by J B Cantwell
I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out as I looked across the crowd. Finally, I decided that it would be better to speak and look fearful, flawed even, than it would be to stay silent.
"Ezvar!" I called. A few people looked up, and I caught their eyes as I looked around the room. "I didn't seek to find you, and yet I find myself feeling lucky that I was found by you. As I've said to many of you, I was lost before Kaelin and his group of hunters came across me. It jolted me out of my depressed state, renewing my desire to press forward despite the danger."
I tried not to wring my hands, but it was difficult. My palms were sweaty, and I had to remind myself not to rub them on my pants.
Don't show weakness.
But this wasn't a good plan, I decided. I needed to tell the truth.
“I’m not fearless about this quest," I continued. "It’s taken me many months to believe that I should go at all. I’ve seen Torin's sons, seen how they treat everyone they come across. Unless one has magic worthy of theirs, they refuse to even look at you. When I met Torin's son Phalen, he saw me simply as one to destroy. I have little training, and yet he saw the power within and did his worst. He threw his brother from a cliff with only the desire to scare and hurt me. But not all of Torin is full of malice. Otherwise, Bevyn, my friend, couldn’t have existed."
Now that I got going, I found it was easier to speak, and those who had been ignoring me put their food aside to listen.
"I didn't seek to have this responsibility. When I started out, it was my only desire to find a new home where my magical abilities would not be a crime. I didn't want to have my name associated with this war. I didn't want to meet Bevyn, Torin's son, to take his map and to move forward without him. I didn't want to leave my family behind. But I did all of these things, and I present myself to you now. Follow me so that we may win against Torin and all of the evil he covets. If you don't, he will find you anyway."
I jumped down from the seat, picked up my gyvu, and walked away from the crowd.
"You can't possibly expect any of them to follow you," I heard a voice behind me say.
I turned and found it was Connell. He thrust the staff at me, his face angry.
"This did nothing for me, just like I told you," he said. "I never should’ve listened to you. You gave me hope, and you lied."
"I didn't lie. I only spoke to you about what was in my heart. I know that Torin and his remaining sons desire nothing more than to torture those around them."
"But why? Why do they care at all?"
"Why does any leader care?" I asked. "For power. For riches. For total dominance."
"Is that why you care?" he asked.
He had me. Here I was, pretending to be a leader. If I were to become one, did that mean I wanted all of those things?
"I do not desire any of those things," I said, and it was true. "When I speak of leaders like that, it's people like Torin and Phalen and Zahn I am talking about. Those people lead, but they do it with malice in their hearts. I hope I never become like them."
"And there you have it," he said. "An open admission that you could easily fail."
I scowled.
"I admit that to anyone who questions me. To get the giants to follow me is what I want. But I can't make false promises. There may be no glory in death, in your death or mine. We may die on the battlefield, and no one will blink an eye at our passing. But at least I’ll fight."
"I may as well be dead," he said, looking down at his feet in shame.
I frowned.
“I can't promise you anything," I said. "We all may fail miserably, and if that's true, then it's only death I can promise. But I’ll go. If you stay here, you'll be hiding, and Torin will have won."
I held the staff with intention tightly in my hands. I knew what I could do with it, and I knew I had a world of magic still to learn. I wasn't sure I would be able to help Connell. He was so damaged by what had happened to him that it seemed he would never recover.
But I wasn't ready to give up.
"You did good, girl," Duna said later when we were back in her cabin. "You got a lot of people talking, and that's what we want."
I took a deep breath and let it out. It had been a difficult, though promising, day.
"Do you really think I got to people?"
I already knew the answer to this, but I wanted her to tell me, just in case I was wrong.
"Well, let's just say you know how to hold your own in a fight."
I nodded, satisfied with the day's work. There were outliers, of course; Arte, his wife, and Connell, among others. I didn't expect everyone to say yes; in fact, I hadn't expected anyone to say yes. And though I knew Arte would be the last person to join with me, I was still holding out hope for Connell.
Thinking about Connell made my stomach hurt, about all the pain he’d been through since we'd last met. He'd been so optimistic then, on his way to a great life's journey. He'd known it would be difficult, and maybe he'd even known that sending him was Zahn's way of banishing him from the kingdom. But he'd had hope, excitement for what lay ahead.
Not anymore.
I imagined a giant, perhaps Duna, picking him up and forcing him to follow us. I suspected that Arte wouldn’t allow this to happen, but it was an amusing thought nonetheless.
"Do you really think they'll follow me?" I asked.
"They're not following me," she said. "So, you must be doing something right."
I climbed up into the bed and lay down on my stomach, smashing my face into the pillow. I was both excited and exhausted, and I wasn't sure what to do about either thing. I yipped a little scream into the pillow, then lifted my head, hoping she hadn't heard.
She ignored me.
"You need to eat," she said. She pulled out a gyvu she’d carried with her back to the cabin. As she peeled it, my mouth watered. I had eaten very little that day aside from those few bites at the fire pit, and though I was used to going without, I jumped down from the bed and climbed up to the seat at the table. I didn't care where I slept that night, but I fully intended to fill myself with this sweet fruit first.
She found a knife and cut the fruit into two pieces, handing me one and popping the other into her mouth.
"Thanks." I took a huge bite, and the juice from the fruit dribbled down my face, pooling at my chin.
"You'll get it everywhere," she said.
She handed me a towel from the kitchen that was bigger than my body. I wiped my face with it, then kept it on my lap.
"Can we pack these?" I asked.
"I don't know," she said. "We've never had anywhere to go."
"Well, I guess we'll find out. Do you have a way to transport the Light? We'll need as much as we can get."
I thought of the flask and the one vial of light remaining in my pack. It was all I had left.
Suddenly, there was a screaming sound coming from outside. It wasn't a voice, not even a whisper, but a blood-curdling wail into the night.
"What's that?" I asked, immediately alarmed.
Suddenly, Duna’s face became frightened. She walked quickly to the window and looked outside, then came to the table, grabbed me, and dragged me behind the bed.
She swore under her breath. I hadn't seen her so fearful before.
"It's a Howler," she said quietly. "You and I have been making too much noise. They come for us sometimes when we have fires. We need to tell the others."
But I suspected the others already knew. I left the hiding spot behind the bed, grabbed my staff, and stood ready by the door.
"Are you mad?" she asked. "That thing will rip you into pieces. It will rip us into pieces."
I suspected she was right, but I saw an opportunity, crazy as it was. I wrenched the door open and walked out into the darkness.
I didn't see it at first, only caught glimpses of giants running from cabin to cabin, readying themselves for battle. Then I looked up.
The monster was easily twenty feet tall with ten eyes and as many legs. But w
here it was the most frightening was its mouth. Razor-sharp teeth lined its gums in rows, and though I was feeling strong and brave, I knew I didn't want this beast anywhere near me.
Then the Howler let out another ear-piercing scream, and I understood why the giants wanted to hide. People had been just finishing dinner and heading back to their homes when the Howler had arrived. Already, it had one giant in its jaws, shaking him like a dog would shake its prey.
Screams erupted as people fled the fire pit area. It was then that I realized there was more than one Howler. No fewer than three of the giant monsters had arrived, and I could tell by the look on Duna's face that this was a first.
"Do you have your wand?" I shouted over the din.
It was hard to get through to her; she was staring up at the closest monster with her eyes wide.
"Duna!"
I took my staff then and gave her a jolt from behind.
She looked back at me, her face a combination of irritation and terror.
"Your wand!"
She shook her head, seeming to come around, and produced the wand from one of her pockets.
"Be ready to use it!" I called. "Ever seen this many before?"
Her face was blank, shocked.
I ran for her, gripped my staff in one hand and her arm in the other, and pulled her toward the attackers. She didn't want to go and actually fought me for a moment, and then I understood. Giants weren't fighters; they were hiders. Masters of camouflage, big and burly, but frightened into submission from so many years in the dark.
The giants were fleeing haphazardly in all directions, any direction that took them away from the Howlers, which were baying their howls into the night again. But the giants hadn't counted on so many attackers, and, standing back from the action, I could see that the monsters were herding them up like a flock of sheep.
I was no longer afraid, though. I had people to lead, even if they were afraid.
"Duna! Get people inside, then meet me at the fire pit!"
I took off without even seeing whether she understood me. There was simply no time.
I ran in the direction of Arte's house. I hadn't engaged in battle yet; there was something else I needed first.
I blasted his door open without knocking and found Arte, Kaeci, and Connell all hiding together in a bunch.
"What are you doing? There are people dying out there!"
Connell stood first, which was surprising considering his unwillingness to help earlier. I ran to him and thrust the staff into his hands.
"Use this! Now get out there!" I turned and ran to Arte, who was kneeling behind the bed with Kaeci in his arms.
I was a small girl in general, but among giants, I was barely larger than a stray dog. That didn't bother me, though. I wound up and smacked him as hard as I could across the face, and when he didn't respond, I pulled out one of my knives and lit it.
"Do I need to cut you?"
Slowly he shook his head.
"Where are your weapons?" I demanded.
Finally, he stood, walked across the room, and took down a large hunting knife and a sword from inside a closet.
"Good," I said. "What about her?"
Kaeci looked terrified, but that wasn't a good enough reason for me.
"Get her something, too."
Arte took another, longer blade from the closet and handed it to her. She didn't want it and tried to give it back to him.
"Don't be a fool," I said. "If we want to survive, all of us, every one of us, needs to fight now."
Connell was standing by the door, but it was hard to tell if he was waiting for me or if he was simply too scared to leave. Probably both.
I walked in his direction, pushing past him and opening the door beyond.
"I hope you still know how to fight," I said.
I didn't wait for an answer, just as I hadn't waited for Duna to answer. This was no contest. If people wanted to live, they would need to defend themselves.
"Let's go." I grabbed Connell by the hand and pulled him outside with me. If ever there was a time where he would need to prove himself, this was it. Life or death. No going back.
"Stay with me!” I called over the screams.
His hand gripped mine, and it was heartening to feel the strength of his grasp.
I know you're in there somewhere.
We ran toward the fire pit where all three of the Howlers were congregating around everyone who had been finishing dinner. People had stayed out late to discuss my proposal, and now they were getting butchered. I recognized the woman who’d been arguing with Alys when I'd been standing in line for dinner. She lay on the ground in a heap, people tripping over her body, running away. Did anyone even care?
I didn't have time.
One of the monsters saw Connell and me, and it advanced on us.
"Stand your ground!" I yelled.
I dropped Connell's hand and took out my other knife, holding them both pointed at the monster's eyes. They were his most vulnerable place. I planned to skewer them, and I let two giant bolts of power explode from the tips of the knives.
I had underestimated him, though. It didn't stop him from coming at me, and for a moment, I thought I might be about to fight this battle from within his gaping jaws.
Then I thought of Duna. If Duna was still alive and still able to heal, I might have a chance at surviving.
"Connell? Get ready! Don't back down!"
This time, instead of the monster coming for me, I went for it and dove right into his mouth. Instantly, I felt a searing pain on both my legs where his teeth ripped into my flesh. I was so full of adrenaline, though; I thought I just might survive.
From deep within his throat, I let go of my power completely, unleashing everything I had against this unnatural magical beast because that had to be what it was—another of Torin's creations. I suspected now that the only way to kill it was with magic.
I had questions for the tribe, but my questions were too late, as I was finding out the answers with each moment that passed by.
They had never killed one, I felt sure. And now I knew why. Why they hid. Why they were afraid all the time.
I sliced open the beast's throat from the inside, then jabbed my knives up into his brain.
I knew I had him when the sound coming out of him became garbled. In one motion, I sliced his brain in two. The Howler fell to the ground. I tried not to scream because screaming wouldn't get me what I wanted, what I needed. I crawled out from the monster's mouth and unstuck its teeth from my calves, falling onto my knees in the dirt as war raged around me.
I saw Connell. He was trying to make use of the staff, but he wasn't having much luck.
"Connell!" I yelled. "Get Duna!"
I couldn't move, could barely see, for the mucus from inside the monster had smeared all over my face and into my eyes.
That, I could handle. But having no use of my legs, there was little I could do but wait for Duna.
Unfortunately, the next Howler in line was ready for me now. While it had been a brilliant idea the first time, I no longer wanted to end up in the mouth of another monster.
Where was Duna? I was helpless without her. I would die without her, and soon.
This new Howler seemed to have seen my battle with its brother. He'd learned. Watched. He didn't come at me with a bite, but instead, he reached out for me with his claws. I did the only thing I could do; I held out my knives and sent as much power as I could through them both.
"Bree!" Duna yelled.
I could've cried, I was so happy to see her. But she had other things to deal with first. She was after the same monster I was, only she was tall and whole and uninjured. She held her wand up high, and it was with great relief that I saw a jet of pure white fire coming through that wand and hitting the monster squarely in the head.
Hurry.
Connell was at my side, kneeling down before me. I pushed him away.
"You must fight!"
"But I can't!" He held
out the staff to me.
"If Duna can fight with a chair leg from her house, you can fight with this." I shoved the staff into his hands once more. "I don't want to see you die tonight, Connell."
His face hardened, and there was a flicker there, a long-lost understanding about what courage was.
He stood up from the ground and pointed the staff at the creature Duna was fighting. Then, surprising all of us, a jet of red fire burst from the staff. He took several steps backward, his eyes wide with surprise. Then a smile crept across his face, and he held the staff aloft, determined to make it yield to him.
He and Duna together were enough, and the Howler went down, his face smashing into the dirt next to the body of the woman I'd stood in line with.
Nobody else came. Nobody helped. The rest of the giants simply ran, each of them trying desperately to survive the night.
These people needed me just as much as I needed them, I realized. I could teach them to fight, and they could serve me in return in the war to come.
Duna's face was victorious. She looked around, clearly hoping someone else had seen what she'd accomplished. Then she saw me splayed out on the ground, unable to move. She didn't hesitate, and she ran for me, throwing herself down beside me and immediately putting her hands anywhere she saw blood.
Connell, however, had had new life breathed into him, and he went for the third and final creature.
I lay my head back, relief washing over me as Duna healed me and Connell attacked the last of the beasts. He wasn't quite strong enough to do the job alone, though. And a moment later, I saw Kaelin at his side, a long sword in his hands. Like me, he went for the eyes first, though his technique was better. He slashed every single one of those beady eyes, thick black blood spurting from them, the creature groaning. It was the smallest of the three, and Connell and Kaelin together were enough to take it down.
It was only moments before I was able to rise again, holding out my knives, ready for anything.
But as I looked around at all of the dead bodies, I realized the battle was over. Had we, could we have, won?
Giants slowly began emerging from their cabins, checking the bodies for signs of life.