There was a time when they had been the only words she’d wanted to hear, but now they only evoked irritation and indignation. ‘My job’s here. Or should I prove what everyone in this district thinks: that they’ve been abandoned – that even the agents who claim to protect them, who enforce the ideals laid down by the Global Council, don’t dare live here? In fact, why am I even justifying myself to you? Do you really think you can just walk back into my life and treat me like some damsel in distress not capable of looking after myself? I’ve stood on my own two feet for long enough, Rob. I’m not some dewy-eyed twenty-one-year-old flattered by your advances anymore. I sort my own problems. So, no, I’m not going anywhere with you, even though my life might very well depend on it. And you can tell Max the same thing.’ She stood up, holding her hand out for his mug, her glare locked on his.
Rob didn’t move as his eyes narrowed in resentment and suspicion. ‘Is it the job, or is there something more going on here?’
She felt a flutter in her chest at the insinuation. ‘Like what?’
That Kane was no longer just a mission? That going after Kane was a compulsion – a necessary compulsion for her own survival? That right there and then, Kane was the only one she knew of who could save her?
‘He beds women as a pastime,’ Rob said, looking up at her. ‘You know that. When he’s not murdering and maiming and torturing that is.’
‘You think I’m planning to jump into bed with him?’ She exhaled curtly, and broke from Rob’s probing gaze in case he should read into her defensiveness. ‘That’s one too many insults for the day.’ She snatched the half-empty mug from his hand and marched back across to the kitchen.
‘I’m not blind,’ Rob said, following her. ‘I know the effect he has on females – of all species.’
‘You almost sound jealous,’ she said, discarding both mugs in the sink. She turned to face him, her arms folded.
He narrowed his eyes. ‘Is that what this is about? You pick the biggest, baddest vampire out there to make me jealous?’
‘Oh, don’t flatter yourself. What I mean is you thinking you can come back in here with any kind of claim over me. I can do what I like, so I will do what I like. And I will go after Kane Malloy and I will bring him in. And I’ll do it my way. I’m not that vulnerable, fragile thing anymore. I’m probably nothing like what you remember.’
He held his gaze steadily on hers. ‘You’re wrong, Caitlin. You’re exactly how I remember. You can put up all the front you want, but I can still see behind your eyes better than anyone. And he’ll use that. He’ll revel in it. He’ll turn you inside out and rip you apart because it’s what he does. You seriously think you can handle that? You let him in, and he’ll tear you to pieces.’
‘Like you did? He’s got the excuse of being a heartless vampire. What’s yours?’
Rob pressed his lips together as he stepped away. He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out five pastel-coloured envelopes. Returning to join her, he held them across to her.
She saw a glimpse of her address on the top one. The stamp.
She took them from him. She flicked through each. All were addressed in his handwriting. All were to be opened on 16th December.
‘I never forgot,’ he said. ‘I just never thought it right to send them. I didn’t want to confuse you any more than I had.’
She swallowed against the tightness in her throat. She discarded the cards on the draining board and moved to step past him, but Rob caught her hand. The warmth of another human being should have felt comforting. The intimacy should have felt right, the familiarity reassuring. Instead it felt shockingly non-intimate. There was no spark and no surge of tension like she’d felt the moment Kane had touched her. It was non-comparable – the way Kane made her catch her breath in her throat, the way her body immediately responded to his. She looked up into Rob’s eyes and the barrier was almost palpable. She immediately pulled her hand away. When Kane had let her go, it had felt like a void. When Rob did, it was a relief.
‘Please,’ Rob said, gazing deep into her eyes. ‘Don’t do this.’
‘You asking me not to shows you’ve never known me at all. I want you to leave, Rob. I’m tired. And I have things to do.’
Frustration emanated from his eyes, his lips taut. ‘You’re making a mistake.’
The urge to tell him he was wrong and that she was right was overwhelming. That instead of insisting, like everyone else, that nothing was coming for her, he should have believed her. That instead of denying her claims, he should have been trawling the streets alongside her for answers. But confronting him with the truth now would have given too much away and nothing, absolutely nothing, was jeopardizing her plan to get to Kane.
‘We’ll see,’ she said.
Rob’s glower remained fixed, Caitlin’s barriers hardening with every second that passed.
‘Do you really think you’ll survive this?’ he said. ‘Do you really think he’ll let you live? Once you’ve given him what he wants, or once he’s taken it, he’ll kill you. You’re a willing victim, for fuck’s sake. You step over his threshold and you are his. Is that what you want? Am I right? Is it more than just the job? Is it him?’
The look in his eyes unnerved her – the amalgamation of jealously, anger and disappointment. ‘I want you to leave, Rob.’
‘There are better and safer ways to get your sexual kicks, Caitlin. I’ve seen enough females firsthand who thought it would be a challenge to slip between his sheets. You don’t come out the same person. He’s sick. He’s twisted. He doesn’t have limits. And you will end up doing whatever he wants you to do.’ He pressed his forefinger to his temple. ‘And he’ll get so far in your head, you’ll actually believe you want it. Is that who you want to give yourself to?’
She defiantly held his glare. ‘You don’t know me anymore.’
‘Been with anyone since me, have you?’
She exhaled tersely and moved to step past him again but he caught her upper arm, pulling her back against the counter before standing in front of her.
‘Have you remembered what it was like?’ he asked, standing too close for comfort.
She lowered her gaze, staring at the floor as she clutched the counter.
‘But I was patient. I loved you. I understood. I know how hard intimacy is for you. I know how hard it is to break through that barrier that protects you – your heart and your soul – from all those readings you have to do.’
She didn’t want to remember how it had been between them. She didn’t want to acknowledge it. How quickly it had all become difficult. How loving him like she did had made it all the more painful. The disappointment in his eyes, the failure she’d felt. Wanting to be normal. Wanting to feel something. He’d put the first time down to her inexperience. The second and the third, the few times after that down to stress, her expectations being too high. But she felt nothing. Nothing but shame.
And she wanted so much more.
But it had never got any easier.
And the last time they were together, the month before he’d left, when she’d turned to him as much for comfort as to be sated, should have been the most special of all.
Instead, she’d been left feeling hollow again.
‘That’s why I never wanted you to go into all this shadow-reading, Caitlin. It wasn’t just me being selfish. You were committing yourself to a life that was wrong for you. You deserved better. I knew it. Max knew it. Your parents would never have wanted that for you. Your father would go insane knowing what you’re about to do. You can’t handle Kane. And deep down you know it. And I can say that because I know you. I know you better than anyone.’ He caught her by the jaw, forcing her to look up at him, his blue eyes burning deep into hers. ‘Kane won’t be patient. He won’t be kind. He won’t tell you it’ll be okay. He is cruel and self-sating. He’s not exciting, he’s not challenging, not when he’s hurting you. Not when he’s making you cry. When he’s making you bleed.’
Caitlin pushed past him but he cau
ght her by the wrist.
She tried to yank it away but he held tighter.
‘It’s not nice not being in control, is it?’ he said.
She glowered up at him.
‘Do you think you’ll be in control with Kane?’ he asked. ‘Do you think you’ve got him worked out?’ His eyes softened. ‘Walk away from it. Please. Don’t do this to yourself.’
‘Let me go,’ she said firmly.
The air thickened between them, Caitlin holding her breath as she stared him down.
Eventually he conceded and let her go.
As he stepped away, she sagged against the worktop, not knowing if she wanted to cry or lash out at him.
‘Max is worried Kane wants to use you to bring about the prophecy.’
She snatched her gaze back to his. Her heart thudded. It had crossed her mind, too, but she hadn’t dared say anything in case it convinced Xavier she was too much of a risk to go undercover after all. ‘You seriously think Xavier would let me do this if he had any suspicion that was Kane’s intention?’
And if anyone knew, it was Xavier. It was never spoken of officially, but everyone knew he had some kind of inside scoop. The Higher Order, ‘vampire royalty’ as everyone referred to them, had links with the Third Species Management Divisions across all the locales. Xavier seemed to have closer links than others though, if the rumours were to be believed. If Xavier had had any suspicions a shadow reader had played a role, he wouldn’t have supported her place in the field, let alone going after Kane.
And Kane had spoken about vengeance, not fulfilling the prophecies.
Unless he meant vengeance against the whole of humankind.
No. He wouldn’t have waited for that. He’d clearly been watching her for a long time and would have had plenty of opportunities to snatch her. His motivations were definitely more personal.
‘Xavier will do whatever it takes to bring in Kane. There’s no better excuse to lock him up and throw away the key than catching him red-handed trying to incite the prophecy.’
‘It could happen decades from now, centuries even. I’m supposed to shy away based on that?’
‘You’re not shying away. You’re saving your life.’ He sighed heavily. ‘Max told me you still believe all this stuff about Rick’s and Kathleen’s deaths being linked. That it’s coming for you. He thinks that’s why you’re doing this. That you just don’t care.’
She folded her arms and lowered her eyes.
He stepped up to her again and tenderly pushed her hair back from her face, cupping the back of her head as he always used to.
She closed her eyes. Responding, reaching for him, accepting his help, admitting defeat all crossed her mind. But not one of them felt right.
‘I’m here for you, Caitlin. I left you once but I’m not going to leave you again.’
She looked up at him, deep into his soft blue eyes, not needing to search for sincerity because it was so apparent.
‘Nothing is going to hurt you,’ he added. ‘Not while I’m with you.’
He leaned in before she had time to respond. His lips were as soft as she remembered. As warm. They met hers with ease. And, consumed by familiarity, she reciprocated.
She wanted to lose herself in the moment. To forget everything. To think of nothing but him.
Maybe if last night hadn’t happened, she could have.
But Kane had touched her now. Kane was no longer just a report, a photograph or a moving image on camera. She’d felt his lips against her skin, his hard body against hers, his strength, his resilience, the threat and promise of sensual sexuality. And her body had responded. More dangerously, so had her mind. Or he wouldn’t have been so lodged in her thoughts right there and then.
She didn’t want Rob. She hadn’t wanted Rob for a long time. She wanted Kane. More than that, she needed Kane.
Kane was the only one who could give her what she wanted, even if she was pressing the self-destruct button in the process.
She broke away from Rob’s kiss, the tension in his body consuming the gap between them. ‘I need you to go,’ she said, lowering her eyes again to break any other prospect of intimacy.
He hovered for a moment as if searching for the right thing to say. She could feel his anger. Anger that had never been more apparent.
She looked up warily as he brushed past her to the draining board.
He slid the cards towards him and, grabbing a pen from the counter, wrote a phone number on the envelope of the top one. ‘Think carefully, Caitlin.’
He stopped in front of her again, reached to smooth her cheek as he always used to, but she sidestepped away. He retracted his hand, this time impatience, not upset, igniting behind his eyes.
She watched him go. Watched him close the door behind himself.
Feeling sick, she collapsed against the counter again. She stared back down at the cards, urged herself not to open them, but grabbed the one with his phone number on and ripped open the envelope.
The birthday card was simple: white, with a small, shaggy teddy sat amongst some presents. Inside it simply said, Always in my thoughts.
As a tear trickled irritatingly down her cheek, she wiped it away, refusing to break open old wounds that she’d spent long enough trying to stitch.
She threw the card back down and scanned the chaos. She had to do something worthwhile, something to work it all off. And starting with cleaning the apartment seemed as valid a task as any.
The club was awash with people lining the basement entrance, chatting against the graffiti-emblazoned stone walls. It had once been a row of five derelict houses, but Alexander had knocked them all through, albeit illegally. The heavy beat of the music vibrated through the floor. The scent of excitement, of illicit substances, of sex dominated the air.
Kane made his way along the length of the dim corridor, people automatically moving out of his path. He took a right, not into the heart of the club, but down the worn stone steps into the cellar’s caverns. The bouncer sent him a polite nod, letting him pass unquestioned into the exclusive area. Taking the second recess on the left, Kane stepped into one of the catacombs.
Alexander glanced across his shoulder from the card table. ‘Kane.’ He leaned back in his chair and tapped the behind of the woman who was sitting on his lap as a directive for her to move. His dark eyes ignited, his easy grin broad. ‘It’s good to have you here. Do you want to join us?’
‘Not tonight,’ he said, fleetingly appraising the woman as she sauntered past him, her large doe-eyes meeting his as she smiled slowly, sensually.
Alexander took Kane’s hint. He discarded his cards onto the table and lifted his six-foot-four, lean frame from the table to promptly join Kane in the doorway before leading him out into the private neighbouring catacomb. ‘I wasn’t expecting you tonight.’
‘I hope that’s not your way of telling me you haven’t got my stuff.’
‘Of course not.’ Alexander grinned again, his dark eyes flashing. ‘When have I ever let you down?’
Kane followed him through to the back of the catacomb and into the makeshift office. He eased back on the sofa as Alexander crossed to the old metal filing cabinet.
He rifled through the top drawer before joining Kane on the sofas. He lay what looked like small plastic evidence bags on the glass tabletop between them, each small enough to hold in the palm of his hand. The first contained a tight-knit green herb, the next a bunch of brown leaves and the last a fine powder. Each was marked with symbols.
‘Mix it all together with warm water. They have to drink it all.’ He slid over a folded piece of paper. ‘They’re the words you utter. It should all take less than five minutes.’
‘You make it sound simple.’
‘It’s frighteningly simple, if you have the right ingredients. I’ve had to call in a lot of favours for these. Some of this stuff I haven’t seen for centuries. Trust me, the process is easy but finding the tools is not.’ He leaned back in the sofa. ‘Who’s the lucky victim
?’
‘No questions, Alexander. That was our agreement.’ He sent Alexander an amiable smile, before gathering up the packets and tucking them inside his coat as he stood. ‘And you know I’ll return the favour. With gratitude.’
‘I know you will.’ He hesitated. ‘Rumour has it you’re after the VCU’s numero uno. ’
Kane smirked. ‘Is that right?’
His eyes narrowed with concern. ‘Am I?’
‘Questions, Alexander.’
‘I’ve never known anyone capable of removing a shadow reader’s soul, Kane. Just a friendly warning. Those things are locked down tighter than any other humans’. Either of you could end up damaged in the process.’
‘I’ll bear that in mind. What do I owe you?’
‘Some loyalty is all I ask. Defence if I need it.’
Kane nodded. ‘Goes without saying.’
‘But Tyler’s been causing some trouble again,’ he said, following Kane back across to the door. ‘And Tay.’
Kane stopped. He took a cigarette out of his top pocket and placed it between his lips. ‘What have they done now?’
‘Tyler’s had three open feeds. Full public view. One wasn’t willing. We had a gang of humans come round seeking revenge late last night. You know I don’t mind sharing my premises with vampires, but not ones out for trouble.’
‘Did you handle it?’
‘We sent the humans away with their tails between their legs. But if he keeps pushing it they’re going to come back and in greater numbers. We don’t need the hassle. And we sure as hell don’t need the VCU all over the place.’
‘I’ll sort him out,’ Kane said, stopping at the door. ‘What about Tay?’
‘Usual. I swear he’s in with them. The VCU and stuff, I mean. He’s got snitch written all over him. I don’t trust him.’
‘He’s done some work for Caleb hasn’t he?’
‘Caleb will kill him if he gets word. I know you’ve never met him, but trust me – Caleb doesn’t take any shit. That vampire rules that nightclub and the five blocks around it.’
‘So I’ve heard. Then make sure he knows. And if Caleb doesn’t do anything, I’ll gut Tay for him.’ He turned the handle.
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