Blooper Freak (The Worst Detective Ever Book 5)

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Blooper Freak (The Worst Detective Ever Book 5) Page 12

by Christy Barritt


  Dizzy made cute little high-pitched sounds as we walked through the foliage. Oh. Oops. Wow. Ouch. That woman could be a cartoon character. And that was one more reason I loved her.

  Finally, we reached the side of the house.

  I’d imagined Billy living somewhere else. Somewhere more high class and central to beach life. He was the kind of guy who liked his social status, who wanted people to envy him.

  So why had he chosen such a secluded location?

  Privacy, I realized.

  “See what he’s doing!” Dizzy said.

  “I don’t even know where he is in the house.” My anxiety crept higher and higher up my spine, stopping and leaving me with a tight neck.

  Just then, a light popped on in one of the windows.

  “It’s a sign,” Dizzy said. Then she pressed against a tree and shook it like coconuts might fall down. “This is a good climbing tree.”

  “What if he’s changing clothes?” I argued.

  “Then you get a show.”

  “I don’t want a show.” Especially not from Billy. Gross. And inappropriate. Shame on Dizzy.

  “You’ll never know unless you look.”

  I sighed. It was a good thing I’d been a tomboy when I was younger. But it had been a long time since I’d put my tree-climbing skills to the test. I supposed now was just as good a time as ever. And live oaks were awesome climbing trees.

  I pulled myself up to the first branch and then glanced around for where to go next. Everything came back to me pretty easily. Without much effort, I reached near the top of the tree.

  As I paused, the wind blew and the entire tree swayed back and forth. A drop of rain hit my cheek. I waited, expecting more precipitation, but none came. The downpour was going to hold off for a little while longer, it appeared.

  I paused near the window. Before I looked inside, I glanced down.

  Dizzy gave me a thumbs-up.

  But that wasn’t really what I noticed.

  Mostly I took note of the fact that I was super high up. And then I remembered that my problem had never really been going up. It had always been going down. Heights sometime made my head spin.

  All I needed was another knot on my head. I wouldn’t be a unicorn then. I’d be a horned creature from a horror movie.

  I quickly looked back up. As I did, I spotted Billy.

  Thankfully, he had his clothes on. He was sitting at his desk, typing on his computer.

  I ducked so the branches and leaves would conceal me. And then I watched.

  My heart raced as I saw a woman slide up beside Billy. She was a thin brunette with tattoos covering an arm and a pierced nose. She wore khakis and a black T-shirt.

  Billy pointed to the computer screen.

  Thanks to a cracked window, I could just barely hear their words and . . . my heart skipped a beat.

  She had an Australian accent!

  “Everything is going according to plan,” Billy muttered, turning toward her. His voice almost sounded like a growl. “Don’t blow it.”

  The woman flinched and backed up.

  I held my breath. I hated it when men spoke to women in those tones. Like hated it hated it. I wanted to reach through the window and smack some sense into him.

  “I won’t.” The woman frowned. “But what about Currie?”

  “I’ll handle him.”

  She wasn’t the type to stand up to Billy, I noted. She kept her gaze lowered, and her entire body looked tense.

  What exactly was their relationship? I couldn’t get a good read on it.

  “This has to happen Tuesday night,” Billy said.

  I leaned closer.

  What had to happen? Was this the information I’d been searching for?

  The woman said something I couldn’t make out.

  I crept out farther on the branch. I could feel that this was my opportunity to get the lead I was looking for. If I could just get a little closer . . .

  “You know the location,” Billy said.

  I held my breath and leaned in, waiting for a long-anticipated clue.

  As I did, the branch broke.

  And I toppled toward the ground.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Dizzy moved entirely faster than I thought possible.

  She plucked me up like a hungry diner forking some fried chicken from atop a salad made from broken branches, leaves, and grass. I was in the woods and out of sight in five seconds flat.

  My body ached everywhere, I may have had some cuts, and my ego was majorly bruised. But none of that was as important as remaining concealed from Billy.

  Billy and the mystery woman stared at the carnage of my life . . . I mean, of my fall.

  “It must have been this branch that made the commotion.” Billy glanced into the woods, gripping a gun in his hand. “I wonder what caused it to break.”

  I ducked again, praying he didn’t see me or purple-orb Dizzy. If her dress didn’t draw his attention, her bright-blue eyeshadow probably would. It could very well look like mini-lightning strikes in the distance.

  “Must have been the wind,” the Aussie woman said, staring at the ground. “A storm is coming in.”

  “Must have been.” Billy scanned the landscape one more time. Finally, he turned back to his friend. “Okay, come on. Let’s go. We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

  They climbed into the car a few minutes later and pulled away.

  It was only then that I allowed myself to feel. To think. To process.

  “Are you okay?” Dizzy rushed, looking at me and frowning. “All I could think was that Billy was going to kill you if he found you. I figured it was better I further damage a broken arm or a broken butt bone than to let Billy find you.”

  Speaking of a broken butt bone . . . I rubbed mine. It was achy. Could you really break a butt bone? “I guess I should thank you.”

  “Who would have thought that branch would have broken?”

  “Yeah, who would have thought?” I felt my elbow. The back of my head. My knee. My heinie again. Everything appeared intact. I didn’t even see any cuts. I couldn’t believe it.

  “Did you hear anything?” Dizzy asked, her concern over me now an afterthought.

  “Billy and that lady are planning to meet someone on Tuesday. I couldn’t hear who or where or why. Maybe some guy named Currie. I climbed out as far as I did, hoping to hear more. But it was all for nothing.”

  “Oh man. That’s too bad. That information would have been helpful.” She frowned and snapped her fingers in an oh shucks motion.

  “Tell me about it.” I puckered my lips in a half pout. Had all this been for nothing?

  “So what are we going to do now?”

  I did a double take at her. “We?”

  “I’m in this with you now.”

  That could only spell trouble.

  As she said the words, the sky opened and rain began pouring down.

  I knew I should run to my car and get out of here. But I felt like I was so close to answers. I wasn’t ready to leave yet.

  “I need to see if his door is unlocked,” I muttered.

  Dizzy’s eyes lit with excitement. “I’ll let my hair go for this.”

  I knew she was serious if she offered to sacrifice her hair.

  We ran through the woods to the back of the house and ducked under the covered driveway there.

  It was a long shot that anything would be left open and we’d be able to get inside. But it wasn’t unheard of for people to leave their doors unlocked around here. And Billy had left in a hurry, so maybe there was hope.

  I climbed the stairs to a landing beside one of the outside doors and twisted the handle. It didn’t budge.

  “We tried,” I told Dizzy, hurrying down the stairs before anyone could see me. It had been a bad idea, and this was God’s way of keeping me out of trouble.

  “There are other doors,” she reminded me.

  I supposed there were. I was going to start calling her Dizzy the Militant. Sh
e really was a drill sergeant.

  I paused and looked around. There was another stairway beneath the house.

  “I’ll try one more door,” I said. “And then I’m out of here!”

  She shimmied with excitement. Why wasn’t this woman more nervous? Had she been a cat burglar in a past life? I was beginning to think so.

  I darted up the other set of stairs.

  This door would be locked. Certainly. Billy was too smart to leave it open.

  I rubbed my hands together with nervous energy and reached for the handle . . . and wouldn’t you know, the door opened?

  My heart stuttered a beat. I just couldn’t catch a break, could I? Unless it was a tree branch. But they didn’t count.

  The door was unlocked, so I had no excuse not to go inside. Except for the law. And fear of being arrested. And . . . well, a million other reasons.

  I sighed and turned, nearly falling over when I saw Dizzy beside me. When had she joined me?

  She squealed with delight. “I can’t believe our luck!”

  She probably thought she was living out an episode of Relentless. Some people had trouble separating fiction from reality. I’d always suspected Dizzy fell into that category, and this outing was proving it.

  “I can’t believe it either,” I muttered.

  Nor could I believe I was about to break into Billy Corbina’s home. If he caught me here . . . I shuddered. I couldn’t even think about what he’d do. Fillet me and feed me to the fish, probably.

  The man had a very dark side.

  I stepped inside, and my insides pinched tighter with anxiety. You’d think I was an amateur at this. Sadly, I wasn’t. I was the one who was becoming a professional at these things, not Dizzy. How many homes had I sneaked into since I’d moved to this area?

  I’d lost count.

  I just needed to move, I realized.

  After drawing in a deep breath, I ventured deeper into Billy’s lair. I didn’t pay attention to anything I passed. I didn’t have time. Instead, I went directly to the room where I’d spotted Billy from my perch outside.

  I paused and gathered my surroundings. There was a bed on one wall. A dresser. Some perfume sat on top. Eau de Sunset.

  None of that mattered.

  I rushed toward his desk and began rummaging through the papers. There was a drawing there. Almost like a blueprint. What was this? I had no idea.

  Just in case it was important, I took a picture.

  One other paper caught my eye. There were names—they looked like last names maybe. Beside the names were numbers.

  What did the numerals mean? I had no idea.

  I took a picture of them also.

  Out of curiosity, I hit a key on his computer. The screen lit. I tried various passwords, but nothing worked. Of course.

  What had I learned by being here? I wasn’t sure. Maybe nothing. Maybe something. All I knew right now was that I needed to get out of here.

  I didn’t breathe easily until Dizzy and I were back in my car. We’d survived. And I was pretty sure Billy would have no idea I’d been in his place. I’d left everything as I found it.

  The bad news was that it had started pouring rain. No sooner had we locked our doors did Dizzy’s phone ring. Winona informed her that Beach Combers had sprung a leak.

  I took Dizzy there to check things out. It was apparent a bucket beneath the leak wasn’t going to cut it. Water had already saturated one wall, and a steady stream was falling over the reception area.

  Dizzy sent me to the store to get a few supplies to patch things up until she could get a contractor out.

  Forty minutes later I left the store with her list checked off. It wasn’t what I wanted to be doing necessarily, but I couldn’t leave her hanging.

  I sighed when a cop car pulled up beside me in the parking lot. Jackson. He rolled down his window, and I rolled down mine.

  I could tell this wasn’t a casual or accidental visit. He’d found me here for a reason.

  “Well, hello, officer,” I said in a playfully sultry voice. I batted my eyelashes and rested a hand beneath my chin.

  “You are not one of those women, Joey.” A grin curled his lip.

  I was sure many women had taken one look at Jackson and tried to use all their charm and good looks to both get out of any tickets and to get Jackson’s attention.

  I dropped my act. “Please tell me you’re not one of those cops. The tough ones just looking for something to ease their boredom.”

  “Joey, I hate to ask you this, but what’s in that bag?” He nodded toward the bag in the seat beside me.

  I held up the paper bag with my purchases, certain I hadn’t heard correctly. “In here?”

  “Yep, that’s the one.”

  “Just a few things Dizzy asked me to pick up.”

  “Like what?”

  “Clorox, duct tape, and a tarp. Why?” Seriously, why was this conversation even happening?

  The twinkle in his eyes grew brighter. “The clerk at the store just called the police station to report you.”

  “Why would he report me? What sense does that make?” Sure, the man had looked like Grizzly Adams, and he’d stared at me strangely the whole time I was inside. But I’d thought it might be because he kind of recognized me.

  A minor sense of outrage rushed through me. Hadn’t the man ever heard of privacy?

  Jackson shrugged, looking mildly entertained. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe he thought you were about to clean up a crime scene and dispose of a dead body.”

  “What? All because I bought—” And then it hit me exactly what I’d purchased. “It’s just a coincidence.”

  The corner of his lip twitched. “Would you mind sharing why you bought those things?”

  I sighed. “Dizzy had a water leak at Beach Combers. I’m helping her protect all her equipment by wrapping it with a tarp and duct tape. Clorox is a preventive measure for mold, she said.”

  Now that I said it out loud, it did sound suspicious, didn’t it?

  Jackson burst into laughter and ran a hand over his face. “Oh, Joey, Joey, Joey. The strangest part about this is that you’re serious.”

  I shrugged and leaned back in my seat. “What can I say? I live a strange life.”

  “I’d say.” His laughter faded, and he shook his head as if still perplexed by me. “Do you guys need help?”

  I shook my head. “No, I don’t think so. Dizzy is viewing this as an adventure.”

  “That’s a good way to look at it, I suppose. Everything else going okay?”

  Should I tell him about what happened at Billy’s? The information I’d seen? The woman he’d been with?

  I’d only end up with a lecture about how unwise my choices had been.

  Not now, I decided. I needed to think this through more. I needed more hard evidence first.

  “Pretty uneventful,” I said instead.

  “By the way, you have a leaf in your hair.”

  I reached up, pulled it out, and shrugged. “What can I say? It’s a new fashion statement.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  I got back to my place that evening after I finished helping Dizzy cover everything inside Beach Combers with a tarp and duct tape. A contractor was coming tomorrow, and he’d give Dizzy a better idea of what needed to be done.

  In the quiet of the condo, I sat on my bed with a piece of paper to try and sort out my thoughts. I jotted down what I knew so far. It was kind of like reviewing a script. I needed to see it, to read the words, to study them, in order for everything to sink in.

  Morty was dead. Shot in the chest. Buried in the sand beneath a beachside mansion.

  Zane was arrested. Kevin James had seen him arguing with Morty. Zane’s gun was used in the crime. Gunpowder residue was on his hands, and cocaine was found in his room at Abe’s place.

  Zane also thought he saw a murder occur while in South Carolina, so he ran for his life and came back to this area earlier than planned.

  That whole
progression and story still perplexed me. Why had Zane come back here and moved in with Abe of all people? There was something I was missing.

  Bianca broke up with Morty. Was there more to that story? Did that woman know something she wasn’t telling me? Were Bianca and Zane having a fling?

  Billy and Morty may have been doing some kind of business together. Drugs maybe. Could that possibly be the root of all this?

  Morty met with someone at Blackbeard’s Pleasure, which could be significant because a rock had been left there. I had no idea who or what the significance would be.

  Morty also possibly met with someone at Hatteras Lighthouse, and I also still had no clue who or why.

  Annette heard Evan and Morty talking late at night with a woman with an Australian accent.

  Billy met with someone with an Australian accent at his home.

  Random names and numbers were written on a paper by Billy’s computer, as well as some kind of blueprint that made no sense.

  I sighed and leaned back. Was I missing anything? How did these pieces connect?

  Drugs were the only thing that made sense. Morty and Billy were selling cocaine, and the Australian woman was helping them, but something went terribly wrong. Morty died as a result.

  Had he tried to take off with some money? To strike out on his own? What was in that box he tried to give to Zane?

  I rubbed my head, the questions making my temples throb. I pressed on, nonetheless.

  Then there were the rocks. The strange lines and dots on them. The locations.

  I’d bet Leonard had left them. What was he trying to tell me? Was he dangerous?

  I had so many questions, and I didn’t even know where to start.

  I sighed and put the paper down on my nightstand.

  Maybe the best place to start was with some sleep.

  The next day, I still wasn’t sure what I should do or where to go or whom to talk to.

  Raven Remington always seemed to instinctively know her next step. In real life, investigating wasn’t that easy. For me, at least.

  I spent the morning in my condo talking to Rutherford on the phone. Talks were progressing nicely for Relentless to be picked up for Netflix. He also sent me a couple of other movie scripts that he thought had promise, and I told him I would look at them.

 

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