by Rye Hart
I pulled us up into the driveway of the cabin and quickly cut the truck off. I took out my keycard and strode for the front door as Whitney called my name behind me. I needed to pack my stuff up and get out of here. I needed to leave all of this behind before I became any more invested in the woman that was currently running up behind me.
I walked into the cabin and made my way to the bedroom but I couldn’t get there before Whitney grabbed my arm.
“What is going on?” she asked.
“I need to pack and get home,” I said.
“Why?” she asked breathlessly. “I thought… I thought we agreed last night that you’d stay.”
I rounded on her and planted my feet. “I’m more than just a fling, Whitney.”
The tone and strength of my voice even caught me off guard and I watched her take a step back from me. Her eyes widened and her breathing began to pick up. I could hear the words I’d just spoken ringing in my ears while Whitney stood in front of me and, in an instant, I knew I’d traveled down a road I could never come back from.
CHAPTER 28
WHITNEY
The tone of his voice stunned me. It was hard and crisp. He was upset at what I’d said during breakfast and I wished he had said something sooner.
“Liam, I didn’t mean it like that,” I said.
He turned his back toward me and started packing his things. I watched him zip up his suits in the travel bag before he packed his shoes and socks in his suitcase. His face was stoic. The kind of stoic it was when I’d first met him. Every single wall I’d tried to peel back from him was crashing back down and I wanted to stop the cascade before things got any worse.
“Liam, just stop for a second.”
I grabbed at his arm but he pulled away from me like my touch was fire. His brow was stern but his eyes were hurt and I had no idea how to make this any better.
“Come on,” I said. “You know I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Then how did you mean it?”
“I just meant that I needed to get away and clear my head for a while. I didn’t mean that you were just… some tool to do that with.”
“Then what am I?” he asked.
What in the world was he expecting? I’d only known him for a few days. And yes, it was fun. So much fun. I enjoyed the time we were spending together and the memories we were creating. He lit a fire in me in ways I’d never experienced before with another man. I was finally indulging in things I’d only dreamed about. I’d pushed my love life aside for years to get through law school, and then I continued to neglect it when I took that awful job and thought I could actually change the world for the better.
“You’re a wonderful man,” I said. “One I’m enjoying spending my time with. Please don’t leave.”
“Look, I’m not really sure what we thought we were doing but it’s better if this just ends now,” he said.
“Liam, you’re being ridiculous.”
“And how’s that?”
“You’re reading way too much into a conversation over breakfast,” I said.
“I don’t think I am,” he said.
“Liam, what do you want me to say?”
I looked up into his light blue eyes and I could tell he was almost gone. The way his mouth was turned down into a frown and his eyes seemed so far away. He was reaching out for his suitcase while his suits were tossed over his shoulder. I knew if I could just get him to sit down on the bed and listen—get him to just think this through—that we could spend two more glorious weeks with one another before we both had to go back to our realities.
Wait, was that the issue?
“Nothing,” he said. “You don’t have to say anything.”
He picked up his suitcase but I wasn’t ready to give up this fight. I grasped his arm and stopped him in his tracks, trying to find a way to communicate all this to him. I wanted to tell him how he made me feel. How he opened me up to a part of myself I thought was dead and buried forever. I wanted him to know how much I appreciated him and how much fun I was having with him.
Why couldn’t we just have fun together?
“You saved my life, Liam. Please stay. Please let me repay you for your kindness.”
“You don’t know the first thing about saving lives,” he said. “I didn’t save your life.”
“Yes, you did. I would’ve frozen out there in the cold and died because I wouldn’t have been able to get up. You saved me, Liam.”
I felt his muscles flexing underneath my touch but not in a good way. His entire body was pulling taut and he seemed to grow in stature. There was a darkness I recognized that was looming over him. A darkness I’d experienced that first night with him.
When he woke up screaming and had to take a shower.
“Liam, I don’t know what you expected but let me lay it out, okay? We spend two weeks together and we make all these memories. We have fun, we enjoy each other’s company, and we get to experience things we’ve never experienced before. You with the resort and me with… all of this. All of you.”
I watched him turn his head back toward me and I was praying I had his attention.
“Then what?” he asked.
“Huh?”
“What happens after those two weeks are up?” he asked.
That was the problem. It wasn’t about opening up or not wanting to open up. It wasn’t about temporary flings or being used or experiencing new things and being afraid of them. Hell, it wasn’t even about being vulnerable or naked with another person you hardly even knew.
This was about the future. About where we would both go after this was all said and done.
“Why won’t you just open up to me?” I asked.
“Why should I?”
“Besides the fact that I did? Try the fact that we’ve shared more between the two of us in the past few days than most people do in a fucking lifetime.”
I knew I was getting angry and I knew it would upset him. I watched him slowly turn around and I took a step backward, trying my best to stand my ground. There was a mixture of anger and sadness and frustration fluttering over his face and all I wanted to do was get him to put down his stuff and cool his damn jets for a second.
“You have no idea what you’ve done for me, do you?” he asked.
“What?”
“You just don’t get it. You’ve got no idea and you don’t have any idea because you hardly know who I am.”
“Because you won’t talk to me, Liam,” I said. “You won’t say a damn thing about yourself and you know more about me than anyone in my life besides Gwen.”
He chuckled to himself before he shook his head and it only made me angrier.
“What’s so funny?” I asked.
“For you, it’s just black and white. From here, you go back to your world and you find a new job. Maybe one you like, maybe one you hate. You spend time with your best friend and you sleep soundly in your bed and, soon, you’ll forget about this entire thing. You’ll forget about me, and you’ll forget about this. But that’s the problem because I could never forget about you. Not after what you’ve given me.”
“And what is it I’ve given you, Liam?” I asked. “Can you at least tell me that?”
But, instead, all he did was turn around and start walking down the hallway.
“See?” I asked. “You want to blame this on me but you’re the one who can’t even open your mouth to talk.”
“Yep.”
“And here you are, walking away from me again when you won’t even tell me what the fuck is going on!”
“Uh huh,” he said.
“Fine, go, Liam. Stalk out of here like a little boy.”
He whirled around at the front door and I saw his nostrils flaring. I stopped in my tracks and braced myself for whatever was coming. At this point, I didn’t even give a damn how he said it. I didn’t care if he yelled it at me from his damn truck.
All I wanted this man to do was talk to me the way I’d been able to talk to him.
All I wanted to do was give him the sort of relief he was able to give me.
But he wouldn’t open his fucking mouth.
Then, without a word, he turned around and opened the door. I watched him from the porch as he loaded everything into his truck and I stood there while he backed out. Part of me wanted to run after him. To jump in the back of his truck and force my way into his life until he realized my worth. What I could bring to him and the comfort I could give him if he just stopped being so damn reclusive and scared.
His truck drove off down the cobblestone pathway while I stood there shivering in the cold and all I could think was that maybe this was how it was supposed to end. Maybe this was supposed to be the catalyst for me going home. Maybe Liam was only in my life to open it up just a little bit. To show me that my life could be better and that it could be full of happiness if I was just willing to take a few steps I’d never taken before.
I stood there while my toes grew numb, hoping he would turn around and come back. I wrapped my arms around my chest while icy tears brewed behind my eyes. I didn’t even know what he was expecting from all this. I got the sense that maybe he wanted more. That maybe he wanted to keep in touch after all this was said and done, but I still didn’t know. He hadn’t actually told me anything. He’d just beaten around the bush, hoping I’d get the picture or some shit like that. Was that what Liam was afraid of? That I would reject him if he talked?
At this point, it didn’t matter. What was done was done and it was obvious he wasn’t coming back. I walked back into the resort cabin and closed the door. Then my eyes slowly panned over to the cushions on the floor. With a tear streaking down my cheek, I went over and laid down on the cushions. They smelled like him and I took a deep breath. I wanted to memorize his scent before I went home because, the truth was, I couldn’t stay here anymore. I didn’t know if the resort would refund my money, but I didn’t care.
I needed to get as far away from the memory of him as I could.
CHAPTER 29
LIAM
The wind was howling and the ground was moving. I ran and I ran, breathing in the metallic scent of the air. Bombs were whistling in the distance and gunfire was shooting all around my head. The rock sprayed into my face while I held someone on my back, trying to get them to safety.
I could feel blood trickling from my nose. I could feel it dripping down my throat. I could feel my ankles burning from the lack of skin and I could hear the person on my back groaning for help. I kept turning down hallways while the lights got dimmer, threatening to swallow us both in darkness while I kept running.
Suddenly, I was outside. The ground was moving like waves in the ocean and I was running over them but getting nowhere. Bombs were going off beside me while someone kept screaming for help in my ear. I held the body on my back close to me, trying to let them know it was going to be okay. That as long as they were with me, they would be safe and healthy.
Because I was a doctor and that was what doctors did.
But then, I turned a corner and was met with a stone wall. A wall with chains dangling from them that dripped with the blood of the dead. Bodies were scattered around me. Bodies that had scalpels impaled into their backs. Scalpels that glared with my fingerprints while tears poured down my face and that was when I recognized the voice on my back.
“Canter. Help me.”
I shot up like a bat out of hell in my bed while sweat poured down my neck. Wiping it away, I groaned as I shifted my legs over the bed. Another fucking nightmare had come and gone, waking me up before dawn to greet me with its sleepless calling. It’d been two days since I’d last seen Whitney and every fucking time I closed my damn eyes, I saw it. War. Unrest. Blood. Bodies. I saw that damn shithole flash behind my eyes as if it had fucking happened yesterday.
I wasn’t getting an ounce of sleep.
Grunting, I lifted my drenched body off the bed. I ripped the sheets up and walked them to the washer, tossing them in before I took my clothes off. I threw everything in, along with some detergent and started the washer. Then, I slipped into the bathroom to take a shower. I smelled like I’d just come running out of the woods and I needed to get myself clean. I needed to scrub the blood off my hands and run hot water over my back, just to make sure he wasn’t there.
I stepped into the tub that reminded me of Whitney before I turned on the shower. I had no idea how in the world I was going to get back to normal. I had no idea if the nightmares were ever going to go away again. It was easier when the nightmares settled in. It was easier when I wasn’t reminded of what peace felt like. I’d dealt with them for two solid years and I’d gotten used to being disturbed. I’d gotten used to being bothered and sleepless. I’d gotten used to having to fill my body with coffee just to get through half the day before I needed another sleepless nap.
But then Whitney happened.
She appeared in my life and reminded me of what it felt like to have peace. Her body reminded me of how wonderful it felt to have the warmth of a woman around and her smile reminded me of what it felt like to be happy. I knew what a good night’s rest felt like when she was in my arms and it was something I’d completely forgotten I was capable of. I’d made my bed in my misery and it didn’t seem so bad. The comparison I used to have had faded into the dark recesses of my mind.
But now, with everything I’d experienced with her, the comparison was fresher than ever.
Now, I painfully understood the lack of sleep I was getting. Now, I painfully understood how much it hurt my body to wake up from these nightmares. She revived that comparison with her eyes and her smile and her playful demeanor and, now, I was sinking back into the hellhole she’d found me in.
I was sickeningly aware of how lonely it was in this cabin, and I couldn’t stand it any longer.
I needed to go into town. I wasn’t sure what I would need from town but I was sure I was running out of something here. I stayed in the shower and allowed the steam to drift around my body until the water started running cold. Then I got out and toweled myself down. The sun was shining through the few windows the cabin harbored and I could tell the snow was melting further and further. I’d be able to travel into town with my truck and not have any issues.
And then I remembered that damn tree.
I put on some clothes and slid on my boots before I dug around in my shed for my chainsaw. The downed tree would be rotted out and soaking wet but I took my chainsaw just in case. If I didn’t clear the main pathway to get to the road, then I’d have to wind my way back through the resort to get to town.
I didn’t want to do that. I didn’t want to risk running into Whitney and having to admit to her I was wrong.
She had been right. I needed to open up to her, but not for any of the reasons she spat out. I didn’t owe it to her to open up, nor was it some sort of requirement for us to move forward. I should’ve opened up to her because I wanted to. Because there were so many times where I’d come so close to telling her everything. Like over the rice and beans she cooked at the cabin or over dinner when we’d had a little too much to drink. So many times when my body was practically begging me to open up to her and I was fighting it.
It was wrong to accuse her of using me because, the truth was, I’d used her in some ways. When I found solace in her presence, I didn’t want to let her out of my sight. I didn’t want to risk losing the peace she instilled within me whenever she was around and that wasn’t fair to her. Sure, I might’ve just been a fling to her, but we were both providing temporary comfort to one another. She knew it and, deep down, I knew it.
It just made me upset that I’d allowed myself that temporary comfort in the first place.
This was where the line for men like me got confusing. We made our bed in our sorrows and we dealt with them. Was it fun? Hell no. Was it comfortable? Not even fucking close to it. But we got used to it and that dulled the pain of the experience. It wasn’t ideal but neither were the circumstances that put men like me in that position to be
gin with. Men like me would actively stay away from things we knew would bring us comfort because we knew that would make the nights harder. But if we ever found that type of comfort, if we ever allowed ourselves to indulge in the idea that maybe this could all turn around, then we were fucked. Like I was right now. I was fucked from the moment I allowed myself to explore Whitney’s body because I knew the beauty it would bring into my life. I knew what a woman’s presence was capable of doing to a man and I knew I was crossing a line I might never come back from.
And hearing her confirm that this was only temporary shot me into a blind state of panic.
She would leave and I’d go back to the hell of an existence I was living now. She’d leave to proceed with her life and I would be nothing but a glory fuck while for me she was so much more. So much good and so much bad at the same time. Hearing her talk about our dwindling time together only served to remind me that everything was temporary. Just like my sanity, or my comfort, or the men I’d killed with my own two hands.
I walked all the way down the path to the downed tree and cranked up my chainsaw. I probably didn’t need it with how wet the wood was but I cut the tree into chunks anyway. I tossed them off to the side and cleared the path before I started back up to my cabin, my mind still racing with thoughts of Whitney and where I’d gone wrong.
I’d never find another woman like her and I’d spoiled the bit of time I had been granted with her.
I slung my chainsaw into the back of the truck before I slid into it. I set myself to getting another chain for it while I was in town, just in case I didn’t already have a spare. I cranked the truck up and rode into town with my tired mind swirling around the past week but then I saw something that caught my eye.
There was a main road that split Gatlinburg in half. One side was a tourist-type side and one side was geared toward the locals. But that main road traveled all the way through the town. If you passed the grocery stores and the restaurants, however, the street narrowed into a two-lane road that dumped right into the heart of downtown. I had to cross through downtown to get to the only shop I trusted with my power tools and such but I didn’t get through it before I stopped.