by Iris Deorre
‘Do you think he’s playing games with you?’
‘I thought that at first but then I thought hey, I’m forty, there’s nothing wrong with a little fling at some point in your life.’
‘You’ve got that right, I could do with one.’
‘Grace? That would hurt Joseph.’
‘He wouldn’t even notice, trust me. He has more love for his Xbox than he has for me.’
I giggled at the statement; Joseph was so laid back nothing would phase him. I think this is why they’ve lasted so long, she just bullies him all the way along in the relationship.
‘So do you think it’s going to go anywhere?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Maybe I should rephrase that. Do you want it to go anywhere?’
I took another sip of my drink and thought about it.
‘Do you remember when I said I didn’t want a relationship?’
‘How could I forget, you were so adamant that you never wanted a man in your life again.’
‘Well I might need to take back those words please.’
‘Seriously?’
‘It’s the strangest thing. One day you don’t care if a man never speaks to you again and then suddenly this gorgeous creature enters your life and blows that thought out of the water. Mark has taken that away. I’ve began to think about having a man in my life. I’ve actually began to fantasise.’
‘Wow that’s a big step.’
‘I know.’
Grace knew how much I’d meant it when I’d said it. I guess when you’ve been hurt deeply enough just once, it’s enough to turn you off completely.
‘Today he asked if I liked flowers.’
‘Awww, he’s a romantic.’
‘Is he?’
‘Yes, it’s obvious he wants to get you some.’
‘I never thought about it that way. I mean we haven’t even been on a proper date. We’ve started at the wrong end of the relationship. It’s supposed to be date first before sex, isn’t it?’
‘Yeah who made those rules anyway? And you’re old enough to do what you want.’
‘You know what you’re right.’
After we’d exhausted the topic on Mark we moved onto Joseph, trying to decipher who he was, we’d been trying that for ten years and still hadn’t made any progress.
‘Do you think I’m going to hell?’ I asked randomly.
Grace laughed.
‘Why would you think that honey?’
‘This wasn’t the way I was brought up.’
‘Oh sweetie are you judging yourself again? This isn’t the 18th century and if you go to hell give me the address and I’ll come and get you.’
I laughed.
‘Don’t worry about it, have fun like you said.’
‘Got it.’
We only spoke a few minutes longer, mostly about Lloyd. Grace thought he could do with moving up a stream.
‘He’s too bright for his own good.’
‘You can say that again. I feel like I’m the child sometimes and he’s the adult.’
‘Anyway I better go pull Joseph off the Xbox, he owes me some of his time.’
‘Good luck with that.’
After I put down the phone I walked upstairs to check on Lloyd. He was fast asleep. I tiptoed slowly to give him a light kiss then went to my office to do some work. Work I’d abandoned because my mind had either been occupied with thoughts of Mark or he was actually screwing me. After midnight I finally made it to bed only to get a few winks. I felt like a teenager all over again, buzzing on the inside and loosing sleep over a boy!
Chapter Four
Lloyd was in a bad mood and the morning was a struggle. He refused to shower, eat his breakfast and didn’t want to go to school. I felt his head he wasn’t hot at all and then I took his temperature, he definitely wasn’t’ sick and there was no way I was keeping him off school just because he said so.
I sat and watched him defeated as he gazed at his bowl of cereal, we had exactly an hour to go.
‘Tell me Lloyd, why won’t you cooperate today?’
He folded his arms and gazed at me angrily.
‘Did someone upset you at school?’
He shook his head.
‘Then what is it, tell mummy so we can fix this.’
‘Firstly I don’t want rice crispies anymore.’
‘Okay.’ We were making progress. ‘Would you prefer some cornflakes?’
‘No actually I would like some toast,’ he said rather snottily.
Now before you judge me for letting Lloyd get his own way, you have to understand that if I wanted to get out of the house on time it was the best solution. I’ve seen doctors to make sure he’s alright and he’s fine just too old for his time.
‘With peanut butter please,’ he added.
‘Will you have a shower after that?’
‘Not until you tell me the truth.’
Here we go!
‘About what pumpkin?’
‘The man, I know you’re seeing a man.’
‘Really Lloyd, what gave you that idea.’
‘Mums are not supposed to lie. So tell me the truth mum.’
‘Lloyd.’
‘You’ve been rather happy lately and you’re wearing make up and dressing up. Mums don’t do that.’
‘Oh yes they do.’
‘Only if they’re going out or going out to work. Mummy you never dress up.’
How could I tell my son I was seeing someone when it could mean nothing at all? I’d always promised myself never to involve him unless it was absolutely necessary.
‘Lloyd, mummy only has a friend who’s a boy, that’s all, it’s nothing serious.’
‘A boyfriend you mean.’
The toast pinged and I buttered it with peanut butter.
‘No a friend who is a boy.’
I pushed the plate under his nose.
‘What’s his name?’
‘Lloyd.’
‘His name or I won’t eat.’
I honestly could kill him sometimes but he’s my son and I love him to bits even though he drives me up the wall at times.
‘Mark.’
‘Mark who.’
‘Mark Hirst, now eat!’
He sat silently for a while deciding whether not he wanted to eat then decided to eat. I sighed with relief.
We were finally out of the house five minutes later than normal but we were out and I was grateful. Grateful and keen to see what the day held for me.
****
Mark knocked at the door at exactly twelve o’clock. I’d put on my dark pink skinny jeans, a warm cotton long top with a cardigan. I threw on my windbreaker, I wasn’t sure where or what we were doing but I’d taken his advice. It was pretty cold out there.
‘Hello Ms Jacobs.’ He handed me a bouquet of roses mixed with oriental lilies.
‘Oh beautiful!’ I smelt them and invited him in. ‘Thank you!’
‘I hope they are to your perfection.’ He followed me into the kitchen.
‘Oh they are, they are lovely!’ I bubbled from the inside, I could get used to this.
He wore dark trousers, a dark top and a black coat, he looked amazing.
‘You look lovely and warm.’ He moved forward to kiss me.
‘You look handsome yourself.’
‘Shall we go?’
‘Where are we going?’ I was intrigued.
‘Not too far, just out for a good walk in the freezing cold.’
‘That sounds cool.’ What else could I say?
He laughed and waited while I locked the door. He led us to a black Audi.
‘Where’s the van today?’
‘That’s for work, I’m off today so I’m driving my social car.’
‘Nice!’
He held the door open for me to get in. Was this too good to be true, was this handsome hunk everything he said he was? He jumped into the drivers seat and flashed me his smile. We took to the road in silence, at times he just
placed his hand on my leg and rubbed it gently until we got to our destination. We stopped at a little walking and boating park. It was freezing but I was glad I’d wrapped up warm. He walked to my side and opened the door.
‘I was hoping we could walk and talk.’ He gave me his hand to help me out.
‘That sounds like an idea.’
‘Unless of course you wanted to sit down and talk in a coffee shop.’
‘Nooo, this is fine, it’s different.’ I was grateful it wasn’t the typical date, if that was what it was.
We started our walk; it was a quiet one with only a few elderly people and some dog walkers on the way. He took my hand in his, brought it to his lips and gave it a kiss. It felt comfortable, normal as if we’d been doing this for years. I leaned into him for a moment and took in the scenery, and to think I never wanted to date again.
‘So I thought this would be a great opportunity for us to talk. To get to know each other; I really like you Ms Jacobs.’
I laughed at the way he used my surname.
‘Okay, what do you want to know?’
‘Let me start with how much I know and then you can add on to that.’
‘Okay.’
‘You’re Hazel Jacobs and you’re a mother of?’
‘One boy Lloyd.’
‘What do you do?’
‘I’m a freelance journalist. After I had my son it was the best way to work, I could stay home and work.’
‘You were married before?’
‘Yes for twelve years.’
‘Wow, if you don’t mind me asking how old are you?’
‘Forty this year?’
‘You don’t look it.’
‘Thank you that’s kind. How old are you?’ It had never crossed my mind to ask.
‘Thirty seven.’
‘You don’t look it either, I thought you were thirty.’
He smiled and squeezed my hand.
‘How long have you bee divorced then?’
‘Two years.’
‘What happened? You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.’
‘Its fine, I’m over it. He had an affair, not just once, it was a constant thing in our lives. I just couldn’t take it anymore.’
He looked at me and nodded, ‘I’m sorry to hear that.’
‘I’m fine now, he’s not even with the woman he left me for.’
‘I’m glad he left you.’
‘Why?’
‘I wouldn’t have met you if he hadn’t. He would’ve probably figured out the washing machine.’
‘I don’t think we would have taken that one, we had such different tastes.’
‘Your parents still alive?’ he asked.
‘My mum, my dad passed away seven years ago. Heart attack.’
‘Sorry to hear that.’
‘How about you, parents?’
‘Yeah both are still alive, and both live down in Scotland. Four years ago they came up with this crazy idea to move down there.’
‘At least they’re doing what makes them happy.’
‘True, it’s just a journey now to go down to see them.’
‘Are you an only child?’
‘Does it show?’
‘Not really, just guessing.’
He laughed lightly and we stopped for a moment. He put his hands to my cheeks and pressed his lips against mine.
‘The minute you opened your door I was in love with you.’
‘Really?’
‘It’s true, tell me you felt it too.’
‘I did, I felt it.’ It was true there was something about him, not just his good looks that had attracted me to him.
‘I’m glad to hear it.’ We continued to walk.
I turned to him and watched him for a while, there were so many questions I was burning to ask.
‘It looks like you want to ask me some questions.’
‘You are right about that.’ I didn’t know how to start. Even though I’m a straightforward person sometimes I found it difficult to ask the important questions; the questions that mattered.
‘Have you ever been married before?’
He was silent for a while, how hard would it be to give me a yes or no answer?
‘It’s complicated,’ he said finally.
‘What do you mean, you’re either married or you’re not.’
‘Let’s just say I’m not in a relationship anymore. Will that do?’
I hesitated, there was that feeling in the pit of my stomach that was begging me to not accept that answer but I said, ‘Yeah sure. Any children?’
‘Unfortunately not. I would’ve loved to have children but my situation didn’t allow.’
‘What do you mean?’
‘My partner at the time couldn’t have children.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Yeah, it’s hard; the relationship has been hard, but... anyway I hope one day if you want me I could meet your little boy.’
‘What do you mean if I want you?’ I stopped and he did the same.
‘I like you Ms Jacobs.’ He laughed and took both my hands into his. ‘I want to go out with you. Will you go out with me, will you try this with me?’
I lowered my head for a moment and kicked the wet sand, it was all happening too fast. I looked up again and was taken in by his eyes.
‘So?’
‘Okay, I will try this with you.’
He took me into a hug, it felt good. I stayed there for as long as he would have me and then we continued our walk. It was just another fifteen minutes and then we made tracks back to my house.
‘Would you like a coffee, I have another thirty minutes before I go for Lloyd.’
‘Thanks for the offer but I think I better be heading home.’
I nodded sadly.
‘Don’t look so sad.’ He kissed me gently. ‘Are you available this Saturday evening?’
Obviously! I wouldn’t miss being with him for the world but then again I had Lloyd I couldn’t just shove off when I wanted to.
‘Leave it with me. I’ll let you know. It’s just that I’ll need to find a babysitter for Lloyd.’
‘I understand. Just give me a ring. It’s the same number I called you on to book the appointment.’
‘Let me just check I still have it.’ I fiddled in my bag and scanned my mobile then put in his name. ‘Got it.’
‘Okay then.’
‘Yes okay.’ It was so weird. I’d slept with this man why was it so difficult just to get chatting at times?
‘Bye Ms Jacobs.’ He kissed me then left.
Chapter Five
‘Thanks for doing this,’ I said as I opened the door to Grace.
‘Is that him mum?’ Lloyd called from the living room.
‘No, finish your food.’ I let her in. ‘He’s eating in front of the telly for peace, honestly the things I do for peace is ridiculous.’
‘I’ll handle him, I have some fun activities in my bag.’
‘Thanks Grace, you’re a life saver.’
‘Go on, go finish up.’
I still had some curlers in my hair and my makeup wasn’t done.
‘Thanks, I’ll be upstairs if you need. Me.’
‘I’d chosen my black dress that went just past my knees. The back was open with long lace sleeves. I’d tied my hair into a high bun and left the curled front as a bang. I’d gone for bold red lipstick, with blusher and really thick eyelashes. I was trying to go for a vintage kind of look and looking at myself it did kind of work.
‘You look stunning,’ Grace said.
‘Really?’ I pulled on my long black coat, the weather wasn’t pleasant.
‘Absolutely.’
‘Yes mum you look great,’ Lloyd said without looking up from the colouring Grace had given him.
I walked over to him, knelt down and lifted his face.
‘Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine and no one will ever take your place,’ I said.
‘I’m not worried, but if tha
t man hurts you I will beat his ass.’
I looked up at Grace who was red and tried not to burst out in laughter.
‘Okay then tiger, I’m glad you’ve got my back.’
Just then there was the familiar knock, my heart raced and I flushed like a little girl. This time Lloyd stood up and walked to the door.
‘Lloyd!’
It was too late as I witnessed my son punch Mark in the groin.
‘Take that as a warning.’
‘Lloyd!’ I pulled him to the side. ‘Grace!’
‘I’m here.’
‘I’m so sorry Mark; I don’t know what’s gotten into him.’
‘Oh my he has one hell of a punch.’ He laughed bent over just a little. ‘I’ll live don’t worry.’
‘I’m so, so sorry.’ I felt so embarrassed. ‘He doesn’t normally act this way.’ I didn’t want him running away from me because of my demon child.
‘Don’t worry honey.’ He leaned in to kiss me. ‘I’ll live, I promise.’
‘Come in a moment.’ I invited him in and we walked into the living room.
‘Lloyd!’
He looked at his activity book.
‘Lloyd.’
This time he looked up at me his bushy curls dangling down his face. I really needed to take him for a hair cut.
‘Please apologise to Mark.’
‘It’s alright,’ said Mark.
‘No it isn’t. Lloyd please apologise to Mark.’
‘Why?’
‘Because we don’t go around punching people just because we feel like it.’
Mark moved forward and knelt down besides him.
‘Hey little man, I totally understand what you mean and I respect that. I promise I will not hurt your mummy.’
Lloyd looked up at him and pursed his lips deciding whether or not he believed him.
‘Okay, I’m sorry I hit you.’
‘That’s okay.’ He patted his shoulder, stood up, smiled at me and winked.
I was totally impressed and now my heart had just melted at the way he’d handled it.
‘Wow, you were good,’ I said as we entered the car.
‘I love kids I just don’t have any of my own.’
‘Maybe one day you will.’ I patted his leg.
He took me out for a drink first which was nice. I ordered a glass of Sauvignon cabernet. It had been a while since I’d had a glass of wine. It relaxed me and I enjoyed speaking to him. An hour later Mark took me to an Italian restaurant. Something strange happened just ten minutes after our arrival. I noticed a tall blond woman enter the restaurant alone. It was hard not to notice her. She was strikingly beautiful and seemed a little uptight. She sat just two tables away from us staring around the room nervously. As I looked up from the menu from her to Mark then back at her I noticed his demeanour change.