by Rye Hart
“What are you working on?’ Sarah asked, glancing down at the notebook on my desk.
I paused for just a second, wondering if it was finally time to share the truth with her. She had been so amazing lately, taking care of the kids and being there for me. I knew if anyone deserved to know about my writing aspirations, it was her.
“I’ve always wanted to be a writer,” I said quickly, the words sounding strange on my lips. For years, I thought them, but I never once spoke them aloud. Not until now.
“A writer?” Emily asked. “Really?”
She walked closer to me and sank into my lap. With her so close, I couldn’t help but get excited. My dick twitched and got hard quickly. Emily felt it and glanced down at my lap with a laugh.
“I can’t help it,” I said. “I blame you.”
“Stop it.” She laughed. “Talk to me about your writing. I’m curious.”
“What do you want to know?” I asked.
“How long have you been pursuing it?” she asked.
“I haven’t,” I said honestly. “Not until recently. I never thought I could. I’ve never even told anyone about it until now.”
“Why not?” she asked.
“Because I thought everyone would think it’s stupid,” I said with a shrug. “I was a lawyer, Emily. A really successful lawyer. My entire life was the law firm, and then I just left it. It wouldn’t make sense to anyone if I admitted I just wanted to write stories for a living.”
“So, you’ve never tried to write anything before?” Emily asked, her eyebrows raised. “Ever?”
“I mean, I wrote short stories and comic books when I was a kid but nothing major. I think I’m finally ready to start writing a book. A real one.”
“That’s amazing,” Emily said, smiling brightly. “I think that’s great!”
“You do?” I asked, surprised. “You don’t think it’s a stupid dream?”
“Of course not!” she said. “Why would it be?”
“Because I’m supposed to be this big-time lawyer,” I said with a sigh. “When Philip suggested I move, he wanted me to start my own firm. That was the whole point of moving.”
“Maybe not,” Emily said with a shrug. “Maybe the whole point of moving here was so you could finally follow your actual dream.”
“You think?” I asked.
“Well,” she said thoughtfully. “Let me ask you this: Do you miss being a lawyer? Do you ever wish you could go back to the lifestyle?”
“No,” I said. I didn’t even have to think about the answer. Ever since I’d left the firm, I’d been happier. I felt free, freer than I’d felt in years. “Never.”
“Then there’s your answer,” Emily said simply. “If you were meant to be a lawyer forever, then you would miss it. At least a little bit. But you don’t. That’s enough proof that you should find something else to do, something you love. Like writing.”
“I guess I’m just worried I’ll be bad at it,” I said softly. I hung my head. “It’s such a stretch from anything I’ve ever done before. The only thing I’ve written so far are just journal entries and little short stories. Nothing real. What if I try to write a book, and I fail? What if I write it, but it’s awful?”
“I don’t think that will happen,” Emily said with confidence.
“How can you be so sure?” I asked.
She smiled and ran her fingers through my hair. It was gentle and comforting. I sighed and let myself enjoy the feeling of her being there with me.
“I just have a feeling,” she said softly. “I think you’ll be a great writer.”
“You’ve never read anything I’ve written,” I reminded her.
“That’s why it’s just a feeling.” She shrugged. “When you let me read something, then I’ll know for sure.”
“You’re really good at the cheerleader thing,” I said with a laugh. “If this nanny thing doesn’t work out, you could always go professional with it. You would look good in the little outfits too.”
“Why wouldn’t the nanny thing work out?” She raised her eyebrows. “Are you planning to fire me again anytime soon?”
I laughed. “Maybe I just want to see you in the cheerleading outfit.”
“If you’re lucky,” she said playfully. “Really lucky.”
I laughed again, and she leaned down to kiss me. Her lips were soft against mine, and they felt like a cure for all my worries. I kissed her back deeply, not wanting to let her go. She felt amazing in my arms, sitting on my lap and running her fingers slowly through my hair. I’d been scared to tell her about my writing dreams, but now, I didn’t know why. She was amazing about everything else. Of course she would be amazing about this too.
“So, you really think I can do it?” I asked when we broke apart.
“Well, not if we keep doing this all the time,” she said seriously. “But in general, yes, I think you’ll be an amazing writer.”
Her confidence was more inspiring than anything else had ever been. I sighed and kissed her again, tightening my hold on her waist. She tried to pull away and stand up, but I protested, holding her there and kissing her faster. She laughed and pushed against my chest, breaking our kiss and quickly getting to her feet.
“Where are you going?” I whined.
“To check on the kids,” she said. “They’ve been outside alone for almost twenty minutes. If they aren’t fighting yet, they will be soon.”
“That’s true.” I sighed. “But I need you more than they do. You’re my cheerleader, after all.”
“Ha. Ha.” She laughed and walked toward the door, looking back at me over her shoulder. She smiled and said, “You’ll be great, Sean. All you have to do is try.”
With that, she stepped into the hallway and closed the door behind her. I listened to her footsteps as she walked down the hall and into the living room. They finally subsided when she opened the back door and disappeared. The door closed behind her, and suddenly, everything was silent in the house. Not a single noise could be heard. I knew the kids were playing outside, but I couldn’t hear a thing.
I sat still for a minute longer, just straining my ears for any sign of Tommy, Sarah, or Emily. When there was still nothing, I sighed and pulled my notebook back to me. The story I’d been dwelling on for days was one that I knew was important. Every time I thought about my kids or remembered their mother, I marveled at the strength of my two, tiny humans. At only six and four, they lost their mom. She was their world, their everything, and then suddenly, she was gone. I still didn’t know how they survived it.
As I thought of them, happily playing in the backyard, my idea came back with a flourish. It was like a dam had burst inside my brain, telling me exactly what I needed to write. I grabbed my pen and started writing everything that came to mind.
The outline wasn’t clear. It was messy, and most of my handwriting was illegible to anyone but me, but I didn’t care. All that mattered was getting these thoughts out of my head and onto the paper. I saw Sarah’s face in my mind while I wrote, then Tommy’s, then Telissa’s. I remembered her sick and dying, but still strong enough to play with our kids and be their mom. Despite what she did to me, she taught them how to have strength through hard times.
My hand was aching as I wrote faster and faster. By the time I was done, my outline covered over twenty pages and made absolutely no sense. Still, I was happy. The smile that stretched across my face felt odd and out of place. I hadn’t smiled so much in years. With Emily around now and my writing taking priority, I felt unstoppable. It was like my life had finally fallen into place, like I was doing something I was born to do.
As I finished up the outline and closed my notebook, I heard the kids playing in the living room. I didn’t realize they had come back inside, but the second I heard their voices, I stood up and hurried out of my study, eager to see them.
CHAPTER TWENTY - EMILY
Sunday morning arrived, and I laid in bed longer than normal. The sun was seeping through my curtains, and I cou
ld hear Tommy and Sarah playing downstairs. I glanced at the clock and saw it was almost nine o’clock. It wasn’t like the kids to not wake me up if they got up first, but I wasn’t complaining. Technically, Sundays were my day off, but I never took them as such. Instead, I hung around the house with Tommy, Sarah, and Sean.
As I pushed myself out of bed, I grabbed my robe and wrapped it around my body, not bothering to get fully dressed. I didn’t know why I was so exhausted, but I assumed it had something to do with Sean and the toll he’d taken on my body. Having sex with him was earth-shattering, but it always left me trembling and weak. It was no wonder I needed the extra sleep this morning. After yet another night together last night, my body was still recuperating.
I walked slowly downstairs, taking my time. When I stepped into the living room, Tommy and Sarah ran over to me.
“Good morning!” they said together.
“Hey,” I said, yawning wide. “Why didn’t you guys wake me up?”
“Daddy said not to,” Sarah said.
“I thought you could use the sleep,” Sean said from the kitchen. I looked over and smiled. He was grinning at me from the beside the kitchen sink.
“Thank you,” I said. “You didn’t have to do that.”
I walked over to him, and he handed me a cup of coffee, gesturing for me to sit down at the table. I did as he said and sat down. He brought over a plate of eggs and bacon and set it down in front of me.
“It’s not as good as yours,” he said. “I’m not a great cook. Just ask the kids.”
“We had cereal instead,” Tommy said from the living room couch.
I laughed and turned to Sean. “I’m sure it’s delicious.”
“It’s not,” he said, laughing at himself. “But it’s edible.”
I ate a couple bites before I couldn’t eat anymore. Sean really was an awful cook, but it was sweet of him to try. He insisted I sit and relax that morning, not letting me do anything other than sip my coffee and move from the table to the living room.
“So,” I said when he joined us in the living room. “Why the sudden insistence that I do nothing?”
“Not nothing,” he said. “Just less. Sundays are supposed to be your day off, remember?”
“I do,” I said with a nod. “But I’ve never taken one off before.”
“Exactly,” he said. “Which is why you should. You work really hard, and we all appreciate it.”
“We do!” Tommy said, nodding enthusiastically.
“You need to rest sometimes,” Sean said. “I knew you wouldn’t, unless I made you.”
“Thank you,” I said, and I meant it.
Sean was right, I wasn’t the kind of person to just take a day off work unless I was really sick or there was some sort of emergency. Besides, the kids never felt like a job to me.
Still, as I sat there watching Sean play with the kids, I knew he was right. They needed some time alone as a family, and I needed time to myself. I realized I hadn’t seen Janie in a while and that it was probably time I call her to check in.
“I’m going to shower,” I said, standing up and stretching. My robe came open slightly to reveal my underwear, and Sean’s eyes lingered on my exposed skin. I raised my eyebrows at him and covered up quickly. He looked at me with desire as I walked past him and slid my hand along his back.
Once upstairs, I jumped in the shower and took my time. I washed my hair and even conditioned it, which wasn’t something I usually made time for. After that, I shaved my legs and washed my body, reveling in the feeling of the soft soap. It felt amazing to be alone, not worrying about having to hurry up in case the kids needed me.
I got out of the shower and got dressed in comfortable clothes before I called Janie, putting the phone to my ear and listening to the rings.
“Hey!” she said when she answered. “I haven’t heard from you in ages. What’s going on?”
“I have the day off,” I said. “Want to grab some lunch or something?”
“Hell yes,” she said. “Where to?”
“Your choice,” I said.
“Sal’s,” she said, and I laughed, knowing that would be her answer.
“All right,” I said. “I’ll meet you there.”
I finished getting dressed and pulled on my shoes before I hurried downstairs. Sean was already getting the kids lunch: sandwiches and chips. It was an easy lunch, and I smiled as he set their plates in front of them.
“Afraid of poisoning them?” I asked playfully.
“You’re hilarious.” He rolled his eyes and then scanned my outfit. “Are you going out?”
“Yeah, I’m meeting Janie for lunch,” I said. “If that’s okay?”
“Of course, you don’t have to ask.” He laughed. “Remember, it’s your day off. You could drive to Denver if you wanted.”
“Not likely,” I said. “Just lunch.”
“Have fun,” he said.
Tommy and Sarah waved goodbye as I made my way toward the front door. I thought about driving to Sal’s, but the weather was so nice that I decided to walk. It was only fifteen minutes away, and I enjoyed the silence and the summer breeze.
It surprised me how much I was enjoying being alone. I’d had so much fun with the kids lately that I never imagined taking a day for myself, but Sean was right. I really did need it. I leaned my head back and let the wind whip through my hair. When I made it to Sal’s, Janie was already there, sitting in at our usual table.
She jumped up to hug me when I walked over to her. We sat down and ordered our food, Janie already having my drink ready and waiting for me. I grinned and took a sip as she talked my ear off about her date last night.
“He was okay,” she said with a shrug. “But nothing special. I mean, he’s cute, but he doesn’t make my heart race, you know? I need my heart to race.”
“I totally understand,” I said, thinking about Sean and smiling to myself.
“What was that?” Janie demanded, pointing at my face.
“What was what?” I asked innocently.
“That little smile,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “You were totally thinking about sex, weren’t you?”
“No,” I said firmly. “Not exactly.”
“Uh huh,” she said, not believing me. “Then what?”
“Just Sean.” I shrugged. “I was just thinking about Sean.”
“What about him?” Janie asked, leaning across the table.
Our food arrived so I didn’t get a chance to answer. We ate and chatted about nothing important while my mind stayed focused on Sean. I wondered what he was doing, if the kids were fighting, or if they were giving him some peace and quiet so he could write. I knew they weren’t. They never did unless I distracted them. Still, I imagined he was having fun playing with them. It was rare that he got them all to himself anymore.
“You’re still thinking about him,” Janie said wisely. “Aren’t you?”
“I can’t help it,” I said with a sigh. “He’s amazing, Janie. I can’t even begin to tell you how wonderful he’s been lately. I mean, just today, he insisted I take the day off because I work too hard. He told the kids not to wake me up this morning because he wanted to let me sleep in. He even tried to cook me breakfast, which was terrible, because he can’t cook, but still, how sweet is that? I mean, he’s just so caring and considerate. I’ve never known anyone who was like that.”
“Sounds like a dream come true,” Janie said. “But he is right. You do need a day off every once in a while. Watching those kids is your job, not your life.”
“I know,” I said. “But I love it. I really do. Tommy is reading so well now. He’s sped through the last two books I bought him, and he’s halfway through the third. He’ll be way ahead of the other kids when school starts back up. And Sarah, she’s a little nervous to start kindergarten, but I know she’s ready. She’s so smart and spunky, Janie. God, you would love her. Sometimes her little attitude reminds me of you.”
“How?” Janie laughed. “I have
the attitude of a five-year-old?”
“No,” I said, shaking my head. “She has the attitude of a someone five times her age. She’s strong and brilliant, and she knows exactly what she wants. She picks fights with Tommy when she’s bored because she just can’t sit still. It’s all because she’s so smart that she doesn’t know what to do with herself. They’re both such amazing kids, Janie.”
“So, what about your goal to focus on opening your own daycare? What’s happening with that?”
“That hasn’t changed. It’s still in my plan. I just don’t have any idea how I’ll make it work, and for not I’ve got to get myself out of all the school debt.”
“Well I’m happy to see you so cheerful. I’ve never seen you like this about a job,” Janie said.
“Because it’s not just a job,” I said. “And it’s not just the kids. Sean makes it all worth it, too, you know? He’s the best dad I know. I mean, after his wife died, he just took over everything for them. He takes care of them so well. Even when he was dark and moody toward everyone, he was never distant with them. They’re his entire world. It’s amazing.”
“Are you guys still sleeping together?” she asked.
“Yes,” I said. “But it’s not just that, Janie. I swear. He’s so nice, and I really like him. I mean, the sex is unbelievable. There’s never a night when I don’t go to bed completely satisfied, but I’m just as excited to see him in the morning, you know? It’s like I can’t get enough of being around him or the kids.”
“Sounds like you’re in love,” Janie said with a knowing smile.
“What?” I scoffed. “No. We don’t even know each other that well yet. I’m not in love with him. Not yet anyway.”
“You are,” Janie said with confidence. “I can see it.”
I just shook my head and took another bite of my food. Janie’s confidence meant nothing because I knew myself better. There was no way I was in love with Sean Evans after just a few weeks of knowing him. Him and his kids barely moved to town. Sean and I just started sleeping together. I liked him a lot, but this wasn’t love. Not yet. It couldn’t be, could it?