Azure (Drowning In You)

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Azure (Drowning In You) Page 21

by Thoma, Chrystalla


  Fully awake now, Olivia sat up. Kai was fast asleep, his face slack, his eyes moving rapidly behind his lids. Dreaming.

  She shifted bit by bit until she was sitting on the edge of the bed. She should go out and tell everyone to be quiet before they woke Kai up. He looked worn; he needed his rest.

  When she stood up, though, his dark eyes blinked open, staring right at her. “Liv?”

  “Hey.” She smiled, feeling warm under his gaze. “Go back to sleep. I’ll just go take a shower in my room and change.”

  “I need to move. My joints feel rusty.” He grimaced as he sat up. She moved to help him but he managed and swung his legs off the bed, the sheet bunched over his lap. “Um.” His cheekbones colored. “Do you mind finding me some clothes before you go?”

  She covered a snort behind her hand, and nodded. “Wait here.”

  “Good idea.”

  Oh god, he looked delicious like that, half-naked, flushed and smiling. Maybe she should pull that sheet off him and...

  Bad girl. Behave. Kai still looked exhausted and shaky. “I’ll be right back.”

  She crossed the hall and glanced around. Her friends weren’t there. Had they stepped in to check on her before heading back out?

  Panos’s mother didn’t seem to be about, either.

  A door gaped open at the far end of the living room, into a kitchen. Inside she found a round table and chairs, and an ironing board topped with a pile of carefully folded clothes. Men’s clothes. Panos’s most probably. She quickly grabbed a t-shirt and a pair of black slacks and returned to Kai who still sat primly on the bed, wrapped in the sheet.

  “I’ll go walk by the pool,” he said, accepting the clothes with a raised brow. “See you later?”

  “Yeah, I won’t be long.” She kissed him lightly on the lips and left with quick strides, before she changed her mind and unwrapped him from that sheet like a Christmas present.

  Grabbing her key from Rita who manned the reception desk, she took the elevator and entered her room. It felt weird to be back there, after all that had happened — the panic and the magic and the relief in the end.

  She didn’t linger in the shower, only scrubbed the salt and sand off her skin, and let the warm water sluice through her tangled hair. She combed it through with her fingers. With a towel around her head, she brushed her teeth and sorted through her last items of clean clothing, choosing randomly a white cotton shirt and shorts. She slipped on underwear, clothes and shoes, then rubbed her hair with the towel and deemed herself ready.

  She wanted to be with Kai, ask him to tell her what exactly had happened in the sea, how he’d been washed out on the sand. If he thought those shiny pebbles Professor Skein had gathered were scales — his scales — and what he should do with them. If he believed it was important that the sea returned them, and what it might mean.

  Loud voices greeted her as soon as she stepped out of the elevator. Kirsten and Markus arguing with Rita.

  Jesus, what now?

  She found them in the lobby. Kirsten’s face brightened when she saw Olivia, then fell again. What the hell was going on?

  “We looked everywhere for you,” Markus said.

  “Why?” Alarms were going off inside her head. After what had happened today, anything was to be expected. “What’s going on? You’re scaring me.”

  “Nothing bad,” Kirsten glared at Markus. “It’s just that Justin is here. He says you knew he was on his way.”

  “Justin?” Her ex boyfriend? She gaped at Kirsten. “Are you serious?”

  “He’s at the beach bar. He says he sent you a message telling you he’d be coming. He’s been here since yesterday.”

  This made no sense. Although, trying to think back, there had been this weird text she’d received from him on the way to Balos Beach, saying something about a flight. She’d erased the message from her phone and her mind in one stroke.

  “What is he doing here? I thought he canceled his flight.”

  “No idea.” Kirsten huffed. “He says he wants to talk to you.”

  “And he came all the way here to talk?”

  “Says such things can’t be worked out on the phone.”

  There was nothing to work out. And yet... perhaps talking to him would be a good idea. Get some things clear. Forgive and be forgiven. Move on.

  “Okay, fine.” She set out across the lobby and found her friends rushing to keep up. She stopped. “If you don’t mind, I want to talk to Justin alone.”

  “Liv...” Kirsten looked like she wanted to say something more, but Olivia didn’t want to hear it. “Fine.”

  Rita harrumphed, and Olivia ignored her, too. This was her business, her life to put in order. Rita seemed generally unhappy with Olivia’s decisions. Well, she couldn’t please everyone.

  As long as Kai was happy, she didn’t give a damn.

  It was late afternoon, she realized when she stepped outside and the sun hit her eyes, sitting low on the horizon. Where had the day gone? Then she saw Justin coming up the path to meet her, the light catching on his golden hair, and stopped in her tracks.

  Talk about surreal. That morning she’d woken up in Kai’s arms, had found him half-dead on the beach, had gone through an ancient magical rite and now she was meeting the man she’d dated before coming here, the man who’d insisted on marrying her and then berated her and yelled at her when she wouldn’t reconsider.

  A human reaction.

  Kai was human, too. But he was infinitely different. And she liked him as he was.

  “Livvy.” Justin reached out for her hand and she stepped back.

  She only wanted Kai to hold her hand. “Justin. Kirsten tells me you want to talk.” She swallowed hard. “You paid a flight just for that?”

  “I just postponed my flight,” he said, his hand dropping to his side and his brows knitting in a scowl. “I never canceled it.”

  So cool and collected. After their passionate argument and the insults that had flown back and forth, he’d thought about everything and decided not to waste his vacation. “I thought these cheap flights cost as much to change dates as to buy a new ticket.”

  He shrugged. “Money’s not a problem.”

  It had never been, had it? A rich family, anything he’d ever wanted always within reach. Not that hers was poor, but still. There was rich and rich. “So you’ll be here for a week?”

  “Yes.”

  “Alone?”

  “You’re here,” he said.

  Whatever. “Let’s get this over with. What did you want to talk about?”

  “Don’t be like that, Livvy.”

  “Olivia.” She licked her dry lips. “It’s Olivia.”

  “Why are you so mad at me? I didn’t do anything wrong.”

  Right. She was the one in the wrong, because she’d rejected his offer, which made her the bad guy. Nothing new there. “You called me a selfish idiot and a waste of your time, Justin.”

  “I was upset. I didn’t mean it. And you said I was pushy and arrogant and didn’t care about you.”

  Problem was, she’d meant the things she’d said. Now more than ever. But she didn’t want to start another argument. “I was upset, too,” she muttered.

  “I see you still are,” he said quietly. He grabbed her hand before she could react and pulled her toward the bar. “We need to talk.”

  She was so shocked she didn’t jerk her hand loose until they were in the shade of the thatch roof. “What’s wrong with you?” She backed away, anger heating her neck. “Don’t touch me again.”

  “I only want to talk.”

  “Well, you know what? I don’t, and you can’t always have what you want. You’ll eventually learn to live with that.”

  Her heart thumping too loud in her ears, she turned to go. She thought she saw movement up the path, partly obscured by the ornamental plants. Was someone there?

  “You’re leaving Crete tomorrow, Olivia,” he called from behind her. “Do you want to go back alone?”

>   Leaving tomorrow. That had been the bad thing she’d been trying to remember. Oh god. “I’m not alone. Kirsten and Markus are with me.”

  “Stay.”

  She blinked and slowed to a stop. “What?”

  “I’ll buy you another ticket. It’s not a problem.”

  “Maybe not for you.”

  “Come on, Olivia. We fit like hand and glove. We know each other so well.” He cleared his throat. “I still want you.”

  Want, not love. He still wanted her. She’d been a bad girl, but he’d give her another chance.

  Seriously?

  She glanced back at him. He looked earnest, his light eyes intense, his golden hair sticking up. His lips tilted up as she observed him, that arrogant little smirk she’d come to know so well, the one that said he knew he looked good in his expensive sports clothes, with his expensive haircut, his handsome face and the hold he’d had on her since she’d met him. She’d been lost when she’d arrived to Germany, and he’d been nice and comfortable to be with. And then he’d become a habit. A crutch.

  Her fault, too, for not letting go as soon as she’d realized she didn’t love him. She’d been with him for half a year, and although he knew what she liked for breakfast and what sort of music she listened to, he’d never gotten to the core of her. Never found out what made her tick, what made her laugh and cry. What could break her and make her whole again.

  Unlike Kai, with his hermit’s hut and his mother’s poem collection under his bed, his brilliant smile and the pain in his eyes that matched her own.

  “You don’t know me,” she said, willing him to understand. “I don’t know you.”

  “We need more time, that’s all. Stay this week with me, and then we can go back State-side together. We can make this work.”

  Taking deep breaths, she turned back toward the hotel. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want it. I don’t want you.” She’d never been more sure about something. “Go back to your life, find yourself a wife and have a happy life.” She strode up the path as quickly as she could. “Goodbye.”

  She looked for Kai at the pool but he wasn’t there. As she approached the hotel, she thought she heard a shout, but when she entered there was only Panos, looking pissed and disheveled, his shirt half hanging out of his pants.

  “You,” he said, sounding disgusted.

  She eyed him, her heart still racing. What else was this day going to dump on her? “What now?”

  “I say make him laugh,” Panos said. “I say break the spell, not break his heart.”

  She tried to make sense of this. “Kai?” She glanced around. “Where is he?”

  “Kai leave.” Panos slammed his hand on the desk. “He leave and he upset...”

  She couldn’t hear the rest. Her ears roared and her head felt about to explode. “Where did he go?”

  “Not say. Nothing. Just leave. You have boyfriend. Of course he leave.”

  Oh Christ. “Justin is not my boyfriend. We broke up weeks ago.”

  Panos shook his head, not looking convinced in the least. “He talk to your boyfriend, see you together.”

  What had Kai seen? She suddenly felt sick when she remembered Justin grabbing her hand and dragging her to the bar, saying he wanted her, that it had all been a minor misunderstanding born of anger. “How much did he hear?”

  “Hear enough,” Panos bit out the words. “And they talk.”

  Wait a sec... “Kai talked to Justin?” She’d been gone less than half an hour to shower and everything had gone to hell.

  “They fight.” Panos muttered something in Greek. “Kai strong before. He never sick before, never down. Never desperate. You come, he change.”

  “I haven’t done anything,” she whispered. But she had, hadn’t she? Break him and then put him back together. Well, she’d broken him alright, and now?

  “Only a vacation to you. But Kai live here.”

  God, what a mess. “I must find him.”

  “No,” Panos said. “Must not. Leave him. Better.”

  “How can you say that? He was sick, and now he’s running off to god knows where...” To swim, most probably. “What if the sea doesn’t protect him anymore? What if he dies out there?”

  “He will be okay,” Panos said firmly. “You go home. Kai strong again. Never laugh, never cry.”

  But it wasn’t true anymore, was it? Kai had laughed, and then he’d cried, even if Panos didn’t know it. Panos had never pushed Kai to talk, had never broken through his defenses, never felt what Kai felt. He was too different. Wouldn’t have understood, Kai had said.

  Kai. God, she was afraid for him. “Please help me find him. I need to explain. There’s nothing between Justin and I, and I have to say—”

  “You leave tomorrow.” Panos jabbed a finger at her. “You make him care and break his heart, and now you go.”

  “And what about my heart?” she whispered, feeling as if shards of glass were pushing into her chest. “What about what I feel?”

  Panos just shook his head. “Go home.”

  ***

  Olivia stared at her clothes strewn on the bed. Kirsten was there, helping her pack. They were leaving early the next morning. They’d had dinner at the closest taverna — or rather Kirsten and Markus had, and had tried to force-feed her something. She couldn’t even remember what they’d had.

  Kirsten said they’d found Justin shouting at Kai in the gardens of the hotel. Justin had obviously seen them together the previous day, upon his arrival, and had decided to make it clear to Kai he didn’t approve of any man touching his future wife.

  Jesus H. Christ.

  So Kai had stormed off but had stuck around long enough to see Justin drag her to the bar and declare his intentions to be with her. Probably not long enough to see her leave or hear her parting words.

  Because her timing always sucked. She was never there when she needed to be, and let people down.

  She caught glimpses of Justin by the pool when they’d returned to the hotel. He was with a woman Olivia had never seen before, laughing and drinking cocktails. And quite frankly, Olivia didn’t give a damn.

  Kai hadn’t shown up. Over the afternoon, she’d checked his hut and the nearby beaches. He wasn’t anywhere she knew where to look.

  Panos insisted he didn’t know where Kai was, but he didn’t seem overly concerned which meant he knew, just didn’t want to tell her. They’d passed Rita on the way back to the hotel and she’d pretended not to see Olivia, her face set in angry lines.

  If you hurt my cousin...

  Yeah, right. Olivia swallowed past the lump in her throat. The need to see Kai, smell him, hold him was a physical pain, a cold ache inside her chest.

  There was some good news: her mother had sent her a message telling her she’d been accepted by the college in New York City she’d applied to. She’d emailed the counselors to ask if she’d be given credit for the classes she’d already taken, and they’d said yes and included a list of books she’d need.

  Kirsten had more good news: she and Markus had been selected for the exchange program of their university and would spend the next semester at the same college as her. It was amazing. She should be thrilled. She should be dancing with joy.

  She stared down at a crinkled blouse and couldn’t imagine herself anywhere without Kai.

  It would get better, Kirsten had insisted. The first few days would be hard but then she’d forget how it had been with Kai, forget about him. She’d meet new people and have tons of fun.

  It didn’t seem possible. Or desirable. Why should she move on when she wanted to be with Kai?

  You barely know him, she thought. Despite his confessions, despite knowing about his past, what made him sad and what made him smile, despite knowing his only living family.

  Come to think of it, she knew him quite well.

  Didn’t change the fact he wasn’t there. He hadn’t asked her to stay, had in fact said a few times he lived here, with no hint he might be changing his mind a
t any point in time — and she was leaving far away.

  Moving as if through the cobwebs of a nightmare, she packed her things and lay in bed, unable to sleep. She stared at the ceiling for hours, until she gave up and went out to the balcony. The sea stretched calm and dark. Olivia sat there, watching it, hoping for Kai to show up, hoping for something to happen.

  Dawn broke, a vein opening on the horizon, drenching the sea in blood.

  Tears in her eyes, she got stiffly to her feet and stumbled back inside.

  It was time to go.

  ***

  The hotel lobby was empty. Bitter-sweet memories assaulted her as she stood there with her suitcase — the day she’d bumped into Kai, making him drop his packages, the way he’d asked if she was okay. The way he’d said she looked sad and that he wanted to see her smile.

  God, stop it.

  Kirsten and Markus who were standing at the door called for her to come out. Their taxi was there.

  This was it. She was leaving.

  She stared at the piece of paper in her hand where she’d scribbled her full name and phone number, addressed to Kai. She placed it on the reception desk, glad Panos or Rita weren’t there, and hoped Kai would get it and call her.

  Hope seemed frail.

  They packed their things in the back of the taxi and rolled into the dim morning, leaving the hotel behind them. The light over the sea was brightening, the clouds reflecting on its mirror.

  So he’s chosen you, she thought. You’re here and I’ll be far. It makes sense somehow. Or maybe the curse had never been broken.

  Or maybe she’d fucked up royally, after all. Probably even from the start — seeking Kai out, trying to help him, being with him, falling for him. She’d always known she was leaving, but maybe he’d hoped she wouldn’t.

  Just like she’d hoped he’d go with her.

  Selfish, like Justin had said.

  She wept as they drove away from the hotel, silently and hiding her face from the others. She couldn’t recall ever feeling such pain, except when Andria had died. It was a pain similar in intensity, only sharper. Maybe because Kai wasn’t dead, and hope still refused to go out.

 

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