by J. M. Madden
“Yes.”
She shook her head. “I think you need an expert for this kind of stuff. I can see you know what you’re doing, but you need someone who knows more.”
“I know,” he agreed, voice ragged.
Angela felt bad for him. He really did seem to be trying to do the right thing, but everything was stacked against him.
“Why don’t you think about emailing your brother a portion to see if he can understand something?”
He sighed, and she could tell he was worried.
“Your brother is former military,” she pressed. “Do you think he would condone what was done to you?”
That was definitely a negatory. She could see it in Aiden’s face.
“More than likely he would want to help you, right?”
Aiden rocked back in his chair. “Yes.”
“I think you need to call him.”
Sighing, he turned away. “I’ll think about it.”
Angela wasn’t used to not having anything to do. If she got bored at her apartment she either did chores, cleaned a gun or left to go to the library or something. She had a gym membership but didn’t use it as much as she’d expected to. The PD had a small gym setup in the basement that was open to every officer, so that’s usually where she spent her time. The guys, and some of the women she worked with, were always up for a little friendly competition. They’d run on the treadmill or do lifts and count each other off.
Her life was pretty much devoted to being a cop, though. She had no significant other to speak of other than her asshole cat and much of her spare time was spent volunteering. On the odd weekends she would head home to Boulder to see the family, as long as her younger brother wasn’t there. Drama tended to follow the man-child wherever he went, none of it his fault of course. Anyway, she didn’t need to deal with it. There was enough drama in her job.
Her grandparents were getting older, though, and she wanted to spend as much time with them as she could, even though it made her sad. Such was the circle of life, though. Her grandparents had lived a rich and full life, with more kids and grandkids than she thought they’d ever expected to have. But they loved every one like that one was their favorite. One of the biggest things she regretted in her life was not giving them another grandbaby to love.
Maybe when this mess was all sorted out she’d run home for a while and take some real time off. It had been a long time since she’d taken vacation. Actual, legitimate vacation.
Moving into the kitchen she opened the fridge. Damn. It was almost as barren as her own. The freezer wasn’t much better, though she did find a package of chicken tenderloins. They looked a little freezer burned but maybe she could cut that part off.
Plating several tenderloins, she put them into the microwave to defrost, then leaned down to look into the lower cupboards. Cool. They could at least have peas and pears with their chicken.
Once the chicken was defrosted she threw it into a bag with Italian seasonings and oil to marinate.
Aiden hadn’t moved from in front of the computer screens, so Angela wandered to the plump gray couch across the room. Maybe she could lay down and just watch him for a while. Not that he was doing anything, but she could still watch his back. It hurt her heart how alone he was.
Aiden could feel every move Angela made through his space. Generally, he felt very secure here, but she had him sitting on pins and needles. When she finally stilled, he glanced behind himself.
She was curled up on his couch, eyes shut, obviously fast asleep. The knot on her head was turning colors and he wondered if he shouldn’t put some kind of ice pack on it to keep it from swelling any more.
No, that would wake her up. A shudder moved through her body as he watched and he realized she must be chilled. Quietly moving to his bedroom, he grabbed a thick blanket from his bed. The loft area didn’t have the greatest heat, so he had an excess of them. She didn’t move as he draped it over top of her, but she did sigh, like she’d been waiting to be warm. It was cute. Daring to reach out, he stroked back a chunk of her strawberry blonde hair. It was such an interesting color, with some strands more red, while others more blonde. It felt like the softest corn silk. It was difficult to pull his hand away.
It had been so long since he’d allowed himself any kind of pleasure. There were certain things a man needed to do, but those were maintenance issues. Actually taking the time to take pleasure in something was foreign to him. If he wasn’t here watching the GPS trackers he’d placed on John and Shannon, he was out on the streets absorbing information as a homeless vet. Both had to be balanced carefully. If he disappeared from the streets too long there were a few guys that would worry about him. He usually played off his absences like he was sleeping off a bender somewhere, but a couple of the guys looked at him like they didn’t necessarily believe him. He knew Wallace, an old man he was pretty partial to, would give him the third degree when he finally turned up, but there was nothing he could do about it.
Wallace was an old school Marine that had fallen on hard times many years ago, more because of psychological issues than anything else. The VA hospitals had all turned him out when he refused to take their drugs, and his family had as well for much the same reason. But Wallace was happy in his simple world, and he never hurt anyone.
If he could, Aiden would take Wallace in. The old guy had a caring heart, and even if some of their conversations were off the wall, Aiden felt like Wallace was concerned about him.
Sad, really, that the most affection he’d ever had was from a stinky old man with decaying teeth and mental issues.
It had been a long time since he’d felt sorry for himself, but as he looked at Angela laying on his lumpy old couch, he had to wonder what might have been if he’d chosen a different path in his life. Would he have a relationship with his brother? And Shannon and the twins? He would hope so. Sometimes, when the loneliness was so bad he ached with it, he would travel out to LNF or even to John’s house just to catch a glimpse of him. As soon as he saw the man’s dark hair, eyes and features so like his own, he was reminded that he wasn’t alone in the world. There was someone he was connected to, and they had a shared history.
Then he remembered that if he hadn’t taken part in the Spartan Project, as heinous as it had been, he never would have found his brother at all. That brought everything into perspective because he knew without a flicker of doubt that he would do anything on earth to protect John and family. He would protect that tiny little flicker of connection.
Feeling tired, he sank down into the arm chair at end of the couch. Though he hadn’t been connected to Angela as long, there was something about her that made him want to touch her and hold her, tell her all of the evil things he’d had to deal with in order to stay alive. He wanted to have a significant other like his brother did, someone who made him smile and wanted to be with him. Watching her breathe, he wondered what she dreamed about. And he wished he dared touch her skin again.
Chapter Twelve
Angela woke to a noise. She blinked her eyes open just in time to see Aiden lunge up out of the gray armchair beside her. His fists were clenched and his eyes were wild as he fell into a fighting stance. Angela scanned the room, but everything seemed to be in order. There were no alarms or noises other than his rough, heaving breaths. “Hey,” she whispered. “Are you okay?”
Carefully she rolled to her own feet, not wanting to spook him any more than he already was.
He blinked several times, as if coming out of a fog. Then his gaze focused on her. “Yes.” He looked around the room and his cheeks colored a bit as he realized there was no danger. “Sorry. Must have been a dream.”
His hands were shaking. Angela’s heart ached for him. Without hesitation she reached out to take his hand, but he jerked back.
“I’m okay, really.”
Turning, he headed for the far side of the living space, then paused, his back to her. “Thank you for asking.”
Then he disappeared into the bathro
om.
Angela was confused. The way he’d kissed her days ago suggested he was one kind of person. A flirt. But the wariness she just saw in his eyes suggested something completely different. And for some reason she felt like this was the truer personality.
She heard water running beyond the door, then the sound of a shower turning on. Delicious thoughts drifted through her mind and she wondered what he looked out without all the baggy clothes. She had felt the lean strength in his body when he’d held her, but he was very careful not to expose himself. Maybe it was a natural urge to hide.
It had been a long time since a man had interested her as much as Aiden Willingham. She shook her head at herself. If there was any man more unsuitable for her than Aiden, she didn’t know who. The man was drama, with a capital D, whether he meant to be or not. The guy had been handed a rough hand and the law officer in her wanted to help him find justice. But the woman in her wanted to ease his heart. Of the two urges, that one was the most dangerous to her. She wanted to fix things for people, and idea was no different.
When he eventually came out of the shower, the chicken was simmering in a pan on the stove and the peas were warming in the microwave. She glanced over to let him know that it would be just a few minutes, and the words got locked in her throat. Working in the department, she was used to seeing handsome, well built men. They worked out and showed off, and she was very familiar with the camaraderie. But Aiden had a body like no other man she’d ever seen. His skin was lightly tan, contrasting sharply with the bright cream towel he wore low around his hips. Lean muscles flexed as he moved to a tall chest of drawers on the far wall and dug around. He pulled out a couple of items, pulled open another drawer and dragged out a pair of blue jeans, then disappeared back into the bathroom to get dressed.
He didn’t have to leave on her account.
Angela turned back to the stove, her heart thudding in her chest. Arousal, thick and heady, curled through her body. It had been such a long time since she’d felt anything like this.
When he reappeared again, completely dressed this time, the impact was the same. His thick hair looked darker than normal, combed back from his face and hanging down onto his shoulders. Angela never thought she would be the type to go for long hair like that, but it really didn’t bother her. Did she think he would look better with it cut? Yes. But he still turned her on. Even his beard had been smoothed. Overall, he made a striking figure in his jeans and old rock t-shirt. Looked like any other veteran now going to college.
She turned back to the stove and removed the pan from the cooling burner. Then she started looking for plates.
“There are plates here,” he said, reaching beyond her shoulder.
Angela stilled, feeling the heat of his body just behind her. And oh God, he smelled good. He’d used some kind of musky shower gel and it was all she could do to keep from turning around and burying her face into his neck.
Aiden seemed to understand that he put her on edge, because he moved away to reach two bottles of water from the fridge. Angela dished out the food and set them on the counter. There was no kitchen table, just the couch and coffee table. Aiden looked around and seemed to realize there was no place for her to eat.
“Sorry. I usually eat at the desk while I’m working. Or at Harmony House. I’ve never had anyone up here.”
Angela shrugged. “I usually eat in front of the TV myself. No worries.”
She sank into the corner of the couch and folded a leg beneath her, resting the plate on top. The peas rolled precariously but she managed to keep them on the plate. She set her bottle of water beside her, near the lamp. Aiden sank back down into the chair and set the water beside his feet. Then, curling over his plate, he began to eat as if it were the first meal he’d had in years.
Angela tried not to watch because it was kind of heartbreaking. It reminded her of scenes of starved animals in shelters being fed their first meals in who knew how long. They hovered over the bowl protectively, willing to fight to protect the food if necessary. They scarfed it down as quickly as they could, barely chewing it before moving on to the next bite. Within two minutes his plate was clean.
“There’s more on the stove.”
He headed to the kitchen without a word. Angela finished her food at a more leisurely pace, glad to have something in her tummy. Parts of the chicken tasted a little freezer burned but not as bad as it could have been if she hadn’t trimmed it.
“You’ve never had anyone up here?” she asked curiously.
Aiden blinked, looking away. “No.”
“What about your buddy TJ?”
He shook his head. “He didn’t come here.”
She let that sink in for a moment. “Well, thank you then. I appreciate you providing me a place to stay.”
He shrugged like it was no big deal, but obviously it was.
“Thank you for the meal,” he murmured eventually.
“I’m glad you had the chicken in your freezer.”
He gave her a crooked smile. “I don’t even remember buying it, honestly.”
Without another word he took her plate and crossed to the sink to wash it. Then he washed the skillet she’d cooked in and everything else she’d used. Angela would have done it herself but she took the time to watch him move.
Now that she knew he was a former SEAL, several things made sense to her. There was something about the way he moved. If you messed with him you would be taking your life in your hands. Aiden padded on the balls of his feet, as though he were ready to leap up and over the counter at a moment’s notice. There were a few guys in the department that had military backgrounds and there was always some aspect to their personality that was … edgy. Aiden took that edginess to a new level, though.
When he was done with the dishes he moved over to the bed. There was a trunk against one wall and leaning in, he pulled out a fresh set of sheets. Angela laughed to herself, softly, and stood up from the couch to go help him.
He stripped the bed, then flung out the fitted sheet to cover the mattress. They got the lengths wrong the first time.
“Look in the corner here,” Angela told him, showing him the tag. “This corner goes in the bottom right part of the mattress. Then you know you’ll always have your sheet right.”
They settled the sheet and wrapped it around the mattress. It fit perfectly.
“I never knew that,” Aiden said.
“One of those useless things you remember for some reason.”
Aiden stared at her as if she’d said something epic, then reached for the sheet and blankets to draw them up over the bed. “I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”
Grabbing one of the spare blankets from the chest, he tossed it onto the couch before moving toward the bank of computer screens. Because she didn’t know what else to do, Angela followed along, snagging the broken-wheeled chair to pull near his. Aiden looked at her from the corner of his eye, then started clicking through screens. Angela could tell that this was something he did obsessively, checking on his safety. But then, he’d survived this long by being vigilant.
Then he clicked on another button and something about the scene changed. “Wait, where is that?”
Aiden winced and went back to the shot. “My brother’s house. I mounted a camera on the neighbor’s house across the street to watch it.”
“The neighbor didn’t complain?”
Aiden smirked. “Nah. He’s old. Didn’t even notice it.”
She laughed and shook her head. He flipped a screen. It was now showing the back of the same house.
“This one I mounted on a power pole and wired directly.”
She stared at him. “You wired it directly into the power? How the hell did you not get electrocuted?”
He shrugged, giving her that shamefaced smile. “Guess I was lucky.”
Angela could have beat him for taking such a risk. “Does it make you feel better to watch his house?”
He nodded, staring at the screen. In the rear-fa
cing kitchen window a woman moved across the pane. It was obvious she was running water into something, maybe a baby bottle? Yes. When she twisted on a cap and started shaking, Angela knew she’d just made up a bottle for one of the twins. John rolled into view, his front obscured by one of the little boys. But the man in the wheelchair held him securely as he reached out to take the bottle from the woman.
“I bet if they knew you were watching over them they would appreciate it.”
He didn’t say anything for a long time. “Sometimes I just sit here, imagining how it must be to have a life like that. They have a dog and a couple of cats. They’ve created a family for themselves.”
Sigh. There he went twisting her heart again. “Well, whether you’re near to them or far, you’re a part of that life as well. I have a feeling if you walked up to that front door and knocked, you would be welcomed in like a long lost brother. No pun.”
His dark eyes met hers, brows furrowed heavily. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve actually almost done that.”
“I think you’re wasting time with them by not being a part of their lives.”
“I know. But right now I just can’t risk it.”
“John could help you,” she told him firmly. “I’ve heard Duncan talk about him and it sounds like he can damn near walk on water.”
Aiden snorted. “Roll on water.”
“You know what I mean. He’s excellent at what he does.”
They watched the little family for a good while. When John rolled out of view and returned a few minutes later with the second baby, then the dog trailing behind, the little unit was complete.
“I’m glad he was able to do this,” Aiden murmured. “We didn’t have a great childhood. Our mother was an addict. She gave me away when I was four, and it was only when I was in the camp that I learned I’d had a brother as well. She gave him away when he was five. Who gives away a five year old child? One that has considered you a mother for those five years?”