We pull up my drive and park out side my house. Chris has dropped me off and just come inside with me so many times now it’s just like the natural thing to do. But when he takes off his seat belt this time, I realise that I don’t want him to come in with me. I need to be alone so I can just process things in my head. My mind has been wandering on the way home and I need to make some sense of it.
“Do you mind if you don’t come in?” I can’t look at him when I ask, for fear of seeing that look on his face again. To see that he is disappointed, disappointed with me. He sighs and bites his lip, his jaw pulling tight.
“Yeah that’s fine. Just call if you need me. I might not always come running though Alex.” That gets my attention and I look at him but he doesn’t look at me. He just keeps staring ahead. I nod my head.
“Okay, I deserve that.” I slowly get out the truck and walk up to the porch but before I can even get there I hear Chris’ door slam shut and as I turn around to see why he has gotten out, I bang straight into his chest.
“I will come. I’ll always come and get you. Wherever you are.” Without even thinking about it I throw my arms around him and hold him tight. He pulls away and places his hands on my face. This is why I love Chris so much. He’s my best friend. I know I will always be able to count on him.
“I’m going to kiss you now” and without giving me chance to respond, his lips are on mine. Firm but gentle and I find myself responding, moving my lips in sync with his. It’s a nice kiss. But that’s all, nice, comfortable.
But it’s not that kiss. The one that replays in my dreams. I gently push him away and break the kiss. I don’t know what to say to him. What ever I do say, I know its not going to be what he wants to hear. I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have.
So I become a coward.
I run into the safety of my house and leave him standing on the drive.
◆◆◆
I’m a coward.
I can’t actually believe I just left him standing there. But what was I meant to do? I like Chris, I actually think I may even love him, but just not in the way he wants me to. I lean back on the closed front door and bang my head against it.
“They were both right. You are stupid Alex. Why did you kiss him back?” I whisper to myself. I should have stopped him. I could have stopped him. He told me what he was going to do.
Why didn’t I? I think to myself. I make my way up stairs to my bathroom and turn the bath taps on full. Maybe a bath will clear my head.
I feel bad for kissing Chris; I don’t want to lead him on or to give him false hope that we could be more than friends. We could never be more than friends when most of the time all I can think of is Logan.
I don’t know why I pushed him away again in the forest.
That’s a lie.
I do know.
I’m scared.
I’ve never felt like this before about anyone.
He consumes me.
And that worries me. I didn’t think love should be like that. I thought there would be some balance, but my waking thought is about him. The last thing I think of before I go to sleep is him, and more than half the time my dreams are of him too.
I strip out of my clothes and sink into the hot water. I keep replaying what happened by the lake. He said he was ready to explain everything to me, but I didn’t give him chance to.
And if Logan isn’t sending the notes...then who is?
I have so much going on in my head I can't even think straight. I shut my eyes and just try to relax in the soothing hot water.
When I feel the water become too cool I get out and get dressed, just into some leggings and a hoodie. I take a look outside and am surprised to see that it’s pouring down with rain. It looks like a storm is almost upon us.
I head down stairs and make my way to the kitchen. There’s only one thing I need now.
Ice cream. Double chocolate fudge ice cream. I look in the freezer with a disappointed frown on my face. This is my ultimate comfort food, and in my confused state right now it’s exactly what I need. I close the freezer and look around the kitchen cupboards to see what other goodies I can find.
Nothing, there’s nothing.
I stand still when my eyes land on my car keys on the side. I could just go and get some. I’m perfectly capable. There wont be many people on the road this time of night. My mind made up I grab my coat, purse and keys and head out the door, desperate times call for desperate mesaures.
Ten minutes later I'm not so sure.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid Alex” I scold my self. Ironic that just a few hours ago I was arguing with two different people for calling me that, but here I was now calling it myself.
But really... who comes out in rain like this? Why did I do that? Is ice cream really that important? I ask myself.
Yes, and we are halfway there now anyway. May as well carry on. No turning back.
I hear my phone alert me to a message, but I don’t even attempt to answer it. I hate it when people use their phones while driving; I just concentrate on getting to the store.
Ice cream purchased, I get back in the truck when I remember that I had a message. I get out my phone to read it.
Unknown: I warned you to stay away from Chris. You should not be kissing him. I thought you knew. You are mine Princess. Never forget that.
I quickly lock my door and take a look around. This person knew I had kissed Chris. That means they were at my house. Watching me.
Panic was starting to set in. Of not knowing what to do or where to go. I can't shake the feeling of being watched and once again I take in the surrounding area and check my locks. I was being paranoid. I just needed to get home or maybe aunt Sara's studio?
Aunt Sara was a good option; it meant she didn’t have to be alone in the house.
With shaky hands I drop my phone in my lap, and try to remember the way to the studio. I hadn’t been there that many times, and trying to find my way in the dark, with this rain while being scared wasn’t helpful at all.
“Come on Alex, get it together” I tell myself.
The rain was coming down heavier now, and the screen wipers were going as fast as they could but it still seemed like it wasn’t fast enough.
The road to the studio was long and uphill, passing rows of trees and embankments.
I feel my phone vibrate and beep to letting me know I had another message, I quickly grabbed it without even thinking, I just needed to know if it was him again.
Chris: I’m not sorry I kissed you. I’d do it again. You kissed me back. That has to mean something?? Xx
Looking up from the message, sighing in relief that it was Chris. Although that was just a whole other issue.
The relief didn’t last for long however.
I saw the deer and knew that I was too close and although I wasn’t speeding I was still too fast. I jerked the wheel to the side so I wouldn’t hit the animal head on, sending the truck into spin. It slid on the wet road and spun to the edge of the embankment.
A scream left my lips as the truck went over the side, hitting a rock that rolled the car and sent it tumbling down the embankment. The seat belt kept me in place but I banged my head against the door window and another window shattered as it made its way down the hill.
The car finally came to stop on its side, the driver’s side door down on the ground.
I could feel the darkness pulling me under. I kept trying to move but my head just felt fuzzy and everything was blurred. I needed to get out.
One thought on my mind.
One person.
I utter one word before I let the dark consume me. It barely came out in a whisper.
“Logan...”
◆◆◆
I open my eyes slowly to a pain in my neck and a throbbing head. My vision was still un clear, like I was looking through a frosted window. I looked around as best I could and tried to free myself, but my legs were trapped, the car must have taken more of a beating than I tho
ught.
Looking though the cracked front window I saw shapes and images coming toward me. As they got closer I realised they were animals.
Wolves.
Panic once again started to creep in and I tried with all my might to free myself. That crash didn’t kill me but these three wolves might do. Come on Alex time to get moving.
When they got closer though I recognised the larger middle wolf.
It was black. It was her wolf.
Some of the fear sub sided but it didn’t go away. I still had to get out. I could feel my energy draining though and once again I felt the pull of unconsciousness.
I fought desperately to keep my eyes open but they failed and closed for a few seconds. I battled them open and focused on the wolves. I must have been hallucinating.
There weren’t three wolves anymore. Just two light brown ones.
Running toward me in place of the black wolf was a man.
A naked man.
I must have hit my head harder than I thought. Either that or it was just another dream. I spoke the second word to pass my lips since I crashed.
“Logan.”
Chapter Eighteen
Ice- Cream
Logan’s POV
“Alexia...” I barely managed to get my words out. I was losing her. I wanted to rip O'Connor to shreds right about now, but I reined my animal side back knowing that if I was to ever have a chance of redeeming myself with Alexia I couldn’t do that.
She looks me in the eyes and places her hand on my face, bringing us closer together. I can see the tears ready to fall from her eyes. I feel like I’m about to fall apart inside. She’s not even said that she is rejecting me, she doesn’t even know that she can, but this pain is bad enough though, I don’t ever want to know what the actual pain of rejection will feel like.
“Let me go” she tells me. Every fiber of my being wants to just hold her tight, snatch her up and run away with her. Somewhere where it will just be the two of us. No distractions, no interruptions.; but I can't do that. She wouldn’t understand. She has to come back to me on her own. When she is ready. I know the mate bond is working. I can feel it. That’s why it’s hurting us both right now. We are denying ourselves each other. Denying our destiny. Going against the pull of the moon.
I can see her nodding her head slightly, I’m not sure if she is trying convince me or her that what she is doing and saying is the right thing. I let go of her arm and just pray that she comes back to me. One day.
I watch her walk away and he follows after her, not with out turning around and smirking at me though. He thinks he has her now. Well, we’ll see about that because I’m not about to give up on her. I could never give up on my mate. Alexia was meant for me and we will be together I just need to give her a little time and then explain everything to her. Hopefully she won’t be to scared of me and will still accept me.
I stand still, not knowing what I’m waiting for. But when I hear his car drive off I head back to my own and drive back home.
I park and walk in to the forest, taking off my clothes as I go. I need to run; I need to release some anger, some hurt. I need to go hunting, I feel like I could take down a bear without even trying. I strip off my boxers and crouch down on all fours letting the shift take place. Within seconds I am running through the trees loving the feel of the run. The freedom.
After a while I head back to the pack house. I run into Dom, next to Caitlyn he is the best friend I have and if and when I become Alpha, he will be my beta. He knows something has been up with me for weeks but he wont push me more for answers. He knows better. Dom is two years older than me and has already left school so he hasn’t even met Alexia, but I think its time I let him know. Caitlyn had to go home, and I don’t think I’m going to be strong enough to stay away from Alexia and give her the space she needs on my own.
Running as a wolf always helps me to get clarity on my thoughts. I don’t know why it took me so long to figure it out really. To work out what I needed to do.
I want Alexia, I need her. That means its time I step up and claim her. Because of that I need to step up to being Alpha when my father is ready to take a step back. For so long I didn’t want people to know about her, because I wanted a life playing college football. What was I thinking? Choosing football over all of the people in my pack. As soon as I saw her that first time I should’ve done something then. Instead of acting the way I did. It’s my own fault that I’m in this mess. That she runs to Chris for help instead of me.
Having my mate by my side and being Alpha go hand in hand. One won't work without the other. My pack needs me, I need Alexia, and although she doesn’t know it yet Alexia needs me. She needs this pack, this family.
I greet Dom with a fist pump, and make my way into the kitchen with him to grab a drink.
“So what’s gone on with you today. I saw you get back but then you just took off. You know your dad is pissed yeah? You missed that meeting he wanted to have with us.” He looks at me with his eye brows raised to question if I had actually remembered.
“Damn, I forgot all about that.” I say while pushing my hand through my hair.
“You better have a damn good reason is all I’m saying. These rogues are something else.” He takes a swig of his drink and then folds his arms over his chest waiting to see if I will give him an explanation or not. I don’t have to. The only person I really need to answer to is the Alpha. My father, but I do anyway.
“I found my mate. Then watched her walk away from me with another dude.” I say then take a big mouthful of my drink, wishing it were something stronger. Not that it would affect me that much anyway.
“You what? What do you mean you watched her walk away? You spoke to her? Didn’t she realise? Did she reject you?” He’s stood up straight now firing questions at me.
“Slow down. It’s a long story. I haven’t actually only just met her and I have tried to tell her but its all just so confusing... I really messed it all up” he interrupts me.
“What’s confusing about it? You’re mates? I don’t get it. What the problem? When did you meet her?” He questions me again.
“The start of the school term. She’s Human.”
“Honey, did I just hear you right?” My mom walks into the kitchen, I should have known she would be around waiting for me to get back. Most likely to warn me about the mood my father is in because I missed the meeting.
“That depends on what you heard mom.” I say to her.
“Don’t talk like that to your mother.” My father's firm voice echoes around the room as we all fall silent.
“Sorry mom, I didn’t mean anything by it.” I answer walking over to her to wrap my arm around her shoulder. I mean it. I wouldn’t do anything to purposely upset her.
“But just to clarify, what did you hear.” I ask her quietly, she just smiles at me, and I feel my father’s large hand land on my shoulder.
“Shall we go and talk in my office and you can start from the beginning, Dom you may as well come too.” I’m surprised at my fathers tone, he actually seems like he is genuinely interested in what I have to say. I take a look at my mother to see that she still has a huge smile on her face and she is looking at my father lovingly. In all of my seventeen years I have never known my parents to have an argument. I know that they have disagreements, all mated couples do. But I know without a doubt that they love each other and I realise that I want that.
I want it with Alexia.
“So you found your mate? What happened?” My father questions me as he sits down in the large chair behind his dark wood desk in his office.
“I messed up,” I answer honestly.
“Oh honey, I’m sure you can fix this.” My mom walks back over to me and reaches up to place her arm around me.
I start at the beginning and fill them all in on was has happened between us. They stop to ask questions now and then, but they generally let me keep talking. When I finish with what has just happened they sit in silence.
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My mom has a look of pity in her eyes. I know she is doubtful now that I can actually fix my relationship with my mate.
“But it does sound like she has already accepted your wolf form.” My father states.
“Yeah but I don’t have the intention of staying in wolf form. I’m her mate not her pet. Maybe if I just...” I stop talking as I get a strong sense of panic wash over me and I stand up straight and growl slightly.
River Falls: The Wolves Page 21