by Eliza Freer
Riley nods at me, “Not trying to be a jerk, but did the silent listening part start already?” I roll my eyes. “I just want to mention that you can trust me and this all stays here, okay?”
I smile at him, genuinely this time. “Thanks. Silence starts now.” I take a deep breath. “Okay, I don’t know how much you know about why we left Ohio, but it was pretty much all my fault. So, when I was a sophomore I was dating the quarterback of our high school football team. I thought he was perfect, and really loved me ya know, but I was a dumb high schooler so what did I know about love. I just knew he could have anyone, he was this hot, popular senior and he picked me, which at the time felt special.”
Our waitress walks over and places two waters on our table, and I take that moment to swallow the lump in my throat and close my eyes for a second. When I open them and look at Riley, his jaw is already set, bracing for how angry this story is going to make him. He doesn’t know the half of it.
“Let’s just say, he was a lot of firsts for me. I’ll spare you details, but I wish I’d given what some women call “my greatest gift” to a more deserving recipient. Anyway, because of Cade, that’s his name, Cade, I was pretty popular and friends with the football players and fake friends with the cheerleaders and all that bullshit that seems important when you’re fifteen. Of course, everyone knew what Dad did, especially being around football players so much, they all wanted to talk shop with the OSU coach, so they’d try and hang at my house to chat him up and stuff. But you know Dad, when he gets in the thick of it he’s so busy that being at home isn’t necessarily the first thing on his mind.”
Riley leans forward and opens his mouth to protest. I put my hand up to stop him. “No, I’m not holding that against him. I mean, Sam chose to be my dad, ya know, so I don’t know a better guy than him. But, it’s just a fact. When the season gets started he’s in his zone, and I’ve always been pretty self-sufficient in my ability to take care of myself, and always assured him I was fine with that, so he’d never have a reason to think otherwise. I know he loves me if that’s where you were going with the whole about to interrupt me thing.”
Riley smiles at me and takes a big drink of his water just as the waitress walks over and puts our pizza down on the table. Riley and I serve ourselves up some pizza and I continue on with my story.
“So, Cade had pretty good prospects, but really wanted to go to OSU and play, so he and his dad were putting some pressure on me to get Dad to get him on the team. I mean, you know I’m not a football guru, but even I know that’s not how it works. I told him I’d do what I could, so I talked to Dad and said the most he could do was have a conversation with Cade about his future and the OSU program, and kind of steer him in the direction of best ways to get noticed. He even offered to ask some of the current players to talk to him about what they did so he could get a leg up that way. Which, if you aren’t a selfish asshole you realize is a huge thing, but Cade being Cade, that wasn’t good enough. He told me that I must not really love him if I wasn’t willing to get my dad to let him into the program. I mean, like I have that power.”
I choke on the lump in my throat, holding back the tears that usually come around this part of the story. Riley puts his hand over mine on the table and looks in my eyes.
“Hey, East, you don’t have to tell me the rest of this if you don’t want to. If this is too rough, you can stop here. I can tell you no matter what I’m going to track this Cade guy down and beat the bejesus out of him, and I haven’t ever heard the ending yet.”
I laugh. “Oh, just wait, my friend.” I take a deep breath and continue. “So, Cade and his dad come over, grilling my dad about the program, and what will it take to get Cade in and why can’t Dad just open the doors and say, hey son come on in. Dad’s doing his best to just keep his patience, which is saying a lot when he’s got no skin in this game. Cade was my boyfriend, Dad didn’t ever love him really, but he didn’t hate him yet.”
I take a bite of my pizza, even though I’m not at all hungry. It’s more to break up the story so I don’t get overly emotional in public. I take a big drink of my water, rethinking my decision to not just do this at my house. But, I was afraid Dad would be home and start asking questions. That’s the last thing I need right now.
“So, eventually Dad told Cade and his dad that this chat, along with some talks with some of the current players was kinda all he could do. His hands were tied, it was up to the university who they’d offer scholarships to, and if Cade wanted to come in as a walk-on, that’d be fine, but he’d still have to try out and prove himself and all that. I don’t know what they were expecting, but Cade’s dad kinda threatened my dad saying if Dad wasn’t willing to do this for his son’s future, maybe Dad would be willing to compromise to save mine.”
I rub my hands above my brow, hoping it’ll ease some of the pressure that’s building up there to no avail. I shake out my hands and look into Riley's concerned and angry face again. “Dad looks at me and I’m just as confused as him, ya know, and asks what they’re talking about. I’m sitting right beside Dad and across from Cade who is just looking at me with these cold, mean eyes and it’s like I’ve never really seen him before that moment. He was just suddenly some guy in my living room trying to blackmail my dad, instead of the guy I’d been dating for the past few months, who I slept with because I thought I was in love. Cade pulls out his phone and shows my dad some photos, I don’t know how he got them, really. I don’t know if he had a friend take them while we were having sex or what, but it was definitely me, and since you couldn’t see Cade's face, the argument could be made that it was some random guy. That’s what they wanted, turns out. They wanted to splash these pictures around, call me a whore, and just fucking demolish my reputation. They knew it’d spread like wildfire, and wouldn’t just hurt me, but would hurt Dad too. Dad told them he’d think about it but they needed to leave. Of course, he’d never do it, and I didn’t want him to, but he needed to get them out of the house.”
Our waitress walks back over to refill Riley’s water. He looks angrier now than I’ve ever seen him on the field, and I start wondering whether telling him this whole story was a good idea after all. I decide to give him a quick out in case he doesn’t want to hear any more. I wouldn’t blame him.
“Hey, if you don’t want me to keep going, I don’t have to. I know you didn’t pick me up from the shop today to hear my baggage and drama, and you don’t really deserve to have me lay this on you, but I just needed you to understand.”
Riley shakes his head vehemently. “No. I need you to finish this story, East. And not just so I know, I think you really need to talk about it, too. This isn’t something that makes you look bad or weak, this is something that makes you look strong. You survived some serious assholes, and I’m proud of you for that.”
I smirk. “Thanks. So, onward then. Basically, Dad buys us some time so he can call his lawyer friend and see if there’s anything we can do to get these pictures and stop this whole train. Since I wasn’t quite sixteen yet, that meant I was legally underage. So, the lawyer tried to put a kibosh on the whole thing, saying it would be child pornography if released publicly or whatever, and that carried some pretty hefty sentences, so they needed to back off. Dad and I thought we’d kinda taken care of it, we didn’t trust them, but no way they’d release the picture, right? Well, wrong. I don’t know what he thought he’d accomplish other than burning every bridge my dad had anything to do with, but Cade sent out the photo to all the guys in his cell because he was so pissed he wasn’t going to get what he wanted. His whole plan wasn’t very well thought out, but the next day at school he found me and told me he never really cared about me, slept with me to get in good so I’d help him with my dad and that I was just another jersey chasing slut. A bunch of rumors started about me working my way through the football team and lies about all the guys I’d had sex with, so there wasn’t a day when someone wasn’t calling me a whore.”
A te
ar slides down my cheek at the memory. Even after almost three years it’s still one the worst experience of my life. I wouldn’t wish that brand of torture on my worst enemy.
“Luckily the AD here had been trying to court Dad to come and run the program, so Dad finally accepted and we came here to get away from it all. The semester was almost up, so Dad tore into the principal about bullying, and what had happened under his watch, and got the principal to agree to let me take the equivalent of my first semester final exams from home. We moved to Texas, and I started my second semester of sophomore year here. I don’t really know what happened to the picture. Last I’d heard from the one friend I had left there that wasn’t a complete waste of space, the administration and some people that were likely friends of the OSU football program descended like locusts and deleted it from everywhere, confiscated phones and all that. I don’t know that it’s actually gone. Nothing is ever really gone once it’s digital like that, but it has yet to resurface so I’m choosing to believe it won’t make an appearance again, but I can’t promise that.”
I take a deep breath and blink away my last tear. Riley has been silent for the majority of this conversation, and I already feel bad that I laid this much onto him. “So, that’s my story. That’s why we left Ohio. That’s why we’re here. And that’s why I’m freaking out a little about the multiple people that have approached me about being Blake’s girlfriend and asking if I only sleep with football players. I don’t want that again, Ry. I can’t do that again. It’s not the same, I know that, I really do, but I just need people to stop talking about me. I love you guys, you and Blake most of all, don’t tell the other guys that, I have to survive here once you’re gone, but if there’s any way you could just…I don’t know…shut it all down, maybe, I’d be eternally grateful.”
Riley takes a deep breath and moves over to my side of the booth. He wraps me up in his arms and gives me the longest hug I’ve ever been given by someone other than my dad. He kisses the top of my head and whispers, “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I want to kill all those horrible limp-dicks you went to school with so, so badly. Does Cade play college ball? Can I find a way to punish him? We know lots of people.”
I laugh at him, and really mean it. The loyalty and love these guys give me is truly surprising. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have them in my life, but if this whole thing happening to me brought my dad here, and these guys into my life, it wasn’t all bad. Silver linings and all that.
“No. After this whole mess he couldn’t find anyone to take him. He was good but he wasn’t like All-State Heisman winning or anything. He’s not like you.” I actually mean that too. Riley is an exceptional quarterback. “But, hey, it brought us to you guys. I’m really lucky to have you, ya know?”
Riley keeps his arm around me and sighs. “So, you bet on your life that if we hear anything being said about you and us in any sort of way that isn’t purely familial we’ll shut that down immediately. Most people we talk to a lot know who you are to us, so they’re not going to start saying you’re screwing the football team, one, we’d kill them, and two they know you wouldn’t do that. But, we’ll extend the reach. Try and find out who is saying this crap and beat some sense into them. If it’s a girl, we’ll leave that up to you.” He looks down at me and smiles. I return the gesture.
“Thanks, Ry. Okay, emotions over, let’s eat some pizza.” I take a large drink of my water and a bite of my pizza, happy to have gotten that off my chest so at least someone here knows. Someone that isn’t my dad.
Riley kisses the top of my head again and doesn’t leave my side. “Don’t worry, East. You know I got you.” And I know he does.
Chapter 10
After Riley drops me at home, promising again to help me figure this out and asking me a few more times if I know of a way for him to get to Cade, I pull out my phone and call the one person, other than my dad, that I could talk to about my conversation with Riley. I can’t tell my dad yet. I don’t want to put that on him, and hopefully we can figure this out and put a stop to it before it gets that far.
I pull out my phone and call Tassie. “Yankee, what’s crackin’?”
“Tass. What’s crackin’? I feel like your greeting choices came from the Urban Dictionary from 1997. Stop trying to make fetch happen, Gretchen.” I smile and lay down on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.
“Okay, Regina George. Like you said, chokers are back, slang from the '90s soon to follow.” Tass explains excitedly into the phone. Thing is, I think she’s serious.
I can hear background noise so I ask, “where are you?”
“Headed back to my house. I did some back to school shopping.”
I laugh, “So, crappy erasers and pencil cases? I didn’t know that was on the college supplies list.”
“Oh, no. Like, low cut tops and lacy bras. I’m not moving to Boston to become a nun. I plan on sampling many different flavors of man.”
I cringe. “Ew, Tass. That’s just super disgusting.”
She laughs, “Yeah, okay, not my best, but you know what I mean. So what’s up?”
“I told Riley about Ohio. The stuff with Cade. I just…I needed someone to know. Was that dumb?” I put my arm over my face, awaiting her answer.
“Well…you trust him, right? I think maybe that’s a good thing. Listen, babe, as much as we avoid it, we won’t be able to stare in each other’s faces all the time come September, and I know how you feel about bringing this stuff up with your dad, so it’s good you have a person there, ya know?”
“I know. There are rumors again, Tass. Not the same kind of thing, but,” I choke back a sob, but Tassie’s not just anyone, she can hear it in my voice. “What did I do? Why does this keep happening?” I start crying into the phone, letting it all go.
“Oh, East. Do you want me to come over?”
I sigh and wipe some tears away. “No, it’s okay. You’ve listened to enough of my drama over the past week, you don’t need to come and deal with more. Making you listen to it is enough, let alone see it.”
“Whatever you want. So what rumors? Is this about that stupid party and you and Blake?”
I choke down the emotion in my throat. Continuing to cry about this isn’t going to get me anywhere. At least that’s what I tell myself. “Yeah. I mean, Christ’s sake Tass, he’s just a guy. An amazing, hot, and talented guy, but just a guy. It’s not like any of them would put me in this position if they thought it’d turn into this bullshit rumor about how I’m running a train through every player on the team, but my god.”
I take a deep breath and continue. “Back then, back in Ohio, it all came after he didn’t get what he wanted. It was part of a plan, not just malicious stupidity like it is now. It was some asshole wanting what he didn’t deserve and he tried to use me to get it. He was this Trojan horse pretending to make my life better before he crushed me. It was a great long con, and I fell for him just hook, line, and sinker.”
I hear a knock on my door, “Just a second Tass, someone’s here. Hold on.”
I run down the stairs and open the door. I smile and choke back a sob when I see Tassie on the other side. “What are you doing here? I told you not to come.”
She hangs up the phone and shoves it in her pocket. “Yeah, well, I don’t really give a shit, and I do what I want. What I want is to be with my best friend right now.”
She takes a step inside and wraps me up in a big hug. I let myself cry in earnest now. She shuffles inside and shuts the door behind her, never letting go of me. “Come on, East. Let’s go upstairs in case your dad comes home. Unless you wanna tell him what’s up, we should probably not be in your living room.”
She releases me and we move upstairs to my bedroom. I sit down on my bed cross legged and she does the same so we’re facing each other. She nods at me, “Okay, continue.”
“I’m not special, is my point, I guess. I wasn’t special then, I was a means to an end. I was a coac
h’s daughter, that was it. I wasn’t a threat to anyone, I was a tool to be used, collateral damage. I’m not special now. I’m still no threat. Anyone who actually pays attention knows that. I’m not in anyone’s way. I don’t know how this benefits anyone.” I pick at a non-existent thread on my pants.
“Okay, Yankee. One, you’re incredibly special so don’t ever spout that malarky to me again. You are beautiful and brilliant and witty and so smart, and outside of me, you’re the most amazing person I know.” She spears me with a stern expression before softening her face.
“Two, yeah, if anyone’s paying attention they’d know you’re not like that with the guys. I mean what Cade did was awful, but he and his dad knew that the way to snuggle up to your dad was to snuggle up to you, not to outright ruin you. That came after, when his dad wasn’t calling the shots anymore and Cade was on his own to pull his immature crap.”
“This isn’t really making me feel any better.”
She waves me off, “Shut up, I have a point. I think you’re giving whoever is doing this too much credit. I think we should look at this like it’s high school. Some horrible people set you up, but it was an idiotic, immature high schooler who pulled the trigger. It was a scare tactic that turned into something because Cade’s a bully at heart. I don’t think his dad would’ve ever really released that, but then again, I don’t know.”
“I don’t know, Tass, his dad’s kinda a jerk. He probably came up with the blackmail plan. I think Cade slept with me because he wanted to and he’s a dick, and he probably took those pictures to document his conquest, and somehow his dad found out he had them. He put those ideas into Cade’s head. Cade’s not that smart. And maybe his dad wouldn’t have pressed send, but he loaded that gun metaphorically.”