Natalie: I miss you. Can’t wait to get home to you.
Of course, he didn’t text back. He won’t even receive the message for another day. It sucks, because I need some form of communication with him now.
I change my focus to Madden’s heavy breathing, and I can tell he’s struggling; probably just as hard as I am over our make-out session. There’s movement behind me, and then suddenly, his arm wraps around me and I’m pulled against his body.
My heart is racing so fast that it’s hard to catch my breath, but instead of moving away, I keep my eyes closed and pretend I don’t notice the way he’s holding me.
It’s not until his fingers run through my hair and my entire body relaxes into him that I know I’m completely screwed. I’ve fallen for Madden Parker in the few days we’ve been together—having feelings I never had for his brother—and we still have another full day together before heading back to the real world.
I close my eyes, struggling with the fact that even though I should be happy, my heart hurts. I’m more confused than I’ve ever been before, and because of that, I need sleep to come.
When I wake up, the first thing on my mind is mine and Madden’s make-out session. I can’t just call it a kiss, because it was so much more than that, and if Jake hadn’t walked in to see us, more could’ve happened. That thought scares me the most.
Sure, I’d had a few drinks and was feeling a bit tipsy, but that’s no excuse for kissing him back or letting his hand explore my breasts. It’s definitely no excuse for liking it either. I screwed up, and I have to own up to it with Logan. It was wrong. Knowing Madden, he’ll probably try and take all the blame when we get home, but I won’t allow that.
“You up?” Madden’s groggy voice comes from behind me and I swear my heart skipped a beat at hearing it so close.
Despite our little fuck-up last night, I still slept in his arms the entire night. I’m not sure anymore if it was for Alana’s benefit or mine. I should’ve moved away when he crawled into bed, yet I didn’t.
“Yeah.” I roll over to face him, running a hand through my snarled hair. “Haven’t been able to sleep in hours.”
“We should talk about last night.” He sits up and reaches for his T-shirt, slipping it on. I hadn’t even noticed that he’d taken his shirt off in the middle of the night. Knowing that he did makes my insides ignite. “I never should’ve kissed you like that. I’m sorry. Clearly, my head is fucked up right now due to all the time we’ve pretended. It’s probably a good thing we’re heading out tomorrow.”
My stomach sinks from hearing him admit he shouldn’t have kissed me. Why does it sting when I should be relieved? “Don’t beat yourself up. It’s done and over with. We were both drinking and not thinking clearly. If I had been, I never would’ve kissed you back.” I exhale and attempt to crawl over him to get out of bed.
Before I can get off, he grips my hips and stops me right as I’m straddling his body. “Is that true?” His eyes settle on mine, and I swallow, knowing I’m about to lie. “Because you didn’t seem drunk, Nat.”
I press my hands to his chest when he squeezes my hips, wanting an answer. “I wasn’t drunk,” I admit. “Just buzzed enough to let go, and that stupid dance didn’t help any.”
He smiles, causing my heart to jumpstart. I love that smile so damn much now. “So, you enjoyed my dance?”
“Shut up.” I shove his chest and climb off him.
“That’s not an answer,” he whispers over my shoulder as I search through my suitcase for a change of clothing.
“Maybe I’d rather not give one.”
I close my eyes, goose bumps spreading across my skin when he brushes my hair away from my neck. “Which is why I want an answer even more.”
I slam my suitcase shut and turn to face him. “Yes. I liked the dance. Any girl with a heartbeat would’ve enjoyed that dance. There… are you happy?”
“Yes.” He grins and hands me his jacket. “Put your jacket on. We’re going on our morning walk.”
After he’s gone, I stare at his jacket for longer than necessary trying to figure out why Madden called his jacket mine. We’ve been here for almost a week and he’s never called it mine.
By the time I throw my hair up, brush my teeth, and meet him outside, he’s sitting on the picnic table at the tree line waiting on me. He’s not looking in my direction, so I take a few minutes to admire his messy hair, ripped jeans and faded black T-shirt, and just how sinfully gorgeous he is. This is the last time we’ll be out in these woods together and the feeling I get from that thought is anything but pleasant.
He stands and nods once noticing me. I meet him by the picnic table, walking straight past him and into the woods. I get this sudden urgency to get lost in the wilderness and not come out for hours. Everything seems to be hitting me at once and I feel overwhelmed.
“Nat, slow down. Talk to me.”
“I can’t.” I speed up, dodging and jumping over branches to get away, until finally, he catches me and pulls me into his body.
“What’s going on?” He presses his forehead to mine and brushes his thumb over my cheek. “You can talk to me. I’m here for you.”
“I don’t know.” I breathe out, my heart racing. “I guess the thought of going back home, to work, and back to…”
“My brother?” he questions. “Is what?”
“Stressful. Hard. Lonely. A lot of things. I don’t know.” I back away from his touch and lean against the closest tree, fighting to control my breathing. I didn’t realize how trapped in my life I felt until getting a taste of freedom away from it all. “Being here is freeing—like an escape—and tomorrow morning we’ll be leaving. I don’t know how to feel. I’m being stupid right now. I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head and pulls out a cigarette, lighting it. “You’re being anything but stupid right now, Nat. I feel that way the day before leaving every single year. My life isn’t what everyone thinks it is. It’s just as hard and stressful as any normal person’s life; probably more. I like the getaway too. Which is why I’m here. It’s why I needed you here with me.”
“What happens when you go back?”
“Well, I usually spend a week sulking in my fucking misery before going back to the band and sticking to a tight schedule. Between writing songs, practicing with the band, and dealing with our manager and all the shit he lines up for us, it’s a lot to take on. Especially after getting a taste of being with my old friends like it used to be.” He takes a long drag and slowly exhales. “Depression kicks in and I’m a miserable, drunk dick for at least a month or two.”
“I don’t want that for you,” I admit, my stomach twisting into knots. “You can call me, you know… when you get back on the road. If you need someone to talk to, of course. Not that I’m the person you’d want to call, I’m sure, but I’m here for you. I want you to know that.”
“You’re wrong, Nat.” He smiles and puts out his cigarette. “You are the person I’d want to call.”
We stand here in silence for a moment and I notice Madden checking me out in his jacket. It reminds me of his comment from earlier. “Why did you call this jacket mine?”
He pushes away from the tree. “I want you to have it after the trip. It’s yours.”
I shake my head when he begins walking as if it’s not a big deal, walking to catch up with him. “Wait, what?” I attempt to take the jacket off to give it back, but he stops me. “Madden, it’s your favorite jacket. I can’t keep it.”
He pulls on the zipper and leans in against my ear. “And you’re my favorite girl. It only seems right that you get to be the one to keep it.”
At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if Madden feels my heart racing in my chest. That’s how hard it’s beating. “Thank you.” I’m not sure why I said that, but I can’t seem to form any other words. I should tell him no. I should tell him it’s inappropriate and force him to take it back, but I can’t.
“So, tell me something about you that my brot
her doesn’t know. I want to leave here knowing something he doesn’t.” He starts walking again, heading back, and I follow.
“There isn’t much to know,” I admit. “I don’t keep secrets from him. Wish I could say the same about your brother.”
“There has to be something he doesn’t know. Even if it’s insignificant. I don’t care. I just want to know.”
I exhale and try to think of something I haven’t told Logan. Truth is, there are a lot of insignificant things that Logan doesn’t know about me, but it’s not because I haven’t told him. It’s because he doesn’t ask. “When I was eleven, I dislocated my right elbow. I was running to the neighbor’s house and tripped in their driveway. I remember thinking my arm looked funny and I was afraid it would look like that forever.”
“Did you cry?” he asks, curious.
“Actually, no. Not when I hurt it, at least. It wasn’t until I got into the room and they were about to snap it back into place that I cried. I was so terrified it would hurt. Not that injuring my arm didn’t already hurt. But the idea of them messing with it was scary.”
“I had an arm injury once too. I broke my left arm when I was nine.” He holds up his left arm. “My uncle had me on his shoulders and he tripped over something and I landed on my arm funny. I cried my ass off.” He laughs. “I guess you’re tougher than I am.”
“You were younger,” I point out.
“Yeah, I guess.” His smile is contagious, making me smile too. I swear his smile is the best one I’ve ever seen, and it makes me the happiest. “What else?”
“When I was in the fourth grade, I was taking a drink from the water fountain and my whole class was in line behind me. The boy behind me lifted up my blue jean skirt. It was stuck over my butt until I felt a draft from the wind. It was embarrassing to say the least.”
“Well, if I was in your class, I would’ve rearranged that little prick’s face for you.”
“Like you rearranged the prick’s face at the bar?”
He brushes my hair behind my ear and nods. “Exactly. And I’d do it to the next guy who treats you with disrespect too.”
“Why?” I suddenly ask, curious.
“Do I need to say it, Nat?” He stops once the cabin comes into view.
“Yeah,” I say firmly. “I want to hear it. Tell me.”
He hesitates for a short moment before opening his mouth to speak, but he gets interrupted by Jake doing some kind of weird catcall. “Looks like they’re waiting on us.”
I’m frustrated when we get back to the others, annoyed that I didn’t get to hear his answer. I’m even more annoyed that I can’t stop wondering what he was going to say.
“All right.” Jake claps his hands one time. “It’s our last day here together, assholes. Let’s drink, play some games, and make the best of it. I’m going to miss you dicks once we leave.” Jake punches Madden’s shoulder playfully. “Especially you. I barely get to see you outside of a concert. Not that I’m complaining. I’m proud of you, man.”
“Thanks, brother.” Madden’s gaze sways my way, where it lingers, before he says, “I’ll miss you all too.”
I know that he’s talking to Jake and the others, but a part of me wishes it was meant for me. I want him to miss me, because I know without a doubt that I’ll miss him once this is all over.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
MADDEN
Fuck, this day has gone by way too fast for my liking. Jess has been stingy with Natalie all evening, basically telling me that I get the next few days alone with her, while it might be a year before she gets to see her again. If only she knew that once we leave here, I have to give her back to my brother. That shit burns more than I’d like to admit.
I’ve been thinking about her returning to his bed and imagining him on top of her. All it’s done is put me in a shitty mood. Technically, she’s his. I shouldn’t want to protect her from my brother. I shouldn’t want to rip his throat out at the idea of him putting his lips on her.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
“You’re staring really hard right now, brother.” Jake says, distracting me from where Natalie is dancing with Jess. She’s finally letting loose and enjoying her time here with my friends, but in less than twenty-four hours, everything will change. “It’s bad enough that I found you two making out last night. Get your fucking head straight before tomorrow.”
I bring my beer to my lips and tilt it back, eyes on Natalie as she motions for me to join her. “It’s already straight,” I lie, standing up. “Doesn’t mean we still don’t have a show to put on until tomorrow morning. I know what I’m doing. Trust me.”
He attempts to say something, but I set my beer down and walk away before he can. When I reach Natalie, I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her against me. “You look like you’re having fun.” I smile against her cheek. “I like that.”
She laughs and runs her hand through my messy hair. She’s out of breath from dancing with Jess and the sweat running down her chest has me feeling hot. “I am having fun. Thanks to you. Best vacation I’ve ever taken. Not that I’ve taken one before, but still.”
I laugh and lift her up, wrapping her legs around my waist as we dance. “Me too,” I admit. “Had it not been for you, this trip would’ve been ruined for me. I owe you big time, Nat; anything you want.”
Her arms wrap around my neck as she looks down at me. “I already told you what I want—you not drowning yourself in alcohol after we leave.” I can tell it’s important to her, which makes it important to me too.
“I’ll stay sober for you.” I grip the back of her head with my free hand and press my forehead against hers. “Thank you. No one else could’ve pulled this off with me, Nat. No one.”
“Why do you say that?”
Without a thought I say exactly what’s on my mind. “Because you’re perfect for me.”
She smiles and wiggles her way out of my arms. When she goes to reach for her drink, I grab her from behind and pull her back to me, moving my hips against her ass to the rhythm.
Instead of fighting me, she melts into me, matching my every move so fucking perfectly. Getting lost in the moment, she reaches her arm back and grabs my head, her body grinding so painfully perfect against mine that my dick jumps.
She has to feel me hard against her, but Natalie stays in the moment with me, not giving a shit just like last night. At least for a few moments. That means she’s getting comfortable with me. Maybe even a little too comfortable.
Gripping the front of her throat, I press my lips against her neck and kiss it, feeling Alana and everyone else’s eyes on us. This is the most sexual we’ve been this entire trip and it’s fucking with me. At this point, I’m not even sure if what we’re doing is only for show. It sure doesn’t feel pretend right now.
Her ass is pressed against my dick. One hand is on her throat and the other is on her waist as we move to the music. The need to bend her over and fuck her is so overwhelming that I have to take a step back and get my head straight.
My eyes land on my brother standing at a distance with his arms crossed, watching us. My fucking heart drops at the realization that I’m all over his girl in front of him. He’s not supposed to be here. “Logan.” I clear my throat and release Natalie, feeling her tense the second she hears my brother’s name. “I thought you weren’t coming.”
Everything gets lost in the chaos of our friends jumping up to welcome him. I should be happy to see him. I’ve been trying to get him here for years, yet now that he’s finally here, I want the opposite. It’s my last night with Natalie, and him being here is going to make shit uncomfortable.
“I managed to get tomorrow off.” He grips my shoulder, before offering Natalie an awkward, platonic hug, making it seem as if they’ve only met a couple of times, but the way he looks at her—in a way that only I can see—seems anything but. “Thought I’d come visit with some old friends I’ve been missing and hang out with my brother and his girlfriend. Who knows when I’l
l get to see you again.”
“Hell yeah, man.” Seth hands Logan the beer he just opened. “Glad your ass could make it. Even if only for a night. It’s good to see you.”
“Real good.” Jake glances my way, his expression a warning. “Glad you could join the party.”
Natalie’s discomfort shows as she grabs a beer and takes a sip. I don’t want the others to notice, so I wrap my arms around her from behind and whisper in her ear. “Nothing has changed. You’re still mine. Don’t forget that. My brother agreed to it. Remember that.”
Logan is talking to Riley, but his attention keeps landing on me and Natalie. He needs to get his shit together before he ruins everything we worked for on this trip. I know I’m probably a dick for doing this, but as a reminder that he needs to back the fuck off, I press my lips to Natalie’s neck, my eyes on him. Hopefully he’ll get the hint and stop staring.
He tenses but then turns away, just as I had hoped, his attention going to Alana, who seems to be staring at him awkwardly as she sips her drink. I’m sure the shit she put me through has her feeling uncomfortable, knowing that Logan took care of my ass. They haven’t seen each other since the year we split.
Since it’s the last night, we all settle down around the fire so we can reminisce on old times.
I keep Natalie close to me, my arms around her waist despite my brother flexing his jaw my way every chance he gets, telling me to back off. He’s the dickhead that decided to show up, knowing what the deal was. It’s not my fault he has to see me all comfy with his girl and shit now. If anything, I should be the one pissed.
“You okay?” I whisper against Natalie’s neck when I notice how tense she is against me. “He knew what he was getting into by agreeing to let me borrow you. He can’t get pissed now.”
“I’m just trying to figure out what he’s doing here,” she whispers back after a few seconds. “He agreed to me coming alone with you and pretending to be your girlfriend and then he just shows up unannounced? He chooses now of all the times he could’ve come, especially after telling me no the past two years. Seriously, it pisses me off. I could’ve been here as his girlfriend like I should’ve been all along, but he didn’t want that. Now that I’m your girl, he decides to show his face.”
Reckless Rock Star (Cocky Hero Club) Page 21