by Jamie Beck
“Vivi.” David’s voice sounded tentative.
She started and then dropped her head.
He sat next to her, turning his back toward the ocean so he could face her. Gripping the bench with his hands, he leaned back slightly to stretch his legs out in front of him. Their bodies were mere inches apart, yet Vivi felt as if they were sitting on either side of a high-voltage fence.
“I’m glad you got home safely,” he began. “I couldn’t fall asleep until I heard you come in.”
Her head snapped toward him. Everything and nothing whipped through her mind in a jumble. Why was he suddenly so attentive? Did he mean anything he said last night? What was happening with him and Laney? She stared at him, unable to give voice to any of her thoughts.
When he reached for her hand, she reflexively pulled away. Self-defense. If he touched her, she’d either slap him or collapse against him and never let go. He winced and inhaled the salt air.
“I’m sorry about last night.” He rubbed his face with his palms and then rested them on his thighs. He stared up at the cliff tops before looking at her. “Seems I’m apologizing to you every day this week. Actually, I’ve behaved badly toward you since my mom died.”
He covered his eyes with his hands and shook his bowed head. Still, she couldn’t respond. Her heart thumped hard against her chest. It hurt.
“This thing with my dad has really messed me up, Vivi. I hate the fact that I can’t seem to get control of it, or myself.” David shifted his position and faced her, looking somber. “I think we should talk about last night, and why it happened.” When she didn’t reply, he asked, “Are you so disgusted now you can’t even stand speaking with me?”
Vivi heard the heavy sound of her uneven breathing. Her throat felt strangled. Breaking eye contact, she stood and leaned against the railing. Once at a safe distance, she reined in her thoughts, took a big breath, and set them free in a tumble of words.
“When your mom died, I gave you space, assuming you’d eventually turn to me the way I’d always turned to you. Then you left us all without looking back. When Cat told me you came home, I couldn’t wait to see you, even though you never bothered to find time for me. Then, at the docks, you blindsided me with the news of your girlfriend. I knew then that nothing I’d ever hoped for or believed had been true.”
Her eyes filled with tears, but she continued to speak through her tight throat.
“I pushed through that disappointment because I thought, if nothing else, we’d always remain great friends. Your friendship has meant so much to me. I know it couldn’t have been easy to have always been careful with my feelings. I’m sure you were pressured by your family to be patient, even when I suffocated you—”
“Vivi, you didn’t—” David interrupted.
“Let me finish, please. Despite my clingy ways, somehow we built this incredible friendship. I know you care about me, and I believe you believe everything you’ve said this week in your campaign to reconnect. But surely you see nothing is the same now. Not our friendship, not you . . . and not me. We’ve changed. I’m honored you confided in me about your dad. I’m so sorry for what’s happened, and I’m most sorry for how it has changed you, and us.
“Maybe last night you were grasping for what’s been lost. But there’s no going backward. No stolen kiss can recover what’s gone. It was a mistake, and we both know it. At least it didn’t go too far. Nothing has happened that can’t be overcome. So let’s start fresh and create a new friendship. We’ll see each other in New York sometimes, just like I see Jackson. Before we know it, everything will settle and be fine. You can work through your problems with Laney. I’ll get back to living my life with whoever comes along. And once in a while we’ll see each other.”
She inhaled through her nose. “We can do this, David.” She laughed at herself. “Well, of course, you can do this. You already have. I guess what I mean is I can do this, and you don’t have to feel guilty about anything. We’ll forget all about our little indiscretion. Maybe someday we’ll even laugh about it.”
Unloading her feelings provided a rush of relief. To speak the truth finally! A grin split her face. “Oh, David, I already feel so much better. You have no idea. Thanks for listening.”
“You didn’t give me a choice, did you?” He rose to his feet and stepped toward her. “Now it’s my turn. And I have a lot to say. Things I need to tell you.”
Surprising herself, she shook her head. “No.” She didn’t want apologies, or to hear him repeat what a “special friend” she would always be—the label that had kept her clinging to fantasies far too long.
His chin withdrew. When he opened his mouth to respond, Vivi covered it with her hand. He grabbed her waist while waiting for her to remove her hand. His touch heated her body like a furnace.
“Just let it go.” Keeping her hand over his mouth, she rested her head against his chest and breathed in deeply, savoring their embrace. “Please. Please don’t say anything.” She felt him close his mouth, so she withdrew her hand and backed away, loosening his fingers from her body.
He looked grave standing there staring at her. “Vivi, wait. You don’t understand.”
Her eyes welled up, so she backed away. “I’ll see you later.” Spinning on her heel, she started up the steps without looking back.
I did it. It’s done. I’m okay. She inhaled several cleansing breaths and started across the lawn. Wiping away a tear from her eye, she squinted up at the house. Oh, fudge. Laney stood on the deck staring at her through venomous eyes.
Had David confessed to her? She pleaded with God to make Cat, Jackson, or Hank appear and spare her a confrontation, but God wasn’t granting wishes to dishonest women today. With great effort, she lumbered up the steps to meet her foe.
“Good morning, Laney.” Vivi flashed a benign smile and tried ducking inside the open door.
“Hold on, Vivi.” Laney crossed her arms. “We need to talk.”
“Do we?” Vivi halted in the open doorway, preserving a quick escape route. “About what?”
“David.”
“What about him?” Heat crept up into Vivi’s cheeks and ears.
“I’d like you to back off.” Laney fastened her with an accusing glare.
“I’m sorry, what are you talking about?” Vivi leaned against the doorjamb for support, certain her knees might give out at any minute. Her indignity was undercut by the fact that she believed she deserved every bit of the anger Laney was about to unleash.
“Let’s not play games. I’m not an idiot. I can tell something is going on between you and David. I know you have a long history, and I can guess you probably had a big crush on him for years. But it isn’t fair to exploit his desire to reestablish his family relationships for your own benefit. Besides, he’s here with me, Vivi. We’ve been together for seven months.” She crossed her arms. “You’ve had years to win his heart, and failed. You seem nice enough, although you’re really not his type.”
Vivi should be sputtering. Instead, laughter bubbled up from her chest. “Trust me, Laney, no one knows that better than I do.” She should’ve turned to go, but something made her want to fight back. Maybe the memory of David’s panting in her ear triggered something vengeful. Maybe it was nothing more than jealousy. She didn’t know; she didn’t care. Spinning back on her heel, she said, “But you know, you’re not his type, either.”
Laney’s eyes widened before her features twisted into an ugly knot. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. Our relationship is perfect.”
“Really? Then what’s got you so worked up?”
“Your games are ruining our vacation.” Laney’s eyes narrowed. “You’re playing on his sensitivities. He told me he cares for you deeply as a friend. So again, I’m asking you, please don’t interfere now when he and I are close to making a significant commitment. I don’t know what happened between you tw
o last night, but it’s me he sleeps with every night. No one else.”
“Sex isn’t love, Laney. I suspect you know that or you wouldn’t be feeling so threatened.” Vivi pushed off the doorjamb, now fully enraged. “I know David better than anybody. Trust me when I tell you, you really are not his type.”
“I am exactly his type. We’re equal in intelligence, ambition, looks, and refinement. Unlike you and him, we’re perfectly matched.”
“After all this time, you still don’t know him at all. It’s almost sad.” Vivi stepped closer to Laney. “You have to ‘feel’ David, not ‘think’ him. Since we’ve already established you lack much heart, you’ll never be able to touch his.”
“I’m a thousand times closer than you’ll ever be.”
Suddenly Vivi noticed Laney blanch, so she glanced around the deck. Without realizing when it had happened, they’d gained an audience. Cat and Hank stood just inside the open door. David was standing, slack-jawed, behind Vivi.
Vivi’s eyes squeezed shut. How much had everyone heard?
“What’s going on?” David looked like he might smash something to bits.
Laney turned her rage into tears. “Vivi says you’ll never love me because I lack a heart. She’s not as sweet as she appears to be, is she?”
Vivi’s eyes flew open in protest. Before she could speak, David stormed toward Laney.
“Upstairs, now.” His clipped tone brooked no argument. Without sparing a glance at Vivi, his sister, or Hank, he ushered Laney inside. Seconds later, they disappeared from view.
“What the hell was that about?” Cat asked.
Vivi felt her mouth open and close. Defeated, she shrugged. “She thinks I’m trying to steal her man.” Moments ago she’d delivered the best speech of her life to David. Now she’d blown it to hell by baiting Laney.
“Vivi?” Cat tilted her head, eyes wide. “I thought you were over him.”
Her concerned tone nearly brought Vivi to tears. Riding to the rescue as always, Hank broke the tension by joking, “Well, Vivi, you sure do put on a good show. Singing, drama . . . what’s next? Save me a seat, will you?”
His green eyes offered understanding. I could kiss you, she thought, then stifled a laugh at how utterly inappropriate her response was under the circumstances.
Despite utter emotional exhaustion, Vivi forced herself to laugh. “Perhaps I could get a job working for Ringling Brothers.”
Through the ceiling, terse voices caught everyone’s attention.
“Maybe we ought to leave the house to give them some privacy,” Vivi suggested.
“I’ll grab Jackson and meet you both outside,” Hank offered.
After a long day in town and a late dinner, Vivi, Cat, Jackson, and Hank brought two bottles of wine and several hurricane lanterns outside. A warm breeze skimmed over them as they settled into the deck chairs. Despite the disconcerting day, listening to her friends’ idle chatter soothed Vivi’s battered soul.
“I wonder if David saw Dad’s e-mail yet,” Cat said to Jackson.
“It’ll be the icing on the cake of his shitty day.” Jackson puffed his cigar. “He won’t be happy, that’s for sure.”
“Why would he be unhappy about your dad getting remarried?” Hank glanced from Cat to Jackson. “Doesn’t he like Janet?”
“We don’t know what the problem is.” Jackson flicked his ash and gazed out to the sea. “Neither Dad nor David will tell us why they don’t speak anymore. I’m sick of it.”
Vivi sat in her chair, feeling near the edge of some kind of breakdown. She could only imagine David’s reaction to his dad’s announcement today. Hostility. Anguish. Outrage. All were too weak to describe what he must be feeling. And if he refused to accept the marriage, it would widen the rift between him and his family.
She desperately wanted to help. She wanted to tell, but she wouldn’t. Yet she had to do something. “David had a rare bond with your mom. Maybe he’s angry about your dad dating again and that’s why they’re not talking,” Vivi volunteered.
“Hell, Vivi. We all miss Mom. But she’s dead. My dad deserves to move on. He’s getting married and David’s got to wrap his head around it. Janet’s a little young, but I don’t think she’s a gold digger.” Jackson guzzled his wine and placed the empty glass on the deck beside his chair. “She’s got a lot in common with Dad. They’re happy. Besides, David and Dad’s fight began before Janet came on the scene.”
Oh, Jackson, you’re so wrong.
“David’s never been irrational. He must have a good reason for this stalemate. Maybe you could give him the benefit of the doubt?”
“Guess I’m not surprised to hear you defend him, even after all this time.” Jackson inhaled deeply and then turned to look across the sea. For once her lifelong love of David came in handy. No one suspected anything else to be the root of her attempts to mend fences.
Conversation remained subdued, leaving Vivi’s mind free to drift back to David. He’d texted Jackson just before seven o’clock. Apparently he’d decided to take the ferry with Laney and asked Jackson to bring his clothes back to New York for him on Sunday.
Vivi had no right to be disappointed he’d gone with Laney. She’d made her peace with David that morning. She’d meant every word at the time. The chance to be a different kind of woman and friend seemed like the mature response.
Unfortunately, the truth grew clearer as day turned into night. And the truth was she had wanted him to choose her. He hadn’t, and it hurt. Her foolish heart would never learn. After all this time, she remained as sappy as a thirteen-year-old fool in love.
Then, magically, David appeared in the living room.
“Yo, I thought you left,” Jackson called through the screen door, stopping David.
“Well, I’m back.” His disheveled hair and clothing revealed exhaustion as his empty gaze slid past everyone. “Going to bed.” Like a phantom, he vanished, retreating to the safe haven of his room.
Vivi bit her lip, dying to comfort him, knowing she’d have to wait for a more private time and place. Oddly, in the midst of her anxiety, she realized he’d returned without Laney. Something small and warm broke open in the deepest recess of her heart, where she stored her most fervent hopes.
An inappropriate grin tugged at the corners of her mouth. What might tomorrow bring?
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
St. Jameses’ House
Five Years Ago
David dried himself off and then wrapped his towel around his waist. Christmas weekend with his family had been relaxing, but tonight he’d return to the city. He fished around inside his suitcase for his last pair of clean underwear.
While dressing, he glanced out his window and noticed Vivi’s car parked in the driveway. He’d expected her to arrive earlier this afternoon. Cat had been engrossed in modeling her new clothes and texting her friends, so she’d never mentioned what kept Vivi detained.
At least she was here now, so he’d enjoy her company at dinner. Between his seventy-plus-hour work schedule and her busy senior year of college, they’d not been in touch as often this past semester. He missed her breezy e-mails, which no longer flooded his in-box.
While buttoning his shirt, a flurry of activity outside caught his attention. On closer inspection, he saw Vivi wipe her eyes before opening her car door. Without thinking, he banged on the windowpane. Her head snapped up. He waved, shrugging his shoulders in question. She barely smiled, then blew him a kiss and hopped into her car. His brows furrowed as she drove away.
Downstairs, he observed a pile of artfully wrapped boxes with elaborate bows sitting on the kitchen counter. Across the room, his mother opened the oven to retrieve the turkey.
“Here, let me.” He grabbed the oven mitts from her and hauled the heavy roasting pan onto the stove. “Where’d Vivi go?”
“Home. She stopped by to deliver thos
e.” She gestured toward the packages before mixing a roux for the gravy. “Are you disappointed?”
He masked his emotions with a nonchalant shrug. “Well, I haven’t talked to her in a while and was looking forward to hearing her crazy stories. My life’s become rather dull lately.”
His mother produced an odd smile. “Mmm. I see.”
“Guess I’ll have to settle for your company instead.” David winked before kissing his beautiful mother’s forehead. He knew he’d been blessed with a close-knit family, which he credited largely to his mother’s abundant and unconditional love. “It’s just as well, since you’ve always been my favorite lady.”
She patted his cheek. “You’ve always been my sweetest child.”
Soon after dinner, David packed his bag, grabbed his unopened gift from Vivi, and said his good-byes.
“You’re leaving early,” Jackson lamented.
“Some of us are expected at work early in the morning.” David envied his brother’s self-employed status. Unlike David, who preferred playing things safe, Jackson followed his gut. After two years spent working for a well-known construction company, he’d started his own small contracting business. In mere months, he’d cobbled together an impressive crew and secured three whole-house renovation jobs in Fairfield County.
“So quit your candy-ass career and come work for me.” Jackson chuckled, eager as ever to spar with his big brother.
David wasn’t in the mood for games. “Uh, pass. Thanks.”
He kissed his mother and sister good-bye, slapped Jackson between the shoulders, and hugged his father.
Once alone in his car, he drove straight to Vivi’s. Something was off. She’d never missed Christmas dinner with his family before.
He pulled into her driveway. Light streamed from the living room window of the dilapidated 1950s ranch home, casting an amber glow across the snow-covered lawn. He’d dropped her off dozens of times over the years, but she’d never invited him in. He suspected she didn’t want him comparing her home with his family’s large center-hall colonial.