His eyes tapered to fine points. “For a change? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
It was difficult to stay the course, faced with his angry surprise, but she dug in her heels, bracing for a fight. “Every time, every single time we’ve had sex, it’s been from behind. I’ve never kissed you, or whispered in your ear, or even touched you when you got me off.”
“Is that a complaint?”
Don’t back down. She notched her chin higher. “Yes. I guess it is.”
Color dotted his cheekbones and his eyes glittered with something that looked like resentment, but she suspected was embarrassment.
“You told me you wanted to surrender to me, Domini. Me. Which means I get to call the shots.”
“Evidently that also means you get to hide.”
“Hide?” he repeated.
“I’ve never seen you naked. Never. You can blame it on being tied up or blindfolded or whatever you did to restrain me, but the truth is: you’re hiding yourself from me.
“I’ve opened myself up to you, Cam. More than I ever have with any man. And while I’m grateful you proved my trust in you was justified, I know you don’t feel the same about me.”
The muscle in his jaw jumped as he stared at her with those hard, dark, cop eyes that scared the crap out of her.
“You don’t trust me, do you?”
No answer.
Domini purposely let her gaze drop to his left thigh. She let it linger before she looked at him again. “You think I’ll laugh when I see your prosthesis? Or are you afraid I’d be grossed out by your missing leg and run? Help me understand, Cam, because as much as I like you and trust you, I can’t do this anymore. It’s all or nothing.”
Two-hundred-odd pounds of aggressive, challenged male was right in her face. “Why are you pushing me?”
“Because you need it.”
Silence.
“So what’s it going to be?”
The air stayed still and quiet.
It broke Domini’s heart to see him retreat. To watch that strong, chiseled face lower to his chest, almost in defeat.
After a couple minutes passed, Cam said, “You’re right.”
Her heart beat again; she breathed again.
“I’ve hidden my injury, my stump, my disability, whatever the hell you wanna call it, from everyone, not just you.”
“Why?”
“It embarrasses me that I’m…broken. Most the time when I’m wearing the prosthesis and it’s covered with regular clothes I can pretend I’m normal. But when that shit is off and I’m completely naked? I see I’m not a whole man. I can’t lie to myself. And I sure as hell can’t lie to you.”
His anguished tone nearly broke her resolve. Be strong for him now because he needs it.
“The only person in my family who’s seen it is Keely. And that’s only because she moved to Cheyenne and became my personal physical therapist. She kept everyone in our family away. She helped me deal with all the doctors and the prosthetic specialists, the millions of prostheses fittings, the excruciating rehab and learning to walk again. She…pushed me.
“Keely wouldn’t let me give up even when I wanted to give up on myself.” He briefly squeezed his eyes shut. “Jesus, did I want to just fucking hide myself and my ugly stump from the world.”
Even though Domini ached to go to him, she stayed put.
“After a few months of Keely working her ‘rah rah you can do anything’ magic on me, I tried to reclaim the sexually charged guy I’d been.” He laughed bitterly. “What a joke. I had sex one time after I had the hang of walking on my prosthesis. One. Fucking. Time.”
“What happened?”
“I got her clothes off. I went down on her. She came. I thought all was going great…then she reached for the button on my jeans and I totally fucking panicked. I mean, the type of panic that’s pure debilitating fear. I knew I should’ve told her about my stump. I knew I should’ve practiced getting naked because when faced with it with a stranger the first time…I couldn’t fucking do it.”
Domini was well versed in those types of panic attacks, but she still didn’t go to him. He needed to get this all out.
“I’m thinking to myself, what a fucking loser I am. Somehow, I managed to pull it together and insisted we do it from behind. I only dropped my pants far enough she felt my cock and a little of my upper thighs. I fucked her fast and left. She probably never knew. But I did. The worst part was I realized I’d never be the same man. I’d be half a man. I never wanted to try again…until I met you.”
A million thoughts raced around in her head and she couldn’t seem to voice a single one.
Finally, Cam said, “Say something. Your silence is killing me.”
“Well, as encouraging as it is that you want to return to being that sexually charged man with me, you’ve still been selfish.”
Cam’s head snapped up. “Excuse me?”
No doubt he’d expected her to coo sympathy. To be sweet, soft-spoken and pat him on the head while clucking there there, it’ll be all right little soldier, all is forgiven.
Wrong.
“Not sharing your body or yourself with me is selfish. Oh, I understand you wanting to maintain the illusion of male perfection, but know something? I don’t want an illusion, Cam. I want a real man. I want you. I don’t care what kind of lover you used to be. I care what kind of lover you are now. And I can’t be the kind of lover you need if the only part of you I’m allowed access to is your cock.”
He stared at her with absolute shock.
“Surprised?”
“Uh. Yeah. Usually you’re so s—”
“If you say shy I’ll brain you,” she warned.
“No.” He smiled slyly. “I was gonna say subtle.”
“I am subtle and diplomatic most of the time, but there comes a point where in your face is the only option.”
“So Miss In-Your-Face, have I fucked this up completely by being a selfish and clueless dickhead?”
“Not by a long shot. Not since you’re willing to admit some things need to be different between us.”
Cam released a long, slow breath. “Thank you. I…I’m sorry.” He laughed self-consciously. “What do we do now?”
Humbling, that this formidable man looked to her for direction. The sudden boost of confidence allowed her to erase the distance between them. She twined her arms around his neck and held him until he stopped shaking. “First we get completely naked. Then we see how smokin’ hot it is to have sex in missionary position. Then we test out my cowgirl skills as I ride you. All within the parameters of your control, naturally.”
“Naturally.”
“Sound like a plan?”
“Sounds like the best plan I’ve ever heard.” Cam lowered his head and kissed her stupid.
Chapter Eight
Sweet baby Jesus. If Cam was crazy about Domini before, it was nothing—nothing—compared to the way he felt about her now.
He flat out fucking loved her.
Loved. Her.
The woman had guts. No one in his life said shit like that to him. Not even his in-your-face sister, not even at his lowest point. And the hell of it was she’d been exactly right. He had been a selfish bastard in bed. Even Domini’s surrender had been about him.
No more. He would lay himself bare for her. Completely. He ripped his mouth away and mumbled, “Stay with me tonight. At my house. All night.”
“Maybe. It depends on a couple of things.”
He ignored the spike of fear and said, “Anything. Name it.”
“Well, can I touch you as much as I want? Because I have a lot of catching up to do.”
“As much as you can handle.”
Cam tried to remain calm at the thought of her waking up and staring at his stump while he was still asleep.
This is about trust. You have to start someplace or you’ll lose her and never have to worry about her staring at any part of you.
He headed downstairs and waited f
or her while she grabbed her stuff.
She bounded around the front end of his truck. Moonlight glinted off her hair, making her look like a goddess. An angel.
Mine, roared in his head, she’s all mine.
Not that Miss I’m-Never-Getting-Married would appreciate his claim on her.
Domini climbed in, scooting right next to him like she always did. He grinned. She was cuddly as a kitten. Oh yeah, this woman was most definitely his, whether she knew it yet or not, whether she liked it or not.
On the drive Cam draped his arm across the back of the seat and his fingers toyed with her hair.
She said, “You nervous?”
“Yep. Do you think that makes me a pussy?”
“No. I think it makes you real.”
“Meaning what?”
“Meaning…I sort of lied when I said I wasn’t afraid of you.”
Cam frowned.
“Sometimes you scare me, the larger than life persona. Cam McKay, the injured war hero. The model cop. The dutiful son and brother.”
“You’re makin’ me sound like John Wayne or something.”
“Does that bother you?”
“I don’t know. I am who I am.”
“That’s who I want.”
He nudged her shoulder. “You sure you don’t have some sweet-talkin’ cowboy heritage hiding in that Ukrainian background?”
She laughed.
When they pulled up to his house, he said, “I’ll let you inside but I’ve gotta take care of Gracie first.”
A moment of silence followed and then she blurted, “Can I come with?”
Cam squinted at her. “Seriously?”
“Ah. Sure. You’re facing your fears tonight, maybe I should face mine too.”
“Sometimes you scare me, Domini Katzinski.”
“Why?”
Because I’m so in love with you that I’m afraid I’ll do anything to keep you forever.
“Cam? Are you going to answer me?”
He grinned. “Nope.”
Gracie was penned in the backyard. Although Domini winced when she heard the happy yips, she trucked along.
“Hey Gracie. Sit. Good girl.” He glanced over his shoulder at Domini. “Give me your hand.”
“She isn’t going to chew it off, is she?”
“No. However, she probably will slobber all over it.”
Domini held very still as Cam guided her hand through the chain link fence. Gracie sniffed. And sniffed. Then she whimpered and licked Domini’s palm. “That tickles.”
She petted Gracie as if she’d done it a million times before, but he knew what a huge leap of faith it was for her. Cam said, “Go inside. I’ll finish up and be right there.”
He cleaned up before he headed to his bedroom. Damn. His heart was pounding something fierce. He froze in the doorjamb at the sight of Domini stripped to nothing and perched on the edge of his bed.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” he said back, feeling totally lame. “Man. I am more nervous right now than I’ve ever been.”
“I understand. But I’m not backing down. So strip. Oh, and come closer so I can see every muscle ripple. Because you can’t know how often I’ve wanted to lick you from head to toe.” She smiled cheekily. “With your permission, of course.”
“Of course. I doubt I’ll deny you anything.” Keeping his gaze on hers, he yanked his T-shirt over his head and tossed it behind him.
Domini reached for his bare chest. She made a little purring sound as her hands skated over his pecs and his ribcage, then lower to trace the defined lines of his abs. “Do you do anything when you’re off duty besides work out?”
“I harass my favorite cook.”
“Lucky me.” She met his gaze. “Lose the sweats.”
Blood rushed into his head as loud as a raging river. His heart galloped a million miles an hour. His body quaked. Hell, even his voice was thready. “I—I…Domini…Dammit. I don’t know if I can—” Shit. He was such a fucking pansy-assed loser.
“It’s okay. Hold on to the post and let me do this for you.”
Cam nodded and shut his eyes.
Cool fingers traced the elastic band sitting low on his hipbones and his belly quaked from her gentle touch. One fast, hard tug and the sweats were down around his ankles.
“Lift your right foot. Good. Now your left. Good.”
How many times had he suffered the dream where he’d gone to school naked? A dozen times perhaps. This was worse. Way worse. Standing naked before a beautiful woman and exposing his flaws?
A tender kiss landed on his belly button. Followed by a series of harder, insistent nipping kisses as she moved south. But she didn’t go straight down his groin. She didn’t kiss or lick or nuzzle his cock. She detoured to his left thigh.
His whole body flamed with embarrassment. He wanted to apologize for being crippled. To tell her to stop.
But she didn’t. Domini kept going until she reached the band of the sock above his stump.
Cam gathered the courage to open his eyes. He looked down at her. And saw nothing but concentration. He smoothed her hair away from her cheek. “What?”
“You don’t wear that to bed, do you?”
“No.”
“Will you let me watch you take it off?” When he frowned she added, “I don’t have some kind of weird stump fetish, okay? It’s part of you. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable with me or in your own bed. Especially if I’m going to be in your bed often.”
He growled, “I may never let you out of my bed.”
Domini smiled.
Cam didn’t look at her while he went through the play by play of removing the prosthesis. The thick prosthetic socks. The silicone sleeve. Releasing the suction that attached his residual limb to the socket.
But at the moment of truth, when his limb would be out there uncovered, scarred, naked and ugly, he hesitated.
Domini didn’t. She hopped off the bed and stood in front of him. “What do you do with it at night? Turn it into a crazy leg lamp like in that movie A Christmas Story?”
He laughed with relief. “No. I just toss it on the chair and make sure my crutches are close by.” He jerked his stump out and waited.
“Can I touch it?”
“Umm. Sure.” He’d had the prosthetic specialist touch it. Nurses touched it. Doctors touched it. Even Keely had touched it. But never a lover. He found himself holding his breath as her fingers connected with his skin.
“How much can you feel?”
“Everything from about two inches up.”
Domini seemed absorbed in the process. Just when he was starting to get freaked out, she pressed her mouth to his and kissed him with the same softness and consideration as she caressed him. When the kiss heated up, she pulled back. “Will you tell me all about this robotic leg after?”
“Ah. Sure.”
“Good.” She scrambled back into the middle of the bed. “We’re both naked. I want to feel you on top of me, Cam. In me.”
Goddamn. He was so touched by everything she said, everything she did, everything she was, he felt tears stinging his eyes.
Don’t be a fucking cry-baby. Man up. Mount up.
He sat, swung his right leg up and was flat on his back, thinking about his next move, when Domini straddled him.
His cock jerked toward her like a heat-seeking missile.
“Tell me what to do.”
“For now, just let me touch you.”
His hands mapped the curves of her body, starting with her breasts. He played with her nipples, watching the tips pucker beneath his stroking thumb. “Bring them to my mouth.”
Domini placed her hands above his head on the mattress. She teased his lips with the peaks, one side, then the other until he sucked her deep and hard. She arched her neck, sending her silken hair cascading down her back as her eyes closed in bliss. It was the sexiest thing he’d ever seen.
He clamped his hands on her hips and brought the hot, wet, center of her s
ex down on his cock. He urged her to slide along the length of his shaft as he lavished attention on her breasts.
Her breathing changed and her body went taut. Cam knew she was about to come. He lifted her up.
She emitted a protesting squeak. “What are you doing?”
“Making this last more than fourteen seconds for both of us, Miz Impatient. Slide your legs down. Hold tight.” He carefully rolled them using his right leg, so she was on the bottom.
Domini blinked up at him. Then her hands were everywhere. On his shoulders. Traveling down his back. Gripping his ass. “You have such an amazing body.” She lightly whapped him on the butt. “Do you know what torture that was for me? Knowing you were built like this? You’re the sexiest, hottest man I’ve ever known and I wasn’t able to get my hands on you?”
“You can touch me all you want now.” He nuzzled her neck. “Spread your legs wider.” Cam kissed her as he pushed in to the hilt. He groaned. She groaned.
At first it felt weird in this position, one foot bare, one foot not there, as he steadily rocked into her. Cam used his upper body strength to propel him into her tight sheath with each thrust. “You feel good, Domini.”
“I like looking in your eyes and feeling every part of your body rubbing on mine.”
He crushed his mouth to hers and used his tongue the same way he was using his cock. Slowly and steadily. Waiting for that moment when Domini’s body signaled him to pound into her.
She ripped her lips free and whispered something low and husky in Ukrainian in his ear.
Cam lost it. He slammed into her.
Domini arched, meeting his every hard stroke, keeping her legs wrapped around his hips. “Yes!” She gasped and started to come; her pussy muscles squeezed his cock, sucking it in deeper.
He rode out the waves with her. When the tension left her body, she gave him a dazed smile. “Wow.”
Cam pushed up off her, separating their chests. “You wanted to touch me, princess. Play with my nipples.”
Domini didn’t use her fingers; she used her mouth. She sucked, licked and bit his nipples until his balls drew up tight and he bowed back as he came in long, slow bursts of liquid heat.
His arms shook and he collapsed, sinking into the soft cushion of her body. He breathed in the perfume of her skin mixed with the musky scent of sex filling the air.
Shoulda Been A Cowboy: Rough Riders, Book 7 Page 10