by L A Cotton
“You’re going to do something with the Student Community Action group?”
I nodded, taking a sip of my caramel latte.
“The coordinator of the youth project left me a voicemail. They want me to go in this afternoon.”
“That’s great, babe. I think this will be good for you.”
“Yeah, me too.” I just needed to stay busy.
And far, far away from Zachary Messiah and the Steinbeck Scorpions.
“Uh, hi,” I said, approaching the front desk at the community center. “I’m Calli, I’m here to meet—”
“You must be Calliope, I’m Freya.” A tall, willowy woman popped her head out of one of the doors, approaching me with a warm smile. “We’re glad to have you here, Calliope.”
“You can call me Calli.”
“Calli it is. Please, follow me.”
We moved down the hall to another door and slipped inside. The small office was littered with children’s artwork that had been arranged into a huge rainbow. I couldn’t help but smile.
“You like it?” She noticed me admiring the mural.
“It’s beautiful.”
“I think so too. We like to believe here at Next Steps that you can’t have a rainbow without a little rain.”
“The greater the storm, the brighter the rainbow,” I murmured to myself.
“One of my favorite quotes,” Freya relaxed back in her chair.
“My mom, she used to always say that.” My heart squeezed. I could still picture her now, hugging me tight as we listened to a storm rage overheard. I’d been terrified of the thunder, the wind and rain lashing against the windows.
“I’m sorry for your loss.”
“Thank you.”
“Was it recent?”
“Over the summer.”
“That must have been hard?”
I nodded. “She had cancer. It was a rough few months, watching her deteriorate like that.”
“The fact you’re sitting here tells me how strong you are.”
“Oh, I don’t know about that.” I didn’t feel very strong. Most days I felt like I was wading through quicksand, about to slip under at any second. “But I’d like to keep myself busy and I saw the flyer about the project at freshman orientation. It looked like something I might be interested in.”
Freya steepled her fingers, regarding me with her soft blue eyes. “Your grief is still fresh, Calli. It would be irresponsible of me to place you with our kids going through the same thing...”
Defeat washed over me. I wanted to help. I wanted something good to come out of losing Mom.
“But I have another project in mind. How do you feel about being a big sister?”
“You mean like a buddy?”
She nodded. “We’re always looking for new mentors. We’d match you with a young person and the two of you would spend time here at the center initially to build the foundations. Then once you both feel comfortable, you can meet at a place of your choosing.”
“I... I’m not sure.” The other project had been a group thing. I wouldn’t be solely responsible for the young people participating.
“It’s a lot of responsibility,” Freya added, as if she’d heard my thoughts. “But the rewards are steep. These young people need guidance. They need to know it’s going to be okay. But most of all they need an adult figure who will show up no matter what.”
I thought back to all the times I’d felt alone growing up. Being Callum’s sister was like being invisible. I’d had Mom but she was my mom—she was supposed to love me unconditionally.
“You’ve experienced a huge loss, Calli. That kind of thing changes you. It molds you into someone new. Someone stronger and more aware of the fragility of life. I think you’d be a great asset to the project and could make a real positive impact on the lives of some of our young people.”
“Okay,” I said, a tiny seed of excitement taking root in my chest. “Let’s do it.”
Freya gave me a little smile of encouragement. “I was hoping you’d say that. There’s a bunch of paperwork and some training you’ll need to do, but we should be able to get the ball rolling pretty quickly.”
“That sounds great.”
I left Next Steps feeling more positive than I had in a while. Freya was so easy to be around and had this way of making me already feel a part of the team, and I was eager to get started.
The center was only a fifteen-minute walk from campus, so I enjoyed the afternoon sunshine. Downtown Steinbeck was full of students and young professionals checking out the numerous cafes, diners, and bars the college town had to offer.
When I walked past a bar called The Pivot, a loud chorus of cheers startled me. Through the tinted windows, I could just make out a group of athletes... no, basketball players.
Ugh. I hurried away. The last thing I wanted was to cross paths with my brother or Joel, or even worse—
“Calli?”
His voice was like lead in my stomach. I was frozen to the spot, completely disarmed by Zach’s husky voice.
“Calli?” He moved closer. I could feel him at my back. Big, strong... imposing.
A shiver rolled through me as I steeled my spine to face him. “Hey,” I said, keeping my expression neutral.
“Hey, I... uh...” He ran a hand through his tousled sun-kissed hair. “I thought it was you.”
“You were in there?” I flicked my head to the bar, and he nodded.
“Monday happy hour.”
“Well, I wouldn’t want to keep you from happy hour.” I went to leave, but Zach snagged my wrist.
“You were gone.”
Letting out a weary sigh, I lifted my gaze to his questioning one. “You were out cold, and I didn’t want to make things anymore awkward than they needed to be.”
“Yeah, but shit, Calli, it’s your dorm room. You didn’t have to leave.” Something flashed over his expression.
“It’s no big deal.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
The air turned thick with tension. This... this is what I’d wanted to avoid when I’d left my dorm room yesterday morning.
When we were angry, bitter and frustrated we could fight it out, use each other’s bodies to express ourselves. But in the quieter times, when our white flags were waving a temporary truce, everything about us felt wrong.
Strained laughter tumbled from my lips.
“What?” Zach frowned, his eyes clouded with confusion.
“It doesn’t matter. I should go.” I looked down to where he was still holding me and Zach released me, thrusting his hand into his hair. It was a move I’d once loved, but now it only served to make my heart ache.
“Calli, I...” He hesitated, his torment wrapping around me and sucking the air from my lungs.
But his words never came.
And even if they had, I knew they wouldn’t be the ones I wanted to hear.
“I’ll see you around, Zach.” I gave him a weak smile and took off down the street, knowing it was goodbye.
He let me go.
And I didn’t know whether to be relieved…
Or disappointed.
Callum didn’t call. He didn’t text or seek me out. If he was pissed that everyone knew his secrets, I didn’t know because he was still like a ghost around campus.
By the time Friday rolled around, I was beginning to think maybe I was the ghost. Or maybe I’d just built it up to be something in my head that it wasn’t.
This wasn’t high school, it was college. People had more important things to be thinking about.
I kept myself busy with assignments and the training program at the center. Josie checked in on me and we hung out at lunch. If I tried hard enough, I could almost forget that I was Callum James’ sister. If I ignored the jagged little hole in my heart, I could almost forget about Zach.
But I should have known it was only the calm before the storm.
I was sitting in Muds minding my own business when a shadow loomed over me. “Can I help y
ou?” I stared up at Victoria Penderton.
She gave me a dismissive huff and slid into the seat opposite me. “I thought it was about time we got to know each other.”
“I really don’t think that’s necessary.”
“You’re not still sulking over what happened last weekend, are you? That was just banter, Callista.”
“It’s Calliope.”
“Same thing.” She waved me off, touching up her lipstick with the tip of her finger. “You’ve got to understand our surprise to find out that Callum James’ little sister is at SU. I mean, he didn’t breathe a word of it, or you, to anyone.”
I internally winced at her cruel words.
“He has his reasons.”
“I’m sure he does. But now you’re here.” She pinned me with a saccharine smile. I knew girls like Victoria. Mean girls wrapped up in designer clothes and expensive perfume.
“What do you want, Victoria?” I refused to let her intimidate me. I had as much right to be here as anyone else.
“It’s an important season for the team. With Declan out of action, they need to focus. They don’t need any... distractions.”
“Let me guess, you think I’m a distraction?”
“Aren’t you?” One of her perfectly plucked brows rose.
“I’m nobody, Victoria. Believe it or not, I didn’t come here to mess with your precious team. I came here to honor my mom.” A ball of emotion swelled inside me.
She drummed her diamanté encrusted fingernails against the table. “Good, let’s keep it that way.” Victoria stood, swishing her deep auburn hair off her shoulder. She could have easily been a supermodel. She was too perfect, too flawless to be real.
It was as if the whole coffee shop had stopped to watch her and bask in her beauty. And there I was, sitting in my comfortable leggings and an oversized tank with my hair pulled into a messy bun, my face free of makeup.
“Oh, and Calli,” she said as an afterthought. “Don’t fool yourself into thinking Zach could ever want you again. He’s a Messiah, he’s going places.”
Before I could reply she breezed out of Muds as if she hadn’t just shot an arrow right through my heart.
“Calli?” Josie found me sitting there a few seconds later, my mouth still hanging open. “Please tell me I didn’t just see what I think I saw?” She dropped into the chair Victoria had occupied only seconds ago.
“We were ‘getting to know each other’,” I failed to keep the sarcasm out of my voice.
“I can’t believe she did that.”
“She doesn’t want me distracting the team.”
“She’s just jealous. You know Zach, and you have family ties to Callum. She won’t like that.”
“But that’s ridiculous.”
Josie shrugged, helping herself to one of my cookies. “What did I tell you?” She took a big bite, grinning.
“That’s gross,” I mumbled.
“So what are we doing tonight?”
“Tonight?”
“Yeah, it’s Friday. We have to do something.”
“No parties.”
She rolled her eyes, sucking the crumbs off her fingers. “We could go to Steel ‘n’ Thunder? Sometimes they have live music on a Friday.”
“Hmm, I don’t know.”
“Come on. It’s a guaranteed Scorpion-free zone.” Her brows waggled. “And Xavier is good people.”
“You’re not going to take no for an answer, are you?”
“Nope.”
I grumbled my disapproval. But it was all a front. Because really, I was relieved to have someone like Josie in my corner.
Someone to push me out of my comfort zone.
But most importantly, someone to comfort me when it all went wrong.
Zach
“Holy shit,” Brad mumbled beside me as we watched The Pivot fill with SU alumni.
Scorpion alumni.
With only a week until the exhibition game, Coach Baxter had organized a meet and greet with some of the retired players.
Maverick Prince made a beeline for me as I took a long pull on my beer. “Zach,” he said. “It’s good to see you.”
“Prince.” I gave him a curt nod. If he thought we were about to have a heart to heart, he was sorely mistaken.
My mood had only gotten worse as the week went on, and I knew it had something to do with Calli ghosting me. It’s only what I’d wanted, but all week I’d looked for her around campus, and all week, I’d been disappointed.
When I’d finally seen her, walking past The Pivot, I hadn’t thought twice about chasing her down, but she’d completely blown me off.
“I tried to call,” Maverick said, leaning against the bar next to me.
“I know.” I looked out at the sea of red, white, and black.
The guys were all pumped to hang out with some of their idols.
“Where’s Callum?” he asked.
“Beats me.” I shrugged, draining my beer and slamming it on the counter.
“Zach, come on.” Maverick laid a hand on my arm. “Talk to me. How is Dec—”
“Don’t,” I growled. “Just don’t.”
Brad caught my eye and raised a brow. I shook my head. No, I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about Declan or Callum or Calli.
Fuck.
Calli.
Fucking her was supposed to rid her from my system, but it had only had the opposite effect. She was inside me. Buried deep in my soul. And I didn’t know what the hell to do about it.
“Are you ready for the exhibition game?”
“We’re going to kick some alumni ass,” Brad whooped. He was like a kid at Christmas, lapping up the excitement of being surrounded by some of the Scorpions most iconic players from the last decade. Maverick Prince, Tom Balor, Luis Ayton, Khris Lowry. Scorpion royalty was in the house and everyone felt the buzz.
Everyone except me apparently.
“Zach?” Maverick asked, and I lifted my shoulders in a small shrug.
“We’re ready.”
He turned around, leaning on the bar. “You know that’s not what I asked. I asked if you’re ready.”
“Why do you care so much?” My eyes lowered to his.
I was being an asshole. Nothing new there. I thought Calli and I going our separate ways was supposed to make me feel better, lighter somehow. But I felt like I was drowning. Being swallowed whole by the darkness circling me every second of every day.
“I know what it’s like to have everything ripped away from you.”
I assumed he was talking about Declan. Because that’s what people cared about—Declan’s accident. His dreams. His life. But then he added, “It can’t be easy leading the team in his stead.”
Brad left us, probably sensing the heaviness of the impending conversation. I took a shuddering breath, running a hand over my face. “It’s a fucking joke.”
Maverick gave me a small nod. “I was surprised, when I found out you’d transferred.”
“You and me both.” I would never forget the moment my dad told me about his grand plan to salvage the Messiah reign at SU.
“You need to do it, for Declan,” he’d said. “For our family. For Declan.”
I’d argued. Of course I had. But it didn’t make any difference. Once my father had a plan, he always saw it through. And it was easier to go along with it than fight him on it. Besides, my brother was lying in a coma… how the fuck was I supposed to tell him no?
“It’s a lot of pressure, if you ever need someone to talk to—”
“Yeah, yeah, Prince, I got the memo.”
“You won’t push me away that easily,” he smirked. “I can be quite persistent.”
“Is Lo in town?” I changed the subject. I couldn’t imagine him leaving her in Wicked Bay. The two of them were couple goals. High school sweethearts who had stood the test of time, and four years at college.
“No, it’s girls’ weekend. She and my mom and sisters are busy wedding planning.”
/> “Oh shit, that’s right. It’s soon?”
“Christmas. We’re spending the holidays in Lake Tahoe.”
“Marriage, that’s a big step, man,” I said.
“Not when you find the right girl.” Maverick’s whole face lit up, twisting something deep inside me.
I thought I’d found the right girl once. We were only young—too fucking young to be dreaming of forever—but it hadn’t stopped me imagining a life with Calli.
“Have you been to see him?” Maverick asked me and I froze.
“Hey, relax.” He eyed my hand, the one white knuckling my beer. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think I’d be able to do it either. But your parents really want—”
“Seriously?” I balked. “You came here to do their bidding?”
“It’s not like that and you know it.” His smile thinned. “But I know something about family, Zach. And despite how much we think we don’t need them or how much they hurt us, you don’t want to grow old with any regrets, man.”
I sighed.
“You know, I used to be a lot like you. Angry at the world and everyone around me.”
“I’m not angry.”
He cut me with a knowing look. “I get it, I do. It’s hard to carry the weight of people’s expectations. Sometimes you have to cut free. Sometimes you have to put yourself first. All I’m saying is, make sure it’s what you really want. You’re here now. The way I see it, you can spend the next two years living in Declan’s shadow, or you can prove to everyone that you deserve to be here. That you have as much to offer. You’re not him, Zach. And that’s okay.”
I felt sucker punched.
It was like he’d looked into my soul and plucked out every insecurity I had and laid them out before me.
I flagged down the bartender and ordered something stronger. “You in?” I asked him.
“I’ll drink with you, Messiah,” Maverick teased. “But only if you promise to think about what I just said.”
Think about it?
I couldn’t stop thinking about it.
The bartender slid our glasses over the bar. “To a new season.” Maverick lifted his glass and tipped it toward mine.
“A new season,” I said.