"Why?"
Her question hits me square in the chest. "Why?" I repeat it back to her like an idiot. "I don't..."
"Yes, why? Why all this?" She gestures to my notes. "Why?"
All my practiced lines designed to win her back go rushing out of my brain. I'm surprised Julia doesn't hear the whooshing sound as I'm left with nothing but my thick skull. "You wouldn't talk to me. Wouldn't answer my calls or texts, even. I didn't have any other way to make you listen. And I needed to be able to tell you how I feel."
"How you feel?" Julia says it the way you'd try out a new word for the first time, hesitant and unsure.
I take a chance and close the distance between us. Once I have her hands in mine my equilibrium starts to return. I'm steadier on my feet just from this little bit of contact. Julia doesn't pull away and the tiniest glimmer of hope starts to bloom in my chest. "I hadn't told you how I felt before. I was afraid of pushing too far, too fast. And then I thought I'd never get the chance so I wrote it all down. You've read it, right?"
Julia nods.
"Then you know. You know, but I'm going to say it all again. I love you, Julia. I'm crazy about you. I love you and I can't imagine being without you. These last few weeks have been torture. I know I screwed up and I'm so, so sorry. That was..." I stumble as I see the memory of my kiss with Abbey flit across her face. "That was the worst thing I could've done. I don't know how to make things right but I'm going to spend every day showing you how much I love you and how sorry I am if that's what it takes to have you back in my life. Please tell me you'll give me another chance. I'm begging here. Tell me what I can do to make this right."
Julia still doesn't speak and feel the moment slipping away before I can really explain myself.
"I think I was just so confused... And when she showed up, I thought just for a second that maybe I could go back in time. Maybe I could go back to before when my dad wasn't fighting for his life and Abbey and I hadn't fallen apart. Put myself back in that place where I didn't know any better. Haven't you ever wanted that? To go back to the second before you knew? To the time when you didn't know all the bullshit?"
Of course Julia understands this. She understands this better than anyone else. But that isn't an excuse; it doesn't absolve me of guilt. Still her giving up on what we could be burns. She left me when I needed her, let her hurt dictate her actions.
"I want you. I want a life with you. Even with all the crap that it's taken to get here right now, I'd choose you. I'd do all that again if it meant I could have five minutes of my life with you. But maybe that doesn’t matter. Maybe you aren’t choosing me. Maybe you don’t want to fight for this, for us.”
Julia turns around and walks away, taking my heart with her.
42
Julia
“I have something for you," I say as I pull the manila envelope from the kitchen counter. When I turn to hand it to him, Zach reluctantly stretches out his arm.
"You wrote me a goodbye letter?" He runs his thumb over the edge of the flap. "Or is this a restraining order?" He doesn't laugh, only stares at me.
"Just open it."
Zach's fingers pull the metal clasp open and he slides the stack of papers out. His brow creases as he reads the first page and then flips through the rest. His eyes scan the pages, flying over the words.
"What the hell is this?" He finally makes eye contact with me.
"It's your freedom."
"You cannot be serious." Zach shuffles through the papers again. "This says you're co-owner of the gym."
"That's right."
"There has to be some way to undo this."
"I don't want to undo it," I say, hoping I haven't made the wrong decision. I can feel my palms starting to sweat. I had thought Zach would be a little confused but I wasn't expecting this reaction. When I'd come up with the plan it had seemed risky. Convincing Abbey to sell took some work, but after I cleared that hurdle I thought this part would be easy. I didn't factor in that Zach might not want this.
"How did you pull this off? She's always said she'd never sell." Zach looks at the contract in his hands in disbelief.
"She thinks she sold it to Graham. Let it go for a bargain price even. She's pretty excited to have you working with him." Abbey thought she was giving Zach the finger when she'd actually just given him what he'd been wishing for.
"That explains the cryptic emails I've been getting, but it doesn't explain why you'd do this. This is too much. Julia, you're supposed to be using your money for you and the boys. For your future."
"That's what I did," I say. "You've been trying to tell me that you aren't running, show me you're in this for the long haul. Well, this is me saying that right back." If Zach's committed now's his chance to take what I'm offering. "Now you can really start fresh. If you don't want me to be your business partner—"
"I don't want you to be my business partner, Julia." Zach frowns and scrubs his hand over his jaw. His sigh is more dramatic than I’d like.
I blink. "Then we can—"
"I want more than that. "
"You do?"
"I do. I want everything with you, but I'm still not crazy about this." He tosses the papers back on the counter, shaking his head.
"I’m choosing you. Let me."
He reaches forward and slides his palms over my jaw, letting his thumbs brush my bottom lip. "Then I’m going to begrudgingly welcome you to Winston Martial Arts. I think we’ll make a pretty good team."
"I know we will." I let him press his lips to mine.
"I thought I might not ever get to do that again," he confesses, burying his nose in the crook of my neck. I inhale the familiar smell of him and finally feel my shoulders relax. "I love you, Julia."
"I love you, too, but we're going to need to postpone this part of the apology. I can hear a couple of little spies already up."
Sure enough, when I turn my head I can see Charlie and Noah hovering in the hallway.
"How long have they been there?"
"Long enough to know something's up. It's Sunday. Can you stay for a bit?" I'm already dreaming of breakfast and a morning camped on the couch.
"I could make pancakes," he suggests.
I've told him about Cassie's pancake prediction and even if this isn't going to be a stack of after-sex flapjacks I have a feeling these are going to taste even better.
"You should have just started with that," I tell him. "We could have skipped all the discussion and gone straight to breakfast. You ready to make pancakes for four?"
"Am I ever."
Epilogue
TWO YEARS LATER
Julia
"What about bowling pins and a bowling ball?"
"No, no, ghosts with a pumpkin or a jack o' lantern. That's the easiest."
"I don't want to be a ghost."
"What about the sun and planets?"
"No, then we all have to be round and only one of us is round."
I tune the boys out, trying my hardest to ignore what could possibly become my worst Halloween ever. Zach's right in the middle of it, of course. He's the biggest kid of all and he can hardly wait to trick-or-treat with Charlie and Noah, especially now that they've got an excuse for a theme.
I rub my belly, feeling the flutters of not one but two sets of feet rolling around inside. Who manages to forget that twins run in his family? Zach Winston, that's who. Who manages to believe the odds of her having twins are probably pretty low? Me, apparently. I should have known that when it comes to a safe bet, I shouldn't ever count my chickens. And now I've got two additional chickens set to make their appearance in two months—give or take.
I scoot my feet over when Zach comes to join me on the couch. I'm supposed to be taking it easy as much as possible. I'm hoping to avoid bed rest; I've got too much to take care of before the babies are born. There's the nursery to finish and all the things that go along with getting ready: washing all the little onesies, putting together the cribs, adding to our long list of possibl
e names. There's organizing things for Charlie and Noah so that they don't feel displaced. So far, they seem to be handling things well. I worried about adding Zach to the already complicated mix, but we've done fine. When Zach decided to make things official, he asked Charlie and Noah first and when the boys walked me down the aisle at our wedding there wasn't a dry eye in the house. He's understood that this is a package deal and somehow we've convinced him that he's actually gotten a bargain.
"What’re you working on?" Zach asks as he slides my feet into his lap. They're starting to swell, which isn't the sexiest look, but Zach doesn't seem to mind as he starts moving his thumbs along the soles of my feet.
"Just trying to get these last few photos edited. Your sister told me there wasn't any rush, but... oh, right there! More of that, please."
Zach chuckles but continues kneading my feet. His strong hands have me rolling my head back onto the couch cushions. "I thought the whole point of freelancing was to avoid all the stress of a regular gig." He moves a hand to my belly and waits for the inevitable barrage of kicks to start. "Hi, babies," he whispers, putting his cheek close to my middle.
"Well, I don't want to leave a lot of loose ends. I'm relying on my reputation here." By now he's only half listening, preferring to focus on the twins and their need to kick him in the face. Already they're sparring with him. "And if I want to come back from all this baby bliss and still have clients, then I need to leave these current ones happy." I've been working hard to get my photography business off the ground. Having Kat pushing freelance work my way has been helpful, along with all the wedding and portrait sessions I've been able to book. It's slow going relying on word of mouth and repeat customers, and I'm finally feeling like a professional photographer. But the momentum I've built won't mean much if I don't keep chugging along. I've already got my mother and father on board to help with the babies whenever I can line up work, but I'm planning on taking enough of a break to enjoy being a mom to newborns again without tanking my fledgling business.
Not that I won't be busy. Lila's been giving me the lowdown on twins and Cassie's been helping me decipher the newest baby gear. You would think that having two kids already would make me a pro, but Cassie assures me things have changed. She's been using gadgets I've never heard of with her baby since she inexplicably managed to find herself happily making her own little family. She's currently trying to sell me on some new magical baby monitor I can't live without and flooding my inbox with suggestions for car seats and highchairs.
"Zach," Charlie yells from the kitchen. "We've got the perfect idea!" He's bouncing with excitement, gesturing for Zach to come and look at whatever they've got pulled up on the screen of my laptop. "Come look!"
Zach raises an eyebrow and mouths sorry. I let him go begrudgingly, missing the warmth of his body as soon as he's gone. "I'll finish that later," he promises, winking.
"This had better not be a costume that makes me look even fatter than I actually am," I warn.
"You're not fat, Mom," Charlie tells me, not looking up from the screen.
"Yeah, you're pregnant," Noah reminds me. "Remember?"
"And she looks beautiful, right guys?" Zach prompts them, giving Charlie a nudge. "But I can already tell you she won't ever let you dress her up in that. Is she supposed to be a beach ball?" He gives me a grimace. "Maybe that one?"
"Then what will we be? This is going to be a family costume, right?" Noah asks.
"Yep," Zach agrees. "Family costume all the way."
"Is Mom an egg?"
"Yeah, her belly's the yolk and then we make a cut out paper thing for the white. See? She's like sunny side up." He gives me a smirk. "We're breakfast! That's reasonable, right? Charlie's bacon and Noah's a glass of orange juice, maybe."
"And what are you?" Charlie asks.
I catch Zach's eye and give him a wink. "Zach's a pancake."
He returns my smile. "Obviously."
<<<<>>>>
Acknowledgments
First and foremost, thanks to you for reading Julia and Zach’s book! Without you this is just another story for me to carry around in my head. There can be a writer without a reader but I definitely prefer it when you’re here with me.
It takes a village to get a book to publication and Fight For It is no exception. That means I’ve got a few people to thank, so bear with me.
Big thanks to Just Write, Salt Lake City for always giving me a push to keep writing.
Thank you to Jennifer Smith and Marissa Shields for reading early versions of this story and giving me invaluable feedback. This book would probably never have seen the light of day if you two hadn’t taken the time to convince me it was a story that you enjoyed.
To Amy Sandas, thank you for taking a one month mentorship and letting me turn it into a much longer relationship. Your guidance has been so helpful.
Thank you always to Laralyn Doran for letting me endlessly brainstorm and always being available for drinks and commiseration even if we’re doing it by text.
Special mention to Kellie Ann Morgan for pushing me to just get the book out already. I needed that push!
Thanks to Tamara Mataya for the awesome editing job and the extra help with making the MMA elements of the book more realistic.
And finally, thank you to my husband and children for putting up with the long nights, the endless discussions of man chest, and the thrill of watching me lose my mind over comma placement. Love you guys and couldn’t have done it without you.
About the Author
Jessie Harper writes steamy, contemporary romance with a slightly Southern flavor. Originally from Nashville, Tennessee, she has lived all over the world—from Europe to Asia. She currently resides in Park City, Utah with her husband, three children, and more rescue animals than she ever intended. She appreciates a nice glass of whiskey, homegrown tomatoes, and well-delivered sarcasm. She hopes to never have to “bless your heart.”
For updates and more visit www.jessieharper.com or sign up for Jessie’s newsletter so you never miss a thing.
Sneak Peak: Forget About It (Coming Summer 2020)
Chapter 1
Cassie
“And here’s to many happy years!”
I lift my glass and toast the happy couple for what seems like the millionth time. It’s only 9:30 and already I’ve reached my engagement celebration limit. I’m going to claim my right to be annoyed. After all, how many people can say they’ve had their best friend lap them twice when it comes to walking down the aisle? Yes, Julia is headed to her second happily ever after and I’ve got the dubious distinction of being her maid of honor. Again. Not that I want to be getting married. I’m a certified wedding hater. I love a good true love story, but do we have to slather the whole thing in white icing and release a bunch of butterflies every time someone decides to get together? I’m happy just the way I am—free to do what I want when I want with whomever I want. I’m not a relationship girl. And marriage? That definitely counts as a relationship. I can barely handle a second date with most men let alone the rest of my life, so I empty my pint glass in honor of Julia and Zach and make my way to the bar for a refill.
Julia’s been my best friend since middle school so I’m not all gloom and doom about her upcoming wedding. She’s managed to find love again after not only enduring the death of her first husband, but the later realization that he wasn’t who she thought he was. That’s enough to make most people want to crawl in a hole and never come out. The fact that Julia’s here tonight surrounded by friends and family celebrating her engagement to the world’s nicest guy is something that does warm my cold, black heart. But another wedding? I wish I didn’t have to keep raising my glass to toast this shiny happiness, especially since I keep finding it empty. By the end of the night I should be well on the way to excessively happy, myself, if I keep drinking like this. Weddings are the worst and engagement parties are coming in a close second right now.
I slide in front of the cantina style bar and make ey
e contact with the only person who might be feeling less excited about this wedding than me: Julia’s ex-boyfriend Graham. He’s sitting at the end of the bar with the worst fake smile I have ever seen plastered on his face. Under normal circumstances I would be enjoying his pain—we’ve been enemies since middle school, after all—but I’m pretty sure my own face has a very similar look to it. Graham pulls out the bar stool next to him and pats it with his gigantic paw.
“You wanna sit?” He turns his face toward me and lets the smile slide from his mouth. The grim line that replaces it looks more like what I would have expected. “We can talk about all the crap we have to plan.”
The last thing I want to do is sit with Graham and discuss wedding stuff, but as the two members of the wedding party on the bride’s side we do have a ton of stuff to organize. Yes, that’s right, I’m Julia’s maid of honor and Graham is her other bridesmaid. It would be funny if it wasn’t so horrible. Not only do I have to spend more time than I’d like with the boy who tormented me in middle and high school, but I have to do it in taffeta. He can’t be having an easy time of it either, having agreed to watch the love of his life get married for the second time to someone else. But he’s the one who promised to be in the wedding party when Julia asked him. He’s the one who would have been able to say no. Not that he’s ever been able to say no to Julia, but at least as a hulking football dude, and her ex at that, it wouldn’t have looked strange for him to have refused to stand next to her at the altar. He could have wriggled out of this obligation way easier than I could have. Yet here we are, toasting the bride and groom and drowning our sorrows at the bar where Zach and Julia’s relationship got its start.
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