Smudge flapped his bat wings. It took some effort for him to get off the ground; flying was clearly not his strong suit. But before long, he was dangling from one of the many chandeliers in the throne room. With a gentle puff of dragon breath, he lit a candle. With another puff, he lit the candle beside it. Then the next one. And the next one. On and on he went, until the entire chandelier was completely, merrily aglow.
“See that?” Carlos’s smile was as wide as could be. “Smudge can light the candles faster than anyone! He doesn’t need a ladder. And you can pay him in ice cream.”
“Ice cream cools my hot bref!” Smudge called down from the rafters.
The king wavered. “Well, um … I don’t know.…”
“Mom loves him,” Carlos added.
“She met the dragon?” the king asked.
Carlos nodded. “She saw us come in. She said it would be exciting to have a dragon around the castle.”
The king rolled his eyes. “That sounds like something she’d say.”
Smudge gently rocked in the chandelier, as if it were a porch swing. “I’ll knit you a sweater!”
“Okay, okay,” the king whisper-sighed. “He can stay.”
“Smudge!” Carlos shouted to the ceiling. “Dad said okay! You can light the other chandeliers!”
“No, I can’t,” the dragon replied. “There’s a jingle hat in this one.”
“Oh, right!” Carlos said. “Drop it down to me!”
Smudge did. Carlos took a running leap to a very particular point in the middle of the throne room. As if on cue, the hat plopped directly onto Carlos’s head.
The jester-in-training dropped to his knees and stretched out his arms in triumph. “TA-DA!”
King Carmine smiled. It was not a smile of amusement, exactly. If Carlos had to guess, he would describe it as a proud smile.
“That is a very good trick, son,” the king said. “A very good trick, indeed.”
And as he said it, King Carmine let out a small yet unmistakable chuckle.
The second Prince Not-So Charming book is out now!
Read on for a sneak peek at
Her Royal Slyness!
Chapter 1
“Whoa! Whoa!”
Prince Carlos Charles Charming could feel droplets of perspiration forming on his brow. He clenched his teeth. His eyes flashed with panic. His ankles began to shake.
“Whoooa!” he yelled.
Carlos’s words bounced against the walls of the empty ballroom, so as he yelled “whoooa,” a bunch of whoooas yelled back at him.
It was a little disorienting. And now was not the time to be disoriented.
As Carlos whoooa-ed and wobbled, Jack the Jester sat crisscross applesauce upon a large purple velvet pillow. Jack nodded, making the bells on his red-and-green hat jingle-jangle.
Carlos found the jingle-jangling disorienting, too.
“You’re doing fine, kiddo,” Jack said. “Just relax. Just keep moving.”
“I–I don’t know if I can relax!” Carlos sputtered. “Every time I move, I … WHOA!”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa…” the walls replied.
It was as if Carlos was relearning how to walk, which was pretty much what he was doing.
“Let the stilts feel like part of your body,” Jack instructed.
Weaving on his shaky stilts, Carlos blinked a drop of sweat out of his eye. “Is it hot in here?”
“That’s fear sweat, boy,” Jack said. “Don’t worry. You’re only three feet off the ground.”
Carlos’s feet may have been only three feet off the ground, but his head was eight feet off the ground. And it felt much, much higher. Also, the feet at the end of his new, unsteady legs were not his normal size-nine shoes but two skinny poles no thicker than a silver dollar.
The very thought made him dizzy.
Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it, Carlos thought.
But trying not to think about it made Carlos think about it even more.
“Don’t lose focus,” Jack warned.
But the sweat, tension, and dizziness made Carlos less focused than ever.
“Keep moving,” Jack said.
Carlos took a step, but his stilt couldn’t find the floor. He felt his weight shift. He felt himself fall. He caught a glimpse of the stone floor rushing up to meet his face.
PUH!
Oh! That fall was kind of pleasant, Carlos thought. I didn’t know stone floors could be so comfortable.
He blinked once, then twice. He found his head resting on a large pillow made of purple velvet. His eyes flicked to where Jack the Jester sat, though Jack wasn’t sitting anymore. He was on his feet, with his left arm outstretched before him, as if he had just released a bowling ball.
“Thanks for letting me borrow your pillow,” Carlos said.
“Thanks for falling where I threw it!” Jack replied. “Your parents have enough problems with our jester lessons. I don’t think they’d like it if I returned you to them with a dented head.”
Carlos’s parents, Carmine and Cora Charming, were the king and queen of the peaceful and happy land of Faraway Kingdom. That meant Carlos was a prince. That also meant that Carlos was expected to do princely things.
Jestering was pretty much the opposite of being princely, but Carlos loved it. And King Carmine and Queen Cora were good parents as well as good rulers. So they allowed the jester lessons to continue as long as jestering didn’t interfere with Carlos’s royal responsibilities.
Jestering, they told him, must only be a hobby. A very private, very secret hobby.
But jestering was more than a hobby to Carlos. It was his passion. And he was good at it, too. For the most part.
“You need a little more practice with the stilts, I see.” Jack jingle-jangled over to where Carlos lay. He offered a hand, but Carlos didn’t take it.
“Can I just lie here for a minute?” He was comfortable on the floor and still a little woozy.
“Sure.” Jack smiled down at his student. “You earned a break. Would you like a little water?”
“Yes, thank you,” Carlos said.
The flower on Jack’s vest sprayed water in Carlos’s face.
“HA-HA! Gotcha!” Jack wheezed with laughter.
Carlos dried his face on his sleeve and shook his head. How did I fall for that old gag? he thought.
Nonetheless, Carlos couldn’t help but smile.
Jack plopped himself down on the stone floor. He was the only adult Carlos knew whose knees never made cracking noises. The jester scratched his chin and studied Carlos’s face. “You do look a little glassy-eyed,” he admitted. “Tell me a poop joke.”
“Why?” Carlos asked.
“Poop jokes make the mind sharp,” Jack said.
“They do?” Carlos asked.
Jack shrugged. “How should I know? I just wanna hear a poop joke.”
“Okay…” Carlos tried to come up with a good one. “What do you call a fairy using the toilet?”
“What?” Jack asked.
“Stinker Bell.”
Jack’s brown cheeks stretched into a wide, merry grin. His dark eyes crinkled with delight. He let out a long, appreciative laugh. “That’s a good one! You, kid, are a natural jester.”
It was Jack’s highest compliment, but Carlos couldn’t fully accept it. “I don’t know, Jack,” he said. “I’ve been working with stilts for a month, and I still can’t get the hang of them.”
“You will,” Jack assured him. “You got the hang of everything else.”
This was true, but somehow stilt-walking was different from everything else. Every time Carlos got up on them, his eyes would get blurry and he’d start to shake. No matter how much he practiced, the feelings never went away.
“You’re a fine jester, Carlos. And I’m not the only one who thinks so.” Jack raised a mischievous eyebrow. “In fact, I have news.”
Jack paused, letting the word news hang there for a moment to give it a
little extra oomph. He peered over his shoulder. He lowered his voice. In Fancy Castle, spies could be anywhere. “Wanna work on your hobby in the village tonight?” he asked.
Carlos’s eyes brightened. “You know I do,” he whispered. “When, where, and what?”
“Five o’clock, Village Hall, the Zimmerman bar mitzvah,” Jack said.
Carlos’s heart leapt. “Five o’clock. Hm. I think I can sneak out.” His stilt-walking worries faded away. “One way or another, I will sneak out. I am so there.”
Jack winked. “It’ll be our little secret.”
“And the Zimmermans’ secret.” Carlos winked back.
“And their fifty guests’ secret.” Jack chuckled.
“And the secret of the one hundred guests at last week’s Stravini wedding.” Carlos chuckled louder.
“And the secret of the thirty guests at little Bobby Vapors’s birthday party two weeks ago.” Jack snorted.
“And the secret of everyone at the grand opening of Corky’s Pre-Owned Catapults.” Carlos snorted louder.
“And the secret of everyone at the annual Moat-Diggers’ Convention!”
That's all we have room for, folks! But Prince Not-So Charming: Her Royal Slyness comes out alongside Once Upon a Prank. Look for it wherever books are sold!
The Prince Not-So Charming series
Once Upon a Prank
Her Royal Slyness
ABOUT THE AUTHOR AND ILLUSTRATOR
Roy L. Hinuss is the authorized biographer of the Charming Royal Family. He is also fond of the occasional fart joke. When he isn’t writing about Prince Carlos Charles Charming’s many adventures, he can be found in his basement laboratory, making batches of homemade Brussels sprout ice cream. You can sign up for email updates here.
Sign up for email updates on Matt Hunt here.
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Excerpt: Her Royal Slyness
The Prince Not-So Charming series
About the Author and Illustrator
Copyright
Copyright © 2018 by Imprint
Imprint
A part of Macmillan Publishing Group, LLC
175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010
mackids.com
All rights reserved.
You stole this book? Oh no! For shame!
Now we have to curse your name.
May your days see stormy weather.
May your ears get tied together.
May your feet smell like old cheese.
May you catch some gross disease.
May you get a paper cut.
And may a jester zap your butt.
Library of Congress Control Number: 2017958060
Our eBooks may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at (800) 221-7945 ext. 5442 or by e-mail at [email protected].
Book design by Ellen Duda
Illustrations by Matt Hunt
Imprint logo designed by Amanda Spielman
First paperback edition, 2018
eBook edition, August 2018
eISBN 978-1-250-14237-5
Once Upon a Prank Page 4