So We're Not Dead, Now What?: The Lightmare Series

by Sarah Carroll

  So We’re Not Dead, Now What?

  The Lightmare Series

  Sarah Carroll

  So We’re Not Dead, Now What? © 2021 by Sarah Carroll. All Rights Reserved.

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by a reviewer, who may quote short excerpts in a review.

  Cover designed by Rhea Sridhar

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  Sarah Carroll

  Visit my website at sarahcarrollcreative.com

  Printed in the United States of America

  CONTENTS

  Stop and Smell the Flowers

  Manuel’s Book Tour

  Sparring

  Date Night

  Relaxing

  The Adventures of Cassidy and Goldenrod

  Just Being Honest

  Dungeons and Dragons

  To Victory and Beyond

  The Smolder

  Joy to the World

  Stop and Smell the Flowers

  Estarria tiptoed across the smooth tiles, taking each step with exaggerated care. I stifled a laugh; Estarria trying to be quiet was…just wrong. In so many ways.

  Yet, here she was, slinking down the hall under the cover of darkness. The moonlight streaming in from the windows caught the gleam of her red eye, casting a scarlet glint in the shadows around her face. I felt my fist tighten around the piece of paper in my hand. After everything with Lindara and the Balance, was she seriously just going to leave?

  I guess it was a good thing I had been tossing and turning the whole night. Otherwise, I never would have heard the soft rustle of Estarria’s bag as she slung it over her shoulder. I also never would have been bored enough to get up and walk all the way downstairs to see the gently folded note she left on the kitchen table.

  Sorry for leaving in the middle of the night. I’ve never been great at goodbyes. I’ll be at Nightmare’s Base doing research on the Coming Schism if you need anything.

  -Estarria

  The words had been hastily scrawled in almost illegible handwriting.

  Should I have just let her go? It’s not like getting to the Nightmare’s Base would be a problem, considering almost half of our group could teleport. Besides, maybe she just needed space. But…to live in that place…An icy chill raced down my spine at the thought of glistening black liquid dripping on glassy tiles. I knew the real reason she was going back there, and it wasn’t research.

  I followed Estarria as she walked towards what Manuel lovingly referred to as “the garage”. Alaura used it to keep the royal transport vehicles- mainly cruisers built to be lightweight for fast travel. Useful for a quick getaway.

  Without batting an eye, Estarria stalked right past the pristine cruisers, not stopping until she reached a severely beaten up ship with a damaged golden horn.

  My eyes widened. Was that really…? I squinted, scanning the familiar dents and grooves in the metal. That was the ship my friends stole from Light to break me out of the Endless Void. (Well, the first time, anyway.)

  I leaned against one of the cruisers, studying Estarria’s figure silently. “Wow,” I finally spoke up. “Never took you for the sentimental type.”

  Estarria jumped, whirling around in shock. She turned so quickly that strands of her violet hair flapped across her face. I fought back a chuckle.

  “Cassidy? What- what are- did you just teleport in here or something?” Estarria hastily batted her hair out of her eyes, squinting at me through the darkness.

  Estarria narrowed her eyes, probably going through every scenario as to how I possibly got the drop on her. She hadn’t realized that she had been totally oblivious to my not-so-quiet movements for the past five minutes, completely focused on keeping her own movements as silent as possible.

  I shrugged with a teasing grin. “Nope. I just followed you the old-fashioned way.”

  Estarria grimaced. She gripped the handle of her bag so tightly that her fingers began turning white.

  “Right,” she muttered, unconvinced.

  “So…you really hate goodbyes that much, huh?” I smoothed out the piece of paper in my hand.

  Estarria went rigid with embarrassment as her eyes flicked across the crinkled note. “Maybe. So what?”

  I shrugged again.

  Estarria eyed me suspiciously. “Why are you even here?” she asked. An irritated look crossed her face. “Don’t tell me you want to go to Nightmare’s Base too.”

  I shuddered at the thought. “Definitely not.”

  “Then what do you want from me?” she questioned, meeting my eyes with a sharp glare.

  I dropped my gaze to the floor, staring at the swirly patterns in the tile. “Isn’t it obvious? I want you to stay.”

  A dead, suffocating silence lingered in the air as Estarria processed my words. I glanced upwards, watching her carefully. Confusion flashed across her face, followed by a twinge of something dark and melancholy.

  After several moments, she finally broke the quiet with one softly uttered word.

  “Why?”

  I met her eyes. “Why do you think? We’ve had our…uh…differences,” I began. Differences that included her beating me up, burning me, and tying me to a chair. “But…we’re friends, you know?” I finished lamely.

  Estarria snorted. “Friends?”

  “What else would you call us? You, me, Goldenrod, Manuel, Madness, Alaura, Derek,” I retorted.

  “A bunch of losers?” Estarria offered helpfully.

  “That too,” I agreed. “The point is, we all want you to stay. Madness really likes having you around, and I think Alaura really missed you when you left for Nightmare’s Base the last time.” My voice trailed off for a moment. “We just do better together. We have…” I silently cursed myself for what I was about to say, “…the power of friendship. Or something like that.”

  Estarria raised an eyebrow at me. “Goldenrod came up with that genius statement, didn’t she?”

  “Maybe,” I admitted. I let go of Estarria’s letter, letting the paper slowly drift to the floor. Estarria’s eyes followed it attentively, tracking its movement.

  “Look, I know why you’re leaving. The real reason,” I stated, my voice growing hard.

  Estarria tensed, but her casual expression gave nothing away. “Oh yeah? Why’s that?”

  I gazed at the moonlight sifting in through the window, carefully considering my next words. “It’s the same reason why I have trouble getting out of bed in the morning. Why I can’t sleep at night.”

  Estarria lowered her gaze.

  “But,” I continued, my voice getting stronger, “What’s in the past is in the past. Nothing to do about it now but try to move on.”

  Estarria glanced at me skeptically, putting a hand on her hip. Some of her old confidence crept back in to her posture. “And how do you propose doing that, exactly?”

  I shifted nervously. “Uh…I’m still figuring out that part.”

  Estarria rolled her eyes. “I feel better already.”

  “I think the best way to start is to try to be less angsty. You know…” I grimaced. “Live a little. Go to a park, watch holoprojectors…smell the…flowers?”

  I realized I had no idea what people do for fun. Like, at all.

  Estarria let out a chuckle, which quickly became a lau
gh, which then became uncontrollable hysterics. “Smell the flowers? Smell the flowers?” She wiped tears from her eyes. “Oh my god, this is hopeless! You’re hopeless! I’m hopeless!” She fell over, gripping her ribs as she laughed uncontrollably.

  I tried to look irritated, but a smile broke through my annoyed scowl as I imagined Estarria peacefully sniffing a waterlily. The whole thing suddenly seemed so ridiculous.

  And yet…if we could defeat Light, the Nightmare, and the Balance, as well as save the universe, surely we could figure out a way to enjoy life once in a while, right?

  I grinned, feeling something I hadn’t felt in a long time: optimism.

  “It may be hopeless, but I’m going to try anyway!” I declared, yanking Estarria up off the ground. “And if I try, you have to try too.”

  Estarria struggled to regain her composure. Between gasps, I heard a snarky, “Why’s that?”

  “Because you deserve it,” I responded quietly.

  Estarria’s laughter cut off abruptly. The light seemed to vanish completely from her face as a familiar darkness crept into her dimming eyes.

  “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  She stared at me for a moment, puzzlement in her eyes. Underneath it, I could see a faint touch of anger. At me, or herself? Probably both.

  I sighed. “Just think about it.” I glanced at the beat-up ship behind Estarria, a bittersweet smile spreading across my face. “If you want to go, I won’t stop you. But, if you don’t want to say goodbye…” I gave Estarria one last lingering look, “…then don’t.”

  With that, I turned around and started walking back towards my room.

  The hall was silent except for my bare feet slapping the tiles. I listened for the sound of a ship powering up, or running, or even cursing. Nothing.

  Suddenly, heavy footsteps shattered the silence. The footsteps grew louder, pounding with every step. Estarria had apparently decided to ignore stealth. A strand of violet hair flicked in my face as she passed me.

  “I’m allergic to flowers,” she muttered.

  I stopped, watching her retreating figure pace down the hall. As she turned the corner out of sight, a strange scent filled my nose. It almost smelled like…firewood. I glanced downward. Below my feet lay several bits of burned paper, charred beyond recognition.

  Manuel’s Book Tour

  “And that’s why Sutunak jumping off the building is so significant for Numunokko. His complete faith in her gives her the strength she needs to regain control,” Manuel was saying.

  Estarria groaned. How long was this stupid event supposed to last? She sighed, casting a glance at the program stapled to the wall. She read the times for each event, her stomach dropping when she read the time for Manuel’s author event. This stupid thing would last four hours.

  Estarria tried to hide her panic as yet another moron stepped up to the microphone to ask a question. Four. Hours. Long. How was she supposed to do this for four hours?

  She gripped the taser tied to her belt, inhaling sharply.

  Okay, calm down, Estarria thought, this is a security job. Maybe one of these fangirls will do something stupid and I’ll get to beat up someone.

  Suddenly, a light tap on her shoulder interrupted her thoughts. Estarria turned her head to see Goldenrod, her face shining with excitement.

  “Isn’t this great?” she exclaimed cheerfully. “Manuel’s finally getting some recognition!”

  Estarria drawled in a heavy sigh. “You do realize this thing is four hours long, right?”

  Goldenrod shrugged. “Yeah. So?”

  Estarria shook her head in disbelief. “I can’t believe I let Alaura talk me into this.”

  Estarria had just been minding her own business when Alaura had just begged her to come to Manuel’s book event as a bodyguard. Estarria grimaced as she remembered Alaura’s sugary sweet innocent eyes-look. “Please! It would mean the world to me if you would come!” she had pleaded.

  When had Estarria become so soft, anyway? Before, she never would have let some kid push her around.

  Estarria gazed over at Alaura, who sat next to Manuel at the author’s table. Oh right, she thought fondly, seeing Alaura’s bright smile. That’s why.

  She grimaced.

  Damn it all.

  Estarria shifted her gaze away from Alaura, back to the guy at the microphone. His face had contorted into a hideous expression.

  “So, why is your book so violent, depressing, and poorly written?” he asked smugly, holding up a copy of Manuel’s book for the crowd to see.

  Goldenrod gasped. She started to move towards him, but Estarria caught her arm. Goldenrod gave her a reproachful look.

  “Don’t,” Estarria warned. “Authors have to learn to respond to criticism. Besides, that guy is just making himself look like an ass.”

  Goldenrod folded her arms against her chest, huffing angrily.

  Manuel shrugged at the man, his face casual. “Well, the sucky writing did help my mom feel less guilty when she used my book for toilet paper during the COVID crisis. That’s gotta count for something, am I right, folks?” He winked at the crowd.

  Estarria groaned. What an idiot.

  However, much to her surprise, the crowd broke into roaring applause.

  Alaura’s high-pitched giggles got picked up by the microphone as she rolled back against her chair in laughter.

  “Are you kidding me? This is atrocious!” the man interrupted. “How could anyone applaud this imbecile?” With a shout, he hurled the book towards Manuel, who ducked. The book missed him entirely and hit the wall behind him, landing on the floor with a loud thump.

  Finally! An opportunity! Estarria raced over to the man as she unhooked the taser on her belt. She had only been allowed non-lethal weapons, unfortunately, but this was still good.

  Unable to hold back her glee, she let out a sharp ring of laughter as she jammed the weapon against the man’s abdomen. He shrieked, his body convulsing and twisting.

  “You’re right,” Estarria said, jabbing him with the taser again. He let out a terrified squeal. “He is an imbecile.” She jabbed him again, this time with more malice. “But he’s our imbecile.”

  Estarria grabbed him by his shirtfront, a devious smile twisting on her face. “Consider yourself removed from this event.”

  She kicked him in the abdomen, watching his terrified figure hurtle through the air and crash through the wall. She rubbed her hands together in satisfaction.

  She turned back towards the crowd, who all stared at her in shock. Estarria tilted her head to the side with a cocky grin. “Resume the Q and A.”

  After a moment or two of confused silence, Manuel finally let out a large whoop.

  “Go Estarria!!!”

  She smiled with false modesty, taking a seat next to Manuel. Maybe this event wouldn’t be so bad after all.

  Okay, scratch that, she thought as she saw the next audience member stand up to the microphone. She had on pink shorts, a pink T-shirt, pink shoes, even pink, fluffy socks…the sight sickened Estarria.

  “Hi,” the girl said cheerfully. “I’m Mindy.”

  Manuel smiled good-naturedly. “Hey, Mindy, what’s your question?”

  Mindy squealed with excitement. “I just wanted to say that IloveyourbooksomuchandI’vereaditovertwentytimesand-” She gushed uncontrollably until all her words blended together into an incomprehensible mess.

  “Whoa, hold on there a sec, I can’t understand you. What was the question?” Manuel asked in confusion.

  Mindy took a deep breath, starting over. “Are you single?” she asked.

  Estarria broke out laughing. What was wrong with these people? She turned towards Goldenrod with a mischievous grin. Maybe Mindy’s insanity would be enough to drive Little Miss Sunshine to violence. Estarria laughed harder at the thought of Goldenrod pounding Mindy’s face into paste. That would almost make this whole mess worth it.

  Manuel seemed to be at a loss for words. “Uh…I’m sorry…?�
�� he stammered in confusion as he fidgeted with his I’m with Ragnar hat.

  “She wants to know if you’re single so she can go out with you,” Estarria said loudly with a cackle.

  The audience let out a loud whoop.

  Goldenrod’s face reddened. She gave Estarria an icy glare before snatching the mic from Mindy with a violent jerk. “He’s not, so you better sit back down.” Goldenrod glared at the girl with a darkened expression.

  Alaura let out a shaky laugh as Mindy lowered her head and stalked back towards the audience. While the crowd calmed down, Alaura turned to Goldenrod. “So…uh…” she began in a desperate attempt to change the subject. “Can we talk about that awesome part with the child murderer?”

  Estarria looked up at Manuel in puzzlement. “Someone murdered a kid in your story?” She hadn’t known Manuel could be so dark. She was almost impressed.

  “No, no, no,” Manuel responded hastily. “The child was the murderer,” he said as if that clarified everything.

  Estarria cocked her head in confusion. “Why did…” her voice trailed off.

  Manuel shrugged. “I thought it was funny.”

  Alaura and Goldenrod nodded in agreement.

  “It was pretty funny,” Goldenrod said.

  “Yeah, Fuwuu is the best!” Alaura added, pumping her fist in the air.

  Estarria frowned. She wasn’t sure if she needed to read this book immediately, or channel Manuel’s mom and use it for toilet paper.

  Alaura’s response rang in her mind. Only one way to find out!

  Sparring

  The world fell silent as the bustling streets of Aqualita melted into the stony walls of Alaura’s castle. Madness paused, adjusting to the quiet. He never realized how loud civilization was until he left it. The wall of sound outside always left a void in its wake, not unlike the void that haunted his nightmares. Madness closed his eyes, attempting to shrug off the feeling. The silence had its benefits, too.

  Madness slumped into a chair, dropping his bag next to him as he fell into the soft cushions. Madness watched as the cushions compressed against his weight and marveled at the fact that the chair had not caught on fire. He was not sure he would ever get used to this feeling of freedom.