by Sarina Bowen
“It’s not personal. I just don’t want to owe you. My ex was really weird about it. He made me feel like a slacker.”
“Well, I won’t,” I say abruptly. And then a bunch of nonsense comes tumbling out of my mouth. “And when you won’t eat the food I’ve bought, I really can’t tell if we’re a team at all. It’s like you don’t want to give me that satisfaction of helping you.”
Roderick flinches. He takes a bite and chews. “Honestly, I really didn’t plan to like you so much. I wasn’t looking for more than a roommate and then a hookup. I thought I’d make you orgasm a few times and send you off to find a boyfriend. But you are irresistible.”
“I don’t want any other boyfriend.” Just you.
“Yeah, maybe I’m irresistible, too. If you like hot messes with car trouble and relationship baggage.”
“Maybe that’s my fetish,” I say, cramming another big bite into my mouth.
“It must be.” We eat in silence for a couple of minutes.
Roderick sets his plate down and then grabs mine and sets it down, too. He climbs into my lap, straddling me. “Merry Christmas, lumberjack. For someone who claims to hate Christmas, you’re pretty good at it.”
“It’s not so bad,” I say, kissing his jaw, then nosing into his hair to take a deep breath. He smells like bacon and all the good things in life. If you’d told me two months ago that I could be so wrapped up in another man’s embrace, I would have thought you were crazy. But here I am, holding Roderick on the sofa.
My boyfriend. I try that word on in my head. It seems odd, but I like the concept a whole lot. I like making breakfast together in the kitchen and opening presents under our tree. “Can we please make another slice of French toast, with syrup?”
Roderick laughs in my arms. “Sure. But I thought you were about to say—can we please have some sex? I have a one-track mind.” He kisses my neck and then slips his hands up under my T-shirt.
“Mmh.” The contact with his skin makes me feel electric. “Now that you mention it, I like this idea.”
Roddy doesn’t argue the point. Instead, he puts his hand down my pants and strokes my thickening cock. His lips move sweetly across my throat. I can’t help it—I thrust into his hand.
“Kieran,” he says against my skin. “There’s one more present I got you for Christmas. But now I’m not sure if I should show it to you.”
“Unngh,” I groan. “Show me later.”
“Well, it’s relevant to the topic.” He slides a piece of paper out of his shirt pocket and unfolds it. “Look, I got tested again.”
I squint at it for a fractional second. “That’s good, right?”
“Yeah, I wanted a follow-up, because of the cheater. And I thought…” He clears his throat. “Well, I thought maybe you’d feel better about fucking me if you knew I was healthy. In case that was holding you back.”
“Oh.” I lean back on the couch and sigh. “That was never holding me back. You’re just plain tasty.” I run a hand up his chest to prove my point. “But we have a lot of fun the way things are. And sex makes me think of…” It’s not easy to say out loud.
“You can just tell me,” he says quickly. “Not everybody likes the idea of anal.”
“Oh, I like it fine as a concept. But I don’t have any game at all. Before…” I pause again. This is super awkward. “I don’t think I ever satisfied anyone. Least of all me. And with you—it’s not like I’ll suddenly know what I’m doing.”
Roderick doesn’t laugh, although I’m not sure I’d blame him. He strokes a thumb across my stubbly cheek and looks me right in the eyes. “That sounds stressful. I get it. But what if this wasn’t an Olympic event? I just want to be that close to you.”
“Oh,” I say slowly. “I don’t suppose there’s a book to teach me this, too? You could put flags on the relevant pages.”
Now he smiles. “Sounds like a really fun book. Especially if there were illustrations.”
“There should be.”
Roddy leans down and kisses the corner of my mouth. Just once. “Tell you what—we could do this mise en place.”
“What?”
“You know when I teach you a new recipe, I arrange all the ingredients so that you can focus on the technique?”
“Yeah,” I say warily.
“Come on.” He climbs off my lap, then tugs on one of my hands. “Come in here for a second.”
I let him lead me into the kitchen. “You fry up the rest of the French toast, because it freezes well, for reheating later.” He hands me the spatula. “And come upstairs when you hear Adele.” He turns the music back on.
“Adele?” I repeat, a little confused.
“Yeah. It’s a ways down the playlist. Meanwhile, I’m going upstairs to prep for you. When Adele starts singing, then you come upstairs. You still don’t have to do a thing you don’t want to. But just consider it.”
Then he turns up the music and turns to leave. “Oh, and make a pot of coffee. For after.” Then he goes.
Kieran
I fry up the rest of the French toast, and do a few dishes. But I can barely concentrate.
Maybe Rod knew what this would do to me. Anticipation is a powerful drug. Even if I’m inexperienced, I’m still curious. And horny as fuck.
What’s he doing up there, anyway? He’s probably stroking himself, which is enough to make me crazy. But maybe he’s also got the lube out. His slicked-up fingers are probably thrusting lazily in and out—
I groan uncomfortably. My flannel pants are tented with arousal. I don’t think Adele is anywhere on this playlist. I’ve heard every other musical artist on three continents already, but Adele is behaving like Kyle right now—late, when I need her most.
Finally, she sings the first line of “Hello.” I throw down the dish towel and abandon Adele and the kitchen. I climb the stairs with a thumping heart, slowing my pace as I reach the top. It was only a couple of months ago when I dared Rod to meet me upstairs.
Is it crazy to wonder if his heart was pounding, too? I always assume that he’s more confident than I am about almost everything. But it was hard to miss the plea in his eyes when he said, I want to be that close to you.
So here I am right outside the room where I may or may not fuck a man for the first time. A man I’m totally falling for. No big deal.
I take a shaky breath and step through the doorway. And then I practically swallow my tongue. Rod lies on one hip, hair damp from a recent shower. His bare, golden skin flexes over rippling muscle as he fucks himself with a toy in one hand, his cock in the other.
Good. Lord. I’ve never seen anything so erotic. For a moment I stand like a dummy, the music from downstairs still vibrating through my chest.
He turns his head, watching me watch him. “I’ve always liked putting on a show for you. When you look at me like that? So hot, baby.”
Suddenly, I’m no longer content to watch. I stalk into the room, removing my shirt as I go.
“Yes,” Rod whispers, his eyes hooded. “Show me more.”
My skin flashes with heat as I drop my flannel pants. My gaze is fixated on his cock, so hard and flushed against his palm. I want it in my mouth. So I kick my clothes aside, brace one knee on the bed, and knock his hand away.
“Yes, fuck!” He curses when I swallow him down. His fingers weave into my hair and tug. I love it. I will never get tired of this. And after a few minutes sucking his cock, I’m all worked up and basically humping the bed.
“Kieran,” Roddy grunts. “I’m close. If you ever wanted to fuck me, now would be a good time.” He takes a deep, gasping breath. “Just saying.”
That sounds like a damn good idea all of a sudden. I release him with a pop and sit up, face flushed, cock painfully hard.
“Here,” Rod says, tossing me the lube. “If you want a condom, I can find one.”
I barely hear him. I’m too busy flipping open the tube and drizzling the liquid onto my unbearably hard dick. When I use my hand to spread it around,
Rod licks his lips, his clear eyes fixed on the motion of my hand.
And now I realize that hesitating was stupid. I won’t fail at this because I’ve already won some kind of karmic lottery.
“Now,” he grunts, tossing the toy onto the floor, then rolling onto all fours, presenting me with his ass. It’s a vulnerable, trusting position, and I don’t plan to let him down.
Moving into place, I grasp his hips in my hands. And finally I fit the blunt head of my cock against his hole.
Roddy doesn’t want me to go slow. He rocks back, seeking me, his head dropped with expectation. I slide slowly inside the tight grip of his body.
“Fuck yes. Fuck yes,” he chants. “More.”
I can’t rush this, though. It’s too amazing. I watch my cock disappear into my boyfriend’s tight ass, until I bottom out, stunned by the full-body embrace of our joining, and barely able to breathe through my excitement.
“Baby, you feel amazing,” he whispers.
I need a deep, steadying breath before I can move. He feels so fucking good. I pull out slowly, the slickness of the lube making each motion into a sensuous slide. Then I push inside again, tugging his hips back, tightening our connection. Everything is wow. The pleasure is so intense that I can’t help picking up the pace.
“Yes. God. Harder. Don’t stop,” Roderick chatters as we move together. He puts his forearms down on the bed, changing the angle of our connection. “There. Ungh. God,” he tells the bed. “Fuck.” He turns his sweaty face to check mine. He must like what he sees, because he closes his eyes and smiles.
I’m such a sucker for that smile. “I need your mouth,” I grunt. “Right now.”
“Then push me down already,” he pants. “Take what you want.”
I don’t need to be told twice. I roll us onto our sides, wrapping an arm around his waist, pulling his body flush against mine. All that contact makes my body flash hot. My questing mouth clumsily greets his, and we both groan as lips and tongues slide together in sync.
I can’t move as much in this position, but it’s probably just as well. I already feel like a Fourth of July firecracker with the fuse lit. So I palm Roddy’s cock and start stroking, while I slowly fuck him. We’re communicating only with breaths and tongues now, but I can tell he’s close. I’m past close, hanging on from sheer determination. I coast a hand down to give a gentle tug on his balls, while I pump my hips as hard as I dare. And finally it happens. Rod lets out a shout, and then all his muscles tense at once.
Even before I feel him shoot, I’m there—groaning and shuddering and gasping like a runner crossing the finish line.
At last, I sag onto the mattress, feeling rung out and victorious. “Fuck. I love Christmas.” I come dangerously close to adding, I love you, too. We don’t use those words. But I’ve never felt this way about anyone.
Roddy lies in my arms, breathing hard. “Thank you for trying my latest recipe. I hope we can make it again sometime.”
“Oh, this will be in heavy rotation on the menu.” I withdraw from him and ease off the bed. “Don’t move, okay?” I duck into the bathroom to get a damp cloth for him. And after a quick cleanup, I pull up the comforter when I come back to bed, wrapping an arm around him, because my cuddling game really has improved a ton.
“Are you sleepy?” he asks.
“No.” But that doesn’t mean I want this quiet moment to end.
“What time are we supposed to go to your aunt Ruth’s?”
“We’re due at three,” I say, which is hours from now. Feeling tender toward him, I roll onto his body and kiss him again. I love the feel of his hard body under mine. And I love the way he gazes up at me, smiling. “Did you get enough breakfast?” I seem to remember he didn’t eat much of it.
“Yeah, but I didn’t get enough coffee.” He runs a hand through my hair. “I made a pot and then forgot to drink it when—”
His gaze flicks to the side. He startles and his eyes get wide.
I crane my neck to follow his gaze. But by the time I do that, my cousin Griffin is already turning away from my bedroom door. A beat later, his feet pound down the stairs.
“Oh, shit,” Roddy breathes. “Oh my God. Where did he come from?”
That did not just happen. That did not just happen.
I leap out of bed, as if that makes any sense at all. As if I could undo the scene that Griff just stumbled upon. I duck into the bathroom and turn on the shower. Not waiting for the water to heat, I step under the cold spray and rinse the sex from my body. It’s only fitting that my whole body is covered with goosebumps.
Griffin saw me in bed with Roderick. Holy shit.
I cannot imagine what Griff is thinking right now. I didn’t see the look on his face. Was it disgust? I shiver, and I don’t even know if it’s the cold water or the situation.
Less than two minutes later I step out of the shower to find Roderick standing there, fully dressed. He hands me a towel. “Baby, he’s still out there,” he says quietly. “I can see his truck from the bedroom window. I think he’s waiting for you.”
“Shit.” I have no idea what I’m going to say.
“I’m really sorry,” he whispers.
“Not your fault,” I grunt.
“I know but…” He groans. “Christmas dinner.”
“Yeah.” That only makes the whole thing about a hundred times worse. In a couple hours I’m supposed to look my entire extended family in the eye.
And Griff got an eyeful of me naked on top of Roderick. My day went from terrific to horrific in the space of five minutes.
Cursing, I stumble into my jeans and yank on a shirt. I walk downstairs like a man headed for the gallows. When I step into my shoes and open the front door, Griff is sitting at the top of the porch steps, his back to me.
He doesn’t turn around, and a little bolt of fear runs down my spine. Besides Kyle, Griff is the person I’m closest to. I can’t stand the idea of him turning his back on me.
Then he moves over a bit, making room for me to sit beside him, and I feel just a millimeter better.
I sit down and wait, while Griff studies his hands. Eventually he clears his throat. “Talk,” he says. “Is this a new thing?”
That’s surprisingly hard to answer. “Yes and no? I don’t know. I never dated anyone before now. But, well…” I’m so uncomfortable right now that I wish I could just disappear from this Earth. “I guess it’s been a long time coming.”
“I had no idea,” he says to his shoes. “None. You never said a word.”
“No kidding.”
“Why?” The word is surprisingly harsh. “My sister is bisexual. You know we don’t care.”
“But it’s weirder among guys,” I say quietly. It sounds like a cop-out.
“Is it? If Dylan was gay, I wouldn’t feel differently about him…” Griff puts his head in his hands. “Shit. I’m not trying to make this about me. Never mind. I’m just surprised, that’s all. That you’d carry that around and not tell anybody. Is this why you moved out of your house?”
Yes. “Partly. I was just so stuck in a rut at home. Dad and I fight. Kyle doesn’t step up, even though he’s supposed to run the place with Dad.”
Griffin lifts his head and looks me in the eye for the first time. “Does Kyle know about you and the baker? He doesn’t, does he?”
I shake my head.
“That one time he was shooting off his mouth about you living with a gay guy. Jesus. You must have wanted to strangle Kyle.”
“A little,” I admit. “But Kyle isn’t the big problem, okay?”
“Who is? Your dad?”
“Yeah. It’s like…” There’s no way I can make Griffin understand, because he doesn’t know my other secrets. “I’m not ready to come clean about Roderick, because it’s one more thing for Dad to comment on. I don’t want to discuss my personal life.”
My cousin listens quietly. “Okay. I get it. Sort of. I won’t say anything when I go home. Or later today.”
“U
gh.” Fucking holiday. “Why did you, uh, end up in my bedroom anyway?”
Griffin laughs. “I brought you a dresser. Remember I said I’d ask my mom?”
“Oh. And she just had a dresser lying around?”
“Yeah. Anyway, I loaded it into the truck and also took six pies to the church for their Christmas supper.” He points at the church, just across the green. “Two birds, one stone, right? You didn’t answer your door, but it was open, and I heard music. Your kitchen has breakfast all over the counters—thanks for that strip of bacon, by the way—and since nobody answered when I called your name, I went upstairs.”
It all makes perfect sense. And now my face is burning up again.
“You can bet I won’t make that mistake again.”
I let out a groan.
“Looking you both in the eye this afternoon will be a little tricky, since I’ll be trying not to laugh.” He lets out a snicker. “Roderick is coming over, right?”
“Yeah,” I say in a low voice. “He has nowhere else to go.”
“Oh right—Mom said something about his parents being dicks.”
“Aunt Ruth did not use the word dick.”
“I’m paraphrasing.” He grins.
That’s the moment I know that Griff and I will be okay. Kyle wouldn’t understand, and Dad might treat me like a freak show, but Griffin and I will be fine.
“So let’s unload this fucker, okay?” Griff stands up and walks down toward his truck. “If I don’t get home soon, Audrey is going to ask what took so long. And I’m going to have to make up some shit about an alien abduction or something so as not to let the world in on your big secret, if you’re not willing to tell.”
“I am not willing to tell.” I follow him down to the truck, and he lets down the tailgate.
Griff hops up on the truck and slides the furniture toward me. “Ready?”
“Let’s do this. But, uh…” We lift at the same time and I ease the dresser back slowly, giving Griffin a chance to join me on the ground again. “We can’t carry this into my room right now.”