by Kitchin, Rob
‘All you have is a cap,’ Sally says. ‘There’s nothing to suggest it’s worth a million dollars.’
‘I could write a code in it, like a bank reference number or something,’ I suggest. ‘Make it look like it might give access to the million bucks.’
‘And that’s meant to fool them, is it?’
‘Yes.’
‘Don’t be a moron all your life, Tiger. They want hard cash, not a cap.’
‘I was trying to make a constructive suggestion.’
‘Well, don’t.’
‘Since when did you get to tell me what to do?’
‘For God’s sake, stop,’ Annabelle says. ‘I’m not sure I can take any more of you two arguing constantly. You’re driving me mad. Tadhg, put Junior back in the freezer before he starts to melt.’
I’m still not overly keen on manhandling the stiff corpse, but I lift him up and shove him into the freezer unit, struggling to close the door. As it clunks shut I have another idea.
‘We also have Junior,’ I say.
Annabelle and Sally stare at me blankly.
‘Barry White killed Junior; Denise’s husband. The husband she drove up here to reclaim from Kate. If she knew the truth then she might turn against her brother. Divide and conquer.’
Annabelle’s nodding her head. Sally’s looking at me as if I’ve got two heads.
I have another idea. I’m on a roll. A regular ideas factory.
‘They have to be staying somewhere, right? They’re not locals, so a motel would be my guess. We could drive round the town to the different motels, see if we can spot them.’
‘It’ll be like looking for a needle in a haystack,’ Sally moans.
‘More like searching for a red Beetle in a small number of motels,’ I correct, jumping down out of the van.
‘And what are we going to do with the van and the bodies?’
Jesus, it’s like the woman is genetically programmed to undermine my propositions. If I was to suggest that we now go to the police, she’d argue against it, regardless of her previous conviction.
‘We can lock it up and leave it here.’
‘We’re not leaving it here,’ Annabelle says. ‘That van’s worth a lot of money. We’ll take it back to the factory. I’ll tell John it’s to be left alone until I say otherwise.’
‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea.’
‘But yours are?’ Sally says.
‘I just think it would be a disaster to Annabelle’s company if two bodies were discovered in the back of one of her vans. Nobody will want to eat her chocolates.’
‘You were the one that’s just said to leave the van here with them inside!’
‘He’s right,’ Annabelle mutters. ‘We need to get rid of the bodies. Tadhg, you drive the van and follow us.’
‘I’m not driving anything. Sorry.’ The last two times I drove were hardly success stories.
‘Uh-uh,’ Sally says, backing away, ‘I’m not driving a van with two corpses in it.’
‘Fine, I’ll drive this van and you two can follow me in the other,’ Annabelle says, her temper beginning to fray.
‘If it’s okay, I’ll travel with you, Anna,’ I say.
I could really do with a break from Sally. I think I preferred it when I was being chased all over the place. At least I didn’t have someone nagging me all the time.
* * *
‘Will you stop fidgeting, you’re making me nervous,’ Annabelle says.
We’ve driven down Park Street, along Oak Street, and we’re now making our way up Telegraph Road towards John Philips’ gas station.
‘I’m not fidgeting.’
‘You are. You’re playing with your cap, you’re biting your nails, rolling your shoulders, and glancing around as if a giant dinosaur is going to burst out of nowhere and attack the van.’
‘I can’t help it,’ I explain. ‘I’ve spent all day pinging from one disaster to another. I’ve been chased, shot at and beaten up. I must be wanted for just about every crime on the statute book. Nobody has attacked me in the last hour except verbally. It just doesn’t feel right.’
‘Like the calm before the storm.’
‘Exactly. I keep expecting some truck to pull out of a side street and plough into the side of us or the cab to be peppered with bullets.’
‘Thanks for those soothing thoughts,’ Annabelle says sarcastically.
‘I can’t help it. It’s too quiet. It’s giving me the creeps. What we could do with are a few of Paavo’s friends from the 75th Ranger Regiment.’
‘Ranger Regiment?’ Annabelle asks.
‘Yeah, I asked him who he’d invite to help him if he ever got in a bind and he said the 75th Ranger Regiment.’
Annabelle laughs. ‘Paavo wasn’t in the Rangers.’
‘He wasn’t?’
‘No, he was a cook in the Army Engineers.’
‘A cook? Paavo was a cook?’
‘Yes.’
‘Shit. He never told me he was a cook. Damn, a cook! I assumed he did something kind of hush-hush since he refuses to talk about it. I just assumed he transferred from the Engineers to the Rangers.’ Another friend keeping secrets from me. I’m beginning to wonder to what extent we’re all really friends.
She shakes her head. ‘Not that I know about. It’s not on his resume.’
‘Well, it wouldn’t be, would it, if it was hush-hush. Maybe he was some kind of elite, undercover soldier or something.’
‘And maybe he was a cook.’
‘So what you’re saying is, the chances of him doing some kind of A-Team style escape are pretty slim?’
‘Paavo’s quite resourceful. Besides, you’re not a ranger and you’ve managed to survive so far. You even managed to rescue Sally.’
‘I must have been mad. Talk about ungrateful.’
‘For someone who writes about people, Tadhg, you have very little insight into them.’
‘What’s that meant to mean?’
Annabelle doesn’t answer.
‘Anna?’
‘You’re a big boy, you work it out.’
Now Annabelle is wrecking my head. What is it with women that they can wreck guys’ heads so easily? Do they get special training when they’re kids? Some secret course for young girls on how to mess with male minds?
‘You’re not going to sulk now, are you? Go into one of your black moods.’
‘Leave me alone, Anna. I’m tired.’
She puts on the indicator and drifts out into the outside lane. We’re going to turn left onto Turner Street at the next set of traffic lights and head towards the woods out by Cootehall, a small village five miles outside of Carrick.
‘For a grown man, you have really thin skin, do you know that? I know five year olds who are more robust.’
I don’t answer, watching the landscape pass by in a blur. I love Anna to bits, but she’s so driven and intense that she can be abrasive and overbearing at times.
‘Great. You are sulking. That’s just fantastic!’
A black Taurus glides slowly by in the inside lane. I find myself staring into the side of Kate’s head. Juan seated alongside her.
Oh fuck.
I yank the cap down to hide my face.
Bad move!
I whip the cap off, turning towards Annabelle and slipping down in the seat.
‘Now what?’ she snaps.
‘Kate!’
‘Pscyho-Bitch? Where?’
‘That car overtaking us on the inside.’
‘I wonder where the heck she’s going?’
I take a peek at the Taurus. It’s in front of us now and there are no signs that they’ve spotted us. It seems that the storm is not about to break just yet.
‘God knows,’ I say, ‘but wherever it is, we don’t want to be there. The last time we saw her she was shooting at us.’
‘Should we follow them?’ Anna asks.
‘No! There’re probably looking for us. The last thing we should do is follow them!’
‘Okay, okay, calm down.’
As I push myself back up into the seat another car draws level with the van. I find myself staring at the profile of Barry White’s younger brother. Beyond him I can see Denise’s figure, her head obscured by the roof. They’ve lost the Beetle and are now driving some kind of silver saloon car.
I slide back down again.
‘Now what?’ Annabelle says irritably.
‘Barry White’s brother and sister.’
We’re slowing for the traffic lights ahead. Annabelle still has her indicator on to drift into the turning lane. The Taylor siblings are clearly following Kate, hoping she will lead them to us and the million dollars. At some point, they’ll return to where they are staying, with or without Kate’s head on a platter.
‘Stay in this lane,’ I tell Annabelle. ‘Maybe they’ll lead us back to Jason and Paavo.’
Annabelle cancels the indicator switch. As we come to a halt at the traffic lights we’re waiting alongside the Taylor’s newly stolen car. I’m firmly wedged in the foot well, out of sight, clutching the cap. I’ve no idea whether this is good or bad luck. It’s probably both, if that’s possible.
* * *
Annabelle has let two cars slip in between us and the Taylors. She reckons this is what a private investigator would do to prevent himself being spotted. Personally, I’m just happy to put a bit of distance between us, though I’m still having trouble deciding whether to sit on the seat or slide back into the foot well.
A police cruiser approaches on the other side of the road. Instinctively I start to slide downwards.
‘Stay where you are,’ Annabelle instructs. ‘Do you want him to get suspicious?’
‘He might recognize me.’
‘Then turn the other way. Look, Tadhg, just calm down and try and act naturally.’
‘I am acting naturally.’
‘No you’re not! You’re like a hyperactive teenager. Just relax.’
‘Do you have your cell phone, Anna?’ I ask, trying to change the subject as the police car passes by. ‘We better call Sally and let her know what’s going on. Get her to drop back a bit or something. It’s going to look weird, two Annabelle’s Delights vans in a convoy.’
Annabelle roots in a pocket and hands me her smart phone. After a bit of fiddling I find her contacts list and scroll down to Sally’s number. It rings a dozen times before it connects, though nobody speaks.
‘Sally?’ I hazard. ‘Sally, are you there?’
‘Is that you, Tad, you son of a bitch?’ Redneck says.
Shit! Redneck still has Sally’s cell phone.
‘You’re a dead man walking, chickenshit. Do you hear me, boy, a dead man walking.’
‘How’s the leg?’ I manage to ask.
‘Don’t you worry about my leg, chickenshit. I’m made of stronger stuff than the average man. You tried to bash my head in and that didn’t work. Then you tried to bust my leg, but I’m still walking. The next time I see you I’m going to shoot first and ask questions later. We’ll see how tough you are then, chickenshit.’
‘The police are looking for you,’ is the best I can offer as a repost.
‘Son, the police have been chasing me my whole life. They’re more chickenshit than you are.’ There’s mumbling in the background, Redneck answering, though I can’t hear what he’s saying. ‘Look, Tad, I know we haven’t been getting on too well, but I can be a reasonable man. If you hand over the million dollars, then I’m prepared to let you walk away without consequence. Now, you can’t say fairer than that, can you?’
‘What makes you think I’ve got the million dollars?’
He must be crazy if he thinks I’m going to fall for a ruse like that. I might not be the brightest bulb in the chandelier, but I have enough wattage to see past that one.
‘The fact that Kate is still out there searching for you,’ Redneck says.
‘How do you know that?’
‘Because I’m following her.’
Following her? What the ...?
I scan across the cars in front of me, but can’t spot him. I twist round in my seat, but all that’s there is the wall of the cab, so I swing back and stare into the wing mirror.
We need to get out of here right now! We’re in a convoy of certain death.
‘Well, I don’t have the million dollars,’ I snap. ‘All I have is some worthless cap.’ I end the call. ‘Turn in here,’ I instruct Annabelle, pointing at the entrance to a Pizza Hut.
‘Why?’
‘Because Redneck is right behind us.’
‘He’s behind us?’
‘For God’s sake, Annabelle, just get off this fucking road!’
She puts on the indicator and turns into the restaurant car park. ‘We’re going to lose them, Tadhg.’
‘Good.’
‘What about Jason and Paavo?’
Damn! Jason and Paavo.
‘I’ll get Sally. We can set off again then. It’ll be better to be at the back than in the middle.’ I open the door and jog to the other van.
It would be better to be on a completely different road heading away from Carrick Springs with all due haste.
‘You need to park up and come with us,’ I tell her through her open window.
‘But what about the van?’
‘Forget about the van. Hurry up or we’ll lose them.’
I run back to Annabelle as Sally drives to the end of the car park and parks the van.
We roll-up and she hops in, Annabelle already heading back to Telegraph Road before Sally is seated.
‘What’s going on?’ Sally asks.
‘What’s going on was that was a lucky escape,’ I say. ‘For the last half mile we’ve been following Barry White’s younger brother tailing Psycho-Bitch and Juan.’
‘So why did we stop?’
‘Because Redneck and Cowboy were following us.’
‘Oh my God!’
That about sums it up. It seems we finally agree on something.
Annabelle puts her foot down and we cruise along, searching for the badass convoy. It doesn’t take long to find them. The black Taurus is parked at the far end of a Motel 6. Young Barry is parked a short distance away. If Redneck and Cowboy are there, I can’t see them.
Annabelle cruises past and parks in the Burger King next door.
This kind convergence has the potential to turn into another shootout as with the truck stop or the shopping mall. Only we don’t have any guns, just two frozen corpses that might be used as battering rams.
* * *
It’s coming up to seven thirty in the evening of what has been a sizzling May day. For the last twenty minutes we’ve been watching the car park of the Motel 6. Young Barry and Denise are still parked in the same place. We think that Redneck and Cowboy are on the other side of the road in the car park of a La Quinta Inn. In half an hour the sun will set and the sky will fade to indigo and eventually an inky blackness peppered with stars.
‘But who killed Tony Marino?’ Sally asks.
‘Barry White or Redneck,’ I answer. ‘They must have come to the house before going to the truck stop.’
‘But what was Marino doing there? In your house? Shouldn’t he have been at the truck stop with Psycho-Bitch?’
‘Maybe one of them lured him there?’
‘But how would they know about him? If he was her ace in the hole?’
‘Jesus, Sally, I don’t know, okay. I don’t know who killed Marino!’
For the last ten minutes she’s been running through the day, asking an endless series of questions. One after another, droning on and on and on. If I survive the madness we seemed to be trapped inside, she’s going to drive me into an asylum.
‘Well, sorrrry.’
‘Apology accepted.’
‘It wasn’t an apology, Carrothead.’
‘Look, Sally, I know you’ve got emotional or psychological problems or whatever the hell they are but, please, just give it a rest. For all our sakes.�
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‘You can’t … tell him, Annabelle; he can’t insult me like that! I don’t have any emotional problems.’
‘Will the two of you please stop,’ Annabelle says. ‘You’re both driving me crazy.’
‘All I was doing was trying to make sense of what has been happening and he has to insult me,’ Sally says.
Neither Annabelle nor I reply, our eyes locked on the car park.
‘Well, pardon me for trying to help,’ Sally continues.
I can’t help but to roll my eyes. Yesterday I would have pitied Sally being married to her idiot husband and looking after his two brat kids, but now I have nothing but sympathy for the poor bastards. It must be like living in purgatory.
The door to the silver car opens and Young Barry steps out.
At last, some movement. I was beginning to wonder if we were going to sit here all night.
A second later, Denise exits the car, closing the door behind her and walks round to the driver’s side. They swap a few words then Denise slips in behind the wheel. Young Barry heads for the shadows and Denise pulls away.
Annabelle starts the van and reverses from our spot.
‘We’re leaving?’ Sally asks.
‘We’re trying to find Jason and Paavo,’ I say. ‘Maybe they’re where Barry White’s sister is going. You can stay here and keep an eye on everyone else if you want.’
‘There’s no need to be rude; I was only asking what we’re doing.’
‘And all I was doing was telling you.’
‘Just stop!’ Annabelle says. ‘Before I kill you both.’
We exit the car park back onto Telegraph Road and trail after Denise, keeping our distance. A mile later we pass under the interstate and a short distance beyond that the town limits. Way off to our right, Malachy’s Mill is hidden in the trees. We continue on for two more miles, heading towards Lyonstown, the traffic gradually thinning.
Up ahead an indicator light flashes orange and Denise turns off the road, disappearing behind a wall of conifers. As we near the spot, the iron rail fence and the ornate gateway to the old Foxboro hotel emerges into view. Up a curving driveway, framed by an overgrown lawn, is the imposing neo-gothic façade of the main building, with its dark cut stone and copper green roof. Denise is parking near to the front door as we pass. We continue on, turning half a mile or so further along the road.