“A boyfriend?”
“No… I don’t know. Maybe?”
“This is the guy whose family owns this house? It’s beautiful, but of course they are rich. I wondered why they loaned it to you.”
“Do you think it was inappropriate?” I ask anxiously. That’s bothered me.
“Not necessarily. Only if there is some implied exchange that you aren’t comfortable with. Or if there’s some agenda you aren’t aware of. But then you wouldn’t know that, would you?” She puts a pan on the stove and starts sautéeing vegetables.
“Like what? They didn’t ask for anything in return, if that’s what you mean. In fact, I kind of got the impression this was payback for a favor I did them.” I tell her about Lucy’s visit to campus and my meeting with Matt’s parents.
“Hmm. It was the Senator’s idea? I’m sure she likes to keep her ledgers balanced. So what about this guy? What is he to you?”
I squirm on my stool now. “I don’t really know. We’re so complicated.”
“How so?” She puts up a pot of rice so I’m spared her direct examination.
“We got off to a bad start. We hated each other for a year. Then we ended up in the same class and cleared up some misunderstandings and one thing led to another….”
I’m embarrassed, even though my mom is a feminist who would never shame me for having a sex life. “We never really dated though,” I hasten to explain.
“So you just hooked up?” She looks at me and holds up her palms. “I’m not judging!”
“We had one date,” I admit miserably. Only one.
“And you used condoms?”
“Mom!” I gape at her. We’ve talked about sex before, but it’s always been in the abstract.
“Okay! Okay! I’ll take that as a yes. So how do you feel about this guy? He seems to be your go-to answer when asked what you’re thinking about.”
“I have very strong feelings for him,” I say cautiously, echoing my words to Matt’s mother. “And they’re all over the map. Do you think that’s normal?” I ask the question that bothers me the most.
My mom studies me and sighs. “I wonder if we did you a disservice by keeping you from dating. I wonder if Lena will be more prepared now that we’ve eased our rules. We thought we were doing the right thing.”
“I didn’t mind so much.“
“I know. I know. You cared more for school than for anyone outside the family. But now that you do care for someone you have no reference points, no context for your feelings or for his or for relationships in general.” She returns to stirring, looking thoughtful.
“That’s what Matt said. He said I needed more data points.”
“Did he? And have you found any new data points this summer?”
I hang my head. “I tried—not even sleeping with other guys, but just dating. But I just didn’t care enough. They were so dull, mom! This Estonian guy I’ve been hanging around with? He worships me and I can’t even figure out why!”
My mom laughs then. “No, you wouldn’t like that. You always got annoyed by people who treated you like a delicate flower. You’re really very tough. That’s why we let you go off to college in the U.S. when you sprung that on us. We knew you could handle it.”
I was surprised by this insight. “Last year at college everyone thought I was a bitch.”
“Well, you can get pretty cranky sometimes,” my mom says, suppressing a smile. “And blunt.”
I smile back, but hesitate. “I told Matt I knew what I wanted, that I wanted something nice, more normal. He said normal was relative and now I go back to school next week and think maybe he’s right. I can’t wait to see him again, but I still don’t know where this is going.”
“You can’t really know until you try it,” my mom says gently. “It’s not an abstraction, a concept, or a theory. You’re two real people and you’re unpredictable and irrational sometimes. You won’t know what this is until you’re in it.”
That actually makes sense. We talk while the rice cooks, then we talk some more while we eat it with stir-fried vegetables and a loaf of crusty bread. We don’t only talk about Matt and sex and relationships, but the exchange reassures me—that complicated might be normal. Matt said I was scared but he still thinks I’m brave. My mom thinks I’m tough. Maybe I could handle this turbulent thing with Matt. Maybe I could even handle the gossip this time.
Later that night, after a tearful goodbye with my mother, I lie in bed and think about my conversations with her, with the senator, with Matt, and the ones I’ve had inside my own head. Maybe I was over-thinking my resistance to him. Or maybe I dreamed up all that intensity. Or maybe he has moved on. Before I can think too much I call Matt.
He picks up right away and just the sound of his voice sends a sharp stab of longing through me. No, I hadn’t dreamed it.
“Annika? You okay?” He sounds anxious.
“I’m fine. No worries.” I try to sound normal when my heart is thumping so loud and hard I’m sure he can hear it.
“Oh. It’s just that you don’t call—I mean, we don’t talk on the phone. But I’m glad to hear from you.” Matt rarely sounds this awkward and now I’m concerned.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, of course! I mean… yeah.” He finishes on a sigh. “Why are you calling?”
I leap off a cliff. “I wasn’t sure you were real. I wasn’t sure we were real. Maybe I made it all up. Or misremembered. So I just called before I thought about it any more.”
He chuckles. “Well, I don’t think that’s reassurance I can give you over the phone.” He sounds more like himself, confident and oh so sexy. Some of my tension eases.
“It’s been such a long summer,” I complain.
“The longest ever.” He pauses. “I could come down next weekend and drive you back.”
“I bought a train ticket already. I didn’t want to impose.”
“Impose?” His voice is incredulous.
“Well…I guess I felt uncertain of where we’d be then.” I chew on my lip, waiting for him to ask what I want and wondering what to say.
“I don’t know where you’ll be. But I’ll be waiting.”
“What?” I swallow.
“I’ll wait for you, Annika.”
“But—” I start and then I don’t know what to say. He floors me.
“I’m pretty sure you’ll figure things out, but I know there’s a chance you’ll keep torturing me.”
“Hey!” I say indignantly, but I’m starting to feel better, to feel more stable, to remember how we are together.
“Because you have been known to torment me.” I can hear the laughter in his voice now.
“And you have been known to enjoy it,” I tease back.
“I’ve been known to love it.” And the teasing is gone.
I inhale sharply. “Me too.”
We talk for a little longer, but I’m deeply reassured. I know him. I know us. It’s real and we’re good. No, great. I feel light for the first time since he left.
We get off the phone and I text him almost instantly. I can’t help myself. I want connection.
I miss you, asshole!
That’s the best you got?
For now. I’m saving up.
LOL. I know what you mean.
I do want you, you know.
I do know. And you got me.
With that I can finally settle down to sleep, smiling.
25
Matt
“Bye!” I holler, slamming the trunk of the car shut.
And I’m outta here!
“Wait! Matt!” It’s my mother and her voice is raised, which surprises me enough to pause before I get in the car. She hurries over before I can react. My dad appears at the front door, watching. Lucy headed back to school yesterday.
“Ma, I’m in a hurry!” I protest.
“I know, I know! I just wanted to say—oh, I don’t know. Will!” she calls out, turning. “What did I want to say?”
“That we’re proud of him?” my dad yells back and I grin at him.
“Yeah, that’s it. And we love you. I remembered that all by myself,” she mutters, her hands fluttering near me.
“It’s okay, Ma. You can hug me.” I say in a long-suffering voice. I hold up my arms and wait for it.
“Hmmph! If you insist,” she grumbles, but I can see the tiny upturn at the corner of her mouth.
She hugs me tight for a brief moment and then releases me to peer up into my face. “She better take care of you!” She wags a finger in front of my nose and I burst out laughing.
“Or what, Senator?”
“I have my ways!” She produces an actual smile now, then steps back. I get in the car, feeling happier than I have in a long time. All summer, pretty much. I slam the door and shift into gear, eager to leave. I wave at my parents as I start rolling.
“You can still apply to law school! There’s still time to change your mind!” My mother calls after me. I chuckle and shout out the window.
“Not gonna happen! Love you!”
In the rearview mirror I see her place her hands on her hips and sigh before turning to rejoin my father.
Two hours later I’m banging on Annika’s door. She opens it and squeals.
“Matt! You’re earlier than I expected! Why wouldn’t you warn me?”
She’s got a huge grin on her face as she scolds me and I’m feeling lightheaded.
First, she’s freaking gorgeous. And I knew that but that’s not the same thing as seeing her in person. Being within two feet of all that creamy skin and silky hair and sky-blue eyes and sexiness is something else all together. I step closer so it’s now only one foot and I hear her breathing hitch.
Second, I missed this girl. God, how I missed her! I’m still staring because I need to fill up on her after the long drought.
Third, I love her. That hits me like a bolt of lightning and I shudder.
“I’m not ready!” she cries, waving a hand over her sweatpants and tee shirt. I barely glance down before I haul her into my arms and press my face against her neck, inhaling deeply.
“Tell me you’re all in for this. Then show me your room,” I whisper against her ear. I’m vaguely aware of Lani watching from the sofa, but then Annika starts trembling and everything else fades away.
“I’m in! I’m so in! I’m….mmmphh!”
I kiss her deeply and it’s too good to describe in words. Then she’s the one pulling me through the living room toward her door and I’m grinning like a maniac. I wave briefly at Lani and then the door slams behind us and we’re goners.
“Are you sure we have to go back out there?” Annika whines.
Her bare foot is rubbing up and down my calf and her soft breasts press up against my chest. I close my eyes for a moment to savor the reality of this—because I’ve got my girl back and the sex was even more mind-blowing than I remembered and time stretches ahead of me like an open road.
“Well, we have to go out there sometime,” I say reasonably, between planting kisses on her face. “But it doesn’t have to be now.”
“Do you think they heard us?” Annika asks, nibbling on her delectable lower lip. I decide to help her out with that, which delays my answer.
“Um, maybe? But if not, they’re going to hear us sometime soon. Especially when we try spanking.”
Annika turns scarlet and swats at me. “Matt!”
I laugh. “What? Am I wrong?”
“Don’t say spanking if you don’t want me to get turned on!” she grumbles, and just like that I’m turned on again.
I groan and flop onto my back. Annika props her head on her hand to give me a sultry once-over. It’s sexy as hell.
“How the hell are we going to have loud, wild sex when you’re sharing a suite with two other girls?” I complain, scowling at her.
She lifts an eyebrow. “What? Like you have a better roommate situation? You want Kyle to hear us instead?”
Kyle found a two-bedroom apartment off campus and asked me to share it with him while he takes some pre-med courses he missed and applies to med school. With Annika living on campus with Holly and Lani and me living with Kyle, we have a pretty sweet set up—except that roommates will put a crimp on our naked activities. I have yet to see the place Kyle found because I didn’t rush back to campus to see him.
I frown. “You’re going to have to be quieter.”
“Me?” Annika squawks.
“Yeah, you’re the one who screams my name when you—” I’m cut off when Annika rolls on top of me, glaring down into my face with those amazing eyes.
“Oh, and you don’t like that, huh?” She pinches my nipple. Hard.
“Ow!” I frown some more, then she leans down and licks it.
“Mmm….” I forget what we’re talking about as my eyes close.
“Mmm what?” she prompts. “Mmm, Annika, I’m sorry I teased you because I love it when you scream my name when you come?” Her mouth is still driving me crazy, licking and sucking and biting me.
“Shit, Anni! That feels so good—”
She lifts her head to smirk at me, her hair sliding over my bare chest like another tease. “And?”
“Don’t stop, for God’s sake!”
She laughs out loud and I quit thinking. I roll her over onto her back and find her legs parting for me, her back arching for me. She’s still slippery and already ready. I smack a hand down over her mouth and see her eyes widen. Her mouth moves against my hand, nipping at me and murmuring something in some other language, which is sexy as hell.
“Shhh!” I whisper and then we’re panting and writhing together and I’m wrestling with a condom and plunging inside her until we come again—this time quietly.
Sort of.
“So! I didn’t realize how awkward this would be!”
We finally leave Annika’s room as it starts getting dark, driven by a different physical hunger. We step outside, blinking and rumpled and (temporarily) sated, to find Lani and Holly and Kyle in the living room all swiveling their heads to look at us. Annika and I freeze.
Kyle bursts out laughing. Lani rolls her eyes. Holly blushes to the roots of her red hair.
“Gimme some of that,” my new girlfriend says when she notices the pizza on the coffee table.
We both dive for the last two slices. We settle onto the floor side by side and I try to pull off eating with one hand because I’m reluctant to let her go.
“So!” I try again, between bites. “How loud were we?”
Annika turns her head to scowl at me. “Hard to believe that once upon a time I thought you were too smooth.”
I shrug while the others laugh. “Yeah, well. Be careful what you wish for.”
“To answer your question,” Kyle says, dropping an arm around Lani. “On a scale of 1-10? I’d say you were a 7 and Annika was a 9.” He snickers at us and I glower back at him.
“Kyle, stop!” Lani scolds. Her tone is mild, but Kyle clams right up, which saves me the trouble of smacking him down. “That’s what loud music is for,” she grins.
I scrub a hand over my face. This long intense day is catching up to me. Annika scoots closer and swivels to wrap her arms around my neck, her hands tangling in my hair. I grunt and relax into her arms.
“Guess what?” she says softly, “Who knew when you made Step 5 my stretch goal to find a boyfriend that it would be you?”
I wonder about that—how much did I sort of know all along about Annika? About us? I tighten my arms around her so she doesn’t go anywhere.
“Aww! You two are so cute!” Lani says happily. I smile at everyone, feeling awash with contentment at being back with this group, back at school, pressed close to Annika.
“Hey. Where’s Noah?” I wonder.
We all turn to look at Holly.
“I don’t know!” she says quickly. And it sounds totally wrong. The rest of us trade glances. She’s been strangely subdued.
“Is he back yet? Oh wait—he didn’t leav
e,” Kyle muses. “Have you seen him, Holly?”
“Why would I?” she snaps. And this is very weird.
“Um. Because he’s your best friend? Because he’s had a crush on you for, like, forever?” That’s Annika, sounding impatient. Uh oh.
Holly springs to her feet and her face gets blotchy. “What? You don’t know what you’re talking about, Annika! Why would you think that? I don’t know where he is! He hasn’t called me!” With a strangled sob, Holly runs to her room and slams her door on us.
“Oh,” Annika says, inhaling. “I didn’t mean to—” She pauses and I can feel her remorse like it’s a physical thing. “I’m such a bitch.”
“Well,” I hedge. I look at Kyle and Lani, who seem to be saying I’m on my own here. “Maybe not a bitch, exactly, but maybe a trifle insensitive?” I say carefully.
Annika groans and leans her forehead on my shoulder. “I should go to her, right? We’re roommates now and I have to do better and….”
She looks at Lani. “Do you hate me? Have I ruined everything already?”
Lani gives her a look full of warmth and shakes her head, while Kyle stares at her adoringly. God, is that what happy couples look like?
“Don’t fret so much, Annika! Talk to her in the morning. Give her some space.”
Kyle hauls Lani to her feet then. “Can we go now? Your place or mine, sweetheart?” He leans his head in to hear her quiet answer.
“Good point. We’re staying here. Troubridge, here are your keys. Have at it, man. Just don’t touch my fucking stuff and don’t move any furniture, dammit!”
I grin at him as I catch the keys he tosses me. “Got it!”
We’re going to get along fine. Lani moves to the stereo and puts on some music, winking at us before she and Kyle disappear into her room.
I turn to Annika. “Wanna come see my new place? I haven’t seen it myself.”
“Yes,” she says simply, leaning into me. I hold her close, rest my head on her silvery-gold hair, and breathe deep.
“You good?” I ask, still nuzzling against her. Now that I’ve finally got her I don’t want to let her go for a minute.
The Do-Over (Extra Credit Book 2) Page 15