by Xavier Neal
“Pretty much.” Gianna tries to smile and I dip my lips to touch hers softly.
Our lips linger for a moment. Pulling away I state, “Baby I definitely wanna go slow. You deserve that. You deserve to know how beautiful you are outside of the bed. So from this point on, slow okay?”
“Okay,” she agrees with another peck on the lips.
“Good.” My eyes glance at the clock on the wall. “Shit. We need to get back.”
Gianna opens her mouth and I prepare myself for another argument. To my surprise she says, “I promised to get you back in time and I'm gonna keep that promise. Come on.”
She slips out of my grip and I go to grab my backpack not exactly sure how to feel. Any time I try to dodge Gianna and go the opposite way away from her, to step back and put distance between us, something is said or done to push us back together. Dad would call the two of us together fate. But that's one lesson I never understood. How could any two people be destined to be together? How could anything be destined to happen good or bad? It sucks because the only answer he ever gave me was to have faith. Apparently he thought that was enough. I'm wondering will I ever really think that's enough too.
Chapter 9
“Damn it!” I kick the side of my tire. “Damn it!”
I continue to stare at my car that for some God awful reason won’t start. Of course it won't start the day I get out of class early. No, because my life always needs some weird fucked up balance to it. Something slightly good happens so something extremely bad must happen next.
Frustrated I rub my brow unsure of how the hell I'm going to get to work or more importantly, get Mak home.
“Hey hot stuff.” Gianna leans her face out her window. “Problem?”
“That’s one way of putting it,” I let out a deep sigh. “My car won’t start.”
“Ot-oh.”
“And I have to be at work in a few minutes.”
“Want a ride?”
“I want a jump.”
“I’m all yours baby,” Gianna winks at me playfully.
Though the blue balls I've been rocking since the day she tried to give me a blow job would rather gladly take her up on her offer¸ I deny, “Not that kind. My car needs a jump.”
“Oh,” her voice dips slightly to disappointment. “Well I don’t have jumper cables right now. They’re somewhere in the garage, not really sure where and by the time I found them for you, you’d be late.”
“Damn it,” I grumble kicking the tire again.
“Calm down Incredible Hulk. Why don’t you just let me give you a ride now, and I’ll jump you when you get off?” My head tilts to the side as those words paint an image I wouldn't mind living in reality. She giggles and shakes her head, “Not that kind of jump.”
After a short chuckle I glance back at the car seat in my back seat. I hesitate, “Thanks Gianna, but—”
“Come on Connor. It’s just a ride to work. What’s the big deal?”
“I—”
“Come on. You trust me enough to take you to work right?”
With a heavy sigh, I nod, grab my backpack and unbuckle the car seat out as quickly as possible. During the process of me slipping the car seat in the back Gianna answers her cellphone buying me a few more minutes before I have to finally confess the secret I'd planned to keep sitting on for much longer. Once it's secured, I grab my work shirt and slide into the front seat.
“No mom. It's fine. I'll figure out something to do on my own for dinner again. It's really not a big deal.” Seeing me in the seat she rushes, “I gotta go. I'll see you and dad whenever. Bye.” I part my lips to say something, but she cuts me off before I have the chance. “Where to?”
“Go out, down Deer Chase and take a right at the second light,” I instruct ripping off my shirt to expose my hard earned but bruised abs.
“And what exactly do you think you’re doing?” her eyes try not to wander over my body, but fail miserably.
“Changing for work.”
“Oh,” the heavy sigh is coated in sexual frustration. I hide my smirk. At least we're both miserable even if it is what's for the best. “Abs like that look like someone photo-shopped them.”
Flattered I reply, “They're all mine baby.”
Gianna motions her fingers at the marks, “And the bruises? Where are they from?”
As my fingertips lightly graze the fading welt above my navel, I mentally relive my step father’s fists landing in my stomach.
Clearing my throat I shrug, “Nowhere.”
“And that one around your neck? That from nowhere too?” She points.
Unconsciously my hand shakes reaching for the area, “Yeah.”
“Connor--”
“Nope.” I stop the pity offer dead in its tracks. “Let it go.”
“But--”
“Let it go Gianna.”
In a huff, she turns where I tell her to and asks, “Where exactly do you work?”
“Voldour,” I fix the collar making sure not to touch the bruise again. “It’s a private preschool.”
“You work at preschool?” She tries to stifle her laugh. “Seriously?”
“Why is that funny?”
“You're an 18 year old guy who willingly works with children?”
“No. I’m the handyman. I fix most of the problems they have and if I can’t they hire someone who can. Do you have a problem with children?”
Gianna pauses at the stop sign. “No. One of the deals with completing my last rehab program was that I had to do volunteer work, so I helped out teaching dance to toddlers and preschoolers. It was actually kind of fun.”
A small surge goes through my body and for just a moment I feel relief. Maybe this whole thing won't be a giant disaster. Maybe it'll be a minor one.
“Do you have to work every day?”
“Every afternoon from when I get out of school until they close at 6:30. Sometimes I have to pull in an extra hour or so after they close. I work weekends when necessary. Lawn maintenance usually.”
“Not your typical after school job huh?”
“No. I make much more and don't have to flip burgers.”
She grins and asks, “Where to now Mr. Fix It?”
“You'll see the school up here on the right.”
Gianna continues down the road seeing the entrance from the parking lot by the school. Putting on her blinker she question, “What’s the car seat for? Did you take it home to fix it over night or something?”
Pressing my lips together, I reach for my ringing cell phone, which just so happens to be work, “Hello.”
Nelly softly asks, “Running a little late?”
“Yeah. Sorry. My car wouldn’t start. And I couldn’t find anyone to give me a jump. Thankfully my girlfriend could give me a ride.”
The word is out on the table before I've had time to mentally prepare myself. Shit. That wasn't...that wasn't supposed to come out like that. I don't even know if we're a couple. I mean, the kind of couple who should say they are a couple. I just...fuck. Why did I say that?
“Oh that’s okay,” Nelly sighs. “Glad you got a ride. I was just calling to let you know MaKayla has been complaining she doesn’t feel good since she woke up from her nap and acting a bit out of the ordinary. Clingier. So when you get here, if you want to check on her go right ahead. I won't be at front because we’re short-handed again today. Helping in infants.”
“I'll make sure to get back there immediately.”
“Are you close?”
“Very,” I smile.
“Hopefully, I’ll see you shortly then Connor,” she sighs and hangs up.
Once I’ve hung up Gianna ponders out loud, “Who was that?”
“The office. They know that due to school sometimes I’m late and just wondered was that the case. They’re really nice and understanding when it comes to my situation.”
“And what situation is that exactly?” she asks pulling up in front of the white brick building.
Dodging t
he question, I open my door, “I get off at 6:30, well, I mean I should. If anything changes, I'll give you call. Do you think you can be back here by then?”
“Totally. I have nothing else to do. Maybe I’ll just go down the road and do a little shopping. Oooo! Maybe I'll grab you a new pair of jeans. Like a pair that hugs your ass.”
With darted eyebrows I shake my head, “No. Don't do that.” Gianna giggles and I plant a quick kiss on her lips, slightly addicted to the action. “But have fun.”
“You have a good day,” she states before I close the door and rush off to work.
As soon as I’m clocked in Nelly hands me my list of duties for the day, “Didn't know you were that close. I was just about to step away.”
“Surprisingly not as late as I thought I was gonna be.”
“Just a minute,” she struggles to stand. I slide around the desk to help her up and she says, “I feel so bad for Mak. I went down there to give one of the girl's a bathroom break and she just didn't want me to go. Rough morning?”
Rough night is more like it. If my prick step father would've just left quietly last night I wouldn't have had to toss his ass in a fight in the middle of the night.
“A little. She really didn’t want to go to school today, but I told her if daddy has to go to school so does she.”
Nelly lets my hand go and points. “Well go make her feel better, before you get busy.”
I head down the hall until I reach the very end where I peek in on her class. Luckily for me she's easy to find. She’s sitting with a group of friends at a table full of crayons and coloring pages.
Watching, I give her a second to see if she’ll notice me before I walk in to see her. When she doesn’t, I open the door and wave to her favorite teacher, Ms. Nelson, who is hanging up art work around the room.
Instantly MaKayla looks up and yells, “Daddy!”
“Hi princess!” I swiftly swoop her into a big hug. “How are you?”
“I wanna go home,” she pouts in my arms, her head on my shoulder and her little pinky in her mouth.
“Not right now princess. At the end of the day like always,” I stroke her hair as I wave to a few of her friends, who are trying to get my attention.
“Now,” she whines, further evidence that the fight last night took a hard toll on her. Just a few more months before I can move us out. Move us far away from that bastard and my mother who can't seem to do the right thing for her son like I do the right thing for my daughter.
“No Mak. Later.”
“But daddy--”
“Daddy has to work Mak.”
Tears fill her eyes and she sniffles, “But daddy...”
My heart aches in my chest and I hold her closer. “I know princess. I'm sorry.”
“Are we still having ice cream?” Her small hand pulls at my collar.
“I don’t know baby. No promises, but I’ll try okay?”
Mak sniffles again, “Okay.”
“I need you to be a big girl for Daddy. You have a big job to do! What do I always say?”
“Learning is a big job and only Mak can do it!” She says excited.
“Exactly. Now, can I have a kiss before you go play with your friends?”
She places her tiny lips on my cheek, giggles, and slides down my body like a fire pole. “I love you.”
“I love you,” I coo back. “Be good for Ms. Nelson.”
Ms. Nelson walks over to us and leans her body against the teacher desk in the front of the classroom. While Kendall has always made a point to hit on me, Ms. Nelson has always tried to be a friend. A shoulder to lean on. An ear to vent to even though I refuse to bitch out loud about my problems. The gesture isn't lost on me. I just choose not to use it. “It’s been a rough day Connor. She’s just been crying a lot more than she ever has. I've actually held her a lot. She's not rocking a fever or anything.”
“She didn't sleep well last night. Usually when that happens she still wakes up ready to spend the day with you and just takes an extra hard nap, so I don't know what to say. You think I should be worried?”
Ms. Nelson offers me a soft smile. “Nah. Kids have good days and bad just like the rest of us. If this turns into an on-going thing we can talk about deeper issues, but in my opinion I think she just wants some daddy time.”
“I will make sure she has that tonight,” I assure. “Thanks Ms. Nelson.”
“Any time.”
“Stop it,” she gives me a playful flirt, a hair toss, and another smile.
After giving Mak another look as she colors the cow pink and purple, I say, “Well I’m heading out. Got work to do. You have a good afternoon Ms. Nelson.”
“You too,” she waves before rushing off to break up a fight between a pair of boys.
Fortunately for me when 6:30 rolls around I’ve finished and can pick up MaKayla on time rather than have her wander to the office to wait with Nelly.
“Daddy you're early!” Mak exclaims as I open her classroom door.
“No princess, just on time,” I reply grabbing her backpack.
Extending my hand for her to take I'm not shocked when she shakes her head. “No. Up daddy.”
“Mak...”
“Please,” she adds and lifts her arms in the air.
Before we leave her classroom where Ms. Nelson is stacking the last of the chairs, I pull Mak up and carry her out the door, thanking her teacher seconds before the door shuts. On our way towards the front, Kendall rounds the corner right into us.
“Connor!” Her voice is startled. “I'm surprised I actually caught you.”
I adjust Mak on my hip and say, “You did. Need something?”
“I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite, since we’re getting off at the same time and everything.”
“Uh...I'm flattered, seriously, but...”
“But what?”
“I can't. I...I have a girlfriend.”
“Oh! I didn’t know! I mean if I had I wouldn’t have asked you. I mean I—”
“I know. We just started dating and—”
“You don’t have to explain.” She puts her hands in the air. “Really I just—”
“I know.” The pause is long enough for the sentence to be concluded. “Sorry Kendall, but I--”
“Need to go.” She disappointedly nods. “Don't keep your girlfriend waiting. Have a good night.”
“You too,” I nod in return, turn to walk away, but decide to turn around. “Hey Kendall.”
“Yeah?” She turns around from going back to her classroom.
“Just know that I really like you as a person. You're something special,” I smile slightly, which makes her smile too.
Strolling away I let my attention turn to Mak who states, “Daddy has a girlfriend.”
Damn it. That's at least the second time today I didn't think that statement through.
“Baba daddy. I need Baba,” she whines as I approach the front desk area to clock out. Sitting her on the counter, I plop her backpack down beside her to dig out the bear.
Nelly's face leans towards her, “Did someone have a rough day?”
Handing Mak her bear she snuggles it close. She pokes her bottom lip out and turns to Nelly.
“Poor thing.” Nelly gives her back a soft stroke. “Was someone just a little sad all day?”
“I missed my daddy,” Mak whines and tugs for me to pick her back up. After clocking out, I zip the bag, and lift her back into my arms. Immediately her thumb goes into her mouth, “I need my daddy.”
“And now you have him,” Nelly sighs softly. “So all better?”
After giving her a nod, she slides her thumb back out. “Can we get ice cream now daddy?”
“Mak, Daddy’s car is broken, so I—”
“But daddy!” she screams, the making of a tantrum clear as day. I really don't need that today. Then again. I don't ever really need a tantrum in my life.
“Mak--”
“But daddy!” She starts crying burying her fac
e on my chest.
“Night Nelly,” I mouth while her tears get louder.
Through muffled bawling she continues demanding ice cream and cuddles, the combination of demands so heartbreaking it feels like she's reaching in my chest and twisting sharply. With both my arms cradling her close, I continue on my path to Gianna’s car where she’s leaning against the driver's side door.
Puzzled she raises an eyebrow. “Yeah, I don’t think you’re supposed to take them home…That’s called kidnapping. And I like you Connor. I do. But I'm not sure a Bonnie and Clyde relationship is what I'm looking for.”
“You really think that's funny, don't you?”
“It is,” she huffs playfully. “Some of my best work.”
“And you had such promise before...”
“Oh come on. That was so funny.”
“If you say so Catwoman. This one actually belongs to me.” I kiss my daughter’s tear stained cheek.
“You have a…” The sentence seems to drop. “A…a…well a…”
“Yeah.” My face tries to force a smile, but struggles. “Hence the car seat.”
Speechless, she just watches. MaKayla’s fit continues until she’s violently coughing and kicking, which is when I try shushing her by running my fingers through her hair.
Finally finding words she asks, “What’s wrong with her?”
“She wants me to take her for ice cream because I usually do if she has a really rough day, but my car’s in the school’s parking lot and by the time we get to the car, finally jump it and get it started, I’ll need to get her home and settle down for dinner and so on,” I explain to Gianna before leaning my head to whisper in Mak's ear. “It’s not that daddy doesn’t wanna take you. It’s just daddy can’t.”
The tears begin to fly into overflow mode when Gianna speaks up, “We can all go.”
“What?” I stop rubbing her back, which makes her pause mid cry.
“We can all go,” a deep sigh escapes her. “All three of us.”
“But—”
“Yay!” MaKayla cries out wiping her tears away. “Ice cream! Ice cream daddy!”
Quickly, I try again, “But—”
“If it’s okay with your Daddy I would love to get ice cream together,” Gianna softly speaks to my daughter, wiping away tears off her cheek. “You are much too pretty to be so sad. I bet you have a really pretty smile. Can I see?”