by Erin Coyne
E-to NON-sens!
Don’t try to play me.
nye NA-do mnye lap-SHU na U-shi VYE-shat
Literal y, “don’t hang noodles from my ears.” Now just try to tel me that Russian isn’t the coolest language ever.
That’s a total joke!
vot E-to pri-KOL!
That’s nuts!
s u-MA so-i-TI!
С yma
This is a madhouse!
E-to dur-DOM!
Mafia speak
BO-tat po FYE-nye
When most people think of the Russian Mafia, they think of flat-headed thugs who drive black Beemers and throw money around on strippers and slot machines. But Russian organized crime wasn’t always so flashy. The most respected figure of the Russian underworld has always been the (vor v za-KO-nye), or “thief in law.” These guys are serious badasses, but with a very strict code of behavior that has traditional y prevented them from running amuck as the rank-and-file Mafia thugs do today. They also have a language al their own—cal ed
(blat-
NOI zhar-GON) or
(vo-ro-VSKOI zhar-GON)—which thrived in prisons and the camps of Siberia. Nowadays, though, this language
has seeped out to the general population, particularly to those who want to send a clear don’t-fuck-with-me message. Vladimir Putin himself is known for occasional y tossing out a little criminal slang, especial y when talking about Chechen.
Sadly, this colorful language is not for you to use, dear foreigner: There are some places you just don’t go unless you have the cultural cred of a native. Nonetheless, I’ve included some phrases you may come across at some point and some that I just think are cool.
They say there’s a new crime syndicate controlling
the south side.
go-vo-RYAT, chto NO-va-ya gru-ppi-ROV-ka kon-tro-LI-ru-yet YUZH-nii rai-ON.
Any double-crosser better get ready to meet his
maker.
lyu-BOI krot DOL-zhen za-KA-zi-vat SA-van.
.
If I find out who the sellout is, I’m gonna eliminate
him.
YES-li ya uz-NA-yu kto tut SHKU-ra, ya ye-VO u-da-LYU.
.
I’ll head butt you in the teeth if you don’t watch
your mouth.
ya te-BYE pri-MU kal-GAN, YES-li nye slye-DISH za
myet-LOI.
I’ll cut your throat if you show up on our turf again.
ya pye-rye-RYE-zhu te-BYE GOR-lo, YES-li ye-SCHO raz
na-ri-SU-yesh-sya na NA-shei TOCH-kye.
I thought he was my paisano, but he turned out to be
a rat.
ya DU-mal, chto on mnye kyent, no o-ka-ZAL-sya
KRI-soi.
They put a contract out on that blabbermouth.
o-NI za-ka-ZA-li tran-DU.
He got rubbed out in the john.
ye-VO val-NU-li v dal-nya-KYE.
After he got sent up the river, the pickpocket
decided to change his prof.
PO-sle to-VO, kak ye-VO po-SLA-li na ot-SID-ku,
schi-PACH rye-SHIL me-NYAT o-KRAS-ku.
He croaked in the big house.
on KRYAK-nul v KI-che.
Он
.
Don’t run your mouth around the boss.
ne NA-do bu-ro-VIT u av-to-ri-TYE-ta.
Не
.
If you see a panda bear, hide your piece and scram! YES-li u-VI-dish vo-ro-NOK, pryach zhe-LYEZO , i ka-NAI ot-TU-da!
I heard that there
was another
gang rape last
night.
ya SLI-shal, chto
vche-RA o-PYAT
KI-nu-li na bri-GA-du.
Say your prayers before I put a cap in your gourd.
mazh lob zye-LYEN-koi, po-KA ya nye STA-vil
o-RYEKH v tvo-YU TIK-vu.
.
He got sprung from the pen by his connections.
on po-lu-CHIL cko-SCHU-khu po BLA-tu.
Po blatu is one of those phrases that has come to be commonly used, even by respectable folks, when talking about getting something through a network of influential connections.
After they put the bracelets on him, they sent him
up the river.
POS-le to-VO, kak ye-VO za-KO-tsa-li, ye-VO za-KRI-li.
.
He sat out his term and then returned to back to his
gang.
on ot-ru-BIL ot zvon-KA do zvon-KA i vyer-NUL-sya k
svo-YEI SHAI-kye.
Он
.
He was a real good guy, but he fucked up royally,
and now he’s a goner.
on bil or-LOM, no ko-so-RYE-zil i tye-PYER ye-MU
kran-TI.
Он
.
They sent him to Sochi for always being a
dumbass.
ye-VO ot-PRA-vi-li v SO-chi za TO, chto po-sto-YA-nno bi-ko-VAL.
.
In other words, they kil ed him.
They didn’t know what happened to him until they
found the corpsicle.
o-NI nye ZNA-li, chto s nim slu-CHI-los po-KA nye na-SHLI
pod-SNYEZH-nik.
.
A podsnyezhnik is literal y a snowdrop—you know, that flower that begins to appear just as the winter snow is starting to melt. Therefore, this slang use refers to corpses that begin to appear with the first thaw of spring. Kinda pretty, ain’t it?
The hitman didn’t lose his cool when he saw the
blue light special coming.
myas-NIK nye shu-GAL-sya kog-DA u-VI-dyel si-nye-GLAZ-ku.
.
You’l also frequently hear the word
(KI-l er) to refer to a hitman. Keep in mind that in Russian this means specifical y someone hired to kil
someone on contract, not just someone who kil s in general, as it does in English.
One last phrase you should know is
( v na-TUR-ye). This translates something like “real y,” “total y,” or “in fact.” You know when you make
fun of stoners and overuse the fil er “like”? Wel , when Russians make fun of goons, they toss around the phrase
. I eto, tipa, chisto v
naturye, bratan.
CHAPTER 7
POPPY RUSSIAN
POP-SO-VI RU-SSKI
There’s no denying it: Russian pop music sucks. Fortunately, there are a number of decent alternative and hard-core bands to make up for it. In terms of language, you’l probably be happy to know that the vast majority of words related to music and pop culture in Russia are just English words pronounced with a Russified accent. So real y the more English you speak when discussing topics of pop culture, the hipper you’l sound.
Musical Genres
mu-zi-KALni-ye ZHAN-ri
Let’s listen to some…
Da-VAI po-SLUsha-yem...
God I hate…
tyer-PYET nye mo-GU...
Rock ’n’ roll
rok-n-roll
There are some decent bands in Russia that play
traditional rock. Two of the most famous are
&
Co ( Chizh & Co) and
( Nautilus
Pompilius), which wrote the hit song
(“Good-bye, America”), among other rock classics.
Pop
pop-SA
Unfortunately, boy bands have been pretty popular in Russia, including such nauseating acts as
( Ruki vverkh) and
( Ivanushki International). And then there was the teen lesbo duo T.A.T.U. Al in al , it’s a pretty depressing scene. There are some halfway decent alternative pop groups, though, including
( Zemfira),
( Nochnie sniperi),
( Mummy Troll), and
( Spleen). There
are also some good Ukrainian alterno-pop groups that have had some crossover success in Russia, such as
( Vopli Vidopl
yasova)
and
( Okean Elzi), whose music is featured on the soundtrack to Brat 2, truly one of the greatest compilation albums to come out of Russia in the last ten years. The Ukrainian drag act
( Verka Serduchka) is entertaining in smal doses. And then there’s the Ukrainian
threesome Via Gra. I think the name says it al .
Alternative
al-tyer-na-TI-va
Probably the best Russian rock-alternative groups around these days are Tequila Jazz,
( Auktsyon), the Belarusian band
( Lyapis Trubetskoi), and
( Naik Borzov), who does something like acoustic-alternative.
Heavy metal
KHE-vi-ME-tal
Not real y my thing, but there are a few wel -known Russian metal bands out there, including
( Aria),
( Legion),
( Epidemia), and
Catharsis. Heavy metal is sometimes also cal ed Мясо ( MYA-so), which literal y means “meat.”
CHASTUSHKI〉〉〉
CHAS-TUSH-KI
Chastushki are sort of like Russian limericks set to music, usual y accompanied by an accordion and sung off key either by a drunken, sweaty
muzhik or a baba with a whiney voice trying to sound folksy. But on the upside, they’re usual y pretty funny, at least if you’ve had a few drinks. Here are a few examples. Note that these translations are more artistic than literal.
ya s mi-LYON-kom tse-lo-VA-las,
tse-lo-VA-las go-rya-CHO.
ya ye-SCHO bi tse-lo-VA-las,
da bo-LIT vla-GA-li-scho.
I and my honey did some kissing,
We are hot and heavy flirts.
I would like to kiss him more,
But my vagina already hurts.
ot-vye-DU mo-YU mi-LASH-ku
k zye-LYO-no-mu DU-bu.
pust ye-YO ye-BYOT myed-VYεD,
ya BOL-she nye BU-du.
I’m gonna take my girl
Away to the green oak woods.
Let some bear fuck her there,
I’ve had enough of her of goods.
shol ya LYε-som, VI-dyel BYε-sa,
byes kar-TO-shech-ku va-RIL.
ko-tye-LOK na khui po-VYε-sil,
a iz ZHO-pi dim va-LIL.
In the forest I saw a devil,
He was boiling potatoes fast.
He hung a kettle on his dick,
And smoke came out his ass.
.
me-NYA v AR-mi-yu priz-VA-li,
ya pri-SHOL v vo-yen-ko-MAT.
grud shi-ro-KA, RU-ki bye-LI,
TOL-ko khui ko-rot-ko-VAT.
I was drafted to the army,
So I went to the military hall.
My chest is wide, my hands are white,
Only my dick is a bit too small.
v GOS-ti ya pri-SHOL k ya-PON-kye
. stan ob-NYAT pi-TAL-sya TON-kii
—nyet!—kri-CHIT o-NA.—SPYεR-va
ot-da-VAI-tye os-tro-VA.
I went to visit a Japanese dame
I tried to hug her waist so lean.
“No!” she began to me exclaim,
“First give us back Sakhalin.”
pa-ro-KHOD pli-VYOT po VOL-gye
NYε-bo go-lu-BYε-ye-tsa
DYεV-ki Yε-dut byez bi-LYε-ta
na piz-DU na-DYε-yu-tsa.
A steamer sails along the Volga
As the sky is shining blue.
Gals have boarded without tickets
They plan on paying with a screw.
Punk rock
pank-rok
There are actual y some pretty good punk bands in Russia. Probably the best known is
( Grazhdanskaya oborona). Other fairly
accomplished groups are
( Tarakani),
( Naïve), and perhaps
( Korol i Shut).
Ska
Me? I like ska. And if you’re anything like me, you’l definitely want to check out the band
( Leningrad): They are best—and the most
obscene—around. Hey, anyone who writes a song cal ed
( Polnii pidyetz), or “Total y Fucked,” gets a thumbs up from me. Also worth
checking out is their equal y rockin’—if somewhat less raunchy—spinoff band, Spitfire.
Reggae
Russian reggae is pretty hit or miss. There are actual y
a surprisingly large number of reggae bands, but
probably the most widely known are 5’nizza ( Pyatnitsa),
Jah ( Respublika Jah),
, and Bro Sound.
Rap/Hip-hop
rep/khip-KHOP
Wigga takes on a whole new meaning in Russia and something about it just ain’t right. Some wel -known rap/ hip-hop bands (and I use that term loosely) in Russia include
( Malchishnik) ,
( Otpyetiye moshenniki) ,
( Kirpichi) ,
( Delfin), and
( Seryoga) whose ridiculous song
( Chornii Bumer), or “Black Beemer,” got WAY too much airtime. For some reason, hip-hop is real y
popular in Ukraine with such notable, if absurdly white, acts as
( TNMK) and
( Green Gray).
Indie
IN-di-rok
There are a few Indie groups around, including Vertigo.
Lounge music
launzh
Probably the best-known lounge act these days is
( Nozh dlya Frau Muller) which plays a kind of electro-lounge.
Funk
fank
One of the best Russian contemporary bands around is the funkadelic
( Dyetsky Panadol). It’s also one of the funniest names of a
band I’ve heard in a while.
Jazz
jaz
There are actual y a number of good jazz clubs around Moscow, if the music doesn’t bore you to death before you even have time to down your first round.
“Author music” AV-tor-ska-ya MU-zi-ka
This term usual y refers to the so-cal ed
( BAR-di) of the Russian musical tradition. It sometimes sounds something like folk rock, is often
acoustic, and the main criterion is that the singer write his own lyrics. It’s fairly popular in Russia, and two of the most famous examples are ( Vladimir Vysotsky) and
( Bulat Okudzhava). Both are dead but stil listened to a lot more often than many living
singers.
TECHNO
TYEKH-NO
I don’t know, other than maybe Thaivox, I just can’t get into techno crap. But if trance beats are your thing, then here are some styles. Frankly, I can’t even tel the difference between them.
Trip Hop
trip-khop
Drum n Bass
dram-n-beis
Electro-House
e-LYεK-tro-khaus
Hi-NRG
khai-ε-ner-ji
Industrial
in-dus-tri-AL-na-ya
Shanson
If you make a habit of taking cabs in Russia, likely you’l become wel acquainted with Shanson. This was original y the music of criminals and wannabe thugs, but now it’s al over the place. A good example of this genre is the late
( Mikhail Krug) and his strangely catchy bal ad
( Vladimirskii Tsentral). This music is also sometimes referred to as
( blat-NA-ya MU-zi-ka), a term that betrays its
prison camp origins.
Russian stage music
ro-SSII-ska-ya es-TRA-da
Middle-aged Russians love this stuff, and you’l be lucky if you can escape a trip to Russia without being subjected to the musical stylings of pop diva
( Alla Borisovna Pugachova), Russia’s answer to Barbra Streisand, and her former husband, the freakishly flamboyant
( Filipp Kirkorov). On the other hand, the more hard-rockin’ act
( Lyube) isn’t half bad if you’re into civilians dres
sing up in military
uniform and singing the praises of the armed forces.
R&B
air-en-bi
Country
KAN-tri
Blues
blyuz
Disco
DIS-ko
Acoustic
a-KUS-ti-ka
Electronic music
e-lyek-TRO-na-ya MU-zi-ka
In the band
v BEN-dye
That’s really a cool band!
E-to KLASS_nii bend!
!
They’re an awesome group!
o-NI o-bal-DYE-nna-ya GRU-ppa!
!
I really like Leningrad’s new album.
mnye O-chen NRA-vi-tsya NO-vii al-BOM lye-nin-GRA-da.
.
I hear DDT is going on tour this summer.
ya SLI-shal, chto DDT LYE-tom YE-dut na ga-STRO-li.
.
Zemfira’s new song is a real hit.
NO-va-ya PYES-nya zem-FI-ri—na-sto-YA-schii khit.
.
That stupid song is just pop crap.
E-ta du-RATS-ka-ya PYES-nya SLISH-kom pop-SO-va-ya.
I dig the rhythm of reggae.
ya ta-SCHUS ot RIT-ma RE-ggi.
I went to an amazing concert last night.
ya vchye-RA kho-DIL na o-fi-GYE-nnii kon-TSERT.
.
My friend works as a DJ at radio station.
moi drug ra-BO-ta-yet di-je-yem na ra-di-o-STAN-tsii.
Do you know where I can buy some cheap compact
disks?
ti nye ZNA-yesh gdye tut MOZH-no ku-PIT dye-SHO-vi-ye
kom-PAKT DIS-ki?
?
Are all disks in Russia really pirated?
nye-u-ZHE-li vsye DIS-ki v ro-SSII pi-RAT-ski-ye?
?
The batteries died in my Walkman.
ba-ta-RYEI-ki SYE-li v mo-YOM PLYE-ye-rye.
.
When I jog in the mornings, I usually bring my
Walkman.
kog-dA ya BYE-ga-yu po u-TRAM, ya o-BICH-no bye-RU
svoi ego-I-stik.
.
Do you know where I can see some good break
dancing?
ti nye ZNA-yesh gdye MOZN-no po-smo-TRYET kho-RO-shii breik-dens?