by Lee Kilraine
Hawk leaned into her and whispered, “I have a very special memory of this sleigh ride.”
His deep voice in her ear set off a fluttering in her stomach. Turning to him, their faces inches apart, her gaze fell to his lips before lifting up to his eyes. The heat she saw there warmed her from the inside out. “Our first kiss.”
HL plopped onto Hawk’s lap. “Here comes Brian’s house.”
Nora turned to look. Yep. The Ralph’s house was pretty spectacular. Lights and moving parts and even a projector with a light show up against the garage door. It was going to be tough to beat them.
The sleighs stopped long enough for the judges to mark their score cards before moving on to the final house in the competition: theirs.
“Our turn!” HL’s hand slipped into hers and squeezed with his excitement, which only ramped Nora’s higher. The wagons rolled down to stop in front of their house and Nora took in the gingerbread house lights, the nativity scene, and the fun inflatables—smiling at the festive display—when everything went dark. What?
“What’s happening?” HL asked, panic in his young voice.
“Power went out again,” Hawk said.
One of the judges moved down the wagon to them. “I’m sorry, Hawk. The rules state you have five minutes to fix a technical difficulty. After that we must judge the house as is.”
“But there are no lights.” HL’s chin trembled and turned to hide his face in Hawk’s chest.
“Look, Herb, we just had an ice storm, and the power’s out.”
“Rules are rules. I’m sorry.”
The happy feeling just moments ago snuffed out like a wet blanket over a flame. Nora’s stomach twisted like when she lost a close, hard-fought match. Worse, really, because she’d driven this whole thing. She was the one who suggested they enter. She was the one who said they could win. She’d built up HL’s excitement only to have it crash down onto him. Boy, she’d botched it and HL was paying the price.
Heather tugged gently on the sleeve of her jacket as Nora watched Hawk whisper in HL’s ear. Tearing her gaze away, she turned to Heather.
“Nora, the candles.”
“What?”
“The candles that you ordered by mistake.…”
“The candles? The candles. You’re brilliant.” Nora pulled her into a hug. “Thank you, sweetie.”
“We’ll take that five minutes!” Nora called, jumping from the wagon before reaching up to help Heather down. She turned to Hawk. “We’ll need a lighter.”
Hawk swung down next to her, still hugging HL tight in his arms. “Promise you aren’t setting the Ralph’s Snoopy house on fire.”
HL giggled from his dad’s chest.
“Promise. And could you ask everyone to come gather around the nativity.” Nora turned toward the house, but Heather was already coming back with two of the boxes piled in her arms.
With the help of many of the neighbors, people gathered in the yard where Heather and Nora passed out the candles. Hawk lit HL’s candle first, but instead of using the lighter to light the rest, they passed the flame from candle to candle in the quiet night.
Each candle lit the next, the light spreading through the crowd until all the candles glowed like fireflies in the dark.
Someone in the crowd began singing “O Holy Night” and everyone joined in, the voices and the glow from the candles both cutting softly through the dark night turning a “technical difficulty” into a beautiful, uplifting display.
When all the scores were tallied, the Ralphs won the contest for the fifth year in a row. Thanks to Heather’s quick thinking the Savages did win an honorable mention. But for an eight-year-old boy, that didn’t come close to lifting his disappointment. For a thirty-one-year-old woman, it didn’t assuage the guilt.
And then it turned personal. Because Brian Ralph’s father made sure to walk over to Nora and offer a smug, “If it makes you feel better, we would have beaten you even if you hadn’t lost power.”
She had a few choice words for Mr. Ralph, only she couldn’t share them on account of she was trying to be the perfect example of a good loser. If there was anything Nora hated, it was losing. And the only thing she hated more than losing was losing to a cocky winner. A classless winner who shoved it in your face.
* * * *
An hour later, they were home and gathered silently in the kitchen. HL sat at the island looking like someone had burst his balloon. Nora was slumped on the stool next to him looking an awful lot like the one wielding the sharp pin and very distressed about it.
“Sorry about that, guys.” Hawk passed out small dishes of warm applesauce with raisins to the kids. “Your decorations were terrific. And that was some fast thinking with the candles. An honorable mention is outstanding.”
“That was all Heather,” Nora said as she and HL looked at each other, shaking their heads. “I’m afraid HL and I are 0 for 1.”
Hawk looked around at their sad faces. Even poor Heather stood leaning against the counter, subdued and biting her bottom lip. This family needed to be rescued. Quick. “We aren’t done yet.”
Nora rested her chin in her hand. “We sort of are. We lost.”
Heather’s frown disappeared as she figured out what Hawk was talking about. “Dad’s right. The Reindeer Games are tomorrow.”
That sat HL up straighter. “We’ve never joined those before.”
Nora looked around at all their faces. “What are the Reindeer Games? I don’t remember that.”
“It’s only been around about five years,” Hawk said. “It’s sort of like a Christmas Olympics.”
That perked Nora up. “Do the Ralphs win it every year too?”
“Yep,” HL said, rolling his eyes.
“Then sign me up.” Nora stretched her hand out in front of her over the island. “Who else is in?”
“Me!” HL put his hand on top of Nora’s.
Heather nodded and added her hand. “Me too.”
They looked at Hawk who couldn’t stop the grin on his face because something special—something damn near awesome was happening here—and Nora had been the spark.
“Absolutely.” He joined his hand to the stack. “I’m in.”
Once both HL and Heather were in their beds, Hawk poured two glasses of wine, which Nora carried into the family room while he started a fire in the fireplace. He planned to relax on the couch with Nora as close as possible without being on his lap.
“How about we watch TV? I’ll give you two choices to pick from.”
“Sounds good as long as one of them is a Christmas movie.” She sat on the couch with her glass of wine.
“Okay. Option one: I’ve got your silver medal winning match on DVD and I’d consider it an early Christmas gift if you’d watch it with me and talk me through everything that happened.” He gave her his hopeful little boy look, the look every man keeps in their arsenal for desperate times.
She didn’t look very excited about that option. “Or?”
“Option two: We watch Die Hard.”
“Die Hard is not a Christmas movie.”
“Ask any guy; he’ll back me up.”
She sighed, narrowing her eyes at him. “I have a better idea, let’s just talk and if we run out of conversation, we can make out on the couch.”
“And option three it is.” Hawk added two bigger logs to the fire now that the kindling had taken. When he sat back on the couch, he sat in the corner, stretching his legs out and settling Nora up next to him.
“So when did you get so—big?”
He flashed a wicked grin at her.
“I’m talking about your muscles. You’ve obviously worked out for years.”
“You know I played sports in high school.”
“Do I ever. I used to sneak away from volleyball practice to watch you on the lacrosse field.”
He sent a hot look her way. “I worked out a lot in the army. It gave me something to do when I was deployed. And I kept it up once I transitioned to the police force. I’m part owner of a gym in town.”
“What? Since when was there a gym in Climax?”
“Since Quinn, Gage, and I bought the old Woolworths building a couple years ago and turned it into one.”
“I’ll have to check it out. It’s nice to know it’s available.” She pulled her eyes from his. “I mean, not for me, but, you know, for people in town.”
“I don’t get it.” He ran a hand down her arm until his hand captured one of hers. “You say you might be done with volleyball, and you don’t have another job… Have you thought about moving back to Climax?”
Nora’s hand jerked in his. Her ocean green eyes darkened into deeper waters. Uncharted depths. He dove in anyway.
“I guess what I’m saying is I’d like you to give serious thought to me. To us.”
Chapter Thirteen
Blue Christmas
Nora was pretty sure the silence in the room was on account of the way her heart stuttered in her chest for a painful beat or two. Pressure squeezed around her lungs until she drew in a breath. Her throat went tight at the thought of them together. An “us.”
She looked all over his handsome face, trying to avoid looking into his eyes, but the pull was too strong. And the softness there was too painfully wonderful for her to bear. Because she knew she’d love to give moving back to Climax serious thought—if his children weren’t involved. But they were. And the last week and half was all she needed to know that she wasn’t equipped to be a mother.
She wasn’t mom material. She was nothing like Holly. Based on the few snippets she’d heard from the kids, Hawk, and a little bit of gossip her stupid ears had picked up tonight, Holly had been the perfect mother and wife. How was Nora supposed to fill those shoes?
No way would Hawk have an affair with her with his kids right there soaking up all the gossip flying around the Grapevine. Hawk needed something committed…something stable…for HL and Heather. She also knew she couldn’t live in Climax and watch Hawk find exactly that with another woman.
She took a sip of her wine, trying to force herself to confront the truth. Because she’d been hiding from it the last few days with Hawk. Making love with abandon, shoving the reality of the situation deep away so she could steal these precious moments with him. One last hurrah, so to speak. But she couldn’t anymore. Time to deal with reality.
“I can’t. I can’t think about us because of your children.”
“You don’t like my kids?”
“Ha! I wish!”
“You wish you didn’t like my kids? Why do you want to dislike my kids?” By this time, Hawk had taken his hands off her and had his arms crossed over his chest.
He’d gone into protective Daddy mode, which was sexy as hell, dammit. The man wasn’t making this easy.
“If I didn’t like your kids so much, this wouldn’t hurt. But I do like them. Hell, I probably love them. They’re amazing. Which is why I can’t think about you and me. I have no idea how to parent. Not only did I not have a father, but my mother was a case study in how not to parent.”
He reached a hand out, cupping her face. “Nora, lots of people have crappy parents but end up doing a good job with their own kids.”
“Well, maybe that’s the difference. Maybe they have to be your own kids for it to work. And don’t think I haven’t tried.” Nora shot up and moved to the small desk in the corner where her backpack sat on the floor. She grabbed out a stack of books before stalking back and tossing them onto the coffee table in front of him one at a time. “The Modern Parent, Everything You Wanted to Know About Eight-Year-Old Boys but Were Afraid to Ask, How to Survive the Tween Years, Your Child’s Emotional Health. Plus I’ve listened to podcasts and watched YouTube videos. You know what that means?”
“That you give a damn?”
“It means no matter how hard I try, I suck at it. The thought of screwing up and hurting HL or Heather—the way my parents did me—scares me. They’re so great and they’ve already had to deal with so much.”
She paced back and forth between the Christmas tree and the TV, noticing Hawk had nothing to say. Because everything she was pointing out was sinking in. He was probably feeling like he’d dodged a bullet now that she’d put everything into perspective for him.
“And what if they don’t like me? What if they end up hating me? I hated many of my mother’s boyfriends.”
“Nora, they like you.”
“Sure, HL thinks it’s funny when I burn his meals now. But what about six months from now when it’s no longer a novelty?”
“I can cook. Or we’ll pick up meals from the diner.”
“It’s not that simple. My mom either acted like my manager or my best friend. When I was in college, she wanted to get high with me. When I told her I didn’t do drugs, she went and got high with my sorority sisters. That’s what I have in my parenting tool box.”
“I think you’re being awfully hard on yourself. I mean, you’ve been around kids for less than two weeks. It takes time.”
“You can say that after the way I screwed up with HL? Poor kid wouldn’t be crushed about the lights if it weren’t for me.”
“Hey, once he gets past the disappointment, he’ll realize he had a lot of fun decorating with you.”
“It’s not just HL. I almost messed up with Heather too.”
“How so?”
“I bought her those bras. Who do I think I am? I’m not her mother. She barely knows me let alone likes me. She doesn’t want some woman to come barging into her life and buy her underwear!”
“You don’t know that. I swear to God, before you arrived on our doorstep I was praying for someone to come along and—” He stopped in midsentence and an odd look settled on his face.
“To come along and what?”
Hawk’s hazel eyes looked thoughtful, like he was solving some great mystery of the world. They refocused on her with a bright intensity that made her knees weak. “How about this… Since you don’t have any other plans yet, and you’re still trying to decide on try outs for the Olympic team… Why not stay with us a bit longer?”
“I think it’s best if I leave after Christmas, like we planned.” Nora looked away from him, shifting her gaze to the books she’d spread out, letting them reinforce her utter failure and giving her the strength to do the right thing. She glanced at him and then away. “I got a call this afternoon about an interview to coach at a Division I school.”
He froze, closing his eyes and exhaling a breath. He tilted his head, and stared at the carpet for a long silent moment.
“So let me get this straight. You aren’t going to try a comeback for the gold medal. And you aren’t going to stay in Climax with us…with me.” His gaze latched on to hers and wouldn’t let go. “I never thought I’d see the day when Nora Joy turned chicken.”
“Ha! Easy for you to say. I’m the one taking all the risk.”
“You think so? Because I loved and lost seven years ago. And it feels like a hell of a risk to be willing to go through that again.” He rose from the couch and moved to stand in front of her. Reaching out, he cupped her jaw, running his thumb across her bottom lip, meeting her eyes with a look filled with emotion. Pain, but hope too. He tucked a curl of hair off her face, then leaned forward, giving her the softest kiss. “Please, Nora, just think about staying.”
He kissed her once more, this time deeper, beckoning her with his intensity and passion. So sweet and powerful she wanted to throw her arms around him and never let go. He pulled away just before she gave into the urge.
She licked her lips and backed up another foot to a safer distance. “I should head to bed. It’s been a busy day.”
“You’ll need your rest for
the Reindeer Games tomorrow. We’re counting on you to score most of our team’s points. Good night, Nora.”
* * * *
Hawk watched Nora walk away with a heavy heart. He dropped down onto the couch and took a gulp from his untouched glass of wine. Fuck. Why was love so damn complicated? Too fast, Hawk. You’re moving too fast and scaring her. Just because she liked his children and got along with them didn’t mean she wanted to be an instant parent. He needed to back off and slow down.
“Dad?”
He tilted his head backward on the couch to see his daughter walking into the room. “I thought you were long asleep.”
“I heard you and Nora talking.” She sat next to him on the couch and shrugged. “I didn’t mean to, but I heard her say she’s probably leaving after Christmas, and it’s my fault, Daddy. I’m sorry.”
“It’s not your fault.” Hawk reached his hand over, patting her knee.
“I wasn’t very nice to her when she first arrived, but I didn’t mean to be like that. It’s just that I was afraid.”
Hawk sat up so he could see Heather’s face clearer. “What were you afraid of?”
“The only other time you brought a woman home to meet us, it didn’t go well. At all. It felt like she was forcing her way in, like she tried to act like our mother before we even knew her. Before she even knew us. Then I realized that was because she didn’t really want to know us. She only wanted you. So when Nora arrived, and I saw you liked her—”
“How could you tell I liked her? I totally played it cool.”
Heather rolled her eyes. “Daddy, you tried. But you look at her differently. Like a pretty goofy look, and it makes Nora have trouble breathing, so probably not that goofy.”
“You are entirely too observant for your own good.”
“You also put up with her messes in the kitchen. You’re the biggest neat freak but all you see is her—not really the mess she makes.”
“She is sort of like her own weather system. She blows in and creates chaos.”