“Sure, darlin’. Anything you want.”
Sebastian took the heavy mug from her hands and scooped her up in his arms as she tucked her head in the crook of his neck. Catching a glimpse of Lorn out of the corner of her eye, she clamped her lids shut until she felt her mattress underneath her.
“Better?”
“I guess.” Tears filled her eyes and shame filled her heart.
“You’re okay, darlin’. It was just a panic attack. It’s a normal reaction.”
“It’s not that...” Alyssa blinked away her tears. “It’s Lorn. He reminds me of Kayn... you know... because he’s Szu’Kara.”
“Ah, I see.”
Movement at the door drew their attention. Jess lingered in the doorway, sadness drooping her shoulders, and she turned to leave.
“Jess, wait.”
“I’m sorry, Aly. I should have thought about that. You know Lorn would never hurt you, right?”
“Yeah, I know that. It’s just… too much right now. Please don’t be mad.”
“I’m not mad, Aly. I’m worried. I wish I could make it better for you.”
“There’s nothing you can do. I have to deal with this myself. Please understand.”
“I do.”
“I still need you, though. Don’t forget that.”
“Okay, Aly. Call me when you’re ready.”
“I will. Please, explain things to Lorn. I don’t want him to think I’m taking things out on him.”
“No worries. You know him, he’ll understand.” With that, Jess gave a small, sad wave and left.
Alyssa let Sebastian help her change into pajamas, relieved his touch didn’t repulse her. In fact, his presence seemed to be the only thing that made her feel safe. She watched as he stripped off his shirt, shoes, and socks.
“You have anything on under those pants?”
“Boxers. Why?”
“You don’t have to keep your pants on.”
“You sure? I don’t want to—”
“It’s okay. Your presence is the only thing I can handle right now, and I don’t think sleeping in jeans will be comfortable.”
“I’ve slept in worse, but thanks, darlin’.”
Darkness blanketed the room when Sebastian flipped the switch, and panic fluttered in Alyssa’s belly as terrible memories flooded her vision, making her cry out.
Sebastian switched the light back on, worry etched on his face. “What happened?”
“The darkness. I can’t handle the darkness.”
Searching the room, he turned on the tiny lamp perched on her dresser, and switched off the overhead light. The little lamp provided enough illumination to ease Alyssa’s panic.
“Good?”
“Yes, thank you.”
“No problem, darlin.”
***
“Morning, baby girl. How you feeling?”
“Tired, Granny. I didn’t sleep much. I kept poor Sebastian up all night.”
“Where is he?”
“He’s sprawled out on my bed, I told him to sleep a little longer.”
“Ah, good. Let him rest. You and I can have a bit of breakfast.”
“I’m not hungry, Granny. My stomach is still tossing and turning.”
“You have to eat, Aly girl. That baby needs nourishment.”
Sigh. “Maybe some plain toast, then.”
“Right! Buttered toast with strawberry jam, coming right up.” Granny bounced around her little kitchen, her exuberance amusing Alyssa, bringing a little light to her dark cloud.
“That horrible monster called this morning.”
Panic seized Alyssa’s chest. “Huh?”
“You know, that monster—” Granny growled “—Kayn.”
Alyssa’s stomach dropped to her knees. “What did he want?”
“He wanted to know if you were going in to work today. Unbelievable!”
“What did you tell him?” Alyssa asked, shuddering and hugging herself.
“I wanted to tell him to jump off the roof of that damn ship of his but I didn’t. I said you were feeling sick and would be staying with me for a few days.”
“Good, that’s good. I still don’t know what I’m going to do about him. I definitely don’t want to go back there.”
“Why would you need to go back there, Alyssa? Just stay here with me. You can tell that damned, evil alien your Granny needs full-time care.”
“That’s a great idea. Besides, I got what I needed from Mom’s office.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. I forgot about it, but it’s in that box I brought yesterday. Where’d it go?”
“Still by the door, I think.”
Alyssa placed the box on the kitchen table. Opening the lid, she pulled out her mother’s sweater, slipping it on. Granny peeked in, rifling through the nick-knacks, setting everything out on the table.
Lifting the books out, Alyssa found the box of vials a little squished but intact. She opened it, and nestled inside, wrapped in crumpled magazine pages, were four small vials of the Key. I can’t believe this stuff is flowing through my veins. My baby’s blood might look like this.
“That’s it?” Granny picked up a vial to inspect it.
“That’s it. Hopefully, the coalition can do something with it.”
“What’s that you got there, darlin’?”
Alyssa jumped and squeaked, nearly dropping the box of vials. “Sebastian! You scared me.”
“Sorry.” He wrapped an arm around her shoulder, squeezing gently while kissing the side of her head. “Let me see.” He took a vial and held it up to the light.
“Nait helped me pack these up so the guards wouldn’t find it without an outright search.”
“You didn’t have any problems at the gate?”
“Nope. They have no reason to search the commander’s favored human.”
“Ah, got it.” Sebastian nodded, scowling.
“Do you have someone who can make something of this stuff?”
“Sure do. Nait has a team that’s going to see about making a vaccine from this.”
“So Nait is a double-agent chemist? That’s kind of funny.”
“Funny, but effective.” Sebastian gave her his endearing, lopsided smile.
Alyssa spent the rest of the day cuddling with Sebastian on the loveseat. Granny made several attempts to get her to eat, but most everything she brought turned Alyssa’s stomach, so she set out a couple of plates of snacks ‘just in case.’ To make her happy, Alyssa nibbled here and there while Sebastian wisely kept quiet on the subject.
That evening, Jordan came by to pick up the Key vials. Alyssa felt disappointed, yet relieved to have napped through his visit. Curious about baby Lyssa, she considered calling Kora, but couldn’t summon up the courage to pick up the phone. Sebastian and Granny consoled her when she cried about not being able to use the phone. Resigned, Alyssa accepted she might not be able to bounce back from this latest abuse as quickly as she’d like.
Chapter 24
Waiting at the end of her bed, Sebastian scowled, eyebrows scrunched so close together they nearly met in the middle, only separated by a long, deep vertical crease. His arms crossed over his chest so tight his muscles swelled, thick blue veins strained against his tanned skin, stretching the short sleeves of his black T-shirt as air flowed in and out of his flaring nostrils loud enough for Alyssa to hear from where she stood at the head of the bed.
The desire to kiss the corners of Sebastian’s downturned mouth, and her stubborn stance to uphold her decision, muddled Alyssa’s thoughts as she anchored her feet to the floor. They’d been at this for nearly ten minutes. Their first fight, if you could call it that, had become a battle of wills… neither of them backing down.
Forcing her muscles to loosen and her back to relax, Alyssa softened the thin, stiff line her mouth had formed when Sebastian had attempted to order her to stay home. It wasn’t that she didn’t understand why he felt so adamant, but she was determined to move past what had ha
ppened to her. Kayn would not take away her life, her freedom, and turn her into a frightened little girl, unable to leave her home.
Sebastian … wonderful, protective Sebastian … wanted to save her from the pain Kayn so easily inflicted upon her. He filled a hole in her heart, and Alyssa relished that feeling as only his love kept her from falling into a deep pit of despair. Unfortunately, he couldn’t hide her away from the world as he seemed to want to do right now.
“Sebastian, please, I have to do this.”
“Why?” His jaw ticked as he spoke through clenched teeth. “We’ve all asked you to stay away from him. It’s not safe for you to go back there. Just come back to HQ with me.”
“I have to go back. If I don’t, he’ll know something’s wrong and come after me. I don’t want him to come and find out I’m not here. Who knows what he’d do to Granny.”
“We’ll take her with us.” Sebastian stalked back and forth at the end of the bed.
“She won’t go … you know that. I need to see him, tell him I’m taking time off work. I need to make sure he believes me, so he doesn’t come around looking for me.” Alyssa marched up to him, halting his pacing, and looked him in the eyes. “I need to face him, to show him I’m not scared of him. I need to do this.”
Sebastian searched Alyssa’s eyes, but she let her determination shine, still unwilling to back down. For reasons she couldn’t fathom, she needed to face that monster, needed to look him in the eyes, prove to herself she wasn’t a coward ready to run and hide behind the coalition’s skirt. This was the only way to quell the persistent fear that tried to knock her down until she might never get back up again.
“Promise me you’ll come back. I’ve already lost someone I loved to those Zook bastards.”
The worry and pain in Sebastian’s eyes nearly made her reconsider. “I promise.”
***
Sebastian’s subtle anger rang through Alyssa’s mind, and guilt weighed like a stone in her chest, while cold steel chilled the inside of her calf. When he couldn’t convince her to stay home, Sebastian had insisted she carry a small military dagger for protection, also giving her a thick, green, palm-sized disc to hide in Kayn’s office.
After enduring so much war and fighting, Sebastian had the patience of a saint. Alyssa had fully expected him to fly off the handle when she told him her plans to return to the compound, but when he finally realized he couldn’t stop her, he grudgingly agreed to let her go, understanding her need to face her fears.
At thirty-four, Sebastian had the maturity of someone much older, yet most of the time he seemed to be more her age, the twelve-year difference usually only noticeable when he directed coalition meetings or was being all leader-y. It was those times, when he seemed more adult than she ever felt, Alyssa wondered how he dealt with her stubborn, naïve ways.
Approaching the compound entrance, in search of a parking spot, she noticed a commotion. After parking, she hesitated at the car door rethinking her plans, but shaking the apprehension away, Alyssa marched towards the gate.
Stoic guards restrained a hollering woman, and upon closer inspection, she saw Katie attempting to shove her way past the guards. Alyssa stopped in her tracks, too scared to interfere, too scared to move.
“Let me out!”
“You must have a permit to leave, ma’am.”
“I don’t care! You can’t make me stay here!”
“Hold her!” General Ras materialized behind Katie.
She flailed about, whacking the guards with her clenched fists, and they grabbed her arms, holding her up to face Ras as her ample belly peeked out from the bottom of her rumpled blouse.
The general stepped in close, stooping down to glare at her, an evil smirk forming on his wide mouth as Katie cowered away from him, arms locked in alien hands.
“Miss O’Hare... You are aware you do not have permission to leave the compound.”
“I have rights! You can’t hold me here against my will!”
“You must stay here for your own health, and for the health of your unborn child.”
“Me and my baby are safer away from here! You’re all a bunch of animals!”
“Tsk, tsk, Miss O’Hare. You must behave yourself.”
Alyssa cringed.
“Let me go!”
Quick as a snake, Ras buried his fist into Katie’s belly, and with a ragged scream, she doubled over, the guards preventing her from falling to the ground. A horrified gasp escaped from behind Alyssa’s hands.
Ras straightened up and turned in Alyssa’s direction, his narrowed eyes sparking with both anger and glee. When she took an involuntary step back, fear choking her, it brought a satisfied smirk to Ras’ lips.
Katie huffed and puffed, limp in the guards’ hands. Alyssa heard the woman’s pained grunts and struggled with indecision. What the hell do I do?
General Ras gestured to some soldiers behind him, who stepped up and hauled Katie away. Alyssa smothered a cry when she spotted blood soaking Katie’s pants.
General Ras remained at the gate, his evil gaze pinning her in place until, with a precise spin, he marched away from the gate. Shivering and terrified, Alyssa hustled back to her car and cowered in the driver’s seat.
“Oh. My. God.” Chills swept her body. “He hit her! He punched her right in the damn stomach! And he knew I was watching!”
Calm down, Alyssa. You still have to go in there.
Sucking in big gulps of air, Alyssa squeezed the steering wheel with shaking hands, steeling herself for what seemed like an excursion into a lion’s den, and climbed out of her car. Glaring guards watched as she neared the gate on stiff legs.
Without a word, they swung the gates of hell open for Alyssa to pass through. She practically felt the flames licking at her toes, an electrified jolt coursing up her spine at the clanging sound of the wrought-iron gates shutting behind her.
Alyssa jogged to her quarters, keeping an eye out for Ras. Inside, she flopped onto her sofa, wrapping a blanket around her shivering body. The scene played out in her mind over and over, but instead of Katie, she envisioned herself being assaulted at the gate. Am I going to make it out of here? Maybe I should have listened to Sebastian.
***
A quick call to Granny and several cups of tea later, Alyssa made her way to Kayn’s office. An overnight bag hung from her arm for what she hoped would be a quick getaway. Crossing her fingers, she prayed for strength and courage.
Isa waited at her desk, wary, her shimmery eyes locked on Alyssa.
“Is he in?”
“Yes.”
“Is Ras in there?”
“No.”
“Is it safe for me to go in there?”
“I believe so.”
“Wish me luck.”
“Good luck, Alyssa.”
Sharing a look with Isa that spoke volumes, she palmed the cold glass of the scanner, her breath catching as the door slid open with a quiet whoosh. She slipped in, quiet as a mouse, as Kayn gripped the phone to his ear, fury in his unfocused eyes.
Rushing to her desk, Alyssa set her bag down and reached in to search for the disc, her fingers bumping into the cold metal, snatching it up. Palming the heavy metallic disc, Alyssa opened her bottom desk drawer while watching Kayn out of the corner of her eye. Anxiety gripped her body, making her hands tremble, and as she moved to deposit the disc into a hanging folder, it slipped through her sweaty fingers and plunked against the edge of the drawer. With a gasp, she fumbled for it, juggling the heavy object, and catching it just before it dropped to the floor in plain view.
Quickly peeking over her desk, Alyssa saw Kayn glaring in her direction, phone still clutched to his ear. She smiled, attempting to appear casual, while hastily dropping the disc in a folder and grabbing a stack of files to stuff in with it, all the while her guts quaked, threatening to spew herbal tea everywhere.
“I expected you to handle this with more care, Ras. Fix it!” He slammed the phone down, making her jump.
&n
bsp; “Alyssa.” His voice speared her racing heart.
Oh, crap! “Yes?”
“Join me.”
She hustled over to perch on one of the chairs facing Kayn’s desk, clasping her jittery hands in her lap. He watched her, inspected her.
“You are well.” Not a question.
“Yes, I am.”
“You are here to work?”
“No, I just came to clean up my desk, and let you know I have decided not to return to work.”
“Why?”
“Granny needs me.”
“Is that the only reason?”
“No, Kayn, it’s not. Since the other night, I’ve not been feeling well.”
“What ails you?”
“What ails me? Seriously?” Alyssa balked at his audacity. “You took advantage of me. I was weakened by the attack, and you forced yourself on me.”
“There was no force, and you did not object.”
“How could I? You drugged me with Valene! I barely knew what was happening!”
“Then how do you know I forced myself upon you?”
“I’m not stupid.” She glared at him. “I can tell when my body’s been used. You had no right, Kayn.”
“I had every right!” He shot out of his chair. “I am the commander and you are my mate.”
“Oh, no you don’t!” Alyssa jumped up, tipping the chair over. “I am not your mate. You never asked me to be, and we barely even dated.”
He scoffed, flipping his hand out. “It was assumed.”
“What the hell do you mean, ‘assumed’?”
“Anyone a commander consorts with is expected to assume the role of mate.”
“That’s news to me.” She spat the words out, bile burning her throat. “You never once mentioned this obscure fact.”
“You should have asked before copulating with me. I have responsibilities, as the commander. I cannot be seen to lose control of my mate. Especially, since you are carrying my child.”
“Kayn, I’m not your mate, and I never will be! This is ridiculous.”
“What is ridiculous is your behavior. You will treat me with respect, Alyssa.”
Broken_The Discordant Earth Series 1 Page 26