by L A Cotton
“So if you know, why have you spent the day hiding—”
“I haven’t been hiding,” I protested, “I’ve been regrouping.”
“Keep telling yourself that.” Callum chuckled, and I finally glanced over at him. “This is nice.”
The words hung between us.
“Yeah, it is.”
“For what it’s worth, Calli, I am sorry. For the divorce, Mom… everything. When she got sick, it was like I let my guilt grow into this living thing inside me. And then Declan had the accident, and I was a mess. I didn’t know how to process everything… I didn’t know how to swallow it all and do the right thing.”
“You know, just because she’s gone, doesn’t mean you can’t make your peace with her.”
“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about it... a lot. But I’m not sure I could go alone. I was wondering if...” He stared ahead, his face pale and etched with shame.
“I’ll go with you.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah.” We shared a sincere smile.
“Word of advice?” Callum said, and I nodded. “Go easy on him. She played him too, Sis.”
“I can’t make any promises.” I gave him a wry smile but didn’t move.
“This is the part where you get out of the car.”
“I know... I just need a minute.” I stared up at the building. Zach was in there, waiting for me. It felt like everything we’d been through, all the heartache and pain, had been building up to this moment.
“Okay,” I said, gripping the door handle. “Wish me luck.”
“You don’t need luck, Calli. Zach has loved you since you were an awkward eighth grader, and something tells me he’s going to love you for a long time yet.”
God, I hoped so.
Because my heart wouldn’t survive Zachary Messiah again.
I didn’t even manage to knock on his door. It swung open and Zach stood there, his eyes glittering with so much love and relief, emotion welled inside me.
“You came.”
“Technically, my brother kidnapped me and brought me here. Wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you?” My lips curved of their own volition.
“I swear nothing happened with Victoria, not a damn thing. She’s a manipulative bitch and I—”
“I know.”
“You do?” His brows furrowed, and I nodded.
“I think I knew the second I fled your building. I was just hurt and confused and sick... really sick.”
“Fuck, I’m so sorry, Calli. She was only here because she helped me with my dad and he puked all over us, more than once,” he grumbled. “The least I could do was let her get showered.”
“It’s me or her, Zach,” I said without hesitation. “We can’t both be in your life. I won’t play games with her. I just won’t.”
“You think there’s even a choice?” He strode toward me and ran his knuckles down my cheek. “It’s you, sweet pea. It’s always been you. It’s always going to be you. I don’t want Victoria, I never did. And we’re done, my brother’s girlfriend or not. I told her as much today.”
“You did?” The knot in my stomach slowly began to unravel.
“I did, babe. She knows if she even comes within breathing distance of you, she’s done.” The conviction in his voice sent a shiver down my spine. “I hate that she tried to come between us again. But most of all, I hate that I gave her the power to.”
“So, what happens now?” I asked, feeling lighter than I had when I stepped into Zach’s apartment.
“I guess that’s up to you.” He let his fingers brush my jaw before gripping it gently and tilting my face to his. “I love you, Calliope James. So fucking much.”
My fingers curled into his t-shirt, pulling him closer. “Show me,” I whispered.
Zach kissed me softly at first. Like I was fragile glass, and he was scared of breaking me. His lips peppered tiny kisses over my mouth, his tongue flicking and tasting, driving me crazy. A whimper crawled up my throat, liquid lust swimming through my veins.
“Zach...”
“I can’t believe I’m doing this.” He dropped his lips to my shoulder, kissing the bare skin there. “But there’s something I want to show you.”
He took my hand and pulled me toward what I assumed was his bedroom. “Close your eyes.” He slipped behind me, looping his arms around me and guided me into his room.
“What are you—”
“Patience, sweet pea.” He kissed right beneath my ear, sending bolts of desire shooting through me. “Okay, open them.”
My eyes flickered open, my lips falling open on a sharp gasp as I took in the sight before me.
The wall was covered in photos... photos I’d taken.
“I- I don’t understand.”
“Callum and your dad helped. He had a bunch of your old photos in storage.”
“He did? I had no idea. I’d always assumed he didn’t care.”
“He cares, Calli. He’s just not very good at showing it.” Zach moved us closer to the wall but didn’t let go of me.
I looked at every photo. The ones of the beach, the waves rolling onto the golden shore. Shots of our yard, the Messiah’s treehouse. There were even some rare family shots of my mom and dad with Callum. Zach and Madison littered the images too. But there was only one of me.
A single photo pinned right in the middle. The one from last Halloween.
“You kept it,” I said, my cheeks burning with memories of that night. The photo captured my lust as Zach kissed me. My skin was flushed, my eyes half-lidded. It was provocative and sensual, but it was also crystal clear that I was a girl in love with a boy.
“As if I could ever let it go.” He nestled his chin into the crook of my shoulder.
“How did Victoria find it?”
“She must have been snooping. I keep it in my drawer.” He flicked his head to the dresser. “I caught her one day in there, but she said she was cleaning up after me and I never thought anything of it.”
“God, I really hate her.”
“She can’t touch us anymore, I promise.”
I wanted to believe him, but he was still on the team, their paths would still cross.
“I’ll quit,” he whispered so quietly I almost missed it.
“What?” I turned my head, grazing his lips with mine.
“You heard me, sweet pea. I said, I’ll quit. Nothing... nothing will ever mean more to me than you do.”
“You can’t quit the team, Zach.”
“Says who?” His eyes clouded with confusion.
“I do. They need you and something tells me you might need them too.”
“I have everything I need right here.” He turned me in his arms, staring down at me with an intensity that made my toes curl. “I need you to know that I choose you, Calli. It will always be you.”
“I know. But it’s okay to want it, Zach. I’ve seen you play. You’re good, you’re so freakin’ good. I want you to follow your dreams.”
“And what about your dreams, huh?”
“I...” My eyes shuttered. I knew what he was getting at, but I wasn’t ready.
“Wait here.” Zach dropped a kiss on my head before striding across his room. He rummaged in the bottom of the closet before grabbing a plain black box and coming back to me. “I’m not interested in chasing my dreams alone.” He handed me the box.
I stared down at it, feeling its weight in my hands.
No… he wouldn’t…
“Go on, open it.” My body trembled as I opened the lid. Tears burned the backs of my eyes as I caught the first glimpse of a brand-new Nikon D780.
“The guy at the shop said it’s top of the range. Honestly, I don’t have a clue, but he promised me—”
“It’s perfect.” But it came with a hefty price tag. “It’s too much,” I blurted out, completely overwhelmed.
“After everything I’ve put you through, it seems like small change to me.” Zach cupped my face, brushing away my tears. “
I know you haven’t picked up your camera since your mom passed, but she’d want you to follow your dreams, Calli. She’d want you to live.”
“Okay.” I smiled through my tears. “We’ll chase our dreams... together.”
“Together,” he said.
Zach took the box from me and went to place it on the dresser. When he returned, he curved his hand around the back of my neck and leaned in, ghosting his lips over mine. “Now would be the time to back out, sweet pea.”
“Never,” I breathed. “I’m in, Zach, all in.”
“I was hoping you would say that.” He lifted me up without warning and carried me over to his bed. Lowering me down, he started stripping me out of my clothes, kissing my skin as he went. My fingers slid into his hair, relishing the feel of his slightly stubbled jaw as he worshipped my body.
“You are so fucking beautiful, Calli.” He pushed my t-shirt up my body, tugging me up to pull it over my head. His hand spanned my ribs, as he leaned down and kissed me. Soft and searching gave way to hard and unyielding. Zach devoured me like a man starved, desperate for his next breath. His tongue tangled with mine, long languid licks that made my skin tingle and legs clench.
I helped him out of his t-shirt, trailing my hands over his chest. His skin was warm under my touch, contracting as I explored every ridge and groove. But it wasn’t enough. I wanted to taste him, to run my tongue along the lines of his muscles.
Dipping my head, I flicked my tongue across his nipple.
“Fuck, Calli,” he rasped, on the verge of pain.
Feeling bold, I licked and nipped across his chest, giving his other pec the same attention.
“Keep that up, and this isn’t going to last very long.” A low groan rumbled in his throat when I scraped my nails down his obliques. But it was nothing compared to the sound he made when I pushed my hand into his shorts and circled my fingers around his shaft.
“Jesus...” His breath caught.
“I want to taste you,” I stared up at him, slowly working his shorts off his hips. His dick sprang free, long and hard, the tip glistening with his arousal.
“Take whatever you want.”
“I haven’t... not since...”
“Fuck,” it was a graveled rasp, “really?”
My gaze dipped, embarrassment staining my cheeks.
“Don’t ever shy away from me, Calli.” He gripped my chin. “I’m yours, use me.”
Heat pooled deep in my stomach as I imagined all the things I wanted to do to him. Things I wanted him to do to me. Things we could do together.
Flicking my tongue over the tip, I took him in deep into my mouth.
“Fuck, Calli, that feels... holy shit.” Zach wound his hand into my hair, but he didn’t try to take control. I licked and sucked, gliding my hand up and down in rhythm with my mouth.
“Yeah,” he grunted, “just like that.”
Power surged through me as I felt him begin to unravel. He gently thrust into my mouth never taking more than I was willing to give. And when he tried to pull away as his legs locked up and a string of cuss words fell from his lips, I kept my hand wrapped firmly around his root, swallowing down every last drop.
Pushing me down on the bed, Zach covered my body with his. “Do you have any idea how amazing you are? I want to experience everything with you, Calli. I want to teach you everything.” His eyes darkened with unwavering love.
“I want you,” I said, wriggling against him. He was already hard again.
A tremor rolled through me.
“Hey, are you okay?” he asked, and I nodded.
“I’m just a little nervous.”
It wasn’t our first time. It wasn’t even our second or third time. But it felt like the most important time.
The time where we left our past behind us and finally walked into the future.
Zach slipped his hand between our bodies and found my center, sliding two fingers inside me. My breath caught at the feel of him stretching me. He didn’t take his eyes off me as he worked me slowly at first. Every drag of his thumb over my clit, every press of his fingers, deeper, faster, he watched me. Even when my eyes grew heavy and my breath became rapid, he still watched.
“Eyes,” he murmured against my lips as I crashed over the edge. “I need your eyes.”
They locked on his as intense waves of pleasure rolled through me.
Zach didn’t wait, he guided himself inside of me in one smooth stroke.
“God,” I breathed. “It feels...”
“I know.” He kissed me, rocking into me with measured restraint. Sliding a hand underneath my thigh, he went deeper, fitting our bodies impossibly close. Close enough that I didn’t know where I ended, and he began.
Nothing else existed, only skin on skin and hearts beating. Zach loved my body until I was breathless, boneless and weak. He loved me until he’d imprinted himself on my soul and etched his name on my heart, replacing the lingering marks of the boy he used to be with the stamp of the man he’d become.
I was fourteen the first time I’d fallen in love with Zachary Messiah. A naïve girl with nothing but stars in her eyes and love in her heart.
I wasn’t that girl anymore.
I was older. Wiser. Worn down by the tragedies of life and made stronger by the pain. My heart was tarnished, pieced together with jagged edges and fading scars. But one thing remained the same.
My soul still recognized Zach as hers.
It always had...
It always would.
Five months later...
Calli
“Foul,” Zach yelled from beside me. I grabbed his arm, trying to wrangle him back into his seat.
“Babe, you’re making a scene.”
“A scene?” His brows knitted as his eyes slid to mine. “It’s clearly Elsa’s ball and they just—”
“Let it go,” I smothered a chuckle, shooting a saccharine smile at some of the other parents.
Zach had made quite a name for himself at Jasmine’s games. He was a little too passionate, but he just wanted to support her since her own parents couldn’t find the time to get behind her.
We tried to get to as many games as we could and when we couldn’t come, another volunteer from the center did. Everyone wanted to support Jasmine; being the first female player on her high school team was a pretty big deal. After finding out that Steinbeck High School didn’t have enough female players to form a team, Zach had personally petitioned the school board to let Jasmine try out for the boys’ team.
I was so proud of him, of them both. Jasmine had flourished under his guidance, shedding her quiet meek persona to become a quietly confident young woman. She still had a long way to go in terms of building friendships with her peers, but she was getting there. One step at a time.
“Oh, come on.” Zach shot up again, grumbling under his breath about the poor decision.
“Zach,” I scolded, trying to drag him back into his chair. “You promised.”
He flopped down with a defeated sigh. “They’re singling her out.”
“No one is singling her out.” I nuzzled his neck, kissing his jaw. “They’re just covering her because she’s that damn good.”
“Yeah, she is, isn’t she?” I felt the smirk in his words.
Everyone in Steinbeck and the surrounding towns knew about Zach Messiah and his protégé, Jasmine Moran. They had even made the local newspaper. Zach had spent hours with Jasmine working on her skills and conditioning. She’d even started helping him run a session down at Next Steps. It made my heart full watching their friendship blossom.
“This is it.” He lurched forward. “Dodge... that’s it, El... reverse pivot...” His fist clenched. “Layup, hit the—YES!” Zach was out of his seat again cheering Jasmine’s name as she celebrated with her team.
I gave up after that. Zach only grew more animated and excited as the Steinbeck High Sabers took the lead.
And when the final whistle blew, declaring them the winners, Zach was the first on
e on the court, congratulating them.
“Are you nervous?” Jasmine asked Zach, tucking into her chocolate sundae. It was our post-game ritual. Win or lose, we always got ice cream at Flippers after a game.
“Nervous? Is that a joke?” Zach scoffed. “We had one of the best seasons on record.”
“Yeah, but it’s the final four. Duke, Auburn, and Purdue are all looking—”
“Don’t say it.” He jabbed his spoon in her direction.
“Whatever, man,” she chuckled. “I’m just saying, you sound mighty sure of yourself.”
Zach licked the last drop of ice cream off his spoon and threw it into the glass, slinging his arm over the back of my chair. “It’s ours, it has to be. For Dec.”
Sadness washed over Jasmine. “Yeah, you’re right. You’re totally right. It’s for Declan, no way you won’t bring it home.”
I dropped my hand to Zach’s knee and squeezed gently. It had been almost three months since Zach’s parents had made the heart wrenching decision to switch off Declan’s life support. They’d wanted one last Christmas with their eldest son, and they’d gotten it.
Tim had taken it the hardest, but after Declan’s latest round of MRI scans, the doctors had confirmed what nobody wanted to believe: the damage to his brain was too extensive.
Zach had been surprisingly strong throughout the whole ordeal. Not long after we made our relationship official, we’d both visited his brother. Zach had taken some time to tell him about us, about the team, and Jasmine, and then with me nestled into his side, he’d said goodbye.
He’d made his peace with it, even if it took his parents a little while longer.
Leaning down, Zach brushed his lips over mine, completely ignoring Jasmine’s gagging sounds.
“I love you,” he whispered, the words affecting me as much now as they always had.
“I love you too.” I laid my palm on his cheek, running my thumb over the corner of his mouth. “But you need to behave while we’re on Elsa duty.”
“Heard that,” she muttered.
“Guess it’s time to return Elsa to her castle then.” Zach winked at her.