by Karen Clarke
The sound of a revving engine jumped us back to reality. Nathan let go and stepped back unsteadily, a clash of emotions on his face. His hair was more tangled than ever, where I’d run my hands through it, and his lips were as swollen as mine felt.
‘I don’t…’
‘I’m sorry…’
We spoke at the same time in hoarse, bewildered voices.
‘I’m sorry, Meg.’ Nathan lifted his arm then let it drop. ‘I shouldn’t have done that.’
‘It’s OK. It’s fine, I…’ I was panting, and couldn’t speak properly. ‘I was overexcited about the bakery and got carried away. It was my fault. I’m the one who’s sorry.’
Except… I wasn’t. Oh god, why wasn’t I sorry? Because I’d just had the best kiss of my entire life that was why. I’d read about fireworks going off, and bodies ‘flooding with desire’, but I’d never felt it before. Ever. My first kiss with Sam had been chaste, the physical side of our relationship gradual. It had been nice – really nice – after the awkwardness of our first time, but even after we got back together, I’d never experienced anything close to the feelings my kiss with Nathan had just unleashed. Something in me felt different, as if a stone had been lifted and light was flowing in. Except… it couldn’t be real. I was confused, my emotions in disarray. The photo of Sam and George was still fresh in my mind, jostling with the realisation that I didn’t trust him. My feelings were all over the place, straining for release, and Nathan’s good news had been a catalyst. OK, so a victory dance, or a celebratory coffee would have been more appropriate, but Nathan was so attractive and thoughtful, and he’d been so pleased for me and… oh SHIT! This could not be happening.
‘I liked it,’ I blurted out.
‘Me too.’ Nathan’s smile was sad as he gently touched my arm. ‘But, we both know it can’t happen again.’
‘Of course it can’t.’ Every nerve-ending was alive to the feel of his fingers. ‘I honestly don’t know what just happened, it must be this hot weather. Maybe I’ve got heatstroke.’ I gave an odd cackle that was so unlike me, I nearly burst into tears. ‘So, what’s next?’ I blinked and thrust my hair back with both hands. ‘On the property front, I mean? Can I reopen right away?’ With difficulty, my mind returned to the bakery. ‘I can’t wait to tell Big Steve. He’s a baker I know. I’m going to offer him a job.’
Nathan pushed his hair sideways, only adding to its dishevelment. ‘I don’t see why you can’t reopen as soon as the paperwork’s signed.’ He paused. ‘I’ll be in touch if any problems arise, but I can’t see that they will.’
He was clearly making a big effort to be professional.
‘Great!’ I gave him my brightest smile. ‘That’s that then. Thanks again for letting me know.’ And for the magical, heart-stopping, world-shattering kiss.
He gave a small shrug, and I could see he was struggling to keep his own smile in place. ‘Happy to have been the messenger.’
‘I guess you’d better go and drag Charlie away from his new furry friend.’
Nathan nodded, and looked as if he wanted say something else. I held my breath, but he seemed to change his mind at the last second. ‘I’ll get him,’ he said, picking up his rucksack and hoisting it onto his shoulder. ‘You stay here, and take everything in properly.’ He meant, compose myself, and I knew I must look unbalanced. ‘Good luck, Meg.’
He lifted his hand in a farewell gesture, before turning and hurrying back the way we’d come, as if worried he might change his mind.
A sound broke free from my throat when he’d gone, and I looked around the car park as if I’d never seen it before. It was always full during the summer, as people visiting the cove tended to leave their cars there, but I immediately recognised a candy-pink Mini in a bay at the opposite end.
My heart gave a crazy thud.
It was Sadie, and she was staring right at me with a look in her eyes that could have burned through rock – and not the seaside variety.
Chapter Fourteen
‘Here’s to the reopening of the Old Bakery!’ Tilly and I chinked glasses with Cassie, and I tried my best to smile.
‘I can’t believe you’ll soon be in charge, selling your lovely cakes.’ Cassie took a big swallow of champagne and topped up her glass. ‘And I can’t believe Bill actually had some champagne in this dive.’ It was just after six, and we were celebrating my news in the garden of the Smugglers Inn. ‘I knew going on that show would pay off in the end.’
Tilly opened her packet of crisps and flicked a fly off the table. ‘Is that why Gwen looked angrier than usual when I got my walkers back to the café?’
‘Believe it or not, she was happy for me,’ I said. ‘Even when I told her I’d be leaving at the end of the week.’ By the time I’d gathered my wits after watching Sadie drive off, Nathan and Charlie had gone, and I’d explained my agitation to Gwen as being the result of Nathan’s good news.
‘Halle-bleedin-lujah,’ she’d said, when I’d explained about the anonymous buyer, giving me a great whack on the back. ‘Good on yer, girl. As long as you promise to still make us a cake of the day.’ I’d promised I would, mustering a smile when she’d added, ‘Ain’t that little boy nice, for a kid? His uncle seems like a decent sort as well.’
I started when Tilly spoke. ‘So, you’ve no idea who this mystery buyer is?’
‘Apparently, it’s common to remain anonymous if you don’t want your name in the public domain.’ I was parroting what I’d read, after looking it up on my phone when Gwen had asked the same question. ‘He could be a philanthropist who doesn’t want the limelight, or own a string of lap-dance clubs he doesn’t want people to know about, or be doing it secretly for tax reasons.’ I fervently hoped he was a philanthropist.
‘He could be a weirdo millionaire who’ll turn up at the bakery one day and demand you repay him in kind,’ said Tilly, her eyes flashing with mischief. ‘He’ll lock you in the kitchen and demand you cover him in whipped cream and raspberries.’
‘Gross,’ said Cassie. Her brow furrowed. ‘Tilly’s got a point, though.’
‘It’s fine,’ I said. ‘Nathan’s checked it out, and it’s all above board. Solicitors won’t deal with anyone dodgy in case it backfires on them.’ I felt my face go hot as I said Nathan’s name, but they didn’t seem to notice.
‘It could be someone you know.’ Tilly straightened. ‘It might be my dad,’ she said. Her dad was an award-winning architect and had never been short of money, even before he started winning awards. ‘It’s the sort of thing he’d do, and not shout about it.’ She wriggled her phone out of her jeans pocket. ‘I’ll message him.’
As she typed, I tried to banish an image of Sadie, flinging her car out of the car park before I could even attempt to explain what she’d seen. Not that there was an acceptable explanation.
Did Sam already know?
I briefly considered telling Cassie and Tilly what had happened, but couldn’t face it. I desperately needed to order my thoughts, but they kept springing about like a basket of unruly puppies, and I wasn’t ready to announce something life-changing like calling off my wedding.
Tilly’s phone pinged. ‘It’s not Dad,’ she said, scanning the message. ‘He says he wishes he’d thought of it, though.’
‘It wouldn’t be my dad,’ said Cassie. ‘Now they’re paying Gwen to manage the café for them, they wouldn’t be able to afford it.’ She helped herself to one of Tilly’s crisps. ‘It’s hard work, you know. Running a business.’
‘But I know I can handle it,’ I said. ‘It’s not like I’ll be doing anything very different to when I worked there before.’
‘You’ll need an assistant.’ Tilly jammed a crisp in her mouth. ‘You can’t be in the kitchen baking, and in the shop.’
‘I was thinking of asking Kath. Discount Clothing closed last month, so she’s out of a job.’
‘Discount Clothing’s a terrible name,’ said Cassie. ‘No wonder they closed down.’
‘What about bread?’ Tilly pulled a fa
ce. ‘You’re rubbish at baking bread, but the bakery’s always sold bread. People expect to buy bread from a bakery.’
‘Stop saying bread,’ I said, fixing my mind on the bakery. ‘I’m going to ask Big Steve.’
Cassie’s eyebrows lifted. ‘Big Steve, the butcher’s son?’
I nodded. ‘He hates working at that Tesco’s in Newton Abbot and he’ll be right next door, so the early starts won’t be a problem.’ I smiled, imagining his reaction. ‘I won’t even need to go in too early, so Sam can’t quibble about that.’
I’d said it automatically, as though everything was normal between us, and Tilly pounced on the words.
‘Do you think he will? Quibble, I mean.’
I doubt it, I nearly said. He probably wouldn’t even notice I’m gone.
Luckily, Cassie was speaking now. ‘Are you going to have your name above the door? Danny could paint a sign for you.’ Signwriting was one of Danny’s many skills.
‘I’m not sure I’m allowed to, but I’ll check,’ I said, then realised I was thinking of an excuse to call Nathan and mentally kicked myself. I’d managed not to think about the kiss for seconds at a time, but it kept on creeping in.
I trained my gaze on a couple at the next table, holding hands and scrolling through photos on their phones. They were clearly in love, and I tried to remember whether Sam and I had ever sat close together like that, heads touching, even in the early days.
‘Do you feel like fireworks are going off when you and Danny kiss?’ I said to Cassie, before I could stop myself.
She dropped the crisp she’d been about to put in her mouth. ‘Meg!’ She laughed, her cheeks turning pink. ‘Where did that come from?’
‘Just wondered,’ I said, feeling silly.
‘Answer her,’ ordered Tilly. ‘Do you go all tingly and hear a chorus of bluebirds when your lips meet?’
‘Ew!’ Cassie threw the crisp at her. ‘As it happens, it does feel a bit like that, yes.’ Her colour deepened. ‘It’s early days though,’ she said. ‘I’m sure we won’t feel as strongly in fifteen years’ time, if that’s what you’re worried about.’
‘I’m not.’ I twisted my engagement ring round. ‘It’s just…’ It wasn’t ever like that with Sam.
‘Are you OK?’ She looked at me more closely. ‘Has something happened?’
Everything. ‘No, no, it’s just…’ I couldn’t meet her eyes. ‘Sam’s away and I haven’t told him my news yet.’ It struck me as another bad sign that I hadn’t even thought about his reaction, and it hadn’t occurred to me to discuss it with him.
‘He’ll be at a hotel tonight though, surely you can call him then,’ said Tilly, and I realised Cassie must not have told her about my little meltdown the morning Sam had left. ‘Or is he like De Niro and has to stay in character, even when he’s not cycling to Timbuctoo?’
‘He’ll have dinner with the group when they get to Burgundy,’ I said, not rising to Tilly’s bait. I’d already checked Sam’s itinerary to see where he was going to be. ‘I’ll tell him then.’
‘He’ll be so excited for you,’ said Cassie. ‘I bet your mum is too.’
Tilly ran a finger around the rim of her glass. ‘I think your mum would prefer you to be barefoot and pregnant.’
‘Of course she wouldn’t.’ Cassie aimed a slap at Tilly’s shoulder. ‘Rose knows how much Meg’s always wanted this.’
Cassie didn’t get that not all parents – or boyfriends – were as supportive as hers.
‘Actually, Mum was quite pleased when the bakery closed, because it meant I got to spend more time at home.’ I noticed a faint lipstick smudge on my glass that wasn’t mine, and pushed it away. ‘I think she wants me to have the family she always dreamed of having.’
‘That’s not fair of her.’ Tilly rested her elbows on the table. ‘She could have had that life, if she’d wanted. She could have remarried and had more kids.’
‘I think she could be seeing someone.’ I told them what Kath had said that morning, omitting the bit about Mum’s ‘area’ rusting over.
‘Well, it’s about time.’ Tilly gave an approving nod. ‘I know she’s had her problems, from what you’ve said, but she’s still an attractive woman. She could end up being a stepmother. Or, he might have grandkids already.’ She raised her glass in a toast. ‘That would take some of the pressure off you.’
I couldn’t picture Mum with stepchildren. I might have longed for siblings when I was younger, and it might have been easier sometimes with a brother or sister to help when she became agoraphobic, but I’d got used to having her to myself. I couldn’t even imagine her with a man.
‘I’ll pop round and see her in the morning.’
‘Maybe text her first,’ said Cassie. ‘Give her a chance to get used to the idea.’
‘What, of Meg popping round to see her?’
‘Idiot.’ Cassie grinned at Tilly. ‘To Meg reopening the bakery.’
Her words sent a little thrill of excitement running through me. I got my phone out of my bag and texted:
Guess what Mum? The bakery’s mine! Anonymous buyer. Hope you’re feeling better, see you in the morning xx
Cassie was right, it was better to give her a heads-up.
To my surprise, a reply came through straight away.
Oh Meg, that’s wonderful! I’m so proud of you, you deserve this! You’ll do an amazing job, well done! XX PS don’t come round tomorrow, still got a chesty cough, and you’re going to need all your strength for your new job xx
‘Weird,’ I said.
‘What’s that?’ Cassie strained to look at the screen.
‘She sounds really pleased for me.’
‘Told you!’ She flourished her glass. ‘Mums can’t help being proud, it’s in their nature.’
‘Even if you murder someone?’ said Tilly.
Cassie giggled. ‘OK, maybe not that.’
‘It just doesn’t sound like Mum.’ I reread the message. ‘It’s a bit flowery.’
‘Either she’s fallen in love, or she’s been at the Night Nurse,’ said Tilly. ‘Didn’t you say she’s got the flu?’
‘She’s had Night Nurse before; it tends to knock her out. She wouldn’t be looking at her phone never mind typing messages.’
‘Must be love then,’ said Tilly. ‘Not that I’d know about that.’ She indicated her empty glass. ‘Shall we get more drinks and make an evening of it, if you’ve no Sam to go home to? It’s board games night. We could thrash each other at Monopoly.’
‘I’m in,’ said Cassie. ‘I’ve finished my latest commission, and Danny’s round at Rob and Emma’s, painting a mural in the nursery.’ Rob was Cassie’s brother and about to become a dad. ‘I’ve done enough painting for one day, so left him to it.’
I was about to agree, when I glanced at my phone and saw that I’d had a missed call. Beverley. ‘Oh, dammit.’
‘What’s up?’ said Tilly.
‘I’d completely forgotten.’ I got up and grabbed my bag, almost wishing I’d drunk all my champagne so I’d have an excuse not to drive. ‘I’m supposed to be talking wedding dresses tonight, with my future mother-in-law.’
Chapter Fifteen
As I pulled up outside the Ryans’ it struck me that Beverley might have been calling because Sadie had told her about Nathan, and I wondered if I could justify it by telling them that Sam and I were on a Friends-style break. But, with the wedding approaching, Beverley wouldn’t buy it. She’d be livid, and I couldn’t risk her calling Sam to find out what was going on before I’d had a chance to speak to him.
I switched off the engine, feeling sick. I hadn’t eaten since my toast at breakfast, which seemed forever ago. So much had happened since then, I felt like a whole new person. One who could survive hours without carbs, and kissed other men. Argh! How was I supposed to explain to Beverley why I’d been kissing a man who wasn’t her son? Could I get away with blaming it on being excited about the bakery and play the whole thing down? How much had Sadie actually
seen from where she’d been sitting? The kiss hadn’t lasted long. But there’d been tugging, and pressing, and hair mussing and… The point was, it clearly hadn’t been a peck on the cheek in a moment of gratitude.
I sat for a moment, trying to think. Outside, evening sunshine glimmered through the leaves of the tree outside the house, and birdsong floated through the window. I’d sat outside Sam’s family home so many times before. After I passed my driving test, I’d turned up in my new car as a surprise and could still remember Sam’s look of astonishment when he saw me from his bedroom window, before he ran out to leap in the passenger seat. I’d driven us to Seashell Cove, while he pretended to be terrified and carsick. At least, I’d thought he’d been pretending. And the night we’d babysat three-year old Sadie, and I’d sat in the back of the police car shaking with fear while the police had searched the house, and a white-faced Sam had held my hand, and promised they’d find her soon.
I dropped my face into my hands. How had it come to this? Sam a million miles away, enjoying another woman’s company, and me throwing myself at Nathan.
A rap on the car door made me screech with fear, and I looked up to see Beverley’s heavily made up face looming at me in the open window.
‘What are you doing out here?’ She reeked of wine, and her lips were stained a reddish purple. ‘Thought you were crying for a sec.’
She’d been drinking. She definitely knew. I might as well face up to her wrath, and get it over with, and then call Sam. Clearly, this couldn’t wait until he got home.
I attempted to open the door, but Beverley was in the way. ‘C’mon, sweetie.’ She pawed my shoulder with chubby fingers. ‘Got some material I think you’ll like. It’s pink, but not a horrid pink, it’s very, very pale, almost not pink at all, and I think it’ll look perfect with your hair, if you tie it up so it’s not all hanging around your lovely face. Your hair, not the fabric, hahahahaha.’
She didn’t know. She couldn’t, or she wouldn’t be babbling about dress fabric, and fingering my hair. Pink dress fabric. Pink, but not pink. Who got married in ‘not pink’?