by Rye Hart
With a frown, I leaned against the table while she opened the fridge to grab a water bottle. Her behavior this morning was strange. She was usually chipper in the mornings, always eager to get the kids in a good mood from the start. Today, she didn’t seem to care about that. She didn’t seem to care about anything.
I sat back in my chair and shook my head. It didn’t matter how Emily acted. As long as she did her job well, that was what mattered. I told myself it was a good thing that she was ignoring me as I got up from the table. Without a word, I disappeared into my room to get dressed.
When I went back out to the living room, Emily and the kids were playing a game. Emily’s face was alive with emotion for the first time this morning. Her eyes were open wide, and she was laughing, tickling Sarah and motioning for Tommy to take his turn.
“What are you guys playing?” I asked, sitting in the chair beside the coffee table.
“Sorry,” Sarah said. “Emily brought it over. It’s so fun!”
“Do you want to play?” Tommy asked.
My eyes fell on Emily’s face, and all the joy I’d seen just seconds before was gone. She didn’t meet my eyes. Instead, she stared at the game board. Her eyebrows were pulled together, and her lips were tight. I cleared my throat and she looked up.
When our eyes finally met, she softened slightly. She searched my face for something, though I wasn’t sure what. Her soft gaze made me harden. I felt my face tighten as I turned away.
“Maybe later,” I told Tommy. “I have to go into town right now.”
“Can we come?” Sarah asked, already getting to her feet.
“Don’t you want to finish your game?” I asked.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want Sarah with me. I just knew my mood was only going to get worse.
“I want to come with you,” Sarah said.
“Not this time,” I said. “Stay here and play with Emily.”
“We can bake cookies after the game,” Emily said. “What do you think?”
“Yeah!” Sarah pumped her fist in the air with excitement. I smiled at her.
I looked at Emily one last time before I got up to leave. It was hard to read the emotion on her face. I left the house and climbed behind the wheel of my car. With a sigh, I cranked the engine and drove the five minutes into town. Emily’s face was still burned in my brain, and I was determined to get rid of it. She’d only been back a few days, and already, I was cranky and frustrated. Not for the first time, I wondered if I made the right decision in hiring her back.
I parked in a random parking spot and got out. I didn’t really have any errands, but I couldn’t be in that house for another second. With Emily staring at me with hidden expectations, it was too much. I still didn’t know what our kiss meant, and I wasn’t in a hurry to find out. From the way Emily was acting, though, she definitely was.
As I walked, I stumbled across an old bookstore. It looked closed, but when I stepped closer, I saw the lights on inside. I pushed open the door and was immediately hit with the smell of old books. I inhaled deeply, a smile spreading across my face. I couldn’t remember the last time I spent any time in a bookstore.
“Can I help you find anything?” someone asked from behind me.
I was halfway inside the store and I whirled around to see an old man looking up at me.
“No, thank you,” I said. “I’m just looking around.”
“I don’t know you,” the man said.
“No, you don’t.”
“I know everyone in town,” he said. “I’m Harry.”
“Sean,” I said simply. “I just moved here.”
“Well, Sean,” Harry said. “Welcome to my store. It’s nothing special, but we have some good things if you dig a bit.”
“I’ll do that,” I promised.
“Let me know if you need anything,” Harry said.
I nodded and Harry hobbled away, leaning heavily on a curved cane. This town became stranger with each new person I encountered. It was like the entire place had its own heartbeat, completely unique and unlike anything I’d ever experienced.
In a way, it was inspiring, but it was also disconcerting. I’d lived in San Diego for over thirty years. It was odd to be away from the ocean and my previously busy life. I thought again of the email that had driven me so far from my home.
I’m Sarah’s biological father…I want to see her…
I shook my head to clear my thoughts. There wasn’t anything I was looking for in particular, so I just wandered through the store, picking up different books as I moved. Most everything in Harry’s store was old, but seemed to be soaked in history. I found a barely recognizable copy of Gulliver’s Travels that I almost bought, but I thought better of it. I already owned three copies, and there was no reason to add another to my collection.
I continued lingering in the shelves for most of the afternoon. My excitement at finding a bookstore overshadowed my hunger or sense of time. I lost myself in the old books and amazing smells. It wasn’t until I stumbled upon the notebook section that my blood really began to burn with excitement.
The notebooks were the only thing in Harry’s store that looked new. I picked each one up, flipping it open to examine the pages inside. My own notebook wasn’t yet filled, but I couldn’t resist the urge to buy a few more.
After looking for a long time, I picked two. One was a leather-bound journal, tied with a delicate leather string. The other was a typical notebook, bound tightly with lined pages on the inside. I loved them both. As I made my way to the counter, I grabbed a pack of new pens and added that to my stack. Setting them on the counter, I pulled out my wallet and waited to hear the total.
“Just notebooks, huh?” Harry asked.
“Yeah,” I said with a nod. “That’s it for today.”
“Writing a book?” Harry asked. His eyes flickered to my face with interest.
I just shrugged and looked away. My aspirations to become a writer were personal and private. Harry slipped the notebooks and pens into a plastic bag and handed it to me.
“Thirty-two dollars,” he said.
I fished out a few bills and passed them over. Harry fiddled with his register and then stuffed the bills inside. He grabbed my change and counted it out slowly. I could tell from the way his hands shook that he was beginning to feel his age.
“Thank you,” I said when he handed me the change.
“Come back soon,” he said. “You can tell me all about that book you’re pretending not to write.”
I smiled weakly and left, my cheeks burning with embarrassment. Once outside, I checked my phone to see that it was almost dinnertime. I couldn’t believe I’d spent the entire day wandering through Harry’s store, but I was glad I did. For the first time, I found something to distract me from thoughts of Emily.
When I made it back home, the kids were already finishing dinner. I walked over and kissed them each on their heads.
“Already eating?” I asked.
“Sorry,” Emily said. “We tried to wait, but they were hungry.”
“It’s fine,” I said.
“Did you have fun shopping, Dad?” Tommy asked.
“I did.” I smiled. “Did you have fun with Emily today?”
“Yeah,” Tommy said. “We always have fun with Emily.”
Emily smiled at that and busied herself with the dishes. I took the kids upstairs to get them ready for bed. With Emily around, it wasn’t often that I managed my children’s bedtime routine. I hadn’t realized I missed it until I was lying next to Sarah, reading her to sleep.
She fell asleep fast, resting her tiny head on my chest. I kissed her softly and slowly slid out from underneath her. She flopped her head onto her pillow without waking, and I tiptoed back downstairs.
Emily was still cleaning the kitchen so I grabbed my bag from Harry’s and moved toward my study.
“What did you get?” Emily asked. I turned around with a frown. She pointed at the bag in my hand. “At Harry’s. Anything go
od?”
My frown deepened as Emily searched my face. I could tell she was trying to get to know me better, to get close to me, to figure me out. It angered me in a way that surprised me. I’d been frustrated with myself for my attraction to Emily, but this was the first time I found myself angry with her. She just wouldn’t get the hint.
I didn’t want to know her. I didn’t want to be close to her. I couldn’t risk it.
“Nothing,” I said, my voice short.
“Obviously, it’s something.” Emily laughed softly.
“It’s none of your business.” My voice was cold and hard.
Emily’s smile fell from her lips, and she just stayed quiet while I turned around.
I marched down the hall to my study. Once inside, I sat down at my desk and ran my hands over my face. Emily was the most infuriating woman I’d ever dealt with. Not only was she always tempting me with that tight fucking body, but she wouldn’t leave me alone. She kept pushing and pushing, trying to get inside my mind. It was enough to drive me insane.
Deep down, I knew it wasn’t Emily’s fault. She was gorgeous and smart, kind and loving. The way she handled Sarah’s breakdown at dinner last night was enough proof that she knew what she was doing. Everything she did exuded caring, but I didn’t want her to care, not about me anyway.
As I sat there, unpacking my notebooks and pens, I thought about how it would feel to let Emily in. After two seconds, I knew it was impossible. Even a sexual relationship with no emotional ties felt insane. No matter how much I wanted Emily’s body or how badly she wanted to know the real me, I couldn’t give in to either desire.
Without thinking, I picked up a pen and started writing. I didn’t even realize what I was putting on the page until I was finished. I’d filled almost ten pages without pause. In all my life, I’d never written that much in a single sitting. With a frown, I leaned back in my chair and read over my words. They were all about Emily. Every single one.
CHAPTER TWELVE - EMILY
Yet another night passed, and I didn’t get more than a wink of sleep. As the sun rose Wednesday morning, I pushed myself out of bed and quickly got dressed. I pulled my long curls back in a ponytail and grabbed my purse. Tommy and Sarah wouldn’t be up for close to an hour so I had some time. After enduring Sean’s coldness for days now, I needed a break, just a minute to myself. I hurried downstairs and disappeared out the front door, walking hurriedly into town.
I picked up some donuts and chocolate milk for the kids, then some coffee for Sean and me. Despite his impolite behavior, it would have been rude for me to exclude him in breakfast.
I sighed as I walked slowly back to the house. I didn’t want to face him yet, not after the way he snapped at me last night, but I knew I didn’t have a choice. The kids would be up soon, and I needed to be there when they awoke.
Just as I walked through the front door, Sarah and Tommy came running down the stairs.
“Donuts?” Sarah asked, gazing wide-eyed at the bag in my hand.
“Yup.” I grinned. “You want some?”
“Yeah!” Sarah and Tommy cheered together.
They both ran over to the table, and I followed them, shaking my head with laughter. Sometimes, it was so easy to please children. A little attention and sugar was all they really wanted. I put a donut on each of their plates and poured them both a tall glass of chocolate milk. They devoured their breakfast in record time, finishing before Sean even stepped foot out of his room.
When he finally did appear, his eyes met mine, and I pointed to the coffee on the kitchen counter. He nodded and moved to grab his cup.
“Thanks,” he said, his eyes focused downward.
I rolled my eyes and turned my attention back to the kids.
“Go on,” I said. “Get changed. We can go to the park this morning, but then I want you both to do some reading this afternoon. You’ve been slacking lately.”
“Nuh-uh!” Tommy said. “I read all the time.”
“Not in the last couple days,” I said sternly.
“Okay.” He sighed. “Fine”
I smiled while he stalked upstairs behind his sister. Like always, Sean demanded my attention without even trying. It was as if my eyes were magnetically drawn to him. He glanced at me but quickly looked away. He didn’t speak until the kids came back down.
In those few minutes, I considering quitting. I didn’t know how much longer I could take the tension between Sean and me. He didn’t make it easy to do my job. He was cold and harsh, always ignoring me or snapping at me. It wasn’t right or fair. Still, I knew I couldn’t leave. Both Tommy and Sarah depended on me too much already.
“To the park?” I asked once the kids were ready.
“Daddy, are you coming?” Sarah asked hopefully.
“Sure,” Sean said.
I looked at him sharply, surprised by how quickly he agreed. It wasn’t like him to spend any time with me if he didn’t have to.
We made our way to the front door but never made it to the park. Just as we pulled the door open, a man stepped inside and threw his arms wide. He was grinning from ear to ear. I didn’t know him, but from the way Sean’s face lit up, he certainly did.
“What the hell are you doing here?” Sean asked, rushing forward to hug the strange man.
“Got tired of waiting for an invite,” he said. “Plus, I wanted to see my favorite little brats.”
“We aren’t brats, Uncle Philip,” Tommy said with a frown.
“Well, not you,” Philip said, placing his hand over his heart. “I’m sorry, Tommy. I was talking about your sister.”
“Hey!” Sarah said, but there was a wide smile on her face.
“Get your cute butts over here!” Philip demanded.
Tommy and Sarah ran forward to hug him. He grabbed them both in his arms and lifted them into the air. They laughed, and I stood to the side, watching.
“Oh,” Sean said, glancing at me suddenly. “Philip, this is Emily. She’s our nanny. Emily, this is my friend, Philip.”
“Ah,” Philip said, looking me up and down. “The nanny.”
“Hi,” I said. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too,” he said, still eyeing me closely.
I let Sean and Philip take the kids to the park that morning, hanging back to give them time together. It was a huge surprise to see Sean’s best friend suddenly appear at the door, but I hoped his presence might soften Sean’s mood.
That night, we all ordered pizza and played board games. Philip was amazing with both Tommy and Sarah. He kept them laughing and even managed to diffuse their many fights. I almost felt useless with him around, but he didn’t let me. Every few minutes, he would make sure to pull me into the conversation. After just a few hours, I’d grown to really like him, mostly because of the way he changed Sean.
Sean wasn’t just softer, he was fun. He was more open and light-hearted. Watching him interact with Philip was amazing. He was like an entirely different person.
I put the kids to bed that night, leaving Sean and Philip alone to catch up. When I was done, I headed back downstairs but froze halfway there. Sean and Philip were talking in the living room, and I distinctly heard my name. I knew I shouldn’t eavesdrop, but I couldn’t help myself. I ducked down on the staircase to listen.
“You like her,” Philip said with confidence.
“It’s not that,” Sean said. “She’s just, I don’t know. I am attracted to her. I won’t deny that, but it doesn’t go beyond that.”
“So, nothing’s happened between you two?” Philip asked.
I held my breath, straining to hear his response over the sound of my heart pounding in my ears.
“We kissed,” Sean admitted.
“But you don’t like her?” Philip asked.
“It’s just physical, man,” Sean said. “It’s not real.”
“That’s bullshit,” Philip said. “God, sometimes you really are an idiot.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Sean
asked.
I could hear the frustration in his voice.
“She’s gorgeous,” Philip said. “That much is obvious, but if you could see the way you look at her. Sean, this girl has changed you.”
“Come on,” Sean said with a soft laugh. “You’re full of it.”
“Am I?” Philip asked. “So, you don’t watch her when she isn’t looking? Your eyes don’t follow her when she walks across the room?”
Sean didn’t say anything. I crouched lower on the stairs and leaned forward, trying to hear every word.
“Sometimes,” he finally said. “But it doesn’t matter. She’s here to take care of my kids, Phil. What kind of father would I be if I hooked up with their nanny?”
“It wouldn’t be the end of the world,” Philip said. “Besides, after everything Telissa put you through—”
“We’re not talking about that,” Sean said roughly.
“I won’t,” Philip said. “I’m just saying, it’s obvious that you deserve a little happiness. You’ve been through hell these past few years. So have Tommy and Sarah. From what I can tell, Emily is the best thing that could have happened to all of you.”
“She’s amazing with them,” Sean said. My heart warmed at the compliment. “She dotes on them.”
“She’s good with you too,” Philip said. “When you let her be.”
“I don’t know.”
“Let yourself have this,” Philip said. “At least, see what can happen. You’re right. It could be terrible. But it could also be great. Plus, wouldn’t it be nice to get laid?”
Sean laughed, and Philip quickly joined in. I found myself smiling as I listened to the rest of their conversation. I stayed perched on the stairs for a while, waiting for the perfect opportunity to make my presence known.
“I should get some sleep,” Philip said. “I’m beat.”