by Sammie Joyce
I reached the outskirts, grinding my spiky teeth together as anticipation rolled through my body in a wrack of nervousness. I hadn’t noticed anyone following me through the forest, which probably meant that Dad was already back there.
Without any further delay, I forced my paws forward, crossing over the first row of cottages which housed the shifters with whom I’d grown up.
We were a diverse community of all walks. Some of us worked in town while others lived off the land. As a whole, we preferred the sanctity of nature to the hustle of the cities although I knew there were other shifters who lived outside our walls. Personally, I had never seen the appeal of pollution and overcrowded ghettos, but to each his own, I guess.
This land was ours—at least until some fat cat found oil beneath our feet and threatened to expel us like they did everywhere else in the world. We would be uprooted, just like my indigenous ancestors, cast out and forgotten.
But that was an infuriating matter for another time.
At this moment, I had to deal with this current infuriating matter.
Dad stood at the center of the compound, his mortal form basking in the glow of the ever-burning fire in the pit. I couldn’t remember a time when those flames ever stopped, even on the hottest days of summer. They were like the Olympic torch, never to be extinguished.
Knowing I couldn’t approach him as I was, I morphed back into my own human form and scurried to dress before joining his side. If he saw me there, he didn’t look at me, his eyes transfixed by the firelight as dawn grayed around us.
“Dad, I’m sorry—” I started to say but he held up his hand in that way I knew all too well. He wanted me to shut up and I would be wise to do so. Instantly, I clamped my lips together. Even then, he didn’t speak nor look at me. I felt myself getting defensive. I was twenty years old. I didn’t deserve to be treated like a baby.
Like he was reading my mind, he finally spoke.
“If you don’t want to be treated like a child, Davis, maybe you should stop being as reckless as one.”
A hot flush stained my chests and I ground my teeth together, knowing he was just getting warmed up.
“How could you be so careless?” he demanded. “When I heard that rumor, I had a bad feeling it was you…”
He grunted and finally turned to look at me.
“And you didn’t even have the decency to tell me when it happened?”
“Dad, I wasn’t sure if she’d seen anything—”
“She saw everything! And not only did she see it by accident, you purposely shifted in front of her, Davis! What the hell were you thinking?!”
I swallowed my resentment and glared at him.
“Dad, you’re overreacting,” I told him, steeling myself to keep my voice calm. “Lowell won’t say anything to anyone—”
“The damage is already done, Davis!” he snapped and I wished he’d stop cutting me off. My jaw was locked so tightly together, I was sure it was going to snap.
“Dad,” I tried again through between my teeth. “There was no harm done. She’s gone and it’s over.”
“You put all of us in danger, including that girl!” Dad snarled, his eyes glittering with fury. “Do you only care about yourself?”
I thought about how I’d carried Lowell all the way to Larissa’s, how I’d protected us both from that moose.
I could care about Lowell, I thought but I choked back the words, knowing that they wouldn’t win me any points with my father in that moment.
“Dad, I—”
But he was already transforming before my eyes, wings spread to soar over me, a slight squawk of displeasure escaping his lips as he flew upward.
“She could very well be the one, Dad!” I howled after him, feeling the throb of my fangs underneath my gum-lines, but he was already long gone, leaving me alone to ponder all my choices up to that minute.
Had I made a mistake telling Lowell to go? Or had I made a mistake trusting her in the first place?
My instincts told me that the former was true but my common sense and the eyes of the community around me told me that the latter was gospel. I’d never been more conflicted than I was in that minute.
All I knew for sure was no matter which way I looked, someone was bound to be upset. The safest thing to do was what I always did—retreat into the woods and forget about the outside world.
14
Lowell
It hurt more than anything I’d ever experienced in my life. I’d been rejected by the first person I’d ever cared about in any romantic fashion, and I didn’t even fully understand why.
Sure, I got that he was worried about protecting his secret but I was sure he believed that I wouldn’t tell a soul. Why had he pushed me away when I knew he could feel the attraction between us?
I threw myself into my school, despite the fact that my heart was aching. I had a lot with which to consume myself, given it was my final year and I needed to keep my grades up in order to graduate. I’d have to be thinking about college applications soon too, but instead of all that, I kept imagining how lonely my impending birthday was going to be.
Dad was still angry with me and I wondered if that was why he hadn’t much commented on the fact that I was limping. Or maybe he just didn’t want to know. Maybe he was afraid I’d lie to him if he asked. After all, I’d gone to bed fine one night and woken up with a swollen ankle the next. Whatever the reason, he barely spoke to me, as if smoking pot was the end of the world. I found it hard to imagine that he hadn’t done the same thing when he was high school senior himself. Perhaps that was why he avoided conversation with me—he realized he was being a hypocrite.
In any case, I attended my classes diligently. Even my skip on Tuesday went unaddressed and I mostly ignored my friends, even when they tried to talk to me.
“We’re all grounded,” Maddy moaned one day when she caught up with me after third period. “Parker’s going to be locked in until he goes to college.”
I grimaced, not wanting to remind her that it was her fault that we were all in that predicament. Instead, I said nothing and let her ramble on about the misgivings of her—and our—plight.
“What kind of jerk rats out a bunch of kids minding their own business?” she continued. “It’s not like we were making a mess or anything.”
I paused mid-step to peer at her in surprise. She hadn’t made the same connection that I had, that it was Davis who had told on us to save himself.
I had considered asking Davis about it when we’d met on Tuesday night but something had kept me from saying anything. I didn’t want to ruin the chemistry I’d felt brewing between the two of us by accusing him, even though I knew he’d done it. What benefit would that be anyway? Even if he admitted it, I’d known he’d done it because we’d backed him into a corner with our wild stories about him and the others.
Are there others? There must be.
I thought about what Larissa Pine had said about telling his father. Surely his father was a shifter too, or at the very least, knew that his son was one. I wanted so badly to run back to the mountain and look for Davis again, to beg him not to shut me out but I knew I had to respect his wishes. Whatever we’d shared in those moments would have to serve as a pleasant, melancholic memory.
That didn’t mean it made it any easier on me.
“Isn’t it your birthday tomorrow?” Madison asked when I didn’t respond. I eyed her warily. How could she possibly have known that?
She giggled at my expression.
“I’m student council president, remember? I have access to all the student files.”
Right.
I nodded slowly and resumed walking to my fourth period class. I wasn’t going to lose her anytime soon since she was in said class.
“Are your parents going to let you off the hook to celebrate?”
I shook my blonde waves and felt my frown deepen.
“Doubtful,” I muttered, thinking about how my dad couldn’t even meet my eyes that mornin
g. If anything, I felt like he was getting angrier with me.
“That’s brutal,” Maddy sighed, making a commiserating noise. “Maybe if you promise to do more around the house or something…”
She trailed off and I almost snorted. She had no idea that I’d been running the household mostly since my mom left. There was no “doing more” around the house. I already did most of it.
“We should get in there,” I mumbled, shoving my way across the threshold of my English Lit class. It was one of my favorites. There was really nothing I enjoyed more than getting lost in a good book, and old classics were the best.
I felt my cell buzzing in my bag. It was on vibrate and I knew I wasn’t supposed to have it on me at school but that didn’t stop me from slipping into a seat at the back of the class, away from everyone and sticking my head covertly to stare at the screen. It was a text from Kea.
Hey! Been trying to reach you. Any word?
I stared at the message for a long time, a fusion of emotions coasting through me as I considered a reply.
It was amazing how much things could change in such a short time. Only a few days ago, I’d likened Kea to a kindred spirit, someone who understood me and what I was going through. Now, after meeting Davis, I didn’t want to tell her anything, even though it made me feel guilty.
When we’re young, our parents teach us to follow our instincts.
“If it feels wrong, Lowell, don’t do it. It doesn’t matter what everyone else is doing,” Dad used to say. “Always trust your gut.”
What they don’t tell you is that sometimes your gut is conflicted. I didn’t think that Kea was trying to do me or Davis any harm but I had made a promise to him that I would keep my mouth shut. I’d already said too much and I didn’t want to open him or his kind up to anymore scrutiny. That said, Kea knew a shifter too—or so she claimed. If there was anyone who might be able to help me get back in Davis’ good graces, it was her.
“Are you going to join the class, Ms. Carey or is staring into the void of your knapsack more intriguing?” Mr. Giles quipped from the front of the room. Embarrassed, my head shot up and I dropped my bag back onto the floor, dismissing the message for the moment.
“Sorry,” I breathed as the class tittered. But I found it impossible to concentrate on the class that day for the first time, my mind laboring over how I would respond to Kea’s text.
When the class finally let out, I hurried out the back exit of the school to duck under the bleachers and whip out my cell. I’d figured out what I was going to say to her.
Yet when my fingers began to type, the rehearsed response flew out of my mind and I sent something else entirely.
No word. Sorry.
I looked at the answer in mild surprise. Now why hadn’t I told her the truth?
Almost instantly, I saw the message bubbles appear and I inhaled a breath as seconds turned into a full minute and when her text appeared, I frowned.
Are you sure? You didn’t learn anything? Nothing at all???
A spark of irritation flowed through me. I didn’t like that she seemed to sense my lie through this medium. A part of me wanted to ignore her but I knew she wasn’t going to give up that easily. I needed to cut this off at the knees before she pushed too far.
Nope. And I can’t talk. I’m grounded.
It was a cop out, using my punishment as an excuse but it was all I could think of at the moment. To my relief, she didn’t respond again. At least I’d bought myself a little bit of time, regardless of how fleeting.
Tossing my cell back into the front pocket, I readjusted my backpack on my shoulders and headed back into the school but as I reached the doors, I froze. The hairs on the back of my neck prickled and I whipped my head around. I was relatively alone out there, a sprinkling of kids wandering about on their spare periods but no one was paying me any mind at all. Certainly, they didn’t explain why I could feel the intense stare of someone watching me with too much interest.
Slowly, my eyes scanned the field and then my view expanded toward the tree line but I could see nothing out of the ordinary. Yet my racing heart and Spidey sense told another story. Someone was out there, watching me.
Swallowing the nervous lump in my throat, I spun around and rushed into the sanctuary of the high school but as the fire doors closed in my wake, I wondered if I was in danger—or if someone was keeping watch over me.
Someone like Davis.
15
Davis
If I had been restless before meeting Lowell face-to-face, I began jumping out of my own skin after. No matter what I did, where I went, I couldn’t get comfortable.
At first, I had ambled into the depth of the woods to meditate and ignore the community—and mostly my father. I’d been sure that if I spent enough time alone, I’d eventually shake off the deep feelings of despair that had threatened to swallow me whole. Moodiness was not foreign to me. As an artist, I was known to have my ups and downs with my emotions. Most of the time, the solitude of nature, becoming one with the earth, was enough to shake me out of whatever it was that plagued me.
But this was not my average mood. This was something else, something powerful and uncontrollable, something that swimming amongst the salmon and basking in the autumn sun would not and could not cure.
My mate was out there, within reach but I couldn’t touch her. The knowledge alone was enough to make me borderline insane.
Hud found me one afternoon, prowling through the trees and even as he approached, I could read the apprehension in his eyes.
“You’re worrying the sleuth,” he told me in no uncertain terms. “What’s going on with you?”
I didn’t answer, raising my head to sniff at him with my snout.
“Can you please shift back so I can talk to you?” my best friend insisted. I didn’t want to, but I knew he wasn’t going anywhere until I did. Hud would have made a good son to my father. They were both stubborn as hell, but for the most part, Hud did what he was told. I idly wondered if Dad didn’t wish that Hud had been his own kid.
“What?” I snapped, morphing into my mortal form to glower at him. I stood naked but I didn’t care. We’d all seen one another nude enough times to be desensitized by it and I didn’t intend on staying in my human form very long. Certainly not long enough to run yet another outfit when I shifted.
“Is it true that a girl saw you shift? Are you the bear-man that the town was going nuts about?”
Humiliation stained my cheeks.
“It’s complicated,” I muttered, moving my head so that only my profile was visible.
“I’m not going to lecture you, Davie, but you can’t just hide out here while the rest of us wait for backlash on that.”
I glared at him.
“If there was going to be backlash, it would have happened by now, don’t you think?”
Hud shrugged his broad shoulders.
“I don’t know and neither do you. For all you know, she could be out there rallying the townsfolk with pitchforks and torches.”
The scowl on my face faded slowly.
“You’re right,” I said softly. “I have no idea what she’s doing.”
Hud eyed me, hearing a note in my voice he didn’t like.
“I’m just worried,” he offered slowly. “For all of us.”
But I was barely listening anymore. I scrambled through the brush, looking for a pair of pants.
“Where are you going?” Hud demanded when I scurried away from him. “We’re not done talking!”
I didn’t respond, disappearing through the thick of trees, toward the main road. There was only one way to ensure that Lowell kept her word—and that was by keeping an eye on her.
* * *
I justified my watching her as doing it for the greater good but any fool could see right through me. I didn’t want to admit that I’d made a mistake by sending her away, but I couldn’t exactly right that mistake by seeking her out, not without enduring the wrath of my community.
/> For three days, I studied her through the small forest surrounding her school. I learned her routine, her friends and I read the deep unhappiness on her face, one that hadn’t been there before.
I did that. I made her unhappy, I thought miserably, the realization only fueling my desire to run from my hiding spot and take her in my arms. The cons that I had listed in my head against this seemed more and more trivial with each passing hour and, on the third day, I followed her home from school. Her place was remote enough that I could have continued my silent, far away surveillance, but I didn’t need anyone to tell me that it was alarming. I needed to make a choice. I couldn’t just watch over her like that. Either I needed to let her go or show myself.
“…Happy birthday!” another blonde yelled out to her as Lowell left through the back door that afternoon. I prepared to follow her home again but when I heard the words, I stopped in my tracks.
Of course! It was her birthday today. She’d mentioned that it was coming up, and now it was upon us.
Slowly, I sank back into the woods, knowing I had only one choice now. Without giving myself time to reconsider, to overthink, I turned and barreled through the woods, away from Lowell and the high school. I knew what I had to do.
16
Lowell
When I got home from school on my birthday, Dad wasn’t there, but my heart skipped a beat when I saw that he had all the fixings for a birthday cake out on the counter. A felt a sigh of relief escape my body as I realized he wasn’t so mad as to forget my special day.
I was eighteen now. A woman by all accounts, even if I was beginning to feel like a lovesick child, with all the moping around I’d been doing since leaving Davis.
This is going to be a good year, I promised myself, setting my bag down on a stool by the kitchen island. I’m going to focus on me. Forget about Davis and high school games. I’ve got this.