“We’ll have fun, won’t we?” she said, her eyes bright with laughter. “When we all live here in our new house. You and me can chase each other every day!” Sophie extracted a hand from underneath Izzy’s body and held her rebellious hair back from her face, fighting that pang of loss again.
“Well…,” she began, but just at that moment the tide rushed in a little higher and bathed the left side of Sophie’s body with an icy caress.
“Bananas!” Sophie said, remembering for once not to swear. Izzy squealed with delight as Sophie picked her up and they ran out of the reach of the encroaching tide. Once they were at a safe distance, Sophie set Izzy down and looked at the soaking band that ran the length of her jeans.
“We’ll have to go back and get changed,” she told Izzy, who was running around her in a circle and probably not as bothered about being wet and cold as she was. Sophie looked at the clouds that had grown and darkened. “It’s going to rain anyway,” she said. “Come on, Izzy, let’s catch Daddy and Bella up.”
“No!” Izzy said, disagreeing reflexively. “I’m going paddling!”
“Don’t be mad,” Sophie said, absently scanning the beach for Bella and Louis. “In this weather?” Eventually she spotted a pair of figures, surprisingly small in the distance. It looked as if Bella was walking a step or two ahead of her father, and Louis was talking, Sophie could tell, because he used his hands just as much as language to express himself.
For a moment the wind dropped and a beam of sunlight broke through the clouds as Sophie watched the two distant figures, wishing she could work out what they were saying to each other just by looking at them. And then Bella stopped suddenly, and in one stride Louis caught up with her. There was another beat, perhaps a few more words exchanged, and then, without looking, Bella began to walk on again, except this time she held out her hand, and Louis took it.
And then the wind rose again, this time bringing with it something else.
Izzy was screaming. Sighing, Sophie looked around the beach, expecting to see her in proud possession of a not-so-dead crab or a bunch of seaweed.
But Izzy was not on the beach.
“Izzy!” This time Sophie screamed; a cold drench of fear flooded her chest. Dimly aware of Bella and Louis stopping in their tracks and turning around, Sophie shouted again, “IZZY!” and then she saw her, or rather her red anorak, billowing and blooming as it was buffeted by waves, and her heart clenched in dread.
Izzy was in the water.
Sophie did not know what she was going to do or how she was going to do it, but she knew, she absolutely knew, that she had to be there in the water with Izzy. She knew that she must not lose sight of her, that she must not let Izzy’s head disappear beneath the waves again before she was at her side. Sophie ran into the surf without feeling the shock of cold as the water rose to her thighs and then to just above her waist, only the resistance of the water slowing her run to a frustrating wade. Somehow Izzy was still afloat and managing to hold her face out of the water. As she got closer, Sophie could see the terror in the little girl’s face, and then suddenly the sea was on her side and the tide washed Izzy right into her arms.
Sophie held on to the child, who was still screaming and struggling, as tightly as she was able against the pull of the retreating tide. She didn’t know how fast the tide might come in, but she knew she had to get out of the water as quickly as possible before she was forced to try to swim instead of walk ashore. It struck her in a moment of clarity that there was a chance, a real chance that if the tide was strong enough and the wind cruel enough, everything might go horribly, wrong for both of them. She felt a fear sharper than anything she had ever felt before, a fear that made her weak, her legs buckling beneath her. And then she remembered Izzy in her arms, and she tightened her grip on the girl and steadied her legs.
“I’ve got you,” she said as she tried to turn back toward the beach.
Then Louis was in the water with her, lifting Izzy out of her arms and propelling them back onto land. Bella ran into their legs as they emerged and flung her arms around the sodden group, and two or three surfers and some passing dog walkers gathered around them.
“You all right?” she heard a woman ask kindly.
“Do you want an ambulance?” another asked.
Sophie shook her head.
“Bella, careful,” she heard herself say to the girl clinging to her legs, her voice remarkably calm. “You’ll get all wet!”
“I don’t care!” Bella said, and the four stood grouped together, arms around one another for a moment, Izzy still crying hysterically, unable to believe that she was safe.
“Dude, take this,” a young surfer, his suit still wet from the sea, offered them a huge beach towel.
“Thanks, mate,” Louis said gratefully, taking it and the other towels that were offered. “Come on,” he said, his voice shaking. “We’ve got to dry off.”
Louis came into Sophie’s room carrying a tray of steaming hot drinks. “Four hot chocolates courtesy of Mrs. Alexander,” he said, setting the tray down on the dressing table before looking up at Sophie and the children. She, Izzy, and Bella were huddled under the covers on the double bed, all of them in their pajamas and Sophie with one arm around each child’s shoulders. Fortunately, she had found a children’s program on the TV, and Izzy watched it intently, sucking the thumb of one hand, a finger of the other twirling her hair round and round. Bella was watching Izzy, her dark eyes fixed on her sister as if even in the safety of the double bed she had to keep an eye on her, just in case.
Louis smiled for the benefit of the group, but his face was still flushed from the cold, and Sophie could see he was still shaken.
“What kind people on the beach,” she said. “Helping us to get dry, and that lady that brought us tea from the café.”
“Yeah,” Louis said, smiling. “That’s what I love about humanity. Just when you start thinking the whole world’s full of selfish, cruel individuals, you realize that actually, given the chance, all we want to do is be nice to one another and help each other.”
“Way deep, dude,” Sophie said wryly, but she knew what he meant. She’d learned so much in the last few weeks.
“Anyway, how are you girls feeling?” he asked the threesome, sitting on the edge of the bed. Two of them ignored him, and Sophie just shrugged. She wasn’t sure how to answer.
“I’m fine,” she said, with a small smile. “I think I’m getting the feeling back in my toes. It might not be frostbite after all.”
He nodded, clasping his hands together as if he didn’t know what to do with them. “Mrs. Alexander’s called a doctor just to be on the safe side. She’ll be here in about twenty minutes. It’s amazing that Izzy didn’t swallow more water,” he said, looking at the transfixed girl. “It’s incredible that she stayed afloat. I think her anorak must have acted like a sort of temporary water wing, trapping air underneath it.”
“Maybe,” Sophie said. “I mean, really, it was all over so quickly, wasn’t it? I suppose it wasn’t that serious at all.”
Louis looked at her. “It was serious enough for a three-year-old,” he said with feeling.
“I’m sorry, Louis,” Sophie said, with unexpected emotion. “I’m really sorry. I just took my eyes off her for a moment…”
Seeing she was distressed, Louis reached out and touched her shoulder. “Don’t be sorry. I was the one who said getting a little bit wet wouldn’t hurt her. Kids get into scrapes, especially Izzy. But you were there to help her. That’s what counts. So thank you.”
“I didn’t do anything much,” Sophie said, feeling her skin flare under his intense scrutiny. She sat up a little so that Izzy’s head rested on her stomach. Bella shifted out of the embrace and turned onto her side. She appeared to have fallen asleep. “I just waded in—”
“You were really brave,” Louis insisted.
“Not that brave,” Sophie said, feeling abashed. “A bit stupid really. I can’t really swim.”
&nb
sp; Louis blinked at her, and the color drained from his cheeks. “Right,” he said.
Izzy finally broke eye contact with Barney the dinosaur and reached out a hand to Louis. “Daddy,” she said. “Cuddle too.”
Louis took her hand and, moving to the head of the bed, put his arms around Izzy, stretching one leg out on the bed, leaving the other planted firmly on the floor.
“She said she wanted to go paddling!” Sophie whispered as Izzy settled back into her program. “I didn’t think she meant it! I should have remembered—when a three-year-old says she is going to do something, she really means it. I only took my eyes off of her for a second. I’m so sorry, Louis. I mean, what if—” The now familiar wave of panic surged through her again.
Louis shifted slightly and, using his arm that was around Izzy’s shoulders, picked up Sophie’s hand. “I said don’t be sorry,” he said, tightening his finger around hers. “Not you.”
Sophie was sure the only thing that saved her from spontaneous combustion was Izzy, rejoining the conversation once again.
“Mummy is in the sea, Sophie,” she said conversationally.
Sophie looked down at the little girl with surprise. Instead of the nervous wreck that Sophie had expected, with a newly acquired phobia of water to add to her long list of terrors, the child seemed amazingly serene.
“Is she?” Sophie asked.
“Yes.” Izzy lifted her head and looked from Louis to Sophie. “It was Mummy that pushed me back to you, wasn’t it?
Sophie thought about the swell of the tide that had carried Izzy almost directly into her arms. She rested her palm against Izzy’s cheek and smiled down at her. “You know what,” she said, feeling suddenly comforted by childish logic. “I think you’re right.”
Louis tried halfheartedly to persuade Sophie that she didn’t have to come with him to the solicitor’s.
She pointed out as she clambered out of bed that the doctor had said they were all fine and that in fact a trip would take their minds off of it all.
It was interesting to watch Louis’s face then as he struggled with not wanting to go alone but wanting to do the right thing.
“Honestly, it’s fine,” Sophie said, finding a clean, dry top. She had undone the first two top buttons on her pajamas before she realized what she was doing, dropped the T-shirt like a hot brick, and nodded in the direction of the door. “We’ll meet you downstairs.”
Louis seemed just as embarrassed as she was by her sudden carefree impulse to undress in front him and needed no further prompting to leave, but just before he shut the door behind him, he turned around again. “You’re sure you want to come?”
“We’re sure,” Bella said. “Because if you’re going to look at houses and shops, then so are me and Izzy. You said we’d decide everything together, remember?”
Both Louis and Sophie sensed that Bella was testing him.
“Of course,” Louis said. “Of course the three of us will decide together.”
Once the door was shut, Sophie dressed herself and the girls quickly in three pairs of jeans purchased especially for the trip and three brand-new pairs of sneakers.
“I look like you!” Izzy said, pointing at Sophie, clearly delighted. “Only I don’t have a wobbly tummy.”
“Oh, Izzy,” Sophie said as she picked up her bag. “You really know how to pay a compliment.”
As Izzy and Sophie bustled out of the room, Sophie noticed that Bella was hanging back, picking at the fringe of her mum’s red mohair sweater.
“Bella? Come on,” Sophie prompted her.
“He really likes you,” Bella said. “Doesn’t he?”
“A bit, I think,” Sophie said. “And I like him too—a bit.”
“Does he like you the way he liked Mummy?” Bella questioned her closely. Worried that somehow the six-year-old had seen through her exterior to spot her feeling for Louis, Sophie reacted strongly. “God no!” she exclaimed. “I mean no. Not at all.”
Bella bit her lip and looked long and hard before she picked up her coat and walked out of the room. “Good,” she said as she passed Sophie.
Twenty-four
Are you sure?” Sophie asked Mrs. Alexander again as they stood in the foyer of the B & B.
Mrs. Alexander nodded vigorously. “Yes, dear,” she repeated. “Those two little mites are out like lights, the pub’s only down the road, and if they wake up I’ll phone you at this number, okay?” She brandished the Post-it note on which Sophie had written her cell phone number. “I don’t usually do babysitting, but we’re quiet, and these are extenuating circumstances. Go on, the pair of you, you look like you need a drink.”
Louis smiled warmly at their hostess—if she had been a bird, he would have charmed her from the nearest tree.
“Exactly the kind of service you get from a boutique hotel,” he said, flirting shamelessly with the middle-aged woman, which was something of an uncomfortable revelation for Sophie, who had yet to see him flirt overtly. He was exceptionally good at it.
“Exactly,” Mrs. Alexander agreed, fluttering her lashes coquettishly.
A cold gust of wind enveloped them as they stepped out onto the street, and Sophie pulled her jacket tightly around her. Without comment, Louis dropped the weight of his arm around her shoulders and pulled her into the shelter of his body. Silently they crossed the road and walked into the pub.
“What do you want?” he said, leaning against the bar.
“I don’t know. I just don’t know!” Sophie found herself wanting to cry out in despair, but instead she asked for a brandy. “Make it a large one,” she told him. “For the shock.” Only she didn’t tell him that it was the shock of having his arm around her that she needed it for, not the whole near-drowning thing.
As Louis ordered, Sophie looked around the pub; it was pretty quiet. Two old men sitting in one corner and group of quite rowdy locals another. Sophie made her way to a third corner and found a table. As she waited for Louis to deliver the brandy, she considered the way he had put his arm around her so easily.
It could have meant one of three things: he now considered them to be such close friends that he felt as comfortable with casual embraces as Cal often was. This proved that he was gay because Sophie had never yet known a straight man who did hugging just to be friendly. Or, it could mean that he knew she secretly fancied him, which she did not anyway because that would be in extremely bad taste, but for some reason he thought she did and figured he might have some luck. This made him an amoral philanderer—a description that until recently Sophie had thought would had fitted him perfectly but that Louis had inconsiderately messed up with his irritating bouts of sensitivity and heroism. Or, most likely, being a man, he probably didn’t anxiously overanalyze every single gesture he made and worry about its repercussions. Probably, Sophie concluded with regret, it meant nothing at all except that her crush, which she was determined to will into nothing, was getting out of hand.
“Good God,” she mumbled to herself as Louis approached the table. “I seriously need to get back to work. I’m starting to turn into Lisa.” And for a moment she missed the emotionally flat and tranquil landscape that her life had been a just over a month ago.
Louis set the drinks down on the table, and out of the four seats around it chose the chair opposite her, proving conclusively the arm thing meant nothing.
“So,” Sophie asked him, determined not to let her overtired and overly emotional brain do any more unauthorized thinking. “How did it go at the solicitor’s?”
She had to ask him because even though she, Bella, and Izzy had waited in the reception area, giving him rather loud and boisterous moral support, when he had come out from his appointment he hadn’t said a word. He’d just looked at the children with the expression of a man who had had a serious reality check.
“Let’s go” had been all he’d said, and fearing that he’d just been landed with debt, repossession, or worse, Sophie had decided not to question him further in front of the girls.
Louis looked at the top of his pint for a moment. “Weird,” he said. “It turns out that the girls and I have got quite a lot of money.”
Sophie had not been expecting that. “Really?” she said.
“Yeah, I know,” Louis said, looking equally amazed. “When we first got the mortgage, we took out an insurance policy, you know, to cover the cost of the loan and a bit more besides if one of us died. The financial adviser talked us into it. Funny really, Carrie and I weren’t exactly known for forward planning—but I think it was the baby coming. We suddenly realized we were grown-ups. But I’ve got to admit, I didn’t really know what the policy meant. I just kept paying into it, even though sometimes when money was tight we were tempted to cancel it…. It’s not like we ever thought…but for some reason, we never got round to doing it.”
Sophie listened to him talking about his life with Carrie, as a couple, a unit, and a “we” as if from a distance. Because she had not really known them as a couple, it was hard to think of them that way, even when Louis talked about their domestic arrangements. It was like there were three sets of alternate realities that had nothing to do with one another: Carrie and Louis living life quietly with their two children on the coast, Sophie’s absent vision of her friend’s life; Carrie on her own, struggling to bring up her kids after Louis abandoned her for the other side of the world; and Louis now, this half-known version of the man Sophie was becoming more attracted to at exactly the moment when she should have been holding back. Three parallel universes that Sophie somehow had to make sense of and draw together without driving herself completely mad.
“Anyway,” Louis continued, oblivious. “While I was away, I’d kept paying any money I earned from a few part-time jobs I had into our joint account. I knew Carrie didn’t want my help, but I couldn’t not do anything, so I kept paying what I had in and the payment didn’t get returned, so it made me feel better about things, I suppose.”
The Accidental Mother Page 30