by Emily Nealis
Obviously, our story did not end there.
But that was a bad night. Sometimes I have flashbacks of those moments. Usually, one of two things happen—I either laugh at how ridiculous it was or I repress the memories again because they’re so painful to think about. Everyone else laughs now, especially my parents, but I was the one who had to deal with the grief and heartache. I was the one given the ultimatum to choose between my family and my boyfriend. I was the one who left home. I was the one who was shunned by my family. My parents weren’t present at my wedding. I was the one whose mother asked if I was going to abort my baby because she didn’t like my husband. I was an orphan for almost four years. I had to deal with all of that. Adam was the only one there for me. Even when my parents speak of Adam as though he’s their long-lost son, there are times I still resent them and what they put me through all those years ago.
So, whenever my mother asks me, “Have you talked to your brother?”, I tell her she should ask Adam because Travis doesn’t run to his big sister for anything. After the reconciliation between my family and I, everything changed. Travis was graduating from high school, and suddenly Adam was the big brother he never had. Adam was the baby of his family, so he never had a younger sibling. For a few years, Adam took Travis under his wing and made it his mission to teach him whatever he could. As much time as they spent together, I don’t know what they talked about. Whenever I asked, Adam would look at me, laugh, and ask if I really wanted to know.
I didn’t.
What I do know is that I truly believed Travis’s major breakup during his senior year of college would be the catalyst for my brother to finally grow up. For about a year, Travis became a role model for June and Vivian—the perfect uncle in every way. He practically lived at our house after his breakup with his long-term college girlfriend, Tara-Lynn Prescott.
That was her name, and she was just as Southern as she sounded.
Tara-Lynn was extremely well-mannered and was one of the nicest people I’d ever met. She was someone who brought a host gift with her whenever she was invited to someone’s home. She was a classy girl, who spoke articulately and whose hair and make-up was always on point. However, she could also throw down and take bourbon shots with my dad at a barbecue. We all thought Travis and Tara-Lynn would be engaged by the time graduation rolled around. Much to his embarrassment, my mom even went as far as to sneak engagement ring catalogs to Travis whenever she saw him.
No one knew what happened between them at first except for Adam. After two and a half years, one Thursday evening, Travis appeared at our house, toting with him a handle of Old Crow, looking like he was ready to die. Tara-Lynn dumped him. I was completely shocked, given that whenever I saw her, she was all googly eyes over Travis and couldn’t stop talking about their future together. But that night, Travis got drunk in our kitchen, clutching baby Vivian in one arm and crying into her My Little Pony bib with the other. It was a sad state of affairs. Thankfully, she wasn’t old enough to realize what a blubbering mess her uncle was. After that, Travis buried himself underneath the blankets of the sleeper sofa in our basement for three days.
When I finally asked Adam what happened to him, Adam told me Travis cheated on her. Apparently, Travis was developing a dangerous habit of taking things for granted. It’s not surprising, after all, since he led a relatively sheltered life. Hardship was not part of his vocabulary. As expected, he’d gotten too big for his britches and taken his flirtations with other girls way past words one night when he was at a party and Tara-Lynn was visiting her family in Tennessee. Nothing stays a secret for long, especially when you’re making out with someone who’s not your girlfriend in front of a fraternity house full of your closest friends. After that, Tara-Lynn returned the favor by knocking on the fraternity house door one evening and returning a box full of his belongings. By the time word made it upstairs to Travis’s room, the entire fraternity as well as some of the girlfriends had gathered in the foyer to witness the demise of his relationship.
After such a humiliating exchange, I thought Travis would go off the deep end. He didn’t, though. For a while, he was a regular fixture at our house, hanging out with Adam and spending time with the girls. I was so excited he was taking an interest in family again and I truly thought he was turning a corner. I thought he was growing out of the selfish little boy phase that he’d been in for—you know—ever. I liked having my brother back. He joked around with me and the girls and Adam had become his best friend. At that point, I didn’t care what they talked about with one another. Clearly, it seemed to be doing Travis some good. Maybe Adam was teaching him how to be a proper boyfriend. Travis seemed to be back to normal by the time he met Carolyn. She seemed to be just what he needed after he took the time to pull his life together after such a terrible time. But, still, a small part of me was never completely convinced he really got over Tara-Lynn.
I was glad Travis and Adam became so close. Travis needed someone to teach him how to be more independent and self-reliant. However, Travis became a rarer and rarer sight after he married Carolyn. Instead of seeing him at least twice a week, we began to only see him whenever my parents invited everyone over for dinner. I spoke to Carolyn more than I did to my brother. He even stopped speaking to Adam as often, which I found even more surprising. Even when I invited both Carolyn and Travis over to our house, Travis only attended maybe half of the time.
This was the case when I invited them over one evening while Adam was out of town in Georgia for work. It was the middle of summer and June and Vivian were sleeping over at Ryan and Leslie’s with their cousins. Carolyn had the following day off, so she said she would stay the night since she and Travis live 45 minutes away from us on the south side of Lexington. When I asked her if Travis was coming, too, Carolyn replied with a terse, “No.” and told me she’d be over after she left work.
This wasn’t too surprising at that point; I was used to Carolyn complaining about my brother and his flaws. I couldn’t blame her though, it was a far cry from the way he was when they first began dating.
Apparently, it takes all kinds.
When Carolyn arrived, I was busy snapping beans and slicing cucumbers to soak in brine overnight to be canned the next day. Before I could finish bagging up the rest of the vegetables to put in the refrigerator, Carolyn had already downed about half a bottle of wine. She seemed elated, excited to be at my house, evident from her cheery demeanor and enthusiasm in pouring each of us a generous glass of wine. And what did I care? She wasn’t driving. I was also looking forward to cutting loose and having a child-free girls’ night with my sister-in-law. And, truth be told, I hated staying at home by myself, especially since the girls were staying with their cousins and I had an otherwise empty house.
“Where is Travis, anyway?” I asked Carolyn, placing the clean chef’s knife back in the knife block, “Was he not down to hang with the girls tonight?”
Carolyn’s face transformed into a sour smirk. If I had known in what direction the conversation was going, I never would have asked.
“I wouldn’t know, it’s not like I see him that much anymore.” Carolyn ran her fingers through her shiny, black hair. She looked away, clearly annoyed, “Maybe the next time you see him, you should ask him if he remembers he’s even married.”
“What?” That was when I realized the reason she ingested half a bottle of wine in under ten minutes had more to do with her working up the nerve to say what was really on her mind rather than unwinding after a stressful workday. I picked up my glass and the bottle of wine, almost empty at this point, and motioned for her to follow me over to the couch. Carolyn followed me, the alcohol beginning to affect her as she swaggered into the living room. Once she was safely on the couch, I began to question whether she was serious or if it was just the wine talking. Finally, Carolyn shook her head, dismissing my skepticism. She rested her arm on the back of the couch and leaned toward me, taking a deep breath and pausing as though she was deciding whether to speak.
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“I think Travis is seeing someone.”
I knew I had to consider my next words very carefully.
“Why would you think that?” I couldn’t blame my sister-in-law for thinking that Travis was being a snake. It had happened before and, to be quite honest, he’d turned into even more of a spoiled brat since graduating from college. Carolyn readjusted herself on the couch, as though she were preparing to delve into a long-winded story.
“We don’t do as many things together as we used to. But that wasn’t that big of a deal at first. I mean, I just started residency and I’ve had a crazy schedule anyway. But now it’s other things. Now he’s going to the gym when he never used to, he’s always randomly meeting up with his friends, and running random errands.”
“Come on,” I smiled, in an effort to reassure her, “He could actually be doing those things.” She shook her head before continuing.
“He also won’t let me see what’s on his phone, it’s like he’s constantly texting and trying to hide it.”
“If you’re really worried about it, why don’t you just check your phone records? Then you’d know.” I didn’t want to contribute to Carolyn’s paranoia, but I felt the need to bring some kind of solution to the table. Carolyn rolled her eyes and sat back. Her lack of response indicated that, although she was suspicious, she might have also been afraid of discovering something she wasn’t ready for. Her jaw shifted back and forth, “I need to ask you a question.”
I immediately dreaded what I was about to hear.
“What do you think is a normal number of times for a couple to have sex per week?”
I tilted my wine glass back and took a few gulps. It was probably better if both of us were, to some degree, intoxicated. I didn’t give her an answer right away and, to my relief, she continued as though she weren’t expecting one.
“We don’t have sex as often as we used to. I’ve gained weight since we’ve been together—I know that—and I think that’s affected the way he sees me. But I don’t know what to do about it. He’s just…it’s not like he’s even interested. What guy turns down sex? It’s like he doesn’t even find me attractive anymore! But every time I ask him about it, he blows me off and says he’s just been really busy and he’s tired or whatever. Like, yeah, I’m a resident, I’m WAY busier than you’ll ever be! And I live with you, so I know when you’re busy and when you’re not, but that’s not stopping you from going to the gym all the time or out with your friends!”
“You’ve been thinking about this for a while.” I observed, her analysis of Travis’s behavior was too detailed to have just crossed her mind within the past few days.
“Yeah, a little while I guess.” Carolyn tilted the bottle of Chardonnay and emptied the remaining wine into her glass. I paused, trying to think of how to delicately phrase what I wanted to say. I abandoned that quickly and just came out with it.
“Is that why you’ve been drinking so much?”
Carolyn raised her upturned palm.
“What is wrong with me? Why is this happening?” Carolyn lowered her forehead into her palm. Her arm curled up to envelop her head in a display of absolute despair.
“Nothing is wrong with you, and you don’t know that anything is happening. For all you know, everything is fine and Travis is just being…Travis.”
Carolyn’s head snapped up, exploding from beneath her arm. She slammed her palm down on the back of the couch. Her face was distorted, flushed a vibrant shade of pink.
“Does this look fine?” She sobbed, tears pouring forth in streams down her cheeks.
“No,” I exclaimed, startled, “This is horrifying!”
Carolyn might have been overdramatic, but seeing her like this was painful. I jumped up from the couch and walked down the hall to the bathroom, returning to the couch with a box of tissues. Carolyn took one and dragged it across her eyelids, wiping away her tears and removing most of her make-up with it. After she calmed down, she sat back and continued where she left off.
“Anyway, after Travis pulled that shit, acting like he’s too busy to sleep with his own wife, I started connecting the dots.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” I waved my hands erratically, attempting to slow the train wreck that was playing out before my eyes, “As of right now, there are no dots. Yes, I agree that Travis is acting like a moron, but this could be due to any number of things.” The first thing that came to mind was their obvious lack of communication skills, but I decided not to mention that yet. Instead, Carolyn ignored my attempt at reason.
“I know about Tara-Lynn.” She said this with such disdain, it stopped me, mid-breath. I narrowed my eyes, thoroughly confused and somewhat shocked that Carolyn was uttering Tara-Lynn’s name. It was as though two universes had collided in my living room.
“What do you know about Tara-Lynn?” Seriously, I wanted to know because I hadn’t thought about Tara-Lynn in years.
“I know about her and why she broke up with Travis and that it completely destroyed him and broke his heart. I know that it took him forever to get over her. But, you know what? I don’t think he’s over her.”
Carolyn was probably right, but I wasn’t about to tell her that.
“What if he’s started talking to her? What if he’s seeing her or something? She still lives in town. I looked her up; she’s an attorney or something for Alltech.”
I tilted my head back and finished my glass of wine in one swig.
“You’ve been stalking Travis’s ex-girlfriend?” I exhaled, setting my glass down on the side table.
“I’m not stalking anyone! The information is there for anyone to see. Travis is the one who’s hiding something.” Carolyn snapped. She sounded like a petulant child trying to divert blame. I’d heard my own children do it enough to recognize that tone. As far as I was concerned, the last thing Carolyn needed to be doing was dragging her husband’s ex-girlfriend into her insecurities and marital discord.
“But you don’t even know if Travis has had contact with her.” Tara-Lynn could be married to someone else by now, for all Carolyn knew. Or maybe she was single and living her life, minding her own business. Either way, I’d lost count of how many boundaries Carolyn was overstepping in her quest for answers. But it didn’t matter whether Carolyn came up empty, finding no evidence of infidelity; I knew she would keep pressing until she found the answer she wanted.
“Carolyn, you’re playing with fire, here.”
“Can you ask Adam if he knows anything?” Carolyn reached toward me and rested her hand on my knee, “I know if there’s anything going on, Adam is the only person who might know.”
I doubted Adam would know anything about Travis’s personal life at that point, but if there was a possibility it would put Carolyn’s mind at ease and prevent her from doing something irrational, I would gladly ask him. The girl was completely unhinged. I didn’t doubt she had reason to be, but she was going about it in completely the wrong way.
“If I ask Adam and there is nothing, will you drop this and consider just talking to Travis about your concerns?”
Carolyn sat, perched on the couch cushion, breathing steadily. Her demeanor had changed. She was back to normal, the same calm, calculated, and pleasant woman she was before loading herself full of alcohol and descending into a soggy pile of chaos on my couch. She turned to look at me, her face now stoic and composed.
“It’s never nothing, it’s always something.”
I didn’t see Adam until Saturday morning. He left Georgia late Friday afternoon, which meant he wouldn’t get in until late. The construction on I-75 is a perpetual nightmare, hundreds of miles of snarls and traffic jams. When he called me from the road, he said he was debating finding another route and taking backroads, but then decided that would probably take him just as long and add even more miles to the trip. He finally arrived in the middle of the night, well after I went to bed. I heard the shower turn on and a little while later, I felt him climb into bed, but I must have been half asleep at tha
t point. I don’t even know what time it was or whether it was technically Friday or Saturday by then.
Adam’s arrival was much anticipated, evident from the screaming and hoofbeats of little girls running down the hallway the next morning. I was also glad to have him back, of course. I hated when he had to go out of town. But isn’t that always how it is? You don’t realize how much you love having someone around until, suddenly, they’re not. Granted, this wasn’t so sudden, he’d known about this trip for weeks. But, each time he was gone for a few days, I was reminded how much I loved him and loved having him around. Talking to Adam on the phone and passing my phone around so both June and Vivian could speak to him was something I could do for about a week, but the girls needed him around. This was especially true with Vivian, as she was always a little off whenever Adam wasn’t around. As soon as he was home, everything resumed like normal and the crazy dissipated.