by Amelia Rose
He felt his eyes mist for the first time. “I always wondered if she even wanted me back and if she did, why she couldn’t stay on her meds.”
As he started crying, Grannie came over and put her hand on his shoulder. The woman’s voice was quiet as she spoke, instead of Miss Lee.
“It sounds like you were her pride and joy. If there’d been a way for her to do it, it would have been for you, Mitchell.”
He shook his head as he moved from the table. He needed to be alone for a moment before he went to talk to Red.
“Miss Lee, thank you for coming but if you’ll excuse me, I need a moment alone before I tell Red I need to head back to the city.”
She nodded. “Of course, Mitchell. I’m sure one of these wonderful ladies will show me out.”
******
Mitchell spent long enough in the bathroom to stop the waterworks. Once he’d composed himself, he went to the office where Red would be getting things ready for the next cattle auction.
He knocked on the door.
A few seconds later, he heard Red’s voice. “Come on in.”
Opening the door, he went in quietly, stopping to stand in front of the door.
Red’s smile at seeing him quickly faded as he took him in. “Have a seat, son. Tell me what’s going on.”
He sat down. “Sir, I hate to do this at this busy time but I just got some bad news.”
“What is it?”
“I have to go back to Austin for a few days to plan my momma’s funeral. I know it is a busy time, and I’m sorry. It’s just, well, I’m her only son and I need to go handle that.”
Red looked crestfallen. “I didn’t know she was ill, son.”
He paused. “Her death was unexpected. I understand if you don’t want me coming back and all after this, sir.”
Red looked aghast as he sat back. “What on Earth would give you that idea? It’s your momma. You have to treat her right, even in death. Do what you need to, son. You’ll still have a job to come back to… even if that ends up not being until next summer.”
He stood up. “I hope to have a small funeral. I can be back within a week.”
Red nodded, leaning forward with his elbows on his desk. “You’re welcome back but don’t rush yourself. If you need longer to square her affairs, take it.”
He nodded, standing up. “Yes, sir. Would it be alright to go and get my stuff packed now? I want to leave as soon as I can.”
Red shook his head. “You can go pack but that’s a drive. I want you to leave in the morning so you can be rested. If you want to ask Moira and Billy to go, feel free.”
He nodded. “Will do, sir. Thank you, again.”
As he closed the door, he heard Red sigh.
Chapter Twelve
Moira watched as Mitchell walked to her father’s office. She was torn. Torn between feeling immense sadness at his loss of his mother, the life he’d led in the system, and the fact that he now had a funeral to plan and anger at the fact that he hadn’t told her any of this. He hadn’t told her that he’d been in the foster care system or of his mother’s illness. He had even went so far as to evade telling her about his childhood.
As she watched the office door close behind him and Grannie ushered the social worker out, her only though was, What do I do now?
While he was in the office, Billy had come in and sat at the table.
Looking between her and Grannie, he asked. “So, what happened?”
She found her voice shook as she answered. “His momma passed away. He has to go to Austin to plan the funeral.”
Billy looked at her. “You going with him?”
She stared at him for a moment. That thought hadn’t even crossed her mind. Would she go? She wondered to herself. After a moment, she had her answer.
“I don’t think so.”
Billy and Grannie both stared at her like she’d grown a third eye. “What? Why are you two looking at me that way?”
Grannie gasped. “Moira! You were raised better than this. He’s your man. You should be going with him to help him.”
She couldn’t help the rage that bubbled up through her system. “My man, Grannie? No! My man would’ve told me he’d been raised in foster care. He would’ve told me his momma was mentally ill. That’s what my man would’ve done!”
She threw her hands up as her Grannie put a hand over her heart and her jaw dropped. Billy was the one who answered.
“What do you mean, he was raised in the system?”
She turned on her brother. “Well, at least that makes me feel a little better, he didn’t tell you either. Yeah, his momma was schizophrenic and he was raised in the foster care system. He seemed to have forgotten to tell me that stuff when we were talking about growing up.”
Billy held his hands open, palms up on the table. “Moira, cut him a little slack on that one.”
She felt her jaw slacken. “What? It isn’t like he forgot to tell me his shoe size or that he got a D in trigonometry.”
Billy shrugged. “I’m just saying, he likes you… a lot. He was trying to impress you. There’s never a good time to tell your girl that your momma’s crazy. I mean, really, you guys just started dating.”
She wanted to lunge over the table at his throat. “You’re taking his side? What the hell, Billy?!”
His eyes nearly popped from his skull. “I’m not taking sides. I’m just saying give him the chance to explain once things calm down a little bit. He probably has a good reason for not telling you right away.”
She crossed her arms over her chest. “Now there’s a lot more than sorry or explanations needed.”
******
When Mitch came out of Red’s office, he heard Moira just short of yelling at her brother. Nothing was worse than hearing her anger over what she’d learned. It was every worst nightmare he had: She’d learned the truth and hated him for it. Just when he thought his life was turning around, and he could tell her when things were more serious, and now this. He rubbed his face as he headed into the kitchen. He stopped in the archway just as she finished railing into her brother.
Grannie and Billy looked to him but the only one who mattered to him refused to turn around. He spoke to Billy instead.
“I’m heading to Austin tomorrow. I was wondering if you and Moira would be willing to come along.”
Billy nodded. “Of course I’ll go. Anything to help, friend.”
He looked to Moira. “How about you, Beautiful?”
She finally turned to look at him. The rage in her eyes left his fearful.
“I think I have too much to do here on the ranch to go with you. Sorry to hear about your momma.”
He looked down. What else could he expect? He couldn’t much blame her. He wouldn’t date someone with his history. He spoke quietly as he looked at the floor.
“Of course. I understand.”
Looking to Grannie, he continued. “Grannie, I'm so sorry you had to bear witness to this. I thank you for your hospitality this summer. I’ll be back with Billy in a couple days to finish out the time I was hired for.”
She stood from the table, coming to give him a hug. Her voice was strong and sure as she answered him.
“No, we’re sorry you have to go through this. I can tell you, we’ve raised Moira better than this. We’ve raised her to be there for friends and strangers alike when they need someone. You come on back when you’re finished. Your spot at the table will still be there.”
He hugged her back. He’d never had a grandmother to give him a hug. Even his mother’s hugs had been more forced and jerky because of her illness. He almost wanted to stay there until it was over because it made him feel safe. Instead, he pulled back. He didn’t want to burden Moira with having to look at him as she was so mad with him.
“I’m going back to my quarters. Billy, we’ll be leaving around six tomorrow morning.”
Grannie shook her head. “No, sir! You will have a good breakfast first. Then you two can go. You have a long drive.
I won’t have you hungry on top of everything else.”
Billy and Mitchell both nodded their approval. He went back to spend the rest of the day packing and doing what he needed to do before leaving in the morning.
******
Moira watched Mitchell as he left the house. She was shaking with rage at the thought that he expected her to go with him for this. After all she just learned? After all she needed to have heard earlier in the summer? His request was too much to handle.
When Billy excused himself from the table, she was left with her grandmother, who was puttering by the coffee pot. A few moments later, she saw a mug come into her blurry line of vision on the table. She wanted to cry but was working so hard not to. She wanted to cry for the lost boy she’d fallen in love with and for the shattered images she’d had of him all this time. All through the school year and summer, she’d thought he was perfect. How wrong she’d been. He was nothing but a liar and she was left having given herself to someone who couldn’t even be honest with her. How much of what he’d told her had been a lie? Had she been his first? Did he even love her?
Another minute passed and she saw a biscuit with some peach preserves on a plate in front of her. That loosened the tears from her eyes. Before she knew it, her whole body was shaking with sobs until she felt her Grannie’s arms come around her for a hug. When she finally had herself calmed down to sniffles, her grandmother handed her a tissue and took her seat by her. She gave her a few more moments to finish composing herself.
When she looked up, Grannie put her hand over hers, speaking quietly. “What upset you more? That his Momma died or that he wasn’t forthright with you in the beginning?”
She shook her head. “I really don’t know, Grannie. Maybe both? I love him and it scares me. I love him and I don’t even really know him.”
Grannie chuckled. “You know him, all right. You just don’t know all the details. You know how he treats you and the rest of the family. You know how he works and what he wants to do for the ranch when he graduates. He’s a good man, who just happened to not give you all the details yet.”
She shook her head. “There important details, though, Grannie.”
“What? That he had a sick momma? Would it have made a difference if she’d died when he was young or from something else?”
“He didn’t tell me.”
“True, but he didn’t really lie. He withheld something he was embarrassed about. With the way people talk, I can’t much blame him.”Moira felt another tear start down her face. “Grannie, I just don’t know. I mean, this is some big stuff here. I feel so mad that he didn’t tell me.”
She shrugged. “You have to come to terms with that yourself. I say, you need to be there with him for this. Even if it’s just for someone you’ve spent the summer knowing. If you weren’t dating, would you be as upset that he hadn’t told you? Would you have considered going?”
She grunted. “That’s the paradox. If we weren’t dating, I wouldn’t care because we weren’t involved. Then Mitchell wouldn’t have the same obligation to tell me this stuff. I would’ve gone to support one of our employees. Not my boyfriend.”
Grannie refilled her cup as she answered. “Then, I say you spend some time in the Good Book tonight and pray on it, Baby Girl. Cause the anger won’t help you and it won’t help him neither.”
She nodded, pushing from the table. “I think I’m gonna take your advice, Grannie. If Daddy asks where I am, can you tell him I’m upstairs?”
Her eyes were sad as she answered. “Of course.”
Chapter Thirteen
The next morning, Moira stayed in her bed until after breakfast. It was part sleep and part something so much deeper. She was bone weary tired from her thoughts and dreams the night before. She’d been so anxious over what to do and whether she was wrong for being angry, she hadn’t slept a proper wink all night. All she knew was she was still too angry to leave. She couldn’t sit next to Mitchell in his car without ripping into his hide about leaving out all this information. Still, as angry as she was, she knew his momma’s funeral wasn’t the time to rip him apart. She would save that for when he came back to the ranch, if her anger was still in control of everything.
Instead of facing her anger and issues head on, like she’d been taught to do her whole life, she stayed nestled under her feather duvet as she sweated in the Texas summer heat. Finally, she heard Billy and Mitchell say their good byes as they left the house. It was then that she dragged what felt to be a two ton carcass to the bathroom to take a shower. Instead of dealing with anyone that day, she would take Caliber out to the field. What she needed was some time under the tree, drawing and thinking.
When she finally carried herself downstairs, it was the latest start she’d had all summer. When she went into the kitchen, Grannie was already starting the midday meal for everyone. When the woman turned around, she looked at the floor.
Her grandmother spoke quietly. “I take it you didn’t sleep too well last night.”
She shook her head.
“For what it’s worth, he looked like a pile of manure himself. There were bags under his eyes and he had to all but drag himself to the table. In fact, Billy was the one driving when they left.”
She asked quietly. “Did he say anything?”
Grannie shook her head. “What was he supposed to say? You made your intentions very clear yesterday and then again today, with the empty spot next to him at the table this morning.”
She sighed. “Grannie, please, don’t. I’m going to the field today. I’m not sure what time I’ll be back. I need to be alone for a little while. If Daddy asks, let him know that’s where I am.”
Grannie went to the fridge. “Let me pack you a lunch.”
Her smile was small as she answered. “I’m fine. I think I just want some water to take out. I’m not too hungry today. I think we may have finally come across something your cooking can’t fix.”
Grannie chuckled as she closed the fridge. “Okay, Baby Girl. Just make sure to drink enough water. We don’t want you passing out under that tree of yours.”
She laughed. “Grannie, I’m sad and angry. I don’t have the vapors.”
The laugh from her Grandmother emanated from her belly. “No, I ain’t worried about no vapors. I am worried about the summer heat dehydrating you and you passing out.”
“Fair enough. Pack an extra bottle of water for me then.”
******
Moira went to the field, where she spent most of the day. She started with drawing the landscapes and portraits of Caliber. What she quickly found was that she began drawing pictures of Mitchell. Pictures of when they were under the tree and how relaxed he looked, more of him laughing at one of Billy’s stupid jokes as he sat beside her at the dinner table.
Before she realized it, the sun was heading far down into the horizon. It wasn’t night but it was late afternoon and she needed to head in to the house to get Caliber bedded down for the night. She loaded everything up, taking a while to ride the horse up to the property.
When she got to the barn, she spent extra time, washing Caliber down. She enjoyed the time and, as animals usually do, he seemed to sense she needed the extra time with him. He was tolerant of the bath and grooming, making sure he even nuzzled against her as she stroked his long face. Finally, as the dusk was coming on hard, she went into the house, ready to trudge up the stairs for a shower.
******
Moira had just settled onto her bed, in yoga pants and a tank top, with her wet hair piled on her head in a bun. She looked at her cell phone, half wanting to call Mitchell to check on him. Every time she went to dial him, she found she couldn’t hit the button. They’d spent all summer texting each other when they weren’t in the field but she couldn’t bring herself to make a simple phone call.
She stared at her phone screen as thoughts flit across her mind. Well, I’ve really messed things up. I know I need to call him. Why can’t I even text him right now? Because I’m a dumbas
s who doesn’t want to say I’m sorry. I know I love him and Granny is right, it isn’t like he lied. Shoot, I wouldn’t have said that stuff to him, if the roles were reversed.
She worked hard to make her fingers start a text. Every time her fingers swiped across her screen, it read stupid and she’d erase it. Finally, in a moment of frustration, she tossed the phone in her comfy chair. It was yet another thing that she’d spent countless hours drawing in. Usually after everyone was in bed – and thought she’d been fast asleep.
As she looked around her room that was only lit by her desk lamp, she thought some more. You know, he isn’t the only one who hasn’t shared everything. I never even showed him my room or any of my pictures from high school. Maybe that’s what Grannie was trying to tell me. We don’t share everything with people right away. His stuff was bigger than mine, mine was just some embarrassment over old pictures and worn out sheets on my bed. His was a sick momma, who people had probably made fun of him for his whole life. Good heavens, and the way I unleashed on him. I must be horrible.
Just as her eyes misted over and her lip began to quiver, she heard her phone blip with a text. She picked it up to see who it was from. It was Billy. The text was simple.
We got here ok. He set stuff up with the funeral home. He’s just having a small ceremony and then having his momma cremated. It’ll be tomorrow late morning. You sure you can’t come?
She texted Billy. Oh, Billy, I messed up so bad. I don’t even think he’ll want to see me now.
There was no text back from Billy but she didn’t think much of it. She figured he was just busy helping Mitchell drown his sorrows in a pitcher – and maybe helping his new friend find a new girl.
She tossed and turned all night. At two in the morning, her phone rang. She looked down to find her brother was calling her. She was filled with an abject fear as she answered the phone.
“Billy? What is it?”
He sighed, his voice quiet. “Sis, you need to get your ass on down here.”