by Leah Martyn
‘Oh.’ He frowned. ‘What’ve I done now?’
She caught the edge of her bottom lip with her teeth. He wasn’t going to make it easy for her. ‘I want you to come home.’
He didn’t move. She heard him drag in a deep breath and then he spoke softly. ‘I don’t think I can. Deep down it’s not what you want, Janey. You asked for time and I’ve finally realised how I’ve begrudged giving you that time. I’ve been like a bull at a gate, pushing you.’ His voice was edged in self-disgust. ‘I’ve been a self-centred, selfish—’
‘Riley, you haven’t.’ She turned, unable to believe the finality she heard in his voice. Dear heaven, what was he telling her—that it was over?
‘Take all the time you need, Jane.’ He let out his breath on a harsh sigh.
So they could go on in this endless limbo? Jane’s heart was pounding and she could hardly breathe. ‘Riley, you’re not hearing me,’ she said in desperation.
‘That’s where you’re wrong, Jane.’ He started the engine once more and eased out onto the road. ‘For the first time in a long time, I am hearing you.’
Jane was hurting. She’d been upset when Riley had gone overseas without her but it was nothing to what she was feeling now. And to be so near him and yet not near him at all was breaking her heart.
It had been days now since he’d more or less laid down the new ground rules about their marriage and on every one of them she’d felt almost sick, her nerves rolling constantly. How did she make him listen? And if she never could, what then?
Riley was hell-bent on bearing all the blame for the breakdown in their marriage, when in reality they’d both made mistakes, neither willing to make a compromise. Which was what marriage should be all about, she thought belatedly. ‘Pig-headed man,’ she muttered, massaging an ache across her temple.
Her afternoon list of patients dragged on and when her last appointment for the day cancelled she breathed an uncharacteristic sigh of relief, taking the opportunity to go along to the staffroom for a cup of tea.
Jane felt close to tears as she dunked a teabag in her mug. She usually handled life better than this, she scolded herself inwardly. And where on earth had all that inner strength gone lately? The determination that had got her through the hard grind of her medical training? Out with the teabag probably. She hiccuped a huff of wry laughter, discarding the used teabag in the bin.
With a barely discernible shake of her head, she picked up her mug of tea and sipped. And sipped again. It tasted ghastly. Frowning, she checked the packet of teabags. Lord, she’d inadvertently used one of Trish’s more potent herbal teas. She sighed and emptied the tea into the sink. Why couldn’t she seem to get anything right these days?
She gave up the idea of tea and quietly left the staffroom. Outside in the corridor, she hesitated, looking thoughtfully towards Reception. Perhaps there was a slim chance that Riley had finished early as well. Should she just storm his office and make him listen? Tie him to a chair, if she had to?
The thought made her smile a bit grimly. But surely it was worth a try? Resolutely, she took several steps towards the reception desk and stopped, pulling back against the wall, freezing at what she saw—Riley emerging from his room, his arm slung casually around the shoulders of a startlingly beautiful blonde woman almost as tall as he.
‘See you tomorrow, Vick. I’m taking Savannah for a drink. We’ve some catching up to do.’
Jane felt the drum-heavy thud in her chest, the sudden recoil in her stomach at Riley’s words. Savannah? A name to match the sophisticated image, as against her own—plain Jane.
Bile rose in her throat and she pushed a hand quickly against her mouth, afraid she might be sick. If you think it’s over… The blade-edged torture of each word sent her running blindly back to her consulting room.
Jane felt she was fighting for her very existence. Sitting at her desk, her head in her hands, she lost track of time. But at least she decided one thing. The situation with Riley needed calm and rational thinking and she’d just have to find it from somewhere.
Swinging up from her chair, she collected her bag. Closing her office door with a click, she made herself walk briskly towards Reception.
‘Hi, Jane.’ Vicki was just finishing off her filing. ‘If you’re looking for Riley, he’s just left.’
Jane took a deep breath. ‘Actually, I’m still on duty more or less,’ she told the youthful receptionist.
‘You wouldn’t have seen Riley’s friend, I guess?’ Vicki’s long lashes swept upwards, her eyes widening in query.
Jane shook her head mutely. She was very tempted to run but Vicki was already in stride relaying details of Savannah.
‘I’d diet all my life for her figure.’ Vicki giggled. ‘You should’ve seen her. While she was waiting for Riley, she told me they’d been together in Nigeria. She’s a doctor, too, I think.’ Vicki frowned, reconsidering. ‘Or maybe she’s a nurse…’
Jane felt a stone settle in the pit of her stomach. She had to get out before she made a complete fool of herself and started either howling or throwing things. ‘Vicki,’ she broke in, flicking up her watch, ‘I have to see Leanne Cawley before she closes the shop. See you tomorrow.’
She was getting good at this, Jane considered. That was, thrusting everything to the back of her mind so she could concentrate on her job. But each time it was getting harder. Parking her car outside the garden centre, she went to find Leanne.
‘Sorry it took so long to get your climbing rose in,’ Leanne apologised. ‘But we had to order it from a speciality nursery in Victoria. It only arrived today. I was going to ring you.’
‘Thanks.’ Jane pushed a trail of flowering jasmine aside and parked herself against a length of shelving. ‘I didn’t really come about the rose, Leanne. I actually wondered if you could give me a contact number for Simon. He’s not answering on the one we have on file at the surgery.’
Leanne stopped with her secateurs in mid-air. ‘There’s nothing wrong, is there? Did he have to have tests or—?’
‘No, nothing like that.’ Jane’s warm smile put paid to the other woman’s alarm. ‘I wondered whether he’d had any luck finding a job.’
‘Not yet.’ Leanne’s mouth turned down. ‘Well, there was one…’ Stripping off her gloves, she dropped them into a nearby planter. ‘Let’s talk in the office, shall we? I’ll make us a cup of tea.’
‘You don’t know how much I needed this.’ Jane sipped the hot, fragrant brew gratefully.
‘You OK?’ Leanne’s quick look was discerning. ‘You look a bit pale. Haven’t picked up a bug, have you?’
‘A bit of added stress lately.’ Jane lifted a shoulder in dismissal. There was no way she wanted to get into that topic with anyone except her husband. ‘You were about to tell me about Simon and his job-hunting.’
‘The primary school is looking for an additional groundsman-cum-janitor.’
Jane frowned. ‘Well, I’m sure it’s a worthwhile job, but would it be fulfilling for someone with Simon’s ability?’
Leanne shrugged, looking bleak. ‘He wouldn’t get it anyway. These days, the education department runs a security check on anyone who applies for a job with them…’
The question hung.
Jane said quietly, ‘You’re referring to the restraining order and the police involvement, I take it?’
‘Well, it hardly makes Simon a good candidate for a job in a school environment, does it?’ Leanne rose and carried her mug to the sink. ‘I’ve probably wrecked his future.’
‘Did you really have a choice?’ Jane was firm. ‘You had to act for your own and James’s protection at the time. If you hadn’t, who knows what might have happened? Anyway, I’ve heard of a job that might interest Simon so if you could give me a phone number where I could reach him…’
‘He’s moved home.’ Leanne coloured faintly.
‘Oh.’ Jane put her mug down carefully. Tread softly, she warned herself. If the couple thought they could work things out
, it was entirely their own business.
‘It’s for the best, Dr Rossiter.’
Jane grimaced. ‘What happened to Jane? I thought we were friends.’
Leanne swallowed. ‘I didn’t know whether you’d approve. But Simon’s changed and we’ve forgiven each other…’
‘Then that’s all that matters in the long run.’ Jane looked down at her hands and wished her own marriage could be sorted out so easily. She brightened. ‘Want to hear about this job, then?’
The other woman nodded eagerly.
Jane sketched details of what Harry Jorgenson required, adding, ‘The Jorgensons are kind, honest people, Leanne. I’d hope Simon would feel he could be quite upfront with them.’ Jane believed she would be doing a disservice to everyone concerned unless she was entirely frank.
Leanne nodded. ‘I understand. I can’t thank you enough, Jane. I’ll go straight home now and tell Simon. He’ll want to ring Mr Jorgenson, I’m sure.’
‘I hope it works out.’ Jane got to her feet.
‘Oh—hang on,’ Leanne said, making a quick movement towards the door. ‘Your rose!’
CHAPTER ELEVEN
JANE woke next morning knowing what she had to do.
Nevertheless, her heart was beating a wild tattoo as she parked in her usual place at the medical centre. She was far too early for work but that wasn’t her agenda. Feeling as though she had lead in her shoes, she made her way up the stairs to Riley’s flat above the surgery.
She knocked and waited. In barely seconds, he threw open the door. ‘Jane…’ His eyes widened in surprise. ‘Something wrong?’
She managed a weak smile. ‘Just wanted to see you before work swallows us up for another day.’ She was gripping the strap of her shoulder-bag so hard her knuckles strained white.
‘Come in.’
‘Thanks.’ She followed him through to the kitchen, feeling slightly guilty. Had she been expecting to catch him out in some way? Well, if she had, she’d been caught out herself. He was obviously alone, showered, shaved and dressed for work.
‘Coffee?’
Jane shook her head. ‘I had a cup of tea earlier, thanks.’
‘At least sit down.’ Riley spun out a high kitchen stool. ‘It’s good to see you, Janey.’ His dark eyes beamed warmly.
Jane took a thin breath. It was a look she’d seen many times during their marriage—times when she’d been at her best and her worst. She licked her lips preparing to say what she’d come to say.
‘Did you know Julie’s working at the bakery?’ Riley sent the plunger down on his coffee and brought the pot across to the breakfast bar.
Jane reeled back slightly as the aroma from the coffee invaded her nostrils. ‘Uh, actually, she’s moved in with Anna Lewellen, a lovely lady with a big house and a heart to match. She’s taken Julie and her children under her wing. It’s only a stepping stone until Julie feels ready to get her own place.’ Jane smiled wryly. ‘She’s even talking of going back to school.’
Riley poured his coffee and began taking slow mouthfuls. ‘I sense more than a hint of you beavering away behind the scenes in all of this, Janey. Well done. Julie looks happy.’
‘You know I hate loose ends, Riley.’ If the words had sounded like a challenge, she’d meant them to be. ‘How was your evening?’
There was a breath of silence.
Riley straightened slowly, narrowing a questioning look at her. ‘Vicki, I presume?’
‘I thought her name was Savannah.’ Jane pretended indifference. ‘And Vicki didn’t tell me anything I hadn’t seen for myself. You were hardly circumspect, Riley.’
He made a sound of disgust. ‘It wasn’t like that. And I’m amazed you could think I had something going on.’
‘You were draped all over her!’ Jane snapped.
‘Are you that insecure?’ he dismissed roughly. ‘For crying out loud, Savannah was attached to our team in Africa. We were all so far from home, so dependent on each other, we became close. But not that close.’
She lifted her chin, angered. ‘What was she doing here, then, if not to see you? Mt Pryde is hardly the metropolis!’
Harsh lines jagged beside his mouth. ‘Savannah’s grandparents have a property not too far away. She was visiting them. And we’d swapped current addresses at the recent reunion so it was a natural reaction for her to look me up on her way back to Brisbane—or so I would’ve thought,’ he added with deliberate sarcastic emphasis. He shook his head. ‘You really do have me cast as the villain, don’t you, Jane?’
Her heartbeat was deafening. ‘I…’ she croaked. ‘I…just don’t know where your head is any more, Riley.’
‘How could you?’ He softened, all the anger seeming to drain out of him. ‘I hardly know myself. I just know I’ve made a complete hash of things ever since I got back.’
‘But that’s just it! It hasn’t been all down to you, Riley! It’s down to us! Why can’t you see that?’ She saw his mouth tighten and resolutely gathered her courage in both hands. ‘I came here this morning to tell you I want us back together, living under one roof, sharing our lives, our bed…’
He stared at her with the line of his shoulders taut and rigid. ‘Are you sure about this, Jane?’
‘Yes. I can’t be clearer than that, Riley.’ Her mouth quivered and her voice broke. ‘I think I’ll go on loving you all the days of my life.’
‘Oh, sweetheart…’ He swivelled and leapt from his stool to gather her into his arms.
‘Just hold me.’ Jane went to him, hugging him until her arms ached.
Finally, Riley eased back to look down at her. ‘I’m sorry for all the hurt my actions caused you, Janey.’ Gently, he tucked a tendril of hair behind her ear.
‘I could have been more understanding, too,’ she pointed out with newly acquired perspective, ‘instead of going all self-righteous.’ A silence fell between them until Jane said quietly, ‘Those last days before you left were awful, weren’t they?’
‘I could have cheerfully cut my throat.’ He met her eyes and the pain in them nearly made her cry out. ‘I honestly thought right up until I got on the plane that you’d relent and come with me.’
‘I thought you couldn’t wait to get away from me,’ she said in amazement. ‘That you thought our marriage had been one huge mistake. I felt so inadequate I hadn’t been able to get pregnant.’
‘You felt inadequate!’ Riley rubbed a hand across his eyes. ‘All I knew was, I couldn’t seem to make you happy any more.’
‘Oh, Riley…’ Her face all but crumpled. ‘We’ve been such fools.’
‘Not any more.’ His fingers, blunt and strong, gently stroked her cheek. ‘From now on, we’ll communicate, even if it kills us.’
Jane hiccuped a laugh. ‘That might be a terrible waste.’ She suddenly sobered. ‘But I promise to be open with you.’
‘And I with you,’ he agreed fervently.
‘I’m sorry I was so…obsessive about wanting a baby to the exclusion of everything else. It’s no wonder you felt trapped.’ She shook her head. ‘I should have been able to see beyond my own small world.’
‘I understand better now about your need for our child,’ he said with soft emphasis, and swallowed a bit unevenly. ‘I think I was the one who needed to grow up.’
Jane recognised the little bubble of happiness inside her that refused to stay down. ‘You mean you wouldn’t mind trying again for a baby?’
‘I don’t think it would be too trying at all,’ he quipped, tucking her in against him once more.
‘Do you have any idea how much I love you, Riley Brennan?’ Jane’s eyes were soft and she reached up to trail her finger across his mouth.
‘I love you, too—so much it hurts.’
‘Oh, help.’ Jane beat back the tears that came from nowhere.
Riley looked concerned, digging out his hanky and handing it to her. ‘This isn’t like you, Janey. Sure you’re OK?’
She mopped up hastily and gave him a shaky smile. �
�These past weeks have been a bit of a strain, I guess.’ She scrunched his hanky into a little ball. ‘It’s your birthday tomorrow.’ She swallowed jerkily. ‘Perhaps we could go out and celebrate our getting back together.’
‘Feels like all my birthdays have come at once,’ he said with quirky humour. ‘But I can’t wait until tomorrow to celebrate. In fact…’ Still keeping her tucked close to his side, he spun round to lift the phone from its cradle on the benchtop. ‘I intend to do something about it right now.’
‘Who are you calling?’ Jane snuggled against him. ‘And why?’
‘Ralph.’ Riley dropped a kiss on the end of her nose. ‘And why?’ Laughter danced in his eyes. ‘I need some time with my wife. Fancy the morning off, Doctor?’
‘Oh.’ Jane looked uncertain. ‘But everyone will know…’
His smile was as old as time. ‘Do you care?’
Jane shook her head, meeting his grin with one of her own, surprised to realise she didn’t care at all.
They went home to the cottage.
Their loving was so tender, so long and slow and with such care for one another that Jane was reduced to tears all over again. ‘Oh, Riley.’ On a little sigh, she drew his face closer, kissing him, breathing in the mix of fragrances that were distinctly his. Tasting him, feeling the rightness of it all at last.
‘Oh, love…’ Riley drew away on a shaky, indrawn breath, his gaze caressing her with a combination of awe and triumph. His throat worked as he swallowed. ‘I feel as though I have the whole world in my hands.’
‘Me, too.’ Jane felt the joy running between them, back and forth like a current.
‘Don’t move.’ Suddenly, he swung off the bed and began dragging on his jeans.
Jane watched him, bemused. ‘Are you getting us a snack?’
He touched the side of his nose conspiratorially and disappeared out the door.
For a long time, Jane lay back on the pillows, smiling at nothing in particular. The windows were open to the bright sunlight of mid-morning, the gauzy curtains fluffing against the window ledge from the slight breeze.