by Sara Jolene
That was the day that Tommy had crawled for the first time. She let the tears that had been threatening most of the day fall. They ran down her cold cheeks, chapping them and making them burn. She choked and laughed as she cried, thinking about how exciting it had been to watch her little boy crawl around. Then she remembered how thoughts about her baby crawling around on a dirt floor under the care of his too-young sister had made her feel, and she began to cry in earnest. She had failed them and herself. But she was done with that.
Willie was by her side, waiting for the buggy. Nora handed him the reins, but took hold of his small, sure hand and pulled him in for a hug. She cradled her eldest boy against her chest and made him and herself a promise.
“I’m not going back to that place, William. I’m gonna be here for you, your brother, and your sisters. Things are going to be different. And when they are, you’re going to go to school.”
Willie was still in his mother’s arms while she spoke, but eventually lifted his arms and returned her embrace.
“I’m sorry son. I’m sorry you’ve had to take care of this family in my absence, but thank you for shouldering it and caring for your siblings so very well. You’re a good boy.” Nora froze. She thought about what she’d said and pulled away. She made sure that her eyes connected with her son’s, which wasn’t hard seeing as how he’d gotten so tall. “And that’s another thing I’ll have to change. I have to stop looking at you as a little boy, my little boy. You’re a man now, Will.”
The broadest smile she’d seen her son form in a long, long time spread across his face. She released him fully and he ran off to the barn to take care of the buggy and JT’s horse.
JT was another thing she needed to figure out. She was on the path to health. She’d been feeling well and not having as many thoughts about her inadequacies or even moments of sadness. She really was feeling better. The darkness no longer lurked just out of sight where she couldn’t see it but she could feel it. She’d managed to push it so far away she couldn’t feel it anymore. There were the rare occasional moments, but they usually passed quickly, and she fought them off triumphantly. She was proud of herself, but she was also nervous. She was falling for the doctor … and even though he’d told her that he felt that way, she knew it wasn’t good for him to be with her. He deserved much more.
Nora went in the cabin and started to fix supper. She figured that the doctor would be gone all evening, and maybe even all night. She wondered if he’d been able to save that poor man’s life, and she wondered who the men were who had shot him. That hill wasn’t an easy place to be. The terrain was rugged, and far less experienced men had tried and failed many times to hunt that region. That was what Cole had told them on the ride down from Tent City. They’d been hunting large game, and had come over from the other side of Topaz. They’d stopped for the night after following a great mountain cat for more than a few miles before they’d lost its scent. They were just about to sleep when the strange group came up on them and started stealing and shooting.
The idea of it caused Nora to shiver. What if they’d had women or children with them? Those men hadn’t cared. They’d taken what they wanted and done what they wanted and rode off.
Nora hadn’t thought much about the men in the sheriff’s office that day other than that there must have been a new man brought in—but now, knowing that wasn’t true, a chill ran up her spine. What if James and the others were walking into a trap? What if the men that had attacked those hunters on top of the mountain were holed up in the sheriff’s office? If that was true, then they’d have to be local or know someone, because they’d have to know that the sheriff was yellow-bellied and had run off.
Nora paced around the kitchen while she peeled carrots and potatoes. She was making a mess, but she couldn’t be still. Stillness made her restless. Something wasn’t right, she could feel it. She was missing something, or JT was. She didn’t know, nor did she care, as long as he returned safely. She’d already admitted to herself that she was falling for the doctor, but the way her body was responding to him potentially being in danger made her realize it wasn’t a falling thing. She was no longer active in the process. She’d fallen. Hard. So hard, in fact, that though she was standing right now, she knew that the darkness was waiting for her to slip and fall so it could hold her down again. Which meant that though she loved the doctor and wanted to marry him, she couldn’t. She had to stay standing, and anything that had the potential to jeopardize that she couldn’t allow.
Nora finished with her carrots and potatoes, dropping them into a pan. She then cut and mixed chunks of onion with it. She set the chicken she was cooking on top, covered the dish, and buried it in the coals of the stove. She had to set about finding more work and a place to stay so that she could let the doctor move on with his life. He needed a woman like Benita. She was young and pretty. She’d have babies with him and make him happy. But the thought of JT with Benita, kissing her the way he’d kissed Nora, it made her sick to her stomach.
Nathaniel wished he could bring himself to reveal his presence to his wife. Nora really had changed; the old spark he used to see in her was back. He was glad. He’d been given permission to show himself to only two people. Nora and the doc. He didn’t think that showing himself to her was a good idea, though. On one hand, he didn’t want to get cussed out for treating her so badly, and then on the other he knew he deserved it but also knew that no matter how angry she was at him or how dire the straits he’d left her and the children in, she’d never do that. Nora was too good to do that, even though he deserved it.
Nathaniel had waited at the sheriff’s office until he felt the doc was all right enough with the loss of his patient. He wanted to check on Nora and the kids. The men who had attacked the hunters could still be close. Nathaniel knew a lot. He knew more than most, but even he didn’t know everything. He did know how to work a telegraph, though.
He’d been thinking about how to complete his task since he was given it. At first he’d shirked it, thinking that Nora was fine and so were his children. They hadn’t needed him in life … they certainly didn’t need him in death. But he’d been wrong. Then he’d seen the doctor and known that he was the man to step in, not just to raise his children, but to care for Nora. Nathaniel had thought that Doc Thomas was his ticket to crossing over.
But the more he watched Nora, the more he knew that though the doctor would make her happy, she had to be happy within herself first. She was the strongest woman he’d ever known, and she’d managed to bring herself out of her illness and begin to live again. But there was one thing that she’d never forgiven herself for, and he’d decided that he was going to fix that. Nathaniel thought that if he could reunite Nora with her parents, if she could have them in her life again and mend the hurt she caused by leaving, maybe she could forgive herself and move on to happiness. She’d be able to be with the doctor and everyone would be happy.
Nathaniel had gone to the telegraph office two days before, only after Arthur and Beatrice had gone to sleep for the night. He’d sent word to Nora’s parents that she was only a day’s ride away and that she’d really like to visit and mend their falling out. He figured they’d be showing up either the next morning or the day after. Nathaniel knew even back before they’d married that Nora’s parents would do anything for their little girl. When he’d convinced her to leave them and her old life behind, it had been the biggest mistake of his life.
Nathaniel watched as Nora and the children ate. She then helped the older ones work on their studies. Neither of them had done that in a long time. It made him happy to know their bellies were full and they were learning again. They were kids and should be able to act as such. Willie was smart as a whip and Bekka’s voice was so sweet when she’d read to Joy and Vicky. He watched them from the shadows through the evening and into the night when the doctor eventually returned.
Chapter Nine
It was fully dark and all the children were asleep when JT made his way b
ack to the cabin. He’d ridden back alone with the wagon. Hannah and the marshal had agreed to spend the night in the sheriff’s office to look after the healing men. JT was more tired than he could remember being and wanted nothing more than to eat something and then sleep. Riding up and finding a light still flickering in the window of the cabin warmed him a surprising way. It was nice coming home to a full house.
After caring for the horse and stowing the wagon, JT went inside to find that Nora was already ladling him a bowl of stew and had cut him a thick slice of bread. He sat down and tucked in the moment his bottom touched the chair.
“Did everything work out at the sheriff’s office? Everyone is comfortable there?” Nora asked as she set the bowl in front of the doctor.
He nodded. “Hannah and Marshal Wheeler are staying with them for the night. Wheeler seems to think the men that shot them might still be in the area. Also, it was too late to ride back to Topaz, and Hannah’s horse is here.”
Nora nodded. “And that man you were trying to save, Fredrick?”
JT set his spoon down and hung his head. Thinking about not having the skill or ability to save the man caused anger and disappointment to course through him. He’d tried his best. He’d known there was nothing more he could have done, but that didn’t change the fact that he wished he’d been able to do more.
“We couldn’t do anything more. His wound was too great. He succumbed shortly after we arrived in town.”
Nora stood, and to his surprise lifted a hand like she was going to set it on his shoulder. He watched her movement, hoping that was the case, only to be disappointed when she stepped back, a stern look on her face as she dropped her arm. JT knew she was chastising herself for even thinking of touching him. He’d done the same thing each time he’d given in to the impulse to kiss her. He’d known he shouldn’t, but he’d gone ahead and done it anyway. Nora was better than he was.
He thought through the whole thing more thoroughly for a moment before scraping his chair back and standing. The wherewithal he’d lost through the events of night had been restored. He went to Nora. Her back was to him now that she’d walked over to the sink and pretended to fuss with something.
He laid his hands on both her shoulders. “Have you given anymore thought to my proposal?”
Nora didn’t stiffen beneath his touch, in fact she seemed to lean into him, but she never touched him. She did nod. “I have thought of little else.”
JT couldn’t have been happier. Maybe she had realized how perfectly the entire situation had come together. He hoped that she had.
She turned around and he dropped his hands to his sides. “The events of today have made me realize just how much I’ve begun to care for you.” She hesitated and JT’s heart began to race. She was going to tell him she wanted to be his wife. All through the day, even as he was watching Death embrace Fredrick, there had been a small part of him that hadn’t stopped thinking about Nora and the family he wanted them all to become. She and the children hadn’t been in his life long, but it felt like they had. They all fit together so perfectly. He stared at Nora in anticipation, ready to kiss her the moment the words were out of her mouth.
“Which is why I’m even more steadfast in the idea that we should not get married.”
JT felt like he’d been punched in the belly. His head was cloudy, almost dizzy. She couldn’t have possibly said that. She’d just admitted she cared for him. How could she think that being together wasn’t the right thing to do? “But ….” was the only thing he was able to get out before Nora stopped him.
“James Thomas, you’re a wonderful, wonderful man, and I’d be the luckiest woman alive to be your wife.” She hesitated just long enough for JT to gather himself and start to hope again. “But you’re too good for me. For us. We’re damaged and you’re … well you’re not. You deserve so much more, and because I’ve come to care for you as much as I do, the only choice I have is to say no. You’re destined for someone else.”
At that moment, the angel appeared. JT wasn’t surprised really until Nora screamed. She covered her mouth with her hand and started to hyperventilate.
“I probably should have warned you. Maybe you could have warned her,” Nathaniel said as the doctor held Nora and talked her through taking one breath after another.
“But he’s …” Nora looked up at the ghostly version of her deceased husband. “But how ….” She looked back to JT. “And why aren’t you …?”
JT continued to tell her to breathe as he led her over to the chair he’d recently vacated. “Well, your reaction tells me that he’s who I assumed he was. He’d never confirmed it, so I couldn’t be completely sure.”
“You mean you know each other?”
The doctor shrugged. “Not really. He showed up recently. It was on his recommendation that I go to Tent City. I wouldn’t have known Tommy was ill had I not gone.” He looked from Nora to the angel. “Since then, he’s been popping in on occasion.”
“But he can’t. He’s …. well, he’s dead.”
Nathaniel chose that moment to step forward, bringing himself closer to the table and to Nora. “Oh, I’m that for sure. It’s just that death doesn’t work the same way for everyone.”
Nora looked up at him. JT wasn’t sure what he was seeing in her eyes. She looked afraid, but also a bit relieved. He couldn’t tell.
“So you’re dead, but not really?”
Nathaniel shook his head. JT noticed then that he started to become a little more transparent. “See, I can come and go as I need to.” The angel disappeared completely only to pop back into existence again immediately after. He went even closer to Nora. He knelt down in front of her chair. “I’ve been watching. The why doesn’t matter,” he told her as he saw her start to open her mouth. He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter.” He waited until she shut her mouth to start back up again. “I’ve been watching. Nora, my sweet lovely Nora. I know I have no right. I wasn’t a good husband, nor was I a good father. But I know this man.” He looked at JT. “The doc here? He is. You two are made for each other. He’s everything I couldn’t be. Look at you.” He returned his attention to his wife. “You’re glowing again. Just like you used to.”
JT was pleased to see that she was smiling.
“Everything went dark after you died. I couldn’t care for myself, for the children. It’s been …”
“Horrible? I know Nora. I’ve seen. I wish I could have done more to make it less so. I should have done more in my life. If I had, then everything wouldn’t be like this. I know that now. I’m sorry.”
JT stood behind Nora. Up until that moment, he’d been hands off, letting her and her deceased husband talk things through. But he wanted her to know that he was there for her, so he set a hand on her shoulder. She tensed, but once they both saw the look on Nathaniel ’s face, she relaxed.
“Nora, we were in the past. I need to remain there. You, the children ... Doc is your future. Please consider marrying him.”
Nora didn’t say anything for a long moment, but then twisted in her chair to look up at JT. When she did, he saw that her face was red and blotchy. She had tears streaming down her face and she was sniffling, but she couldn’t have been more real or more honest in that moment, and neither could have his response when she closed her eyes, attempted to smile, and nodded.
“I think I will.”
Nora had thought her heart would explode when her husband suddenly appeared in the middle of the cabin’s kitchen. She’d felt as if her breath had been sucked from her body. She’d doubled over, but never fell. JT had caught her. When she was honest with herself, she knew that him holding her felt right. She hadn’t wanted to marry him and ruin his life, but then Nathaniel had shown up and told her about how she and JT were destined to be together. That had been all she needed. She didn’t want to stunt James or deprive him of the type of life he could have. But knowing that they should be together, that everything that had happened had led to that, made it easy for her to do t
he thing that felt right. The first thing that had felt right in a long, long time.
She’d agreed to become his wife.
Seeing Nathaniel had been hard for her; she had immediately been worried that the effect of him leaving her life the last time would happen again, but she didn’t feel the darkness anywhere close to her when he’d disappeared. She’d been engulfed with happiness. That happiness had made it easier for her to reflect back on her time with her first husband and accept it for what it was. She’d been young, he’d been young and they’d been smitten with one another. They’d made decisions based on their feelings and not on logic. She vowed to do it differently this time. A relationship needed both.
JT had launched into pacing and figuring out how they could all live in the cabin and still have it be the clinic once they were married. He was walking a path into the floor.
Nora stopped him. “All of this is important and we will work it all out, but I have to tell you something.” She pulled him back over to the table and had him sit across from her. “Earlier, when I was trying to tell you something you thought I was attempting to argue my staying here …” The look on his face prompted her to quickly change course. “Which was understandable. I know I’m bullheaded at times. Anyway … I wasn’t actually trying to argue. I wanted to let you know that when I was in town the other day I thought I saw some men in the sheriff’s office. I was surprised earlier when the marshal had suggested it. I thought he’d hired someone.”