by Layla Nash
She faced him full on, no shame in her nudity or the birthmarks that decorated her smooth skin. She didn't take the clothes, though her fists clenched at her sides. "Answer me. Three hours ago, you fucked me in this shower. And the whole time you knew you'd have to kill me if I couldn't figure out how to shift. What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"I know you can do it." He tossed the clothes across her shoulder and turned away. "So I wasn't worried about it."
"And what if I can't?" She stormed after him, fighting into the t-shirt until her breasts bounced under the thin cotton, and Atticus had to concentrate on something else as she shoved her leg into the workout pants. "What then? You'll go ahead and off me? Fuck me one more time and wait until I fall asleep before you kill me?"
"No." He gritted his teeth but it still came out loud enough to send her back a step. He struggled with his own control, the lion on edge with the pain from his wounds and the lust of watching the soft fabric hug her curves. He fought for a normal tone, gesturing at the door to the hall. "Let's go."
She jammed her feet into some cheap flip-flops and pulled on a bulky sweatshirt, taking care of one of his distractions, and followed him into the hall. They reached Edgar's office in silence and Atticus shoved the door open without bothering to knock. Carter stood near the desk, not looking at the cage where Sophia spent so much of her time, and tried a smile when he saw them. "Hey. How's it going, Sophia?"
"She's a little on edge, Carter." Edgar answered before Sophia could, his eyebrows raised as he rose from behind the desk. "And we're going to do our best to get through this with everyone staying human. Right?"
She shot him a look of pure venom, and her lip lifted in a snarl. "Sure. Why not."
Atticus caught her arm to drag her back as she lurched toward Edgar, but Sophia wrenched away and hugged herself, retreating until she could lean against some of the bookshelves. She watched all of them as if they would rush to cage or kill her.
Edgar remained unruffled as he studied her. "Natalia filled me in on what happened. Let's be clear, Sophia. The Council's position remains unchanged — uncontrolled shifters will not be tolerated. You've got a few more days to prove you can control yourself in leopard form and successfully transform back to human within a reasonable amount of time. Failing that, the Council will likely decide to have you ... put down."
"This isn't my fault."
"No, it's not." Edgar held his hands up. "But that doesn't really matter at this point. Because you're a feline shifter, you fall under our pride. Atticus, as the enforcer, would normally be the one to deal with issues of this type. So technically Atticus could be the one to kill you, if it comes to that."
Her mouth thinned to a knife-slash of disapproval and a growl rattled in her chest. Atticus felt numb, watching all the promise of their relationship fall apart right in front of him. He wanted to punch Edgar but couldn't make himself move.
Edgar took a deep breath, his gaze traveling from her to Atticus. "I have been remiss, I think. I should have known that strong emotions would make it more difficult for you to control yourself, and once it became clear that Atticus and you — well. Carter will work with you over the next few days. Perhaps a different approach will help make clear what you need to do."
Atticus immediately shook his head. "No. No way. I'll —"
"That's not a suggestion." Edgar's words rumbled in his chest, and his eyes shone gold. The intensity of his stare pinned Atticus across the room. "Carter will help her. He communicates differently, it might make the difference between life and death."
Atticus snarled, fighting his brother's compulsion to obey, and wanted to tackle Carter. Wanted to hurt him even though he knew his older brother hadn't asked for it. Carter wouldn't do anything to her, wouldn't try to seduce her, wouldn't even say anything bad about Atticus. But the thought of them fighting, wrestling, meditating... He roared, the veins standing out in his arms as he lurched forward.
And then Sophia stood in front of him, the fury in her expression matching his. She slammed a punch into his chest, hard enough to get his attention. "You want to hurt someone?"
His lips peeled back in a snarl but no words formed.
"Well?" She did it again, voice sliding up several octaves into something like a yowl. "You want to hurt someone? Go ahead. Hurt me."
"No," he snapped. It took all his control not to grab her shoulders and shake sense into her, make her realize what a dangerous situation they all faced.
"Why not?" She landed a left hook in his side, right in one of the deeper cuts her claws left earlier, and he grunted. "You punched me a couple of days ago. Someone offered you enough money and you did it. Why not now?"
"I didn't love you then." It hurt to admit, even though it felt like lies. He'd always loved her. Even when he didn't know her.
"But you love me now. Just in time to kill me." Her laugh turned brittle and angry, and when Edgar opened his mouth to interrupt, Sophia silenced him with a single dark look. She faced Atticus again, lip curling. "Why? Why do you love me?"
"Because —" Atticus cut off, furious that his brothers witnessed his admission, and gave in. He caught her by the shoulders and held her at arm's length, staring at her face as he tried to memorize every detail. "Because you make me want to be better."
"A better what? A better fighter?" She struggled against his hold, trying to hit him again, and her eyes reddened. "A better lion?"
"A better man." His fingers dug into her warm flesh through the shirt and he tried to crush her against his chest. "You make me want to be a better man, Sophia."
She fought, breath hitching in her throat, but he pulled her to him and she gave in, let him wrap his arms around her. His chin rested on the top of her head and he stared across the office, unseeing, as Edgar and Carter waited. He wanted to get her alone, really explain what he meant and where he saw them in the coming months. She would survive. She had to.
Sophia hiccuped and pushed against his chest, trying to get distance, and her voice came out surprisingly small and vulnerable. "That's the nicest thing anyone ever said to me."
"Then I will spend the rest of my life coming up with nicer things." Atticus dug his fingers into her back where the muscles knotted and tensed, closing his eyes as he thought of the way she'd massaged his back. When she remained still and silent in his arms, he tugged on the ends of her damp hair.
She took a shaky breath, retreating enough that he could see her face. Tears streaked her cheeks but she looked angry more than sad. Which was reinforced when she jammed her fingers into his sternum and said, "I want you to be a better man, too."
It hit him deeper than any punch she'd ever thrown. Her words ripped out his heart, tore it to shreds, and stomped on the pieces. He stared at her, struggling to form a thought or a response. Nothing worked. His throat burned and for a moment he feared he might embarrass himself further.
Sophia turned on her heel and fixed Carter with a hard look. "Tomorrow morning at six. I'll meet you in the gym."
Then she stormed out, slamming the door behind her.
They stared after her, and after a long silence, Edgar took a breath. "That went... well."
Carter, always the peacemaker, glanced at Atticus. "Look, man, I won't touch her. You can be there if you —"
"No, he can't." Edgar returned to his desk. "He'll distract her. Atticus, your place of duty for the next two days is downtown. You'll ride to work with Benedict."
Atticus started to argue, his heart in his throat, but Edgar scowled and pointed at the door. "It's not a fucking request. Get out before I throw you out."
Atticus snarled but staggered out of the office and back down the hall, not noticing that Carter walked with him until Atticus reached his room. He looked at the closed door to Sophia's room.
I want you to be a better man, too.
He scrubbed his face and hovered on the verge of a total breakdown, the lion raging against his hold until fur tickled down his back and his teeth grew too large
for his mouth. Carter gripped his shoulder, voice hard. "Go to bed, Atticus."
He started to argue but knew he just wanted to pick a fight so he could hurt someone. So Atticus wrenched his door open and slammed it shut behind him. He put his fist through the wall half a dozen times before the rage began to subside, but none of it helped when he heard Sophia through the wall, sobbing as if her heart were broken. He crouched in his living room, leaning against the shared wall so he was as close to her as possible, and spread his hands on the smooth plaster. She needed him and he couldn't reach her. He cursed Edgar and Logan and the entire Council, and wracked his brain for a solution as his fingers dug into the wall. He could still save her.
Fifteen
I couldn't sleep. I stared into the darkness as thoughts whirled through my brain like startled birds, never landing long enough to settle or be resolved. Four days of fighting for my life. Four days to find and make peace with an inhuman part of myself I still couldn't acknowledge. Four days to figure out whether Atticus had a place in my life. Even meditating didn't help. New worries kept interrupting my mantra and driving away whatever peace I could eke out.
So by four in the morning, I gave up and went to the gym. One of the security team loitered in the hall outside my room, and though he didn't try to stop me, he definitely followed me to the gym. I made a mental note for later — if I had to escape, use a window. I ran on the treadmill for half an hour before Carter showed up to replace the security guy, but I found myself no closer to calm.
Carter remained something of an enigma; we hadn't really spoken since I arrived, though he seemed friendly enough. He got on the treadmill next to mine and started his own warmup, so for a solid twenty minutes we ran in silence except for the thump of our feet and steady breathing. The rhythm helped calm my mind, steady my pulse, until I felt more centered. Certainly not a peace with the universe, but much better than I'd been since hearing of my impending execution.
He slowed and stopped the treadmill, jumping off to retrieve water, so I followed suit. Carter looked like a perfect blend of Atticus and Benedict — a thug like his younger brother, but thoughtful like the lawyer. But he frowned at me like Edgar as he handed me a towel. "How close are you to your leopard? Do you speak to her?"
I blinked. "I don't understand."
The frown deepened. "If you sit quietly and clear your mind, do you know she's there?"
"I don't — I don't know." I drained the water and wondered if perhaps I needed to take my own advice. Me and the leopard, two sides of the same hand. "I don't know where to start."
"Okay." A smile flashed across his face and made him more charming, easy-going. "That's where we'll start. Atticus said you're into kung fu. I'm guessing you meditate?"
"Yeah." I took a deep breath as he retrieved a couple of yoga mats and spread them on the floor, wiping the bottoms of my feet on my calves as I padded over to sit facing him. "I started really young. One of the doctors recommended I try calming breathing to control my seizures."
He nodded, taking up the full lotus pose with remarkable ease, and I had to reassess my impression of the quiet Chase brother. He looked about as flexible as a log, but led right into mindful breathing like a yogi. I concentrated on breathing and let every other concern drift away. It took longer than usual for peace to settle over me, but when it did, I felt energy moving through the universe. I felt connected, whole. Relief almost knocked me out of the lotus position.
Carter murmured in a perfectly even, neutral tone. "When you're centered and you can really feel your breathing, open your mind. Make yourself receptive to the energy. There will be something a little wild there, something that feels familiar but different. Don't try to hold it to you. Just acknowledge it is there."
I did as he said, releasing control with each exhale, until I settled in my own mind to listen. Nothing. After an eternity of not sensing anything, I started to panic. Maybe I was a freak among the shifters and I wouldn't be able to communicate with the wild energy or the leopard or whatever it was. Maybe I failed yet again. Maybe my fate was already sealed.
Calm disappeared and my breath hitched. I fought to regain my balance but Carter said, "Let's take a break."
I opened my eyes, startled to see that an hour had passed. An hour lost and I'd gotten no closer to that damn leopard. I covered my face and flopped onto my back on the cushy yoga mats. Carter stretched out on his mats, at ease in the world. I envied him. I rubbed my temples, fighting back an atrocious headache. "Where did you learn to meditate?"
"Picked it up in high school." Carter sighed. "I got picked on a lot, so I studied Jiu Jitsu. The instructors had us practice mindful breathing before and after class, and it kind of stuck."
I sat up to stare at him. "You got picked on? You?"
He remained sprawled across the mat, his eyes closed. "Sure. It got pretty bad."
"I'm surprised your brothers didn't eat them," I said under my breath. The memory of lion Logan roaring and shaking the walls of the house shuddered through me, and my fingers went cold just thinking of it.
"I didn't tell them." Carter sat up to face me, his expression pensive as he rubbed his jaw. "I didn't tell anyone but Benedict, because I knew he wasn't a brawler."
"But they would have —"
"Oh yeah." His smile twitched. "They would have taken on the world for me, without hesitation. I would have been untouchable, protected." He took a deep breath and braced his hands on his knees, looking at me with endearingly hazel eyes. "But then I would have spent the rest of my life knowing I couldn't stand on my own when I needed to. If I ran, Sophia, I never would have stopped running. Right?"
My heart sank. He was right. Completely right. I took a shaky breath, uncertain why my eyes stung with tears. "Well, if —"
"You didn't have anyone to protect you, I'm guessing." Carter leaned to retrieve a fresh towel and handed it to me without comment so I could dab at my cheeks. His head tilted as he studied me. "And you didn't know how to protect yourself. So you ran. That's okay, Sophia. That's what you needed to do to survive."
I stared at the far side of the gym and struggled to hold my emotions back.
Carter frowned down at his hands, giving me privacy as I wiped my cheeks and turned away. "Maybe that's why the seizures started. The leopard tried to protect you when you felt threatened. She took over and got you out of there. Now you just have to reacquaint yourself. Show her you can look after yourself, and that you have family now to help protect you as well." He made a wide gesture that encompassed the entire mansion.
I took a shaky breath and pushed to my feet, needing to move. "So I can control her, if I figure out how to talk to her?"
"Control is... not a good word for it." Carter stood, stretching, but only watched as I paced a wide path through the gym. "You can't really control the animal side, Sophia. Part of the challenge is recognizing and acknowledging that you don't control the animal, but you can still live in harmony, negotiate boundaries. Remaining centered and connected to yourself and your world is vital. Show her she doesn't need to protect you anymore."
"I don't know how to do that." I looked at him and away.
"We'll figure it out." Carter glanced at the clock on the wall, then rearranged the yoga mats. "Stretching to start, then more meditation. Our goal today is for you to sense her presence. That's it."
"I only have three days," I said. My heart jumped to my throat and tension gathered at the base of my neck. "I can't —"
"Sometimes the smallest step can put you miles ahead. But when you try to run a marathon without being able to make a single lap, you're bound to fail. So we start small."
My feet stuck to the floor, my toes curling under as I watched him. His solid confidence stood in stark contrast to Atticus's frenetic energy and intensity. "Can I do this?"
"Yes." He didn't hesitate.
"Okay." I exhaled and tried to center myself as I returned to the mats.
Sixteen
Six hours later, I still d
idn't share his confidence. We moved from stretching to meditation to running to meditation to sparring and back again in a constant cycle, stopping only for a light lunch. Carter even made green tea. A few times, I thought I got close to sensing the leopard, to feeling and understanding her presence, but it was like catching smoke in my hands. She drifted away before I really knew she was there.
My frustration grew with each close call, and even Carter's calm reassurances that I would get it didn't help. The intense concentration and sitting still took more out of me than the constant sparring with Atticus, so by the time dinner rolled around, I could barely keep my eyes open. Carter said something about family dinner and sent me off to shower.
The cold water kept me awake long enough to get clean, but when I sat down to put on my pants, I fell asleep and woke up to find Eloise standing over me with her eyebrows raised. I yawned, glad a towel still covered most of me. "Am I late?"
"Yeah, it's time for breakfast."
I bolted upright. "What?"
"Kidding." She turned and pulled a shirt out of the dresser for me, tossing it at me as she searched for shoes. "It's still dinner. You've got a couple minutes but Carter said you were worn out."
Putting my hair in a bun gave me an excuse to look away so she wouldn't see my scowl. I'd never liked practical jokers. Eloise and Benedict were definitely birds of a feather in that regard. She stood back until I finished dressing, then held up her phone. "I'm supposed to ask if you mind Atticus eating with us."
"Why would I mind?"
Her eyebrow arched. "Logan thinks Atticus gets you all riled up, and that's what keeps you from figuring out the shifting stuff."
I frowned as I thought about it and pulled on a sweater. Could that be it? I'd felt more in control during the exercises with Carter than in all the time spent fighting Atticus. But when I woke up from a shift with Atticus lying next to me, I felt whole. I shook my head. "I don't mind if he's there."