by Rachel Nixx
“I tracked you down.”
“You shouldn’t have done that.”
“Why not?”
Her face, turned up to his, furious, and all he wanted to do was kiss her. That, or run away through the cold, darkened streets.
“Because you’re a client.”
“And because I’m Jake’s friend. He doesn’t seem to mind anymore.”
“If you want more time with me, you can pay him for it.”
Anna flinched—he’d hit the target he’d aimed for.
“Of course,” she said softly. “You were just doing your job.”
He nodded, knowing he was an asshole. Knowing it wasn’t just his job.
“So what if I ask you out?”
Zee gave a hollow laugh. “A date? I don’t date.”
“Why not?” she asked again.
Enough of this game of hers. Zee stepped forward, closing the small gap between them. He leaned down, bringing his face close to hers. Her body heat reflected against his, and he could almost taste the cold trail of condensation that rose from her mouth. “I hurt women for a living.”
Anna drew in a shaky breath but stood her ground, saying nothing.
“That’s all I do.”
Still she said nothing.
“And I don’t care if you like getting hurt, if that’s your thing or not. I’m not the man you should want. I don’t date. I don’t get close. I hurt them. You won’t be the exception.”
“Fuck you,” she said, surprising him with the heat of her words.
“What?”
“Jess told me about Keren. You’re the scared one, not me. I thought I was scared. I did. I’ve been scared of everything for years. But when I put myself out there to get physically hurt, you know what? I liked it. Pain isn’t anywhere near as scary as I thought it was. Maybe nothing is. And you know what else? I like thinking about you. I have no idea what—” she waved her hands between them “—this is or could be. I just know I’m not going to be scared of it. I’m through being scared.”
“I’ll break your heart.”
She shrugged. “So what? I’m strong. I’ll live.”
Something inside Zee’s chest shook, a deep reverberation. He couldn’t...it wasn’t that easy. “Go. The subway is just around the corner. I’ve walked you far enough.”
Tugging her coat around her even tighter, she looked at him. Silence, for the space of a breath. And another one.
“Okay. I’m going. But Zee?” She put her small hand on the front of his jacket and kissed him lightly on the mouth. “You’re going to have to let it go someday. Whether it’s with me or with someone else, you don’t deserve to punish yourself like this.”
When she turned the corner, walking out of his sight, Zee had never felt more empty. But she was wrong. He did deserve this. Exactly this.
The steps Anna took away from him were torturous. She walked quickly, but at the same time, she wanted to feel his hand on the back of her arm. Zee would stop her. Any minute now. Right?
At the top of the subway steps, he finally caught up to her, touching her elbow. She turned, the smile already halfway to her lips.
But instead of Zee, she was face to face with a different man. Much smaller than Zee, he wore an ill-fitting suit and a bright red knit hat that matched his scarf. He was much too coordinated for a mugger. He looked like a banker who’d been on a bender for the weekend. He was moving too close, too fast, and Anna stepped backward naturally, not wanting to be in this guy’s way.
But the man grabbed her by the upper arm and spun her around so that she faced him. He gripped her tightly. Another man she hadn’t noticed until then came in tight, shielding them. The first flashed something metallic from his pocket. He did it too quickly, and she couldn’t tell if it was a knife or a gun, but whatever it was, it was enough for her to know what was going on.
“Your purse.”
Fuck. She hadn’t been robbed in years. And she had her laptop in her bag.
She managed a shaky smile. “How about my wallet? I have about sixty bucks in it.” Keep the laptop. She had a set of plans she hadn’t saved to her backup drive yet, plans that would take her hours to redraft.
“C’mon, bitch. Hand it over.”
Anna reached into her bag.
“The whole thing, you cunt.” The second guy shoved her in the shoulder so that she ricocheted hard into Red Scarf.
It was one thing for Zee to call her a cunt. He made it sound like an endearment, the name dripping from his lips. It was another for this asshole to do it.
“Fuck off,” she said, bringing her fist up into the second man’s solar plexus. The move felt urgent. Instinctive. With her left foot she kicked at Red Scarf’s legs, but she missed and slipped on the wet pavement.
“Bitch.”
With their arms grasping hers, they spun her farther from the subway entrance, farther from potential assistance, and pressed her to the wall of a narrow alley. They cornered her then, pushing her against the brick, hands reaching, grabbing, for anything in reach. They ripped her bag from her grasp, and then patted her down. One of them shoved his arm against her crotch. Red Scarf leaned so close she could tell he was hard. She could tell he wanted her to know.
Anna held her breath. She folded in her shoulders to make herself small. A mouse. Invisible.
She closed her eyes.
Then she took the biggest gulp of air her lungs could take and came out flying.
She was a banshee. A wildcat. Something primal tore from her vocal cords and she gave the sound all the air she could spare. When Red Scarf grabbed at her arms, she twisted away and scratched at his eyes. When the other man kneed her in the gut, she ignored the pain and kicked harder, her limbs flying. They couldn’t hold her.
She fought, without regard to pain.
Even if they won, even if they took her to the ground and beat her—or worse—Anna would know she had fought. A deep scarlet burst of pride blended into the pain.
Red Scarf finally pinned one of her arms and with his other hand squeezed her throat. Anna saw black spots dancing at the edge of her vision, but she managed to bring her knee up sharply into his groin. He twisted away with a curse.
Anna heard a roar behind the men’s heads. Then, as if they’d been hit by a passing truck, the men flew away from her, one followed by the next. Red Scarf bounced off the brick and came back full force at Zee who almost filled the space with his bulk.
With another bellow that echoed down the street, Zee hit Red Scarf with an wide uppercut, sending the man’s head into the brick with a dull smack. The other man released Anna and windmilled at Zee but was unceremoniously tossed like a bag of flour into the fire escape behind him.
Zee put both hands on Anna’s shoulders and fixed her gaze with his. “Are you hurt?”
“No,” Anna said. No, she wasn’t. Thank god, she wasn’t. “I’m fine.”
Zee gave one last vicious kick to Red Shirt, his heavy steel-toed boot catching the man square in the side. Then Zee steered her into the main street and down the subway stairs, holding her hand as if he would never let it go.
They didn’t speak as they waited for her train. They didn’t say a word as it swayed and jerked toward her stop. Zee held the rail above Anna’s head, with his other arm, he pulled her against his side. She heard his heart beating, faster than she’d ever heard a man’s heart beat before. Tension coiled inside him, raw energy she desperately wanted to help him spend.
The doors opened. They filed out behind the people carrying briefcases and backpacks. Up the steps, two blocks south and one long block east.
Then up the four steps to Anna’s front door. She fumbled with her keys, dropping them with nervous fingers. He bent to retrieve them and opened the door as if he’d done it a hundred times. Three flights up, his tread heavy on the wood behind her.
Inside her apartment, it smelled like coffee and cinnamon, and faintly, of the toast she’d burned that morning.
What should she d
o? What should she offer him?
What did he want?
Was it the same thing she did?
Zee crossed the room and stood at the window, looking down.
“You looked like an angel when I was outside that night.”
Anna said, “I’m not an angel.”
“I know,” he said. “I think that’s why I can’t stop thinking of you.”
Faintly, she said, “You can’t?”
“Not for one second.”
Anna poured two glasses of water, set them on the coffee table, and dropped onto the couch with a feeling in her heart that she didn’t want to name. She winced, touching the spot at her throat where the man had choked her.
“Jesus. Are you sure you’re okay?” Zee moved with the speed of a cat. He touched her cheek where she could feel a bruise blooming. “We should get you to a hospital.”
She shrugged. “I told you, I’m fine. Besides, it’s really my ass that hurts the most.”
Zee paled. “Did I hurt you too much?”
With a laugh, she reached around him to take a sip of her water. Heat rose from his leather jacket, and she could smell his sweat, a sharp, heady scent. His cheeks were red. “You’re too hot. Take this off.” She slipped her hands into the front of the jacket and caught it as he shrugged it off.
“You didn’t answer me.”
“You hurt me just right.”
Zee twisted so that he sat on the floor next to her. “I told you.”
“What?”
“That’s what I do.”
“You have a talent for it.”
He shook his head. “I know. That’s the bitch of it.”
“Zee. For chrissakes.” Anna lost a piece of her patience. “You think you only hurt women?”
He nodded dumbly. The scar at his mouth stood out in white relief against the starkness of his jawbone.
“You weren’t the one hurting me in the alley.”
“Jesus.” He scrubbed at his eyes as if they ached.
“You saved me.” She touched him on the shoulder, feeling his heat rise through his black t-shirt.
He shook his head. “If I hadn’t been there...”
“It might have been different.”
He turned his head and looked at her. God, his eyes were the most amazing shade of gray, like stone in shadow.
Then, in a move that she didn’t expect, he touched her knee and gave a low laugh. “You were kicking their cumulative asses, kid.”
Anna’s hands started to shake again. She twisted her fingers in her lap to still them. “I was.”
“You were.”
She had been. Goddamn, she had protected herself.
Biting the inside of her lip, she stood and moved to the window, staring out but seeing nothing.
“I’m not sure what to do next,” she admitted, keeping her back turned.
He’d moved without her hearing him again, and his voice spoke in her ear. “Me, neither. I have no fucking idea.”
Anna kept her eyes on a woman walking her dog. The woman paused on the sidewalk and took out her cellphone as her dog sniffed a tree. Anna didn’t say anything. Somehow, though, the silence was comfortable. She leaned back into Zee’s chest, and his arms came around her.
She felt him rumble as he spoke into her hair. “Usually, if I were in this position, I’d push you up against this glass.”
Her breath caught.
“And then,” he continued, “I’d hold your hands in place over your head and pull down your panties with my other hand.”
He pushed his face into her hair, nuzzling for one wonderful second at her neck, his stubble creating a shiver that ran down her spine all the way to her toes.
“Then what?” she asked. Her breath fogged the glass.
“Then I’d lift your shirt. Play with your tits. Pinch your nipples till you wriggled backward against me. Yeah,” he laughed. “Like that.”
Zee still wasn’t touching her except for where she leaned back into him. He kept his hips pulled back so she couldn’t even feel his hardness.
“Then what?”
“I’d spank you for a good long time, until you couldn’t think enough to count the blows anymore. Then I’d fuck you from behind. I’d ram my cock into you so hard you’d wonder if you could take any more. And then I’d give it to you harder. I’d make you keep your eyes outside, on whoever walked by. If anyone looked up, I’d make you lick the glass.”
“Jesus,” she whispered.
“But you know what?” He spun her in his arms so that she faced him.
God, he was so big. So tall. But when he tilted his face down to hers, she swore she could see right through him, into his soul. “What?”
“I want you in your bed.”
He swept her up into his arms. She’d only ever seen a man carry a woman like that in movies, and she’d always thought it would be awkward. But with Zee, it wasn’t. He moved smoothly, easily, making his way through the doorway without bumping any part of her, depositing her on the bed gracefully, following her down onto the mattress. “I want you here.”
His hands moved over her. Slowly. As if he had all the time in the world. He unzipped her dress and lifted it over her head before laying her back down. In just her bra and panties, she watched as he stripped off his shirt. Lord help her, the muscles on his torso were roped, leading down, down, into the top of his jeans, which thank god he was shucking. Yep, the muscles went farther down. His enormous cock sprang up, bouncing against his flat stomach. Anna reached forward, but Zee smiled that crazy-big smile, and said, “Wait. Just a minute. I want to—”
He lay next to her, his hands gentle as they tested her bruises, the ones the men in the alley placed on her. He traced each mark with his fingertips, cursing low under his breath. Then he kissed each one, so lightly she could barely feel it. Heat flooded her as he drew his lips and tongue down the inside of her arm. He licked her palm, tickling her with his breath.
Then, so slowly that she ached, he brought his mouth to hers. His lips were everything she needed, and she drank from his tongue as if she were crawling parched through a desert and he was a flash of water. Their tongues played against each other, met, raising each other with every touch, every nip bring up the temperature. Zee bit her lower lip and then licked it carefully, as if he was learning her, memorizing her.
Anna felt his hand at her waist.
“Roll over for me,” he said in a low voice.
Lazily, she rolled, stretching out along the bed. Zee slipped her panties off, and then undid her bra band. He ran his fingers gently down her back, down her legs. “You have welts.”
Thrilled, Anna said, “I do?”
He lowered his mouth to her skin, kissing her, following the marks. As he touched each with his lips, she felt again the sting of the whip he’d used followed by the heat that now rose through her. Her clit pulsed, and she pushed her hips into the bed.
Long minutes later, Anna breathed heavily into her pillow. “I’m not sure...”
Zee stopped immediately, sitting up with a jerk. “What?”
“No, I’m not sure if I can take much more of this,” she said, rolling onto her back. “Not like this, anyway.”
“It’s okay,” he said, moving backward. “That’s totally fine.”
“No!” Anna grabbed his hand and pulled him toward her. “I’m saying I can’t take much more of you teasing me. I need more.”
Zee’s eyes darkened, his pupils going wide. Without speaking, he stretched his body to loom over her, holding himself up with one hand, the other resting on the outer curve of her breast. He blocked the light from the living room, and she could only see his silhouette. Jesus, she wanted him. “Hurry,” she whispered so softly she didn’t think he heard.
Then his cock was pushing against the lips of her pussy. She was wet, so wet. She rubbed her slickness against his length and then thrust her hips at the same moment he did.
He filled her so completely she was dizzy for a second,
unsure which direction was up.
Then he moved in her, one long stroke until he was completely outside her. A pressure, and he filled her again with a thunderclap. Then she lost her ability to tell in from out as he fucked her, slowly at first, then speeding up until the friction she felt deep inside her pussy and against her clit was grinding at the back of her teeth, behind her eyes. Everything was tension—she was suspended in air, high above their bodies—until she fell through the ether and crashed against him on the other side.
Zee came with her, his yell matching her scream.
Anna caught her breath with difficulty, unsure if she even wanted to. If she could keep feeling like this, breathless, held perfectly, every part of her body thrumming with joy, she’d give up breathing. She’d give up water and food and air in order to feel this forever.
Next to her, Zee touched her ear with his lips. “Jesus Christ, kid,” he breathed. He rolled off her, keeping his heavy arm slung across her. She gripped it, not wanting him to go any farther away.
Zee started to speak, but had to clear his throat. Then, “You remember what I said about breaking your heart?” His accent was stronger now.
“Mmmm.” A flutter started in her stomach. Was this when he hurt her? Like really, truly officially did it? Not like he’d done in the storefront with the whip, but for real?
“What if it’s the other way around?” he said.
“What?” It didn’t make sense.
“What if you break mine?” His voice was still hoarse, and he closed his eyes.
“Well,” Anna said, lifting his arm and rolling so that she draped her arm and leg over his, “Would you live?”
He opened one eye to look at her and then shut it again. “Dunno.”
“Really?”
“Okay. Yes. I did it once before. I didn’t do it well, I’ll admit, but I lived.”
“Then does it matter if you get hurt? Isn’t it worth the risk? Wasn’t it last time, too?”
A smile played across his face in the low lamplight filtering in from the living room. “Suppose so.”
“We all get hurt. Some of it feels pretty fucking good.”
The smile got wider.
Anna gathered her bravery to her chest before she spoke again. “I guess I’d be okay taking that chance.”