by Joy Redmond
Grandpa pulled the car up to the curb, and then Grandma helped Ali carry the sack of groceries to the front porch. She lightly hugged Ali and said, “We’ll see you next Saturday, and if Jane will allow it, we’d like you to spend the night with us and go to church on Sunday.”
Ali had a nervous feeling in her stomach as she said, “I’ll ask her. Bye.”
Then she picked up the grocery sack and hurried inside, where she watched through the curtains as her grandparents drove away. A few moments later, Jane came into the front room, took the sack from Ali’s arms, and carried the groceries into the kitchen, where she went through the sack like a child looking for candy.
Ali said, “I told them I wanted some bacon to go with the eggs, but Grandma said eating pork was a sin and that I shouldn’t eat it. Grandpa’s face got so red that I thought the top of his head would blow off. But we did get some chicken and fish.”
Jane didn’t answer. She just put the groceries in the cupboard and refrigerator, her face angry and her eyes looking as if flames were about to shoot out. Ali didn’t say another word as she opened a can of tuna and fed half of it to Mr. Puss, then put the rest in the fridge.
Later that evening, Ali finally gathered the courage to talk with Jane before she was too drunk. “Grandpa and Grandma want me to go to church with them, if it’s alright with you.”
Jane smiled and said, “Honey, I won’t ever say you can’t go to church, but I won’t ever tell you that you have to go, either. That’s something you have to make up your own mind about. If you wanna go with them and see what church is like, then you can go.”
Knowing she was pushing her luck, Ali asked, “Why don’t you go to church?”
Jane laughed heartily and replied, “I had enough church to last me for a lifetime when I was living at home. I don’t like churches or preachers. I do believe in God and angels, and I believe there’s a heaven that has beautiful mansions. I also believe in prayer, though I haven’t prayed in years.” She was silent for a moment, and then said softly, “None of my prayers have ever been answered, so I just stopped asking God for anything.”
Ali asked, “How do you pray?”
“You just close your eyes and talk to God, just like you talk to anyone else,” Jane replied. “You thank Him for things and ask for things, and then you just hope for the best.”
“I believe in angels, too,” Ali said. “I’ve seen them in my room at night when I’m scared or when I know you’re having fun and I can’t come out—”
Jane patted Ali’s arm and said, “Well, if you say you see them, I won’t argue with you. I guess maybe they know they have to take care of you when I’m busy.”
Jane then got up from the rocker and went in search of a bottle. When she returned with a pint in her right hand, Ali said, “I don’t think I want to spend the night with Grandpa and Grandma. I’ve never spent the night away from you and I might be scared. I also don’t think I want to go to church with Grandpa and Grandma, either.”
Jane said, “Then you don’t have to.”
“But I don’t wanna hurt their feelings. What should I say?” Ali asked, knowing she had to talk fast before Jane got too drunk to respond.
Jane said, “Well, you could tell them that I said you can’t go!”
Ali’s eyes widened. “But that would be a lie.”
Jane threw her head back and laughed. “Honey, I learned to lie my ass off many years ago. It’s the only way to survive your grandparents. You’ll learn that too. If you don’t say exactly what they want to hear and do exactly what they want, there won’t be any more clothes, shoes, groceries, or anything else. They won’t even talk to you—just like they won’t talk to me.” Jane then tipped the pint up, took a long swig, then spat, “Those self-righteous asses!”
Ali picked up Mr. Puss and said, “Okay. I’m gonna go see Toots.”
As Ali turned to leave, Jane grabbed the hem of her dress said, “Hold on there, missy. How did your grandma greet you the first Saturday when she walked up on the porch?”
“Well, she hugged me and told me she was my grandma.”
“Did she? And how did she hug you?”
“Like this,” Ali said as she lightly put her arms around Jane and barely tapped her fingers on her back.
“Well, that’s as good as you’ll ever get from that cold woman,” Jane said, shaking her head. “So how did your grandpa greet you that first Saturday?”
“Well, he smiled and said it was good to see me.”
“Did he?” Jane said with a knowing nod. “And has he smiled at you since?”
“I can’t rightly say he has. He doesn’t seem like the smiling kind.”
“Well, that’s as good as you’ll get from that cold man, too,” Jane said firmly. “And how did July greet you?”
“Well, she patted my head and said she was glad to see me again. When I left she patted my hand.”
“And that’s the best you’ll ever get from that old spinster, too.”
“Well, the way I see it, that’s good enough. I’m just glad I have grandparents who come see me on Saturdays, buy us food, and let me visit my aunt,” said Ali. “I like having a family.”
Tears welled in Jane’s eyes as she said, “Well, if you’re happy, that’s what counts. I guess I made the right decision when I wrote and told them they could see you. I agonized over it a long time.”
“You did the right thing. Jane,” Ali said softly, “and I thank you for it.”
“You’re welcome, my little girl. As time goes by, your feelings might change, but I won’t say anything more about it.”
Jane drained the pint and then threw it across the room, where it landed on the bed. “Did they tell you what a sinful mother you have? Did they tell you I was going straight to hell?” Before Ali could answer, Jane spat, “Well, they can go straight to hell themselves!”
Bracing herself, Ali looked at Jane and said, “Today I heard Aunt July say she’d give you a lot of money if you’d let her have me.”
Jane looked surprised for a moment, then laughed sarcastically and said, “That old crone still thinks she can buy you? She tried that when you were only a month old. Do you wanna hear about it?” Without replying, Ali sat on the floor and stroked Mr. Puss as she waited to hear the story, but Jane just waved her hand and said, “Never mind. You’re too young to hear about all that. I’ll tell you in a few years.”
Still stroking Mr. Puss, Ali said, “Aunt July sure has a pretty house. Is she rich?”
Jane snorted in derision. “No, she ain’t rich. I’ll tell you how she came to have that pretty house. When July turned eighteen, she took a job as housekeeper, cook, laundry maid, and chauffeur for an old couple in exchange for free room and board and a small salary. She spent twelve years with them. They had no children of their own and they loved July like a daughter—and I suppose she loved them, too.
“When they died, they left her the house, all the contents, and the car, and although she never admitted it, I know they left her a nice bank account, too.”
Ali wondered how much of what Jane was telling her was the truth. “Aunt July said you didn’t want me because I tied you down. I think that’s why she wants to buy me.”
Jane grimaced as she said, “Ali, if I hadn’t wanted you, I would have left you in Arkansas when you were born—but I did want you, and still do. How dare that spiteful witch tell you such a thing?”
Ali swallowed hard and said, “She didn’t tell me. I heard her telling Grandma and Grandpa about it when I was out on the front porch. They didn’t know I could hear them.”
Jane said, “Oh, you have a lot in store, my little girl. You’re gonna hear a lot of crap from them, but I’ll keep my mouth shut and let you figure it out as time goes by.”
When it seemed as if Jane was done talking, Ali stood and said, “Okay. Can I go see Toots now?”
“Yeah, go on, but be home before dark.”
Ali hurried to the front door, hoping she could make it outsi
de before Jane called her back.
Ali ran all the way to Toots’ house. Toots opened the front door just as Ali was coming up the steps, saying, “Come on in and tell me what you did today. What did your grandparents buy you?”
Ali told Toots about her visit with Aunt July, the pretty house, the car, the bathtub, and the meatloaf sandwich. Finally, she finished by saying, “Aunt July said she’d give Jane a lot of money for me. I think she’s rich.”
Wide-eyed, Toots said, “I don’t care how rich she is. I don’t want her to buy you. I wouldn’t ever get to see you again, and you’re the only friend I have. Please tell Jane not to sell you.”
Ali gently patted Toots on the arm and said, “Jane said they can all go to hell. She would never sell me, so don’t worry. I’ll always be around, and I’ll always be your friend.”
As the two girls hugged, Ali hoped she was right.
* * *
For the next two years, Ali went shopping with Grandpa and Grandma and they bought clothes and shoes for each new school year. Most Saturdays they visited Aunt July, and one Saturday Ali asked if she could take a bath in the tub. Aunt July seemed delighted as she ran the water and poured in sweet-smelling bath salts.
“There you go, honey. Enjoy it,” Aunt July said as she was closing the bathroom door.
Ali took off her clothes and stepped into the tub. She lay on her stomach, propelled her arms, kicked her feet, and pretended she was swimming. She never wanted to get out of the tub, but before long Aunt July opened the bathroom door and said, “You need to get out now. Ma and Pa are ready to take you home.”
Ali dried herself off with a wonderfully soft towel, then put on her clothes as quickly as she could. She didn’t want Grandpa to get in a huff while having to wait for her. Her grandparents were in the front yard by the time she hurried outside.
As Aunt July was saying her goodbyes, she saw Ali looking at the flowers in the yard. She smiled and said, “I’ll give you some tulip bulbs if you’d like. You can take them home, dig holes three inches deep and six inches apart, then put the bulbs in and cover them, and next spring you’ll have tulips of your own.”
“No kidding sure enough?” Ali exclaimed. “I’ve always wanted flowers in our yard, but how could I dig the holes?”
Aunt July said, “I suppose you don’t have a hoe or shovel, but that’s okay. You could just use a strong stick to dig small trenches and use your hands to cover the bulbs. They’ll still take root and grow.”
Ali waited anxiously as Aunt July went to the garage and returned with a small bag of bulbs.
“I’ll have my friend Toots help me,” Ali said happily as Aunt July handed her the bag. “Then we’ll have beautiful flowers like yours next spring. Thank you, Aunt July.”
“You’re very welcome,” Aunt July replied. “Just plant them like I said.”
“Well, we need to get on our way,” Grandpa said, turning toward the car.
One Saturday, Ali was allowed to see Aunt July’s sewing room. It was off of her bedroom and looked like a large closet with beautiful gowns hanging on racks. Ali ran her hands up and down the beautiful dresses and her eight-year-old mind dreamed of owning one of her own some day.
“Where do you wear these beautiful gowns, Aunt July?” Ali asked.
“Oh, honey, I don’t wear them. I take in sewing and I make gowns for wealthy people to wear to parties,” Aunt July said. “I also make a lot of them for young girls to wear on prom night. I make pretty good money working right out of my own home.”
Ali’s eyes were fixated on a baby-blue dress with tiny beads sewn into the ruffles. “I love this one,” she said. “Could you make one like this for me when I’m big enough to wear it?”
Aunt July sighed and replied, “I have to go by the wishes of my clients, but I’d never make you a backless dress or one that was cut low in the front. I’ll be happy to make you one with sleeves and a high neck when you’re older, though. Only tramps wear the kind of dress you’re looking at.”
Ali couldn’t understand how such a beautiful dress would make someone look like a tramp. She was beginning to understand why Jane called her parents and sister self-righteous asses.
* * *
Two more years passed, and Ali learned to lie just as Jane had predicted. It was the only way to keep the peace and to ensure that she’d get the necessities that only her grandparents could give her.
Mr. Puss was Ali’s constant companion and she clung to him for strength as Jane drank more, men callers came more often, and her grandparents and aunt continued to confuse her.
Ali still thought it was nice having a family and she loved them, but they were all strange, and at times she wondered if she’d ever understand them. They were so different from Jane. She also wondered at times if Jane was really the daughter and sister of people who were so different. Maybe they had found Jane in a box and took her home with them.
Chapter Three
By age ten, Ali had figured out why Jane had men callers. It was the only way she could pay the rent, keep the lights on, and buy whiskey and cigarettes. But lately there hadn’t seemed to be as many men callers, and Bubba was spending more time with Jane. Some days he would come in early afternoon and he’d always bring a bag of hamburgers and three boxes of French fries. He even bought expensive canned cat food for Mr. Puss. All in all, Ali thought Bubba was an okay guy.
Jane also didn’t seem to cry as much as she used to, but she and Bubba still got drunk at night and Jane would invariably start calling Bubba names because he wouldn’t leave his wife. Bubba always had a reason for not leaving his wife, but he kept promising that the day would come when he’d get a divorce.
Jane would then call him a liar and slap him, but Bubba never hit Jane. He just grabbed the bottle he had brought and promptly left the house. After he had gone, Jane would throw things as she cussed and began tearing the house apart as she looked for a hidden bottle.
To calm Jane down, Ali would find one, but she often wondered why Jane couldn’t remember where she’d hidden her own bottles—or why she even bothered to hide them. It wasn’t as if she was trying to keep her drinking a secret from her daughter.
One night, Jane was in a rage because Bubba hadn’t shown up. Ali hurried into the kitchen, opened the cabinet under the sink, dug through the paper sacks, and found a half pint under an old dish towel. Then she hurried back into the living room. “Here, Jane,” Ali said, holding out the bottle.
“Thank you, honey. My nerves are on edge tonight and I really need this. Thanks for taking care of me,” Jane said as she wiped her tear-stained cheek, unscrewed the cap, and took a long swig. Then she added, “Ah, that hit the right nerve. How did you find it so fast?”
“I watch you hide them,” Ali replied. “I don’t know why you do it though. I don’t want any of that nasty stuff.”
Jane laughed and said, “Well, I don’t hide them from you. I hide them so my men friends won’t find them. Some of them are too cheap to buy a bottle because they think they can help themselves to mine.” She took another swig, wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, and said, “Well, honey, it don’t work like that. The cheap bastards better be buying for me, not taking from me. You can’t trust men. You remember that!”
Ali mumbled, “I’ll remember a lot of things about men. You’ve taught me good, Jane.” She scooped Mr. Puss into her arms and went to her bedroom, where she sat on the edge of the bed. Stroking Mr. Puss, she closed her eyes, and said, “Dear Mr. God. I really don’t know how to pray, but Jane said I can talk to you like I do with anyone else.”
Mr. Puss meowed as if urging Ali to continue.
“So I just want to thank you for the hamburgers and fries that Bubba brings, the good stuff he buys for Mr. Puss, and for—well, I can’t think of anything else right now. But since I thanked you, I guess I can ask you for something now.” She took a deep breath, wiped away a tear, and continued, “Please make Jane stop drinking and being mean to me and Bubba—and make Bu
bba leave his wife so Jane can be happy. And while you’re at it, make the cheap men stop stealing Jane’s whiskey.”
She opened her eyes for a moment, then closed them again, and added, “I don’t know if I did this right, but I hope you heard me and will make my prayers come true. Yours truly, Ali Monroe—and I think I’m supposed to say amen. So, amen.”
Mr. Puss meowed again, as if he were saying, “Amen.”
The next morning, Mr. Puss pawed at Ali’s head to let her know he was ready to get up and use his doings-box. Jane usually slept late, so Ali tried to be quiet as she poured a bowl of Cheerios for breakfast. Mr. Puss liked Cheerios, too, so she hand-fed him a few.
By noon, Jane got out of bed and called, “Ali, honey, where are you?”
“In my bedroom, Jane. I’m reading to Mr. Puss. He likes nursery rhymes. His favorite is Puss in Boots.” Ali closed the book and picked up Mr. Puss, whispering, “Someday we’re going to have hundreds of books and I’ll read you a lot of stories. Maybe Grandma and Grandpa will buy us some.”
Then she wondered if her grandparents ever read anything besides the Bible. She never knew what she could say or what she could ask of them without receiving a sermon.
Jane called again sweetly, “Come into the kitchen and I’ll scramble us some eggs. I think we still have some bread for toast. It’s probably your lunch time.”
Ali and Mr. Puss sat at the kitchen table while Jane cooked. As Jane set the eggs and toast on the table, she smiled and said, “So, what are you and Toots going to do today? It’s hot out there and I want you to stay in the shade. You don’t want to get sunburned. It ruins your skin. You don’t want to grow up to look like July.” She threw her head back and laughed. “Then again, she was born ugly.”
“Toots can’t play with me today,” Ali replied. “She has to help her mom clean up the beauty shop. She says Nancy pays her a quarter for sweeping up all the hair.”
Jane nodded her head. “Nancy’s a hard worker. Wears me out just thinking about it.”