But to him, she would always be amazing.
She scooted to the edge of the sofa and transferred back to her chair. Tori grew restless and Eve moved into position, picking the baby up and holding her on her lap. With her free hand, she backed up, facing him.
“She feels warm again. Do you have the medicine for her fever?”
He picked up the bottle he’d left on the desk. “Carson said to give her a half dropper of this. I didn’t get much in her earlier, and then she lost what little she did take when she got sick.”
“Let’s try again.”
“Carson and Kylie are here,” he offered. “Should I go get them?”
“Because we can’t manage to give a tiny little baby a dropper of medicine? Come on, where’s your spirit of adventure?”
He laughed at that. “It’s in the clothes hamper with my shirt.”
“I’ll hold her, you get the medicine ready.” Eve gave him a look that challenged. “Come on, you can do it.”
“Let me wash my hands and toss these paper towels.”
“Good idea.”
He returned and she watched as he filled the dropper, then squirted half the liquid back into the bottle. Tori whimpered and cried a little.
“She’s half asleep,” Ethan said. “I’m afraid we’ll end up wearing this stuff.”
“I have a technique with the puppies that might work,” she suggested with a grin.
“What do I need to do?”
“I’ll hold her. Squirt the medicine into the side of her cheek. I’m not sure why that works but it does. And not so fast that she chokes or that it makes her sick.”
She did her part, holding Tori gently but firmly. He got the medicine dropper into her mouth and gently squeezed. She cried and fought, but most of the liquid seemed to stay inside.
“You’re a natural at this,” he complimented. Her eyes widened and she shook her head a little.
“No, I’m not a natural. And I’m not prepared for this.”
“Neither of us were prepared. That doesn’t mean we can’t have some skills. Look, I don’t want to always be saying the wrong thing to you so let’s have a real conversation where you tell me what is okay and what isn’t. If I know your expectations, maybe I can get this right.”
She exhaled and seemed to deflate, her gaze lowering to watch Tori. The baby had fallen back to sleep and cuddled against her.
“I apologize. When you say it like that, I sound like a shrew. I don’t mean to be defensive, it’s just that I’ve fought so hard to get where I am.”
“I’m listening,” he said.
“Okay, first and foremost, I’m happy with my life. It’s taken several years for me to be able to say that.”
That was where he had to tread carefully, because she’d been here, content and living a life she’d chosen for herself, and he’d been left behind wondering why she’d walked away.
“My turn,” he said.
“Okay.”
“I’m not sure how to process that we were going to get married but you were able to walk away and rebuild your life without regretting the loss of us.”
Her expression softened. “That isn’t what I meant. I did miss you. I missed us. And I’m so sorry for what I did. I can’t take it back but I’m sorry. At the same time I needed to be here so I can’t regret that.”
“I get that.”
“I’m comfortable here, Ethan. At this ranch, in my apartment, in this chair. The chair is my freedom, it’s my legs. It’s not a detriment to my life, it gives me independence. Where would I be without it? I’d be stuck on that couch, in my bed, unable to drive or go places I want to go. Stop seeing me as this chair.”
He moved a club chair away from the window and positioned it in front of her. “What do you need from me?”
“I need for you to trust that I can take care of myself. That I can even take care of other people.”
“I’m going to do my best to respect that. You know that my wanting to take care of you didn’t start the day I saw you in this wheelchair.”
“I know that, Ethan. That’s why I ended our relationship. I wanted to be your partner in life. What I’ve learned is, I don’t want to be anyone’s responsibility. I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t know me or understand what I need.”
She wanted freedom. And he still wanted their dream. The horse ranch, the children, growing old together with grandchildren playing in the backyard.
That their dreams had taken different directions seemed to be an obstacle. But the very fact that she was sitting and having this conversation with him gave him hope.
And hope was a place to start.
Chapter Ten
Eve closed her laptop and leaned back, stretching her arms above her head. And dropped her pen. She leaned over to pick it up but it had rolled too far. Fortunately she had a visitor. Tex, the chocolate Labradoodle that normally spent his day with Joe, was sprawled out on the floor next to her. She snapped her fingers and the dog sat up. His ears perked and he watched the pen roll away from her chair.
“I can get that.” Glory jumped up from the floor where she’d been playing with Tori.
“No, that’s okay.” Eve held up a hand to stop the teen from moving. “Let Tex, it’s his job.”
“Oh, that’s right. I forgot about him. He was like a big area rug until he moved.”
“He’s hairier than any area rug.” She looked at the big Lab with fondness. He was just a puppy but he had a lot of potential as a service dog.
She gave a command for him to retrieve and the Labrador stopped midstretch and went after the pen. An ink pen was much harder for his big mouth to handle than, say, a stick, but he managed. He used a paw to stop the pen from moving and gently lifted it in his mouth. He brought it to her, gently dropping it in her hand.
“I’d like to learn to do that,” Glory said, clearly in awe of the dog. She laughed. “I mean, I don’t want to learn to fetch. I’d like to learn to train these dogs. Could I take one of the pups home with me and work with him? Kylie said you farm the puppies out when they’re a few months old. People take them and socialize them until they’re ready for serious training.”
“I think that might be a possibility. The puppies I have now won’t go to a home for another six weeks or so.” That reminded her. “We never talked about your aptitude test.”
“I thought maybe I failed. I mean, I didn’t do very well in school.”
“Actually, you did really well on the test. Tell me what you’d like to do with your life, Glory.”
The teenager smiled shyly at the baby on the colorful mat. Tori played with her toes for a moment and then she rolled to her tummy and reached for a rattle that she shoved in her mouth. She’d recovered from the stomach virus but didn’t really seem to be back to her normal self. Carson had told her not to worry, yet. But she did.
Glory pushed a fall of blond hair back from her face. “I’d like to be a teacher. I mean, I know I’m the last person anyone would want teaching their children but I’d like to teach. Especially smaller kids.”
“There’s no reason you couldn’t or shouldn’t be a teacher, Glory. I think you’d be excellent.”
“Thank you,” she said, her cheeks turning a little bit pink. “But I don’t know the first thing about doing something like that.”
“We can help you, Glory.”
The girl shook her head, swiping a tear from the corner of her eye. “I can’t even tell you how much that would mean to me.”
Eve backed away from her desk. “It would mean a lot to me if I could help you. Would you like to walk out to the stable with me?”
As much as she liked to avoid the stable, there were times she just couldn’t.
“Of course.” Glory pushed to her feet. “Do you want me to carry Tori or do you want her
on your lap?”
“We’ll put her on my lap if you don’t mind getting the baby sling.”
“Okay.” Glory lifted Tori, kissed her on the cheek and set her on Eve’s lap. Then reached over to the table to get the sling, all smiles. “I know this is a crazy thing to say, Miss Eve, but losing Cara might have been the best thing to ever happen to me. It brought you all into my life. And it got me back in church. Who knew something that hard could turn out to be a blessing?”
Eve brushed a kiss across the top of Tori’s head to hide the emotion that welled up inside her. “God brings us blessings, Glory, sometimes in the hardest, most heartbreaking ways.”
All things work together for good... Even the most difficult.
Eve closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath as the verse touched her mind and heart. Some things were so stinking hard and so good, all at the same time. And it didn’t seem right, to find a blessing like Tori at the expense of such tragedy.
She cleared her throat and managed a bright smile for the teenager watching her with concern in her blue eyes.
“Let’s go to the stable.” She said it as cheerfully as possible.
“I’m sorry if I upset you.”
“Oh, Glory, you didn’t. You actually made my day. You reminded me of something important. You reminded me that out of ashes God can build beauty.”
Glory hugged her tight, encompassing Tori in the embrace. “Okay, let’s go to the stable.”
They were a short distance from the stable when she saw a truck and trailer pull in to the front entrance of Mercy Ranch. Isaac and his new horse. Rebecca had texted, telling her she had to see this animal of Isaac’s. It wasn’t often that Rebecca texted and even more curious that she wanted Eve to see a horse. As if there weren’t a good thirty head of horses on the ranch already.
“That’s a pretty fancy trailer,” Glory said from behind the chair. She’d taken the handles and was pushing Eve across the rougher patches of ground.
“It is a nice trailer.” She guessed the trailer could haul four horses and had living quarters.
As they got closer she was surprised to see Ethan’s truck parked near the barn. The door opened and he jumped out. He’d been in Tulsa since the previous day, leaving only after he was sure that Tori was over the worst of her stomach virus. They’d spent two days taking turns holding the baby, cleaning up after her and sleeping when they could.
Ethan waved but then he headed for the trailer that Isaac backed up to the stable. A few of the other hands came out to see what Isaac had brought home.
“That’s a lot of commotion for a horse,” Glory said.
“Yeah, I’m guessing this isn’t just any horse. Isaac bought him from a ranch in Arizona. He’s supposed to be one of the best cutting horses in the country.”
Glory whistled. “That’s impressive. And I don’t even know what a cutting horse is.”
“I’m sure after they get him settled you’ll get to watch. Basically there is a small herd of steers and heifers that are kept in a group by other riders. The cutting horse and his rider will cut a calf from the herd and keep him separated from the group.”
“Oh, I see. We didn’t go to rodeos much when I was a kid.” Glory laughed at that. “Actually we didn’t do much of anything. My parents never had money and if they did, they spent it on drugs.”
“Glory, once you get Cara back, you’re going to be a good mom. You’re going to give her—and yourself—a completely different life from the one you led as a child.”
“I hope so. I really want that.”
“I know you do.”
Isaac opened the back of the trailer and a moment later led the dark bay stallion down the ramp. The horse was a deep red with a black mane and tail, black stockinged legs and a white stripe down his face. He pranced around the stable yard as if he knew just how beautiful he was.
Tori clapped and gurgled a few unintelligible sounds. All of six months and she already loved horses. Eve gave her a quick hug and kissed her cheeks, which left the little girl giggling.
Eve stopped when she saw that Ethan had stepped inside the trailer. Isaac led the stallion into the stable, stroking the horse’s neck as he went. But he stopped being the focus of Eve’s attention. Her gaze traveled to the trailer where she could still hear hooves stomping. A high pitched whinny vibrated from the interior.
Ethan exited the trailer, leading a pretty gray gelding out. The horse had the head of an Arabian, as well as the shorter back and higher tail carriage. As his hooves touched the ground, the animal stopped, ears perked, as he surveyed his surroundings.
“Glory, can you take the baby?”
“Of course I can.” Glory walked around to the front of Eve’s chair.
Eve undid the sling and held the baby up to the teenager. “Thank you.”
She pushed herself closer to the horse. Ethan pretended he didn’t notice. He took a saddle out of the trailer and, as Eve watched, he put the tack on the animal. She guessed the horse to be around fifteen hands. A nice size for an Arab.
“What do you think?” Ethan asked as he finished cinching up the saddle.
“He’s nice. An Arabian. I didn’t think you were a fan of the hot-blooded breeds. Isn’t that what you told my dad?”
“I might have been wrong. I’ve been rethinking a lot of things lately.”
She bit back a smile. “Have you really? And why is that?”
“As much as I like to think I’m always right, there is a possibility, slim but still there, that I can be wrong.”
“But not often?”
“Definitely not often.” He slid a hand down the horse’s sleek gray neck. “This guy, for instance. I am not wrong in thinking he is a decent horse. He rides double. He can go all day long.”
“Because Arabians are endurance animals.”
“Yes,” he said. “A friend once told me that but I thought hot-blooded horses couldn’t be trusted. And they could never be barrel horses.”
“I’m impressed with your humility.”
He winked and put his left foot in the stirrup. The horse shifted, then turned with the slightest shift of the reins. “He’s very responsive. He’s ten years old and has been ridden on trail rides, and also used in endurance competition. The young woman who owned him said she was just trading him for a younger horse. Otherwise she would have kept him.”
“That’s all very interesting. And where’s Rebecca? She texted and told me to come down here.”
Ethan swung off the horse and landed next to her. She put her hand out, wondering if the horse would shy away from her chair. He didn’t. Instead he extended his head to allow her to pet him on the jaw.
“Oh, she texted you for me.” He swung around to where Glory stood. “Could you take Tori up to the house? Kylie is there and she said the two of you could handle her.”
“Of course we can,” Glory responded. An amused look shifted her features and she gave Eve a knowing look. “You have fun, Miss Eve.”
“I’ll be up in a few minutes, Glory.”
“No, you won’t.” Ethan leaned. “Grab hold.”
“What?”
He pointed to his neck. “I said grab hold.”
She put her arms around his neck and he lifted her from her chair. Before she could protest, he put her on the horse. And then he swung up behind her.
“What are you doing?” She shifted to look back at him. “Ethan, I can’t do this. I can’t ride a horse. I can’t feel. I can’t hold on with my legs.”
“I’m here, right behind you. I’m putting your feet in the stirrups.” True to his word, he leaned, putting first her left and then her right foot in the stirrups. She watched, not feeling his hand on her feet. “Now, relax against me. I’ve got this.”
“What if he bucks? What if something happens?”
“I wouldn’t do th
is if I wasn’t completely comfortable with this horse. I rode him for five hours yesterday. I took him through water, by the highway, in and out of barns, through gates. I’m confident we’re safe or you wouldn’t be up here with me. But you love horses. You love to ride. And you should. Because paraplegics ride horses, too.”
She shook her head, not wanting to argue with him but also not able to get the words out because the emotions were thick, making it difficult to say anything.
His arms went around her and he put the reins in her hands.
“I’m right here,” he spoke, his breath warm against her cheek.
She sat silently, trying to orient herself to the idea of being in a saddle and not feeling the saddle, not feeling the horse. She needed to be grounded. She touched the horse with her hands, calming herself as she did.
“You’re in charge,” he spoke quietly from behind her. “I’m here to catch you, to keep you safe, but this is your moment.”
“My moment.” She gave a shaky laugh. “I’m upset with you.”
The horse obeyed the slightest touch of the rein against his neck. She headed him in the direction of the trail through the back hayfield, an unfenced section used for trail rides. Rides she’d never participated in. How could she? Someone would have to lift her on and off a horse. She’d have to trust the horse because what if she needed to get down? What if the horse spooked? All of the fears teased her, taking her confidence even with Ethan behind her.
“Why are you upset with me?” Ethan asked as they rode in the shade of a line of trees.
“Because you can’t make decisions for me the way you used to.”
“Okay, I apologize.”
“I’m serious, Ethan. I do not like having control taken away. You think you can pick me up, move me where you want me. I don’t want to be manipulated or handled.” The more she talked, the more upset she got. The horse’s ears pricked, moving to pick up her voice.
“I’m sorry.” Ethan’s hand brushed down her arm and she shivered beneath the touch that was too much.
Her Oklahoma Rancher (Mercy Ranch Book 3) Page 11