by Kitty Parker
I finished my 9th pancake and decided I had had enough. I let out a modest burp and grinned at The Pervert's eyebrow quirking.
"Well Pervert Boy I must be leaving you now. But thankyou." I said sincerely getting up from The Perverts bed and making my way to the front door.
He followed me to the door as all gentlemen should, amazingly even though he was a pervert; he was still somewhat of a gentleman.
That or he just wanted something. I eyed him suspiciously as I pulled on my combat boots but he uttered not one word; he just stood there staring at me. It was actually kind of creepy.
I went to leave but he caught my hand and whispered in my ear "Oh, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?"
I stood there for a bit as he breathed into my ear and then turning with a mock sweet smile "Goodnight, Idiot"
I went to slam the door in his face but he caught the door sweeping down to kiss both my cheeks before uttering "Good night, good night...Parting is such sweet sorrow, that I shall say good night till it be morrow.."
Then he slammed the door in my face. Romeo doesn't even say that. Juliet does.
Well, when it be morrow, he shall be dead. For that stunt, he dies.
* * *
Ah, another beautiful day at school. Oh sweet sarcasm. Today was just-
"HOLY CRAP!" I shrieked as I wobbled sliding on one foot past a sign that informed me 'Caution: These floors are wet' yeah great, next time; tell me before I step onto them.
So I just made a complete ass of myself flailing my arms as I slid down the corridor; finally reaching a dry section and falling to my doom, or the floor. Whatever you wish to call it.
But I found myself not yet reaching the ground. Hmm, now why is that? I looked up to see a wimpy freshman looking up to me with a sly grin on his face. "I saved you. Now how do you repay your night in shining armour?"
Oh gross. Now I had freshmen after me? Thanks, but no thanks. I do not have a thing for younger guys. The thought sickens me.
"Hey kid, have a dollar." I said flicking him a dollar from my pocket "Go buy your self a lollypop."
He sent me a scowl but none the less strode off and I heard a snicker come from somewhere in the vicinity.
"That's genius; remind me to use it some day." Guy Who Sniggered said, I looked up to find my self gazing at one of the schools jocks and I eyed him blankly.
"Now, what would little girls want with you?" I replied dryly with a raised eyebrow; something's fishy here, why was he talking to me?
"Oh I dunno" he smirked down at me with a flirtatious glint in his eyes, ugh, again? Did someone slip pills into the school cafeteria food yesterday?
"Do you have a dollar?" I asked dryly and he quirked an eyebrow.
"Why?" he inquired curiously.
"So I can pay you to go away." I smiled cheerily and he snorted clapping me on the back.
"Sorry sweetheart, no can do." He drawled moving closer to me. I eyed him in horror; was he hitting on me?
But soon enough-to my pleasure and somewhat to my chagrin-he was bumped away from me.
The reason why there was chagrin is because The Pervert came in his place, though I still felt somewhat relieved; I was atleast used to The Pervert annoying me. I may even admit to be a tiny bit fond of the boy. Now don't go off your heads, I said tiny.
"Was he bugging you sweets?" he whispered in my ear and I looked back to see the guy sprawled across the floor having slipped on the wet part; because of, ahem, being nudged a bit.
"Heheh you could say that." I tittered at the scene; The Jock had gotten to his feet and was making his way over to us.
"What did they feed people at the canteen yesterday?" I whispered to him "Everyone is weird."
"Whatever it was; I didn't eat it." He shot grabbing my hand and hurrying along hoping to escape The Jock.
But alas, our plan failed.
"Are you his girlfriend?" The Jock asked.
At the same time as I said "No" The Pervert responded "Yes". He stepped on my foot and made signals with his facial expressions and I muttered "Yes" albeit disgruntled.
"Oh so you're not really" he responded with a smirk and he leaned forward and groped a certain part of my upper body which I do not feel comfortable saying at this point in time.
I stood there my jaw slack and seething. I was about to bash the living –explicit word- out of him when The Pervert did it for me.
Before you could say 'You're Dead' The Pervert had begun to punch the lights out of The Jock, or as I shall call him from now on; The Jerk.
Now, I couldn't just let The Pervert stand there killing him; I had to have my go too.
Just kidding. The Pervert had done me justice. But I wasn't letting The Jerk get away with it that's for sure.
It took me a while to drag The Pervert away so I could inform him of what I plotted.
"Hey, could you do me a favour?" I whispered into The Pervert's ear and he nodded uncertainly "Just let me do one more thing"
I sighed and ushered for him to go ahead.
"If you ever –explicit- touch her again you –explicit- I will –explicit- bop you into next –explicit- week, you got that you –explicit- asshole?" The Pervert threatened while getting one last beating in. It really puts a smile on my face, I don't know why; maybe I'm just sadistic?
"I'm done." He dropped The Jerk to the ground and I whispered my plans on the finishing touches into his ear, it wasn't much; but I am sure he'll never bother me again.
The pervert made sure of that.
* * *
It was in drama when The Pervert's and my names got called to the office, the sad thing was; I was beginning to get used to it.
I stood from my chair with The Pervert following suit and made my way out of class.
Soon, once again, we were sitting in the office in front of Principal Oakley who was grinning with a raised eyebrow.
"Did you two dump Mr Ellis in the school dumpster? I would like you to be aware of the fact that rubbish gets collected on Thursday mornings." She informed me with slight smirk "Would you like to pay for Mr Ellis's safe return?"
I snorted, had our good friend The Jerk gotten carted to the town dump?
"Did he really?" I giggled amusing pictures forming in my head.
"No." she smirked "But only because he screamed like a girl before getting tipped into the back of the rubbish truck. The rubbish truck driver was not amused. Actually, that's a lie; it was the best laugh he had in ages."
Why couldn't it have been captured on camera? Why?
"He groped me miss!" I informed her with a disgruntled frown "He deserved it."
"He did, did he?" she replied a frown pasted on her face "Well I was not told of such, would you like to inform authorities?"
"No, I think Pervert boy here did well enough." I responded cheerily with a thumbs up.
She nodded "Did you Remmy darling?"
I rose an eyebrow at her choice of wording and she smirked at me "Did I not inform you?"
My god, were they having a secret affair or something? She was a bit old for him...
"His my beloved-" beloved what!? Spouse? Boyfriend? Lover? She was a married woman!! "Nephew."
Oh. Well that explains it, heheh...
Hey wait; I still haven't paid him back for yesterday!!
I don't care whose butt he kicked, he's dead meat!
Very, very dead meat.
Chapter 6: She's not the Best Mum, and he's not my Boyfriend.
"You're dead meat!! You hear me ya big pervert!?!" I shrieked as I chased The Pervert down the corridor "I promised myself yesterday! Your lips will never scratch the surface of my cheeks again I swear!!"
What is with boys? I know this has been said countless times, and with good reason. It seems the more you threaten to bash their heads in, flush their heads down toilets and promise their rapid death the more they want to annoy you. They were such a loathsome gender, yet you really couldn't them for the way they acted. It was preposterous, who ever thought of this system!?
Whoever it was, I want to flush their head down the toilet. Though it was probably a guy.
"Oh don't count on it!" he laughed with mirth as he ran for his life, I stopped with a smirk, you're probably wondering why I did so. Well you see, this morning I had learnt my lesson; watch where you are going. The Pervert was heading straight towards the wet patch on the floor on which I had slipped on this morning, and I wasn't planning on warning him.
5, 4, 3, 2...
He looked back "Hey why are you-" 1.
Commence girly screaming now; yeah The Pervert really knows how to retain his masculinity in such situations. Ok that's a lie, he didn't scream girlishly. But I wish he had, it would have been priceless. He did scream though, rather loudly might I add.
I laughed uproariously pointing at him in mirth as he slid down the pathway skidding his feet and attempting to grab passing objects but missing them. It was rather an amusing sight, much like my befalling would have been I suppose.
He finally collapsed in a heap at the end of the wet patch and sat up with a scowl "You little cow!" He hissed his eyes turning to slits.
Cow? Me? I scoffed with a manic grin before it slowly slid off my face from the look on his. He looked downright scary; he didn't even need to be violent to scare the living hell out of someone.
Anyone in the right mind would run before he got his skinny ass up and hunted them down, but I-as you should know by now-am not normal.
I strolled over avoiding stepping on the wet patch and held a hand out to him to help him up; he eyed it before snorting and turning his nose up at the gesture. He turned his head in the opposite direction and persisted on ignoring my presence.
Ignoring me? He hadn't done so since the day I met him, I wasn't very easy to ignore!
I stroked my chin thoughtfully trying to conjure up a plan that will have him at my will. The only thoughts that crossed my mind were to do with using my womanly wiles, and I didn't see why not. He certainly used his enough on me. His manly wiles I mean, I don't think he has womanly wiles. Atleast I hope not.
I bent down to my knees and sent him doe eyes; he snuck a glance my way and grimaced before looking away begrudgingly.
Ho hum. Why not play a little game I learnt in Drama class? It could work. I crawled up closer and sat in his lap. His eyes widened and I smiled battering my lashes up at him "Honey if you love me will you give me a smile?"
That he did. After a hard time suppressing it.
"I hate you." He responded feebly before wrapping his arms around me in a friendly cuddle before standing to his feet and dragging me up with him. Can you say aw? Yes, I am adorable; shower me with your affections everyone!
But before I could take to teasing him he quickly leant down and kissed me on both my cheeks-AGAIN- before pulling a taunting face at me and running off.
Oh that little...ugh...I can't even think of a name right now, but that pervert is so going to die an early death.
And he would have been dead already if it had not been for the bell ringing for the next class. I went muttering to collect my cooking container and then made my way to class.
Can you guess who was standing there leaning against one of the kitchen benches? Come on, guess! It's not too hard! The Pervert!
And guess what he was doing? Smirking. Arrogant pig.
This was going to be one long cooking session.
* * *
We evacuated the kitchen as smoke filled up the room "How the hell did you set something on fire while making a packet mix cake!!? I turn my back for one second! One second!!!"
I hummed under my breath ignoring The Pervert's ranting as the bell went for recess "Didn't it taste nice?" I asked with a smile withholding a snigger.
"Oh yeah, it tasted great when I scraped it off my FACE as it splattered across the entire room!" he retorted with a snort.
"Thanks." I smiled ignoring all his comments apart from the one that declared my packet mix 'great'.
"Reese, I don't know what to do with you." He sighed shaking his head and giving me a sad-puppy look.
What?! Now don't give me that look. Makes me feel like I have done something wrong. I so haven't. I glared at him and he just smirked and looked away. Arrogant jerk.
I sighed and we made our way to our lockers to grab a bite to eat for recess before heading to detention. Wonder what they have in store for today's session hmm?
I grabbed an apple and made my way to my detention class as scattered cliques went to collect their recess. The cheerleaders could be seen pulling a bit of lettuce from their lunch box and the jocks, well; it looked like an entire leg of ham, but is eating that much humanly possible? Not to mention it was recess, not lunchtime.
Everyone else ate pretty much normally, though some of the punks were carrying some suspiciously red liquid. The cheerleaders like to call them Vampires, but seriously, punk is just a stupid label. I am sure they are drinking tomato juice. Perfectly harmless they are, but they don't really care for conversation. Once I tried talking to one of them, they just grunted at me. Maybe it was just that one, I dunno.
I took a bite from my apple and made my way into the detention room, all eyes fell on me. I made a face at them and took another bite from my apple heading towards the corner of the room; I narrowed my eyes when I saw The Pervert sitting in my seat.
I thumped a hand on my desk "Get out of my seat."
He leaned forward across his desk with a smirk "Maybe I don't want to sweetheart."
"Move. Now." I replied flatly.
"What do you say Princess?" he asked tapping his fingers on the desk and I scowled, I was in no way going to be polite to him.
"Move now or I'll castrate you." I threatened putting up a fist and pointing to it with a sinister smile. He may be slightly more tolerable now days but I wasn't going to let him get away with anything because of it.
He shook his head with a smile and situated himself in the chair next to mine and I snorted, oh well, it was better then nothing.
I rolled my eyes and sat beside him, leaning back in my chair and turning my eyes to the front of class where Mr. Peterson sat there looking rather forlorn.
After a minute or two he sighed and sat up straighter in his chair "Today we are going to write something. Now has anyone ever wanted to say something and never got the chance to?"
The class sat there drooling on their desks and blinking back at him stupidly, some of them responded by scratching their heads and others yawned. He sighed and pitied him so I put my hand up and he managed a weak smile in response "Well now's your chance. And next time you see that person give them it, and if you can't, just give it to your Guardians to stick on their fridge."
Damn. I had forgotten my pencil case. I muttered angrily to my desk and some of my classmates looked at me with mild interest before shuffling to retrieve their pencils. They were mocking me, the scamps.
I soon found myself getting poked in the side and I glared turning around to decapitate the monster but was faced with a pencil. I looked to who was holding it; The Pervert smirked at me twirling it around in his hands "Take it."
I snorted with indignation but after a little pondering I snatched the pencil from his hand with a disgruntled "Thankyou."
"You're welcome." He chuckled retrieving another pencil for himself and also leaning back in his chair to wait for the paper to be handed around.
After getting handed a piece of paper I sat there with a frustrated frown, I really couldn't write all that well. I suppose it was just a letter, not a novel or anything.
"In your letter I want you to explain the situation in which you didn't get to say what you wanted. You don't exactly write it to the person as such, but explain the situation as you call it in your own opinion." He explained "Now begin."
Ho hum. Well I guess it would help improve my writing skills, but what situation could I use? I sat there chewing on my lip for a while before it struck me, I began to write.
I was only a little girl at the time, 3 in
fact. I was at kindergarten and our teacher asked us to tell him why we thought our Mums were the best mums in the world. He hadn't exactly bothered to ask if this was what we thought. I certainly didn't think so.
My Mum even knew it herself, but she had no shame. I didn't even know if she loved me, I knew she didn't hate me. Then again I didn't really care, she bought me candy.
So when it came to my turn I responded flatly with a shrug "My Mummy isn't the best Mum in the world. But she lets me eat fruit loops for breakfast."
He chuckled "That's silly. Of course you think she's the best. She's your mum; she picks you up when you fall down and makes sure you're always smiling. That's what Mums do."
Now that I think about it, it's kind of rude that he assumed all that but at the time I just shrugged it off.
"When I fall down I lie on the ground until my leg stops hurting." I replied flatly "When I stop smiling she just gives me a bowl of ice cream and pets me on the head."
He blinked at that and then went on to the next person. Even at a young age I still managed to floor my teachers, aren't I a treat?
I thought he would just leave it at that but he called my mum up to school.
She arrived in a black sleeveless turtleneck and jeans her face perfectly made up, adorning a friendly smile.
When she saw me she gave me a hug for show and sat down beside me sending my teacher a seductive look. He smiled warmly back obviously missing the way she was looking at him and greeted her with a hand shake and a polite "Hello Mrs. Anderson"
"Miss" she shot quickly with a flirtatious smile, even though she wasn't
He shrugged and went on to explain the happenings of the day; my Mum sat there leaning over and tugging at the top of her collar, occasionally nodding.
After he was finished was when the real drama began. My Mum went on dramatically about how she completely agreed with what I had said, turning on the waterworks at the right times and burying her head in her hands at others. I had to hand it to her; she would have made a ripper actress.
He sat there comforting her and she lapped it all up, when it was time to go she gave one last sniff and handed him her phone number with a suggestive wink "I love a man who is sensitive." She hissed seductively before grabbing my hand and leading me out of the kindergarten to take me home.