He brushed his lips against Hideki’s forehead, catching the salty taste of nervous perspiration. He kissed the tip of the boy’s nose and finally caressed that full, inviting mouth with his own. Hideki shivered and stiffened a bit as if afraid, but then once Toru began to tease with his experienced tongue, Hideki parted his lips and allowed the bassist free access to explore the moist recesses of his mouth, commit them to memory, claim them as his.
Toru pressed closer still, moved his hips, and created the most incredible friction Hideki had ever felt. He moaned into the older man’s mouth, then sucked in his breath, praying he didn’t come in his pants from such a simple act.
He moaned again, shuddering when Toru’s strong hands slid down his back and then snaked their way up under his t-shirt, scrunching and lifting it. Breaking the kiss, Toru turned his attention to Hideki’s well-toned chest, licking and sucking at his nipple, kissing his way down to the waist of Hideki’s jeans, his tongue playing with his navel ring. Hideki whimpered when Toru tugged the piercing with his teeth, sending a spasm from his navel right down to his aching balls.
Hideki was a mass of tingling nerves and rapidly heating flesh when Toru pulled away again and lowered his shirt. Hideki’s stomach fluttered as Toru cupped his face in both hands and looked deeply into his eyes. The man’s need was evident, his voice husky with the same desire Hideki felt.
“Stay with me tonight,” Toru murmured, leaning in for a long, slow kiss.
Yes! God, yes! Hideki’s body cried.
“I -- I -- I can’t,” Hideki whispered, hating himself even as the words left his lips.
“I want you. Badly,” Toru murmured, his hips moving against Hideki’s once more.
Hideki wanted Toru as well, more than he’d ever wanted anything, but he couldn’t. He was so pathetically inexperienced. If he did something wrong, if he left Toru unsatisfied ...
Hideki closed his eyes as the sting of salty tears began to form. “I can’t. Not tonight.”
The world seemed to stop just then, becoming a cold and empty void when Toru exhaled a miserable sigh and pulled away. Hideki opened his eyes, quickly wiped away the sheen of tears, and watched Toru walk to the window and peer out between the curtains.
“I’m sorry,” Toru said. “I shouldn’t have done that. It’s just -- never mind.”
“It’s all right. I’m not offended or anything ...” Hideki’s voice failed him. When Toru turned, the man’s beautiful eyes showed nothing but hurt.
“I ... I ...” What? Hideki’s brain screamed. I’ve never had sex. Never kissed another man until now. I’m afraid. I don’t want you to hate me. He settled for the dumbest, most overused excuse ever. “Tonight isn’t ... a good time ...”
“It’s okay. Really.” Toru sighed again and moved to turn off the stereo. He came toward the sofa, picked up the wine, and took a drink directly from the bottle. “It’s been a long day for both of us, and we both have to get back to work early in the morning, ne?”
“Yeah,” Hideki agreed. He took his jacket from the sofa. “Thank you again for everything. I owe you. A lot.”
“Sure.”
“Maybe I can buy you guys lunch tomorrow?”
“Maybe.”
His stomach knotting, Hideki squeezed his jacket. “Goodnight.”
Toru took another swig of the wine and picked up the remote for the TV. He clicked it on, not bothering to look at Hideki. “Sure.”
Chapter Two
By the time noon rolled around, the members of ChildsPrey were already exhausted from hours in the recording studio, thanks to the inattentiveness of their bassist. Even now Toruhiko appeared lost in his own thoughts as he barreled through the bass line for a completely different song than the one they were trying to record. Acting on the band’s collective frustration, Kyoru lobbed one of his drumsticks at Toru and hit him in the back of the head.
“Wake up over there!”
“Fuck you.” Toru glared, throwing the stick back.
The band’s leader slipped off his headphones and draped them over the neck of his guitar before turning to Toru. “Goodbye,” Jun said.
“What?”
“You heard me.” Jun tilted his square chin up just enough to give his already stern expression an even more intimidating look. The lead guitarist took the band’s music seriously, and God help anyone who didn’t. “Take a walk and let us get some work done. You can come back later and do your tracks.”
“No!” Toru huffed.
“Just do it. You’re not doing yourself or us any favors this way.”
Imai, the band’s cock-assed vocalist, started applauding dryly.
“Fine!” Toru unhooked the shoulder strap and let his bass fall to the floor. Slamming the studio door behind him, he stalked down the hall toward the exit. He paused near the studio where Hideki had been the other day. The younger man hadn’t shown up since their aborted encounter, and Toru knew it was because of what had happened.
Since that night, he’d tried to reach Hideki through Nippon Entertainment, only to be connected to his manager’s voicemail. After the first three messages he left went unanswered, Toru started to get the hint that maybe Hideki wasn’t just too busy to take calls. Maybe Toru had read so far in between the lines that night that he’d ended up imagining Hideki felt the same kind of attraction. Or worse -- some rumors suggested Nippon Entertainment’s CEO asked for certain “favors” of his up-and-coming stars. What if Hideki thought the same was true of Toru? The thought left a sour taste in Toru’s mouth.
Hoping for a chance to talk with Hideki in person and clear up any bad feelings, Toru went up to the studio’s observation window. Schedules for the week were taped on the right hand side of the glass with the names of groups or musicians and the hours they had the rooms reserved. Toru scanned the sheet and paused when he found Hideki’s name about halfway through. The kid’s originally scheduled times had been crossed off with red ink, replaced with much earlier hours in the morning.
How’s that for a clue, Toru? The bassist turned away from the window and stormed down the hall. He punched the exit door with his fist. “Fuck!”
Outside, he leaned back against the wall and ran his hand through his hair. It was totally fucking stupid to be so upset over something that didn’t mean shit. That certainly hadn’t been the first time he’d embarrassed himself, and it wasn’t likely to be the last -- so why was it bothering him so much?
Maybe because for the first time in ages, you felt something more than just a sexual attraction ...
Toru smoked a cigarette, then crushed it under the heel of his boot before heading to his apartment. He took the long way home, following the heavily trafficked main street. Before he got far, he had the urge to double back and take the shortcut through the park.
Funny how the large advertising signs and the score of idol magazines bearing Hideki Sakae’s photo seemed to jump out at him now more than ever. He’d passed by the same billboards and newsstands countless times in recent weeks, his attention focused exclusively on Hideki’s handsome, smiling face. He stopped at one stand and picked out a shoujo magazine featuring an exclusive one-on-one interview with Hideki just so he could take a longer, closer look at the younger man.
Putting the magazine back, face-down on the stack, Toru told himself what a dumb-ass he was. And over what? Some kid who probably hadn’t even had his first wet dream yet.
Love would never come again. Sooner or later, Toru knew his lonely heart had to get the message.
* * * * *
The practiced stage smile fell from Hideki’s face the moment the PV director yelled, “Cut!”
Hideki grabbed his backpack and a bottle of water and trudged off to a corner of the soundstage while his band mates gathered around the director to see the playback of the video.
Pulling the laptop out of his bag, Hideki set it atop a tall packing crate. He checked his email, feeling the same hint of disappointment that he’d had over the past two weeks. He told himself
it was stupid to think Toru could’ve gotten the address from someone to send him a letter. After answering a note from his brother, who was overseas in Europe, he checked through a couple random fan messages the publicist with Nippon Entertainment had forwarded.
It would be his luck to have complete strangers eager to meet and get to know him, while the one person Hideki most wanted to spend time with had probably forgotten he even existed.
And whose fault is that, baka?
“No one’s fault but my own,” Hideki whispered as he closed the email program and clicked over to an entertainment news website.
He skimmed over the screen, nothing really catching his eye until he hit the gossip shout box at the bottom of the page.
There was a black and white picture of Toru in tight leather pants and a light-colored shirt, completely unbuttoned, a still shot from one of the band’s latest PVs. The bassist had his guitar strapped way down past his hips, and strands of wind-tousled hair fell into his eyes.
Hideki followed the line of the man’s chest, each well-toned muscle clearly defined to the two deep indentations at either hip that dipped down towards his groin. The pants’ low-cut waistline accentuated the effect, just barely covering the lower half of Toru’s abdomen.
The title of the article crowding the shout box finally caught Hideki’s attention with its big, bold lettering. ChildsPrey bassist in year-long affair with actress Sasao Miyamoto.
“What. The. Fuck?” Hideki’s jaw dropped open.
Underneath the picture of Toru, there was another of Miyamoto. The insanely popular television drama star was only eighteen, but had already racked up more awards and recognitions than some of the other veteran actors on primetime. Even in this picture, she had a soulful look in her large, long-lashed eyes, and her plump lips were curved up in a demure smile that seemed to melt every television viewer’s heart.
And Toru was involved with her.
Hideki didn’t bother reading the rest of the article. His felt his cheeks burn with a mixture of embarrassment and disappointment over what had happened between himself and Toru.
“Oh brother, she’s dating him?” Yuki leaned over Hideki’s shoulder and gaped at the screen. “That Goth loser? Fuck, I could show her what a real man is like.”
Hideki whipped around, smashing his fist right into the side of Yuki’s head. “Shut up!” he yelled.
Yuki hit the floor, dazed but otherwise okay. “What the hell’s wrong with you?” He rubbed the side of his head, but couldn’t muster up the ability to stand after that kind of blow. A small crowd of onlookers gathered, curious about what was going on.
Closing the laptop and stuffing it into his bag, Hideki bolted out of the studio. He ignored the calls for him to wait up from his manager and the director. He just had to get out of there.
* * * * *
Hideki’s friend Sato was waiting for him outside the Nippon Entertainment offices. “Was it bad? What did he do? He didn’t kick you out of the group, did he?”
Hideki gave his friend a playful punch in the arm. “No, he didn’t kick me out of the group. He’s not stupid; he knows that if he did it would cost him a lot of fans. But he did suspend me for a month.”
“No! What about the interviews we have lined up? And the appearance on Music Station?”
Hideki shrugged as he headed toward the parking garage. “Apparently I’m going to be ‘suffering from exhaustion’ and under a doctor’s orders to rest.”
Sato leaned against the car while Hideki unlocked the door. “But you’ll be back when we do the special tour, right? He’s not going to make you miss those concerts in America, right?”
“I don’t think so, but ...”
“He wouldn’t! He can’t!”
Hideki shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. It’s not that big of a deal.”
Sato’s dark eyes grew wide. “Not a big deal? All you’ve been talking about for months is this tour! You said you got in touch with Nakamura-sama, and that he was going to help you mix some of your solo album when we go to LA.”
Hideki bit his lower lip. “I might just forget about that. It was a stupid idea. I’m not ready to do a solo record. My stuff isn’t good enough.”
Sato smacked Hideki in the back of the head. “Don’t say that!”
“Look, I have to go,” Hideki said miserably, nudging Sato away from his car. “I’ll talk to you guys later.”
* * * * *
“Look out!”
Hideki looked up and jumped back, just as a large ceramic planter crashed into the roof of his car.
“I am so sorry! Oh, please wait right there!”
He caught a glimpse of curly black hair and a pink top peeking over the balcony that led to the upper apartments before he leaned against his car and glared at the stairs leading down to await the idiot who’d been so careless.
Okay, so it was a pretty idiot. With nice legs.
“I am so sorry! I just moved in, and I was trying to hurry with the last of my things because I have a job interview in an hour and, oh, my, look what I did to your car!”
She came over and began hurriedly brushing off the dirt, bits of broken ceramic, and leaves of the plant. “Oh, now look what I’ve done!” The woman held out her dirt-covered hand and looked down in horror at the dirt covering her white mini skirt and pink turtleneck sweater. She looked at her wristwatch and grimaced. “Look, I have to get cleaned up for my job interview. My name is Ryoko. Can I come by later, and we’ll discuss paying for the damage?”
“I’m in two twenty-eight.” Hideki rubbed the back of his neck, trying to take his mind off those pretty legs. The rest of her words finally sunk in. “Hey, don’t worry about the repairs.”
“Please, let me take care of the cost,” the woman insisted.
Hideki shook his head. “It’s no problem, really.”
“Thank you so much.”
She dashed back towards the stairs, stopping when she reached the third one. She slowly turned, her eyes wide, like full moons. “I know you! I’ve seen you. Sakae-san ...”
“It’s all right,” Hideki called out. “Go, or you’ll be late for that appointment.”
“Thank you. We’ll talk later.”
* * * * *
Sasao looked at her best friend across the floral centerpiece on the table between them. “You’re totally out of your mind. You know that, don’t you?”
“Probably, but I don’t know what else to do.” Toru prodded a small, round tomato on his salad plate with the edge of his fork.
“Maybe try talking to him about it?”
Toru shrugged before giving a discreet tug to his pink top and the constricting undergarment beneath. At least he wasn’t wearing a gaff, he noted with relief. If the corset-type imitation bra was a bitch, the underwear for keeping his balls “out of the way” was about a million times worse.
God. He hadn’t done the cross-dressing thing in over ten years. Not since he’d just started out in the business fronting a visual kei rock band. In those days, all that mattered were the outrageous costumes and makeup. He cleared his throat before speaking. This voice modulating thing was also a lot more difficult than he remembered. Maybe all the smoking had something to do with that. Fuck Imai for even the remote possibility that the bastard’s theory that cigarettes ruined voices might be true.
Toru looked back to his friend. “Hideki’s scared, and I know what that’s like. I missed out on a good thing back when I was twenty-one because I didn’t want to take the chance on being ‘different.’ By the time I realized how much I cared about Minoru, it was too late and he was dead.”
“But this is crazy,” Sasao said.
Toru rested his forehead in his hand. “But I want him to know who I am inside and that I like him.”
“By impersonating a woman?” Sasao raised an eyebrow.
“Hideki has a boy-next-door image and millions of fangirls, Sasao,” Toru sighed. “He’s probably never been approached by another man, and I fucked th
ings up that first night by coming on to him so strong. He's obviously given orders at Nippon not to let my calls through. He changed his recording schedule. He hates me without even knowing who I really am.”
Toru pushed his salad plate away and toyed with one of the flower petals on the centerpiece. “It’s crazy, I know, but I’ve been attracted to him since Aya-chan got me to take her and her friends to that concert. I felt giddy during the time we spent working with him in the studio, and as pathetic as it is, in the last few days, I must’ve read and seen every interview he’s done since then.” He shook his head, then took a long sip of the wine. “It seems we’re a lot alike.”
“You sound like a smitten fangirl.” Sasao pursed her lips. “If that’s what he’s used to, then you’re halfway there.”
Toru gave her a dry look, then slumped back in his chair. “I do sound like a preteen schoolgirl with a crush. Oh, this is so stupid. It’ll never work; you’re right. I’m an idiot.”
Sasao reached across the table and touched her hand to his. “You’re not an idiot at all. I think you’re a very lonely person who finally found someone to love.”
Toru looked down at their hands on the table. His fingers were long and slender, and with the clear, high-gloss nail polish they had looked feminine enough earlier. But next to Sasao’s, the differences were so damn obvious. The way his knuckles were more pronounced, the calluses on the tips of his fingers from playing the guitar, the angular lines of his wrist bone.
“But I don’t know if I’ve found someone who’ll love me back,” he answered her quietly, slipping his hand out from under hers. The more success he experienced in the music industry, the more people he met who were willing to give their bodies to him. Not a single one of them knew what real love was, and that was the one the thing Toru longed for with all his heart. Now he’d do anything to discover if Hideki was the man to fill that emptiness inside him -- even go through with this crazy plan.
Orange Moon Page 2