in that time.” I wouldn’t tell them the details of the scars I had seen that proved what she had suffered, it would break doctor patient privilege and Olivia’s confidence, but I needed them to understand just how delicate she was.
“Can she talk? Cole said she barely uttered a word earlier.” Kyle asked.
“She can, but my guess is her voice has very rarely, if ever been used in all of the time she was gone. It hurts her to talk too much, and it will take time for her voice to come back. It’s unlikely it will ever fully come back though.”
“Fuck!” Matt snapped as he stood angrily. “I’m sorry guys, I just…..I need a minute.” He was walking away as he spoke.
Cole moved to follow, but Kade stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.
“Just let him have some space. Tnis…..Olivia being here, it’s all going to bring back some painful memories for him.” Kade explained and Cole just nodded and took his seat again.
“Tell us what we can do Xander, to make it easier for her.” Kyle said after a few minutes of silence.
“Just go easy with her. Don’t touch her unless she allows you to. She’s scared and jumpy, but I’ve found since I got to know her a little, she craves human contact. She will likely hold on to you if she gets anxious, just let her. If you see her getting anxious, which she does, just reassure her a lot and try to ground her. She’s fragile and terrified, but there’s fire in her too. She’s stronger than she knows. We just need to show her that.”
“We will, We’re all here for her Xander. She’s going to be ok.” Kyle assured me.
“I know.” And I did, because the men before me, along with my father were the greatest I knew. They would do anything to care for and protect Olivia until she was strong enough to do it herself, because they were all good men who would always do all they could to help anyone in need, and because they all had at least some first hand knowledge of what Olivia had been through.
“No loud noises either, right?” Cole added, looking a touch guilty.
“Right. She hates noise, but really loud noise sends her into melt down right away. She hides and goes into an anxiety attack. You need to try and keep things quiet for her until she adapts.”
“You should know, because of her being here with us, I’ve been passed her case.” Kade admitted sheepishly.
“Don’t you fucking dare start questioning her Kade!” I growled instantly. “She’s not ready to go through it all. She’s terrified. You could break her if you try to push.” My chest was heaving as rage instantly filled me at the thought of him cornering her with a ton of terrifying questions just to solve a fucking case.
“Jesus Xand! Who do you think you’re talking to? You know I would never do that. Have you forgotten where I came from? I know how fucking scared she must be!” He snapped back, and he was right to do so. I had been an ass.
“I know. Shit! I’m sorry bro.” I sighed as I forced myself to take a breath. “I just…..I’m the only one who has been with her for three days. She’s so small and so scared and alone. I’ve just gotten really protective of her I guess.” I tried to explain.
“She kind of has that effect. Matt was ready to throw Jenny across the room when Olivia freaked earlier and I was close behind.”
“She needs to be protected for a while. She’s been shut away from the world for eight years, and before that she was a kid. People will take advantage of her if we’re not closeby.”
“Xander’s right. The press are going to be all over her as soon as they get wind of this story, and the kidnapper is likely still out there somewhere too.” Kade agreed.
“Then we keep her close, one of us is always with her if she leaves the house. There are enough of us that it won’t be an issue. We’ll keep her safe and do what we can to help her adapt to a new start.” Kyle added.
“I’m
in.” Cole agreed.
“Me too, anything she needs.” I wouldn’t be there as much as the others, but I would visit as much as possible.
“Count me in too.” Dad said startling us all. We all turned and found him leant in the doorway, his arms folded across his chest. “She’s a part of this family now. We look out for her, just as we look out for each other.” He added, and we all agreed with a nod.
That right there, that instant, unquestioning acceptance, was the reason I had needed her to be with my family. They had her. She would be safe and nurtured with them and she needed that, just as the rest of us all had once upon a time.
CHAPTER 6
OLIVIA
I startled awake, the unsettling feeling of being watched terrifying me. For a second I panicked when I opened my eyes I would be back there, in The Darkness, him just stood waiting for me to wake up so he could hurt me more.
Terrified I opened my eyes urgently and sat up instantly on the defensive, ready for the first hit, or worse, touch.
“Hey!” A sweet little voice greeted. Shocked, I rubbed my eyes and looked again, but it was real. I wasn’t in The Darkness, and there was the prettiest little girl I had seen standing at the foot of the bed, watching me with interest.
I took a deep breath to calm myself and then it all came back to me, where I was and who the blonde little cutie before me was. Evie. She really was beautiful, with a round face and chubby little cheeks. Her eyes were wide and bright blue, just like her Dads. Her hair hung in curly pigtails from the sides of her head, and down over her pink floral sundress. She was beaming at me the whole time I just took her in.