by Joy Redmond
Aunt July smiled, patted Ali’s hand gently and said, “I’ll help you pick them. I’d like to put some on her grave too.”
Ali’s voice lowered as she added, “I wanna thank you for being so nice to Mama Jane now that she’s dead. I wish you would have come by to see her before—”
As Ali’s sentence trailed off, Aunt July said softly, “I do too, child, but Ma and Pa would have been upset and I didn’t want to cross Pa.”
“I know,” Ali said, shaking her head sadly. “I want to take Mr. Puss with me, if that’s okay with you.”
“That’s fine,” Aunt July answered. “Most cats don’t like riding in cars, but then again, Mr. Puss isn’t like most cats, is he?”
“No, he’s not,” Ali said proudly.
Mr. Puss rode curled up in Ali’s lap as they made the trip across town. When they arrived, Aunt July took a deep breath as she turned off the ignition. Ali jumped out and ran to Toots, who was waiting on the front porch. The girls hugged, then Toots took Mr. Puss from Ali’s arms and stroked his fur.
Nancy came out of the house, her hands on her hips, looking as if she was ready to spar as Aunt July slowly got out of the car carrying a fruit jar containing a bouquet of flowers.
When Aunt July reached the porch, she looked up at Nancy and said, “I want to apologize for the way I acted when I came to pick up Ali the last time. I was distraught, but that’s no excuse. I hope you’ll forgive me.”
Nancy’s face softened as she invited Aunt July onto the porch. As the two women shook hands, Ali and Toots watched in amazement.
Then Aunt July said, “I’d like to put these flowers on Jane’s grave if it’s okay with you, Nancy.”
“I think that would be wonderful,” Nancy replied with a happy smile.
They walked around the house and Ali pointed out the grave next to the snowball bush. “She’s buried right here, see? I wrote her name on the marker.”
Aunt July knelt and placed the fruit jar next to the cross, whispering, “Rest in peace, little sister.” Wiping her tears, she stood and looked at Nancy. “Ali would like to spend some time with Toots while I run some errands, if that’s okay with you.”
Nancy responded, “She’s welcome to stay as long as she likes. Take your time.”
After Aunt July left, Ali and Toots walked down the sidewalk to where their old shack of a house had been. Ali gasped when she saw a man on a bulldozer pushing rubble and debris into a large hole.
“Oh, no!” she cried. “They’re running over me and Mama Jane’s tulips!”
Toots quickly grabbed Ali’s hand and said, “Come on. We don’t need to watch this.”
From that day on, Ali spent a few hours with Toots every Saturday while Aunt July shopped. Ali loved Saturdays, but she did not like Sundays when they went to church and then had dinner with her grandparents. After dinner there was nothing for Ali to do, and she missed Mr. Puss, who wasn’t allowed at her grandparents’ house. She had to sit and listen to endless discussions about all the sins in the world, and then it was nap time for the adults until it was time to go back to church at 6:00. After night church, they finally got to go home, but there was only time for a quick snack before bedtime.
One Sunday afternoon, Grandma was hunting for some spools of thread for Aunt July. Ali followed her into the sewing room which had been Mama Jane’s bedroom according to Aunt July. Ali pointed to a closet door and asked, “Is this the closet that you and Grandpa locked Mama Jane in the night she was supposed to meet my daddy?”
Grandma’s face turned white as chalk as she stammered, “Wh—what are you talking about?”
Ali said simply, “Mama Jane told me all about it.” Then she looked at Grandma and said, “I need to know who my daddy is. Do you know his name?”
Grandma appeared to be fighting tears as she replied, “That’s something I can’t talk about, and that’s that!”
As Grandma hurried out of the room, Ali stood looking at the closet door, wondering which slat Mama Jane had kicked out. She figured the door had been replaced. She opened the door and walked inside the small dark closet, trying to imagine her mother’s agony and rage at being locked inside.
* * *
By age twelve, Ali had become a good cook, seamstress, and gardener. The first two years with Aunt July had gone better than Ali expected. Her aunt did many things with her and taught her many things that she enjoyed doing. She even began to feel love for her aunt—mixed with resentment. Ali’s emotions were always on a rollercoaster.
Aunt July gave Ali a weekly allowance which she kept in an old thread spool box. Although she needed to spend some of it, she saved most of it, since it was getaway money. She had promised Mr. Puss that they would leave Morrisville after she graduated from high school, and she intended to keep that promise. She abided by Aunt July’s strict rules as well as she could, but she often had to bite her tongue for fear of being deprived of her visits with Toots and Nancy.
One Friday night, Ali was bored. She had just finished yet another book of the Bible, had no other books to read, and Aunt July was busy sewing.
Ali walked into Aunt July’s sewing room. Admiring the beautiful ball gowns, she saw a familiar blue dress with beaded ruffles.
“Aunt July, this dress has been here as long as I can remember,” Ali said. “How come the woman never came to get it? I think it’s the prettiest one you ever made. I just love it.”
Without turning to look, Aunt July replied, “Sometimes people just never come back. Maybe they don’t have the money to finish paying for a dress—I never know. It doesn’t happen often, but I always get a down payment, which pays for the material and trimmings, so even if they don’t come back, it doesn’t really cost me anything—except my time.”
Ali gently reached out and touched the dress. Someday I’m going to wear a dress just like this one, she promised to herself. Walking over to the sewing machine, she paused a moment, then asked, “Aunt July, why don’t you have a television set? Everybody has one nowadays.”
Without looking up from her work, Aunt July said, “Well, I never bought one because Pa says they only teach the evil ways of the world. The church teaches the same thing. I’ve never seen a television program myself, so I can’t offer an opinion, but I do know that Pa would have a fit if I ever got one, and the church sisters would shame me too.”
“Aunt July, I’ve watched television a million times at Toots’ house, and I’ve never once seen anything evil on it,” Ali protested. “Are you ever gonna grow a backbone and stand up to Grandpa? For that matter, I think your church sisters are just plain holier than thou, if you ask me.”
“Ali Monroe!” Aunt July snapped. “Don’t you ever talk to me about a backbone. I just know how to respect my parents and my church. Besides, I’ve been told a few things about the shows on television. They show women smoking, drinking, and wearing pants so tight that they look like they were melted onto them. It glorifies the weakness of the flesh and it’s against everything I believe in.”
Knowing better than to pursue the subject any further, Ali turned and went out onto the front porch where she sat holding Mr. Puss in her lap. “See what I mean?” she whispered to the cat. “Every time I start to feel any love for that woman, she says stupid crap like that. Evils of the flesh, my butt. She has no idea what I’ve already seen when it comes to the flesh—and it wasn’t evil. It was just being human, which she and my grandparents are not. They must have come from another planet. I can’t wait for the day when me and you can get away from her.”
Saturdays were the only days Ali felt as if she was a part of the real world. Nancy let Ali and Toots walk up town to buy a banana split at Woolworth’s and window shop. Ali looked at the jeans and shorts and dreamed of the day when she would be able to wear them.
“I won’t always be a homemade freak,” Ali told Toots as they looked at the mannequins. “Someday I’m going to wear tight sweaters that show off my boobs—which are growing, you know.”
To
ots giggled and said, “Mine are too, but one is bigger than the other one. I sure hope the smaller one catches up someday—and yours are bigger than mine. I also hope mine catch up with yours.”
“You won’t believe what Aunt July told me,” Ali confided. “She said that when she started growing boobs, Grandma put a binder on her chest so nobody would see them. She said it was really painful.”
Toots said, “I can’t believe that! How did they have room to grow?”
Ali giggled as she replied, “I don’t think they did, cuz she ain’t got much, but it sure didn’t stop Mama Jane’s. She had some big ones, and she was proud of showing them off.”
Toots laughed. “Yeah, I remember that.” Then she said solemnly, “Do you think Aunt July will make you put on a binder?”
Ali smiled and said, “No. She actually bought me a bra this week, but she cried when I put it on, saying I was developing too soon, and that boy trouble was gonna be on the way soon. I don’t know what growing boobs and boy trouble have to do with each other, but you know how silly she can be.”
“Yeah, she does have some strange ideas,” Toots agreed.
“You can say that twice and mean it. She’s just plain crazy, if you ask me,” Ali said with a sigh. “Of course, I’ll only wear my bra to school. On the weekends, I’ll just let them loose.” Pulling on her bulky blouse, she added, “As if anybody could see them in this big old thing. She makes them a size too big so my boobs won’t show—and she makes all my skirts full so nobody will see my butt.” Mocking Aunt July, she said haughtily, ‘A proper lady doesn’t show her shape.’”
Toots rolled her eyes and said, “I’m still trying to get over her telling you it was a curse when you started your period. Every woman has periods, and come to think of it, wasn’t it strange how we started our periods just two days apart? I guess we got cursed at about the same time. Where does she come up with all that stuff?”
“Where she always does—the Bible. She said that when Eve ate the forbidden fruit, God put a curse on her and she started bleeding every month after that,” Ali explained, sighing again.
“Well,” Toots said thoughtfully, “I guess when Adam ate the other half of that apple, God put a curse on him, too, making him grow balls that were full of sperm.”
“I suppose,” Ali agreed with a smile. “But the way I figure it, it wasn’t a curse. It was actually a blessing. After all, if Eve hadn’t started having periods and Adam hadn’t grown balls with sperm, me and you wouldn’t be here. As Mama Jane used to say, it’s all crap.”
Toots laughed and said, “Jane sure didn’t put any store in all that Bible stuff, did she? As for Aunt July, I think she’s a bit touched, but she does have some good points, I guess.”
“Yeah, she can be a witch sometimes,” Ali agreed, “but I guess I have to take it until I’m old enough to get away.”
“Well, next year we’ll be in seventh grade,” Toots said. “I bet all the boys will be crazy about you, being so pretty and all. I’m kinda plain, so they won’t even notice me.”
“Aw, Toots, you’re not that plain,” Ali countered. “At least you can dress like the other kids and Nancy keeps your hair styled. I bet she’ll let you wear makeup too. I’ve already been told there won’t be any face paint for me. Aunt July made me read about Jezebel. I swear, I get the Bible crammed down my throat so much, I wanna puke sometimes!”
“Stupid. Just plain stupid,” Toots said as they turned to leave. Then, after they’d taken a few steps, she stopped abruptly and said excitedly, “Oh, my gosh. I forgot to tell you the wonderful news. Mama and Frank are getting married in June, and they’ve been looking at a nice house only four blocks from where you live!”
Ali was so excited that she could barely breathe. “That’s fantastic! We can walk to each other’s houses again! We can see each other every day instead of only on Saturdays. Maybe Aunt July will even let me spend the night with you sometimes!”
“That’s what I’m planning on,” Toots agreed.
Ali’s face suddenly went white. “But what about Mama Jane? I won’t be able to visit her grave!”
Toots said, “We could dig up the can, pull up the cross and rebury her at our new house. I know Mama will help. She wouldn’t want to leave Jane, either.”
“Oh, thank heavens,” Ali said with relief. “I couldn’t bear the thought of not being able to visit her grave. Thanks, Toots.”
The day before the move, Ali, Toots, and Nancy dug up the coffee can, which was still in good condition, its lid still tight. Then they got into Nancy’s car and drove to the new house.
In the backyard, Ali said sadly, “There’s no snowball bush.”
“No,” Nancy said, “but over there in the corner is a beautiful lilac bush. I actually think she’ll like the smell of the lilacs better.”
Ali smiled and said, “I think you’re right. Mama Jane always loved lilacs.”
After Nancy dug a hole, Ali placed the can and covered it with the loose dirt. As she dusted her hands, she asked, “Do you think we need another funeral?”
Nance said, “I don’t think it’s necessary. We had one nice funeral, and that should be good enough.”
Ali said thoughtfully, “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Now I need to hammer the cross in the ground. Can I borrow the shovel?”
Nancy said, “How about if you hold it in place and I’ll bang it into the ground. A shovel isn’t as easy to pound with as a hammer.”
When they were done, Ali smiled and said happily, “This will be great! Now Mama Jane’s even closer to me. I can come see her every day!”
The day Toots moved into the neighborhood, Ali felt as if her heart might explode with joy. Toots was still her only real friend. The other girls made fun of her and acted as if they were too good for her kind, which made school a miserable place.
Another year slowly crawled by.
Chapter Seven
Ali was the happiest girl in the world the first time she donned her cheerleading outfit and ran across the gym floor with the other cheerleaders. She was the smallest of the girls, so she was on the top when they built a pyramid. Being at the top made her feel like the star of the group.
When the games were held during school hours, there was no problem with Aunt July, but when there were night games, Ali had to tell her aunt that she and Toots were doing homework at Toots’ house because Toots had a set of encyclopedias. Luckily for everyone, Aunt July bought her cover story.
One day Mr. Patrick decided to move a few students in the classroom. Ali was assigned to the desk next to his. She loved being close to him. He smelled yummy, and he often leaned in toward her, which made it hard to concentrate. Occasionally, when she glanced toward him, he would smile and wink. She didn’t understand the sensations she was experiencing, but she enjoyed them.
One day, as all the students were reading, Ali felt a hand slip under her arm, followed by a slight squeeze on her right boob. She jumped and Mr. Patrick’s hand quickly moved away. Her face turned red. This time it wasn’t just tingles that ran the length of her spine—she was also shocked. When she glanced his way, Mr. Patrick just smiled, rose from his seat, and started walking up and down the aisles as if nothing had happened.
A few minutes later, Mr. Patrick returned to the front of the room and began asking questions about the Magellan Strait, which they were supposed to have been reading about. Ali’s head was spinning and she couldn’t remember a thing about what she’d read.
The rest of the day passed slowly as Ali tried to make sense of the strange feelings that were coursing through her body. At home that afternoon, she nodded to Aunt July, picked up Mr. Puss, and headed straight to her room.
As she was sitting on the edge of the bed holding Mr. Puss in her lap, she saw Aunt July stick her head through the door and say cheerfully, “You’re sure in a hurry to hit the books this afternoon. I’m glad to see you’re trying hard to make those A’s.”
Ali continued to stroke Mr. Puss as she smile
d weakly in response. After Aunt July went to the kitchen to start supper, Ali opened the bottom drawer of her dresser and took out the pink diary Toots had given her for Christmas. She had written in it about changing clothes twice a day at Toots’ house, being elected a cheerleader, getting a lie past Aunt July about her after school activities, and how she was one of the most popular girls at school.
She could hear Aunt July rattling pots and pans, so she felt it was safe to begin writing about Mr. Patrick’s fondling of her breast and how it make her body tingle. She embellished the incident slightly, but what the heck. She was the only one who would ever read it. She locked the diary, put the key in her purse, and then opened her history textbook. Maybe she could make sense of it now.
She woke up Saturday morning and went through her regular routine of having breakfast with Aunt July, being questioned about her every move at school, her library job, followed by Bible questions. Ali still had to read one Bible book a week, and on Saturday mornings, she had to pass the Bible test or she wouldn’t be allowed to visit Toots. Between her schoolwork, the Bible quizzes, and the hormonal changes of her body, Ali sometimes wondered if she was going crazy.
After passing the Bible quiz, Ali said casually, “Aunt July, I started my period last night and I’m out of pads. I guess I can use a washcloth until me and Toots go uptown.” She paused, and then said, “Toots uses Tampons. She says they’re more comfortable than pads and she doesn’t have to worry about them showing through her jeans. I was wondering-”
Looking horrified, Aunt July cut Ali off in mid-sentence. “Young lady, don’t you even think about using Tampons. Using those things is the same as having sex. You won’t be a virgin, and no man wants to marry a woman who has been deflowered. Sometimes I think Toots is a bad influence on you—”
Ali quickly said, “Fine. I was just wondering. And since I’m not allowed to wear jeans you’re right. Nobody can even see a pad through a big skirt. Forget I mentioned it.” She pushed herself away from the table and hurried to the bathroom, where she stood in front of the mirror and whispered, “That is the craziest woman on earth. I should have known better than to ask a question about using something that pertains to my private. And I won’t be a virgin? I think it takes more than a Tampon to take away my virginity. If she keeps me away from Toots, I’ll kill myself.”